“I am happy to help you,” she said, her cheeks turning pink, “but I must ask you not to use my name in your report. My boyfriend doesn’t know I do this.”
“Of course. We’ll keep everything private. It must be hard to keep such a secret.”
“He thinks I work for a big corporation, covering the phones at night. I told him I’m in customer service.” She covered her mouth delicately with her hand as she giggled. I caught a glimpse of her teeth. Several were crooked, overlapping slightly. In Japan, people thought crooked teeth were cute. In America, she probably would have had braces. “We’ve been together a long time. He has no reason to suspect anything.”
“Why do you do it?”
She shrugged, an elegant lifting of her tiny shoulders. I felt huge and clumsy sitting next to her. “For the money. I am saving for our future. Mine and my boyfriend’s.”
“How long have you been doing this?”
“Three years. When I started, I was a virgin.”
“No way.”
“Yes. It was okay, although some customers hurt me when they tried to finger me.”
I didn’t translate that for Thomas. I tried, but my cheeks got hot and the words wouldn’t come out. I just promised I’d tell him later. I turned back to Michiko. “They can do that? Is that part of the whole pink salon thing?”
She nodded. “Mostly we give blowjobs, but I could charge them a lot to finger me when I was still a virgin. But then I met my boyfriend and I’m not a virgin anymore. They still want to do it, but I can’t charge as much.”
I stared at her in shock. “You’ve only been with one guy?”
“Yes.”
It took a moment for that to sink in as I realized in many ways I was more of a slut than a woman who gave blowjobs for a living. “So how do you feel about your job?”
She wrinkled up her face. “I don’t really like it, but I’m used to it. And I make a lot of money.”
“How many…uh…customers do you see in a day?”
“Anywhere between eight and fifteen. Fifteen is pushing it for me. Sometimes my jaw gets stuck, especially if the men are big.” She looked at Thomas, probably figuring out his size based on the size of the rest of him. “We don’t take foreigners.”
Thomas puffed up a bit at that. “Because of our size?”
She shook her head. “Because foreigners are dirty.”
I almost laughed at the expression on his face, the first time I’d felt like laughing in ages. Thomas noticed. He put an arm around my chair, and gave me a crooked grin.
Michiko described her technique, acting very matter-of-fact about it. Another thing I didn’t translate for Thomas. “Aren’t you afraid of getting diseases?” I asked.
“Oh, yes,” she said. “We rinse our mouths out after every customer with an antiseptic wash, and we make them bathe beforehand, but the risk is always there. I especially worry about AIDS, you know, and about passing something onto my boyfriend. I would hate myself if that happened.”
“Are there any other things your customers ask you to do?”
“Sometimes they want to sixty-nine. I don’t like to do that as much. I feel guilty if I come.” Her cheeks got pink again. “One customer makes me come every time I’m with him. It’s almost…embarrassing. I can’t stop myself. And the last time…”
“What happened?” I couldn’t exactly use this information in my report, but I was curious, and Michiko proved way more open about everything than I’d expected. I guessed there weren’t many people she could talk to about things like this. She probably kept it a secret from her friends as much as she did her boyfriend.
“Last night, he paid for extra time with me, but he didn’t want a blowjob at all. He just wanted to give me head.” She lowered her head in shame. “I came three times. I could hardly even face my boyfriend this morning. I felt so ashamed.”
Later, as we walked home, I thought about Michiko and her guilt. “I wonder what will happen? Do you think she’ll end up with that customer or stay with her boyfriend?”
“Can you imagine coming home from work and giving her a kiss?” He shuddered. “He has no idea where that mouth has been.”
“But she’s only slept with one guy.”
“But she blows off fifteen every night.”
“I guess you have a point,” I said. “It feels kind of weird, though, thinking that I’ve been with more guys than Michiko.”
“It’s different.”
“How?”
“Did any of them pay you?”
I shoved him, laughing. “No.”
“Then you see my point.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, walking so close his arm sometimes brushed against mine. It felt nice. “So how many men have you been with? Tell me so I can slay them all.”
I rolled my eyes. “Do you seriously want to know?”
“Yes, I do, actually. I can guarantee I’m more of a slut than you. I lost my virginity before I even turned fourteen.”
I tripped over a bump in the sidewalk. “You’re kidding me.”
He shook his head. “I was big for my age, of course, and I always looked older.”
“Who was the girl?”
“A waitress in a pub. She thought I was eighteen. She would have been a bit surprised if she ever found out the truth.”
“She could have been arrested.”
“I suppose. But she was quite bonny and I’d been a very willing participant. There were quite a few girls after that, but I didn’t really keep track. I can sit down and try to calculate it, if you’d like.” He gave me a wink. “But I never thought it was that important.”
We were only a block away from my dorm. I let out a sigh. “I had this idea in my head that numbers really mattered. I guess Michiko kind of proves that wrong, doesn’t she?”
“I guess so. Tell me about your numbers.”
I laughed. “You really won’t let this drop, will you? Fine. I thought five would be my limit. My grand finale. Any more meant entering questionable territory. Slut territory. I didn’t want to go there.”
“So what is your total?”
“Five.”
“Five?” He looked incredulous. “Including me?”
“Yes.” My cheeks burned. The only people who knew this were Bethany and Gabriela, and even they had no idea I’d slept with Thomas.
He let out a whoop and picked me up, swinging me around. “This is grand.”
“What is wrong with you? Why are you so happy?”
He put me back on the ground, leaning over so his face was only inches from mine. “Because I know what I am now. I’m Lucky Number Five. What splendid news.”
I came to a dead stop. “Stop. Stop all of this. Stop being so charming and funny and nice. You need to listen to me, once and for all, and get this through your thick skull. You aren’t Lucky Number Five. There is nothing lucky about it. I have tried to explain this a thousand different ways, but you refuse to get it. You aren’t anything, except a huge mistake. The biggest mistake I’ve ever made.”
“What have you tried to explain?” His face got very still, and I knew something of what I tried to tell him had finally sunk in.
I let out a sigh. “The night we spent together is a night I wish with all my heart had never happened. Every time I’m around you, every time I see you, I picture Dylan going into that bathroom and strangling himself. I can’t disassociate you from what happened. I just can’t. It’s torture. Can’t you see that? Can’t you understand? I can’t be with you. Not now. Not ever.”
His hand went to his chest, like he’d just endured a physical blow. “You mean it, don’t you? I thought you just needed time, but you’re never going to be able to move past this.”
I shook my head, unable to speak. Unable to tell him how much I loved him, how much I wished everything could be different. Instead, I kept silent, watching as Thomas’ sweet face turned into a mask of bitterness and regret.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not so lucky after
all.” He gave me a sad little smile and walked away.
I stood there a long time, watching him. My feet glued to the ground. I couldn’t run after him. I was stuck.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
A month after Dylan died, I stood by the baggage carousel at the airport, waiting for my sister to arrive with her friend. She’d refused to tell me who it was, wanting it to be a surprise. Hana had asked me about it just this morning.
“So you think it’s a boy?”
I nodded. “I get that feeling. Whoever it is, they reserved a room not far from campus. At least we won’t have to worry about both of them staying here. Are you sure you don’t mind staying with Hiro a few days while Sophie stays with me?”
She shook her head. “You need some time alone with your sister, and Hiro and I need some time alone, too. We have a lot to sort out.”
Hiro’s parents had been pressuring him more and more to break it off. “Did they honestly set up an appointment with a matchmaker for him?”
She nodded. “It’s pretty common in Japan, but not if you’re currently dating someone else. He insists he was completely blindsided. He said he stayed at the meeting just because he didn’t want to be rude. I have my doubts. This week we’ll either take a stand against his parents or split up completely.”
“Which one do you think it’ll be?”
She let out a long, sad sigh. “He pretends he’s very non-traditional, but I know better. Our relationship ended the minute we set foot in Japan. This week is just a technicality. A way for him to feel less guilty about what is obviously going to happen. I guess I can let him have that much.”
I winced. “How can you be so understanding?”
“Because I don’t really have a choice. Yes, I wish he would grow a pair, swear his undying love to me, and go against everything he’d been raised to be and do, but then what would happen? Eventually, he’d hate himself for what he’d done and he’d hate me for making him do it. It’s better this way. Like ripping a bandage off quickly rather than removing it slowly. It hurts more for a minute, but less in the long run.”
I wish I’d been that brave with Thomas. Instead, I’d peeled that bandage off slowly, making him suffer as much as possible. I loved him more than I thought I could ever love anyone. But I’d still managed to hurt him. Badly. He couldn’t even look at me anymore, and I hadn’t fully considered the repercussions. I’d lost more than the love of my life. I’d lost my best friend, too.
The baggage carousel let out a loud squeak as it began to move. Sophie’s flight had landed just a few minutes ago. My eyes scanned the crowd, mostly a sea of dark hair. I spied her familiar ponytail, a curly tangle of light brown hair, in the rush of debarking passengers. She walked with a bounce in her step, like she’d done even as a small child, something so dear and easily recognizable I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. I’d missed her. Terribly. And even our weekly Skype sessions hadn’t filled the gap her absence left in my life.
I hopped up and down and trying to get a better view, waving my hands to get her attention. A tall, dark-haired boy walked by her side. There was something awfully familiar about him. Sophie hadn’t seen me yet, but when the boy turned, and I saw his face, my entire body jerked in surprise.
“Dylan,” I said, my voice a hoarse gasp.
I stumbled backward. Sophie finally caught sight of me, the smile instantly fading from her lips as soon as she saw my face. I sank down, nearly falling into a chair behind me, as a strange rushing sensation filled my ears. The top of my head began to tingle and I knew I was about to pass out. I put my head between my knees, forcing myself to take slow, measured breaths. Sophie fell to her knees in front of me.
“Sam. Are you okay?”
I still couldn’t look up. I was afraid if I moved my head too much, I’d end up on the shiny polished floor of the airport.
Sophie grasped my hands. “Sam. I’m so sorry. We thought it would be a nice surprise.”
I stared at her, confused, not quite able to speak. Then I lifted my gaze to the boy standing shyly behind her. Slimmer, taller, and more mature than the last time I’d seen him, he looked a lot like his older brother, but it wasn’t Dylan who stood in front of me.
“Jake?”
He nodded. “Hi, Sam.”
I turned back to Sophie, still feeling a bit bewildered. “He looks so much like Dylan.”
“I never thought that would happen. Oh, poor Sam.” She pulled me into her arms, sobbing on my shoulder. “We didn’t mean to upset you.”
I held her close, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair. “It’s okay. It was just…a shock.”
“I bet. I’m so sorry.”
“Me, too,” said Jake. He looked over at the carousel. “I’ll grab our suitcases. I’ll be right back.”
Sophie sank into the chair next to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her cheek on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head.
“Oh, gosh. So you and Jake…” I paused, trying to figure it out.
“Yep. Me and Jake,” she said with a little sigh. “I friended him on Facebook, and it sort of developed from there. Having someone to talk to helped both of us.”
I frowned. “Does Mom know he’s here?”
She giggled. “Uh, yeah. The Hunters know, too. They all wanted us to warn you ahead of time, but I insisted it would be more fun as a surprise. I’m such an idiot. I should have listened to them. Your face, when you saw him…oh, man.”
Jake came back, suitcases in hand, not quite able to meet my eyes. I stood up and pulled him into a hug, trying to ignore the flood of emotions that simple act caused.
“Welcome, Jake. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Are you sure?” His dark, sad eyes reminded me so much of Dylan that my heart squeezed in my chest, but he wasn’t Dylan. Not even close. As much as they looked alike, the differences between them were glaringly clear.
I’d always felt Dylan’s darkness. It surrounded him like an invisible cloak. I couldn’t see it, but I’d known it was there. His constant, never-ending battle with depression had left its mark. Although I’d never been able to explain it, or see any of his wounds or scars, I sensed their existence. I’d known they were there.
Jake, in spite of what he’d just endured, in spite of how much he looked like Dylan, didn’t have that darkness. Jake’s sadness at losing his brother hid like a shadow in his eyes. Dylan’s sadness, caused by his illness, had been very different. It hung over him like an ominous cloud.
“I’m sure. Welcome to Japan you two.”
During the taxi ride home, I tried to behave as normally as possible. I found myself staring at Jake, remembering Dylan, feeling rushes of pain and grief that were acute and earth shattering, but I kept a smile plastered on my face as I pointed out landmarks and told them bits and pieces about my daily life. We dropped Jake at his hotel, promising to pick him up in an hour for dinner, and went back to my dorm. Sophie looked around in surprise.
“It’s so small. Smaller than your single back home.”
“I know, but compared to some of the dorms this is actually spacious. At least we have our own bathroom.”
“Always a perk. Speaking of which, I desperately need a shower. I smell like sweat and airplane peanuts.”
“Lovely,” I said, giving her a towel. She nibbled on her lip. Her brown eyes, flecked with bits of gold and green, were huge in her face.
“I should have told you about Jake coming.”
“Yes, you should have.”
“I was afraid you might say no.”
I sighed. “Probably, but it’ll be fine.”
“He needed to come, Sam. And you needed to see him. Trust me.”
I didn’t like the sound of it. “Uh, okay. Now get in the shower. You stink.”
As soon as she closed the door behind her and I heard the shower start, I sank to the floor, my face in my hands. It hurt. Seeing Jake hurt. Losing Dylan hurt. Breaking up with Thomas hurt, but seeing the look of betrayal i
n his eyes every time he looked at me hurt most of all. I was a big ball of hurt at this point. I rocked back and forth, riding through the pain, until I heard the shower stop. I stood up, proud of myself for avoiding not one but two anxiety attacks all on my own today, and got ready to put on a brave face for my sister and for everyone else.
After she got dressed, I made her some tea and pulled out a box of Japanese cookies. They were long sticks, like unsalted crackers, dipped in chocolate.
“Oishii,” she said. Delicious.
“Oh, God. Are you learning Japanese?”
She laughed. “A few words. Jake and I studied on the airplane. Is it weird for you that Jake and I are dating?”
I shrugged. “Kind of, but I like Jake. He’s a nice kid.”
“And he’s so hot. And amazing. And his body…”
I winced. “Please don’t go there.”
She held up her hands in surrender. “Fine. So Mom said something about a Scottish dude named Thomas. Are you dating or something?”
I shook my head. “That is not something we are going to discuss.”
She looked at me in shock. “Oh, my God. I think you just turned into Mom.”
I smacked her with a pillow, but she was right. “I still can’t believe she let you come all the way to Japan with a boy. I wasn’t even allowed to go out for pizza when I was your age, and they let you fly halfway across the world. Wow, have they mellowed.”
She fluttered her eyelashes at me. “You broke them in for me. Thank you.” Then she got suddenly serious. “It’s different with Jake. Mom and Mrs. Hunter got really close the last few months. When Jake and I started falling for each other, it helped, you know, for everyone. Like life goes on, and all that stuff. And I have the best news.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant.”
She glared at me. “No. Don’t be stupid. We use birth control. We’re very, very careful. Usually.”
“Oh, God. I did not need to hear that. I was joking. And what do you mean by ‘usually?’ This is nothing to mess around with, young lady.” I whacked myself on the head. “Geesh. I sounded like Mom again, didn’t I?”
“Yep. But don’t you want to hear the good news?”
Saying Goodbye, Part Two (Passports and Promises Book 1) Page 11
