by Emma Knox
The whole ceremony I kept to myself. And Paul sat with me to encourage that. He barely entertained the respects and condolences, because the main family were the main spokespersons and handled the reef, the songs, the speeches, and even the walk behind the hearse. I knew Paul wanted a bigger role and that was eating at him, but he was a quiet guy and would not say anything.
At the gravesite when they lowered David’s body into the ground…
“Robbie. Robbie, can I have a word with you?” The woman who wanted me to come away from the crowd was Liza, and she was Terry’s second cousin.
I didn’t know any of his family had come so I followed out of curiosity. “I didn’t know they invited you.”
“Paul gave me an invitation, so I thought I would show.”
“Are you ok?”
“There was something on the news that I just about glimpsed before I left to come here—”
“What?”
“They’ve found Terry and Lucas.”
Sean now came to stand next to me. And I read out to him with tears that started to stream, “Here lies Terry and Lucas. Gone, but forever young.” My hand was pointed at their headstones for Sean to feel the empathy that was running through me for their loss. “My husband…Terry…”
Sean offered me a tissue, and I immediately wiped my face, but these eyes depicted a burning-passionate-red. I felt puffy minutes later as Sean supported me with his arm around my shoulder.
I blew my nose…and then took my one-minute silence with my family. Sean left me alone for that. Then came back with his arm ready to support me again. I practically scrambled the words out, “Sean, you see…this is…this is…this is why I need to keep this child. A second chance. They want me to have another attempt at a family. I didn’t think the day would ever come when I would feel the symptoms of life in my stomach. You understand that right?”
“Sure.”
“I don’t want to keep you here cuffed. But I’m keeping this baby and that’s the final time I’m going to say it.”
Sean had a cloudiness about him, like a thought bubble was processing everything into his final statement. “I wasn’t aware that you’d found your family after the attack. So, this is a shocker.”
“Yeah. It was a shocker for me when I got the news from his second cousin Liza.”
Sean listened.
“When she came to David’s funeral, I knew it was bad news. I just knew it. And then she mentioned that Terry and Lucas had been found and my heart sank to the South Pole. And I kept it there and didn’t come back for many months. Because the thing is, they didn’t find the bodies. But what they did bring to me and Liza were wet clothes that had been found in a secluded area of a river floating above the water.”
“And what about the bodies?”
“No trace, was the fisherman’s words when Liza asked him the same question.”
“Hopefully they skimmed the whole river?”
“There’s only so much river they can search, and even if they did, how vast would it be. And how much time and money would they want to invest? Terry was just another Alpha who got unlucky with his trip to Haines. And he took our son with him, and I’m partly to blame for that consequence.”
“Nobodies to blame but the pack that attacked you without warning.”
“Ah, I know that now. Before I blamed myself and Terry. I always blamed Terry for the little things. And now, even with that being his biggest blunder, I see that he made mistakes. I made mistakes. And it’s just a natural occurrence that we all have to correct.”
“This child, our child, is a new beginning for us both.”
“I’m glad you can see how important—”
Sean stopped me mid-sentence and hugged the tears out of me. “I’ve been wanting to do that all morning!” He kept his arms around me. “You know I drove out to that lake this morning. Well, I had a long think about my free-riding with no responsibility. And, to be fair, I want a change. And I’ve been looking for that change ever since I drove through Anchorage and Redwood. I found the excuse that will stick me here for good.”
I held Sean tighter. “Does that mean you want the baby?”
“Yeah. I think it would be a nice thing to raise a kid. And especially with somebody who could do with a proper family again.”
“And what about your freedom? Your lifestyle?”
Sean let me go and had a good look at me. “Hey, I’m not saying I’m Mr. Perfect, but I want to take care of you both.” His eyes fell to my stomach and it stayed there. “I was never going to abandon you, Robbie. I had a plan to work it out with a visit every month or week. But these past few days you’ve showed me so much of yourself and I don’t want to leave you.”
“I can’t get over how sweet you can be.” I squeezed his abs. “You’re not just all muscle.”
“There’s a heart in here too.” Sean kissed me on the forehead. “But… I mean…your family. I understand that they’ll always be a part of you, but I’m hoping we can move on and look to the future. As sad as it sounds, you need to move on from the past. Don’t take it the wrong way or nothing, I just…I want this to work. But if you’re stuck in the past then we’ll struggle to be happy.”
“If you’re staying, Sean, then I’m happy to build a new family from scratch. But you need to accept that they’ll always be a part of me. No matter what I do.”
Sean gave a quiet, “Ok.”
“What confirmed it all for you?”
“Last night. After we had the date and then went back to your place. Two strikes and both times you hit the high notes! Sexual compatibility is hard to come by. But you know that’s only a small fraction of why I’m staying, right?”
“Of course, I know!” I poked Sean in the shoulder for being silly. “I hope this kid can put up with your sense of humour!”
Sean kissed me unexpectedly on the lips and then removed them with a smile. “If you can manage it, then anybody can.” Sean changed his gaze to a more serious channel. The comedian was off on a coffee break. “Let’s look to the future. Can you promise me that, Robbie?”
“Onwards to the future. And let’s see what will happen!”
Chapter 12-Sean
After the cemetery, we ended up getting a bite to eat at a café that wasn’t too far from the ferry and sold scones that were harder than rocks. We had a taster, but nothing was close, and we didn’t want to miss the next available ferry. Plus, the coffee looked drinkable and it came in a deal.
The scones were… “Do you…uh, make these yourself?”
“I do.” The woman was delivering two large scones with cream and jam to an Alpha and Omega couple who acted as if they weren’t expecting a scone with their tea. When they tried to cut through it with a knife — I could see why they had a short-term memory bump.
She came back with a huge grin on her face. “So, you both want the coffee and scone deal?”
Robbie was seated, so it was me who had to make the decision.
“Anything that’s safer for the teeth? I have to see a dentist tomorrow.”
“These scones are nice and soft.”
Amazingly she didn’t take any offence to my jabs. I was controlling my tongue the best I could. “I’m sure one fell on the floor and created a hole.”
“Older age means I can deal with the insults that you keep inflicting.”
“I have a hard time with not saying the truth.”
“No customer has ever complained about my hardback scones. They might cause a concussion, but that’s only in the centre of your stomach because they’re so darn tasty.” The lady read that from the café’s motto: The only concussion you’ll get, is in the centre of your stomach.
“So, no customer ever complained about chipped teeth?”
I joined Robbie after that one, seemed old age didn’t improve her bad language and no taste for a joke. It was a joke! And here they came: hardback scones with three packets of butter for us. How stingy, we need a whole tub of it! She gave Robbie th
e politeness and ignored me with an air of distastefulness.
“What did you say to her?”
When I banged the scone on the saucer, Robbie gathered what I said to her. “I just wanted to enquire about health and safety with these things?” It nearly broke the plate when I bashed it.
Robbie held back the tickling giggle that was building from his stomach. “Try and eat it. Martha is good to Omegas and always has a scone ready and heated if you’re going through hard times.”
“She looks more suited for horseback with those old fashion breeches and a handkerchief tied like a scarf. I like the longer-than-her-legs-boots. The lady has style.”
“And you like her scones, don’t you Sean?”
“Does me not liking them come with a price?”
“I like Martha’s coffee. And the way she keeps cutting her eye at you…tells me that I won’t be very welcome here again.”
“I’ll apologize before we leave—”
“Good.”
I took the back of Robbie’s hand and just glared at his nails and joints. It was a weird thing to do, but compared to my own, his was softer than a bunny rabbit’s fur.
“We need to talk about what next in terms of this relationship?” I didn’t want to stop my thumb that circulated his knuckles and then passed over some of his veins that were lower.
“I’m not coming to California—”
“Why not?”
“My home is here, Sean. Juneau is where I see myself for now. I love it. And I don’t plan to leave.”
Martha came over with the coffees in wide cups sitting on a tray. I had no time to say sorry because she scurried off to serve a few more customers.
“That’s where I’m from—”
“Har-har. You’re not from Juneau. But you could be. And that means moving in with me.”
“You want me to move in with you?”
“If we’re going to be a family then being close to one another is paramount. I want to do it all properly. But again, it’s up to you and your decision. I can’t force you into doing something you don’t want to. I know nobody tells Sean what to do.” Robbie sipped his coffee and then got up to take more than four sachets of white sugar. He gave me two. “You’ll want to add that.”
When I tasted it, I got up to get another three sachets. And even after five it was bitter and milky. But no defeat could match the scones and their ability to break the jaws of a great white shark. “I want to say yes, but there is so much that I have to sort out back in California.”
“Like what?”
“My home for one. I live solo, but still, it takes time to get a home on the market – and to find a decent estate agency and valuation. And then there’s getting that certification on energy and putting it up on the net to get rid of.”
“There’s no rush, Sean. I can even help you out with all the finances because I’m an accountant.”
I sipped the lukewarm coffee. And with some stirring of the spoon, I actually found it to be a little sweeter. “It’s a big thing to move in with one another.”
“I know. Imagine, day after day of handling your disappearing act?”
“I thought you found that to be the sexiest thing about me?”
“With a kid it’s going to be quite scary.”
I grinned from behind the coffee with my eyes. “I haven’t said I’ll move in yet. There’s still time to run with our baby and hide away in Haines.”
Robbie’s words were a remedy that I hoped he didn’t want me to lose, “You can disappear, but don’t make it a magic trick that’s forever lasting.”
“I’m grateful that you’re not trying to change me.” I gave that coffee some love and didn’t put it down.
“You enjoy your space. And I have to accept that.”
“You sure are special, Robbie. And man!” I put that coffee down and shake my head in disbelief. “A few months ago, I was thinking Fairbanks would be a nice play to settle for a couple of months because trade there is so good. Then I would make my way to Canada and visit my uncle who wanted me to work on a couple of cars for him and he’d give me a nice chunk of money.”
“We can still do those things! And if you wanted to make that trip before coming home to me then that’s fine. I want you to be happy, Sean.”
“And I want to make as much money as I can for the baby!”
An announcement came from Martha, “The Haines ferry to Juneau will be departing in ten minutes.”
A handful of people got up and asked Martha for take-away cups – which she provided. And those who championed the art of lying, wanted a bag for their scrumptious scone. Robbie asked for one, and I merely said, keep baking scones that Alphas can use as missiles. I said that internally, and Robbie gave me a kiss on the cheek for taking my own scone and stuffing it into my pocket like a knuckleduster. It would catch dust, and that wouldn’t be my fault. Aboard the ferry I had split from Sean and made my way to the highest level to gaze out at the body of water. I leaned against the edge and breathed in the humidity that was cool when it breezed through my hair that was going to need a snip-snip-snip.
I had allowed it to reach my shoulders, and when I got back to California…
Robbie’s hand rested in the centre of my spine. And then he let his palm travel all the way down into my back pocket where he firstly tapped my bum and then put it back. “Don’t jump.” He nibbled my helix and then pecked my entire ear.
“If I did jump, I’d find California. Up here, I’m on my way to Juneau.”
“Then it sounds like Juneau is the one for you?”
“No doubt.” That phrase was skidding across the waters entire length. “Juneau and you, Robbie, is where I need to be.”
We went home to Robbie’s place. He slowly walked me to his bed and started taking my shirt off. I leaned in for a kiss. Next thing I know, he’s face down and I’m on top of him. I rocked back and forth, with my cock deep inside him. I could hear him moaning with pleasure.
Shortly after, I knotted inside him. It felt so damn good. I laid down next to him and held him. He turned and kissed me. I knew this was going to bring us even closer.
The arrangements for selling my home took longer than anticipated when I went back to California. I was back and forth with Robbie about dates when I would be back. The phone calls would be hours of planning around the birth; if a baby shower should happen? Did he want me to get my spare keys ready? And what would we name the child?
“When are you coming back home?”
“Friday the latest. I’m going to get an early flight.”
“Should I bring your cruiser?”
“Not with you having a passenger on board that can’t wear a helmet. Just hire a cab to meet me there. You don’t have to personally make the effort to come out when your cramps forced you to anticipate yoga for healing.”
I heard Robbie munching. “I’m starting to devour five chillies a day. And then with butter, I add them to a sandwich with nothing more, Sean. It’s the worse craving because I end up drinking so much water and barely make it to the bathroom. My stomach should be named Mount Everest.”
“Have you gotten bigger than the last picture you sent?” It was a medium shot of a topless Robbie with a swollen gut.
“A few inches, but the measuring tape reads the same. All I do is waddle and race geese who are faster than me when I go for a walk. And a nearby park that used to take me ten minutes to get to, is now thirty minutes and I have to stop a couple of times to catch my breath.”
“I wish I had something kind to say?”
Robbie stayed quiet, and I knew that cackle would get to me to when it came. “You’re such a sexy asshole. Have you got a buyer for that damn house of yours yet? What persuaded you to buy something so small?”
“Expenses. A smaller house meant more money on sticking to my plans.”
“Well, I hope you find a buyer soon. I know the climate is slow right now.”
“That’s what my estate agent said. But it�
�s California, and people have the money to waste or they wouldn’t choose to be living there.”
“You need to be living here!”
“I’m working on it, Robbie. Hopefully by Friday it will all be sold!”
But Friday came, and I boarded that plane with no buyer still on the roster. I had interest, but it wavered with the price, and many wanted to slash or drop a couple thousand to meet their personal circumstances because I wanted to sell quickly. It was a steal if I let them have it for so cheap, but I held onto my guts and told the agent to ring me when an offer would please my bank balance.
I technically had moved in with Robbie already, because some of my clothes were at his home and being hung-up on hangers in a spare wardrobe…that was Robbie’s words to me all the time, with the final dose of them no longer staying in bin bags being a confirmation.
And the idea of my cruiser parked in Robbie’s garage was a reminder to him that I wasn’t going on any road trips of that fashion. I was cementing it all into a solid foundation and it kept Robbie happy as I transported myself from a-to-b constantly. But still, I remained a visitor until the house sold.
I hadn’t seen Robbie for at least two months, but the constant pictures he sent showed the development of his increasing stomach and boy was it a sight to see: those abs were no more, and when he laid down on his back I imagined that getting up would take a forklift…with the nominee being me that would take on the forklifting duty. And I couldn’t wait to test the role when I saw him.
When I got in the cab that Robbie had forgotten to call: I dialled one from the airport, and the price to take me to his home would be petrol for two-days on my cruiser. But money wasn’t an issue, and I kept the conversation to a mutable level and slept until the cab man asked me for directions. So much for a sat-nav. I guided him all the way and joked about the fare being split because I did all of the hard work.
