by Peggy Webb
“Loving you again has given me new purpose, Amanda. The public sees me as a man who has everything—good health, fame, wealth. They don’t see the emptiness, the lonesome times when I rattle around in my big old house with nobody but the staff to know or care whether I’m dead or alive.”
She started to protest, but he shushed her with a finger on her lips.
“I know I have a family who loves me—wonderful parents, brothers and sisters and sisters-in-law and nieces and nephews. But they have private lives that don’t include me. What I’m missing is a special someone to call my own, a woman who will share my life, bear my children.”
He cupped her face and gazed at her in silence that echoed all the things he’d said. “You are that woman, Amanda. You’ve always been that woman.”
“Thank you, Tanner. That was beautiful.” She pressed his hands, holding them close against her face so that she could feel the strength and power of him. “I love you. That’s all I can give you right now. You are a special man, a man who deserves the truth. And the truth is, I’m more cautious than you, and more practical. I don’t think life is as simple as getting married and living happily ever after.”
“We could, you know.”
“When you say, it like that, I want to believe you.”
“Believe me.”
She reached out and traced his face with her fingertips. The mesmerizing gleam in his eyes spoke to her, beckoned to her, seduced her. She leaned into him and lightly outlined his lips with her tongue.
“You tempt me so,” she whispered. “But I cannot marry you.”
“Our time will come, Mandy. I promise you that.”
With a quick flick of the reins Tanner sent Napoleon thundering along the river. Sand spewed up behind them, silver plumes of fairy dust in the moonlight.
The power of horse and man flowed through Amanda. On the wild gallop down the river they merged in her mind until Tanner and his stallion became one and the same, a magnificent creation pulsing with the electrifying force of nature. Raw passion burned in the winter night. Amanda felt its heat. Every fiber in her body responded to Tanner, cried out “Yes” to him.
Tanner reined the stallion to a halt. He dismounted and reached up for Amanda, setting her down and pulling her swiftly into his arms. “Mandy?”
“Yes, Tanner. Oh, Lord, yes.”
His lips were on hers, frenzied, wild, greedy. With their hungry mouths on each other she ripped his shirt aside, sending buttons flying across the sand. She circled her arms around him under the shirt, pulling him so close that she thought the pounding of his heartbeat was her own.
With an urgency that comes from passion too long denied, they fell to the sand. Their hands tore open zippers, pushed aside restraining fabric, until they were joined.
Only then did the urgency begin to subside.
“Mandy!” Tanner crushed her in his embrace. “You feel so good. Oh, Lord, I’ve wanted this for so long.”
“So have I. Always I remembered how you felt, like thunder clothed in velvet.”
“I’ve dreamed of you like this a thousand times, but it was never this good.”
Amanda felt the chill sands against her back as she welcomed Tanner home. They began another wild ride, heart to heart, flesh to flesh. The pounding of water against the shoreline was tame compared to the wild, wanton rhythm of the lovers. Vocal in their loving, they murmured into each other’s mouths, cried out private words of encouragement, words that only they had shared.
The chill winds blew across them, but they didn’t notice, for they were wrapped in a cocoon of heat generated by their passion. They loved as only two people starving for each other could love—long and hard, driven by a desperate need to wipe out the past and bridge the empty years.
When they finally lay still in each other’s arms, languid and fulfilled, Tanner’s hands, and his softly crooned words, created a beautiful harmony that was like music.
“I’m glad, Tanner,” she whispered. “I’m glad we loved.”
“It’s a new beginning for us, Amanda.”
“Please don’t make more of this than it is.”
“Shhh. Let’s not listen to reason tonight. Let’s listen only to our hearts.”
She snuggled closer to him. Her lips brushed across his chest. “Hmmm. Beautiful. Delicious. You are the most superbly built man I’ve ever known. I could spend a hundred years admiring your body.” Her hands moved down his back and patted his bottom. “Cute. You always did have a cute backside.”
His exuberant laughter rang out in the winter night and echoed across the river. “That’s the right idea, but part of me that you’re admiring so extravagantly is about to freeze off.” He pulled her up and collected their scattered clothes. “Let’s move this heartfelt admiration to warmer quarters. I don’t intend for us to die of exposure before I get you to the altar.”
They dressed quickly and mounted Napoleon. The ride back to the van was vastly different. This time they saw the bright veil of moonlight on the deep, dark water. They noted the stars decorating the trees as if they’d fallen from the sky and caught in the bare branches. They even spotted an owl, brave predator of the dark, swooping through the pine trees, its mystic cry haunting the winter night.
By mutual consent they headed to Tanner’s house.
He parked the van beside the barn and led Napoleon inside. The horse neighed in appreciation of the brisk rubdown and the warm horse blanket. Tanner gave him a final pat as he guided him into his hay scented stall.
“What a magnificent animal.”
Tanner gave her a mocking smile. “Me or the horse?”
“You.” She pushed aside his torn shirt and nuzzled his chest. “Does this barn still have a hayloft?”
“It does, but when all the Donovans are home, it pays to check it out first. Paul and Martie sneaked off here this afternoon shortly after they arrived, leaving me to baby sit their two hellions.” He climbed halfway up the ladder and poked his head into the loft. “All clear.” Jumping down, he took a worn sign off a nail on the wall and started toward the door.
“What in the world are you doing?”
He held the sign so she could read it: OCCUPIED. She chuckled.
“Theo was the first Donovan to fall in love. After a very entertaining and educational show and tell out here, he made this sign.”
“You didn’t!”
“How do you know it was me?”
“You were always the one in trouble.”
He hung the sign outside the barn door and drew it shut. “As a matter of fact, it was all perfectly innocent. Paul and I had been cleaning out the stables and decided to take a nap in the hayloft. When we woke up, it was too late to make a discreet exit. We just scrunched back behind the bales of hay and got educated. Theo didn’t get upset when he found out. He even offered to make us drawings of the male and female anatomy and to give us a lecture on procreation.”
She reached for him. “Come here, you. I need educating.”
His eyes gleamed as he looked down at her. “This could take a while.”
“I have from now till Christmas.”
“I was thinking more in terms of the rest of our lives.” He took her hand. “Come, Mandy. If I start kissing you now, we’ll never make it up that ladder.”
Anticipation zinged through them as they climbed to the loft. The soft, fragrant hay welcomed them. Tanner stroked Amanda’s face and hair, watching the play of moonlight on her skin.
“This face has haunted me for years. I never could get enough of looking at you.”
“Were there others, Tanner?”
“Jealous?”
“I don’t know why, but I am.”
“That pleases me.”
“You never answered the question.”
“I haven’t been a monk, Amanda, but there was never another woman who could make me forget you. Nobody even came close.”
“I used to wonder. Your name was linked with so many women—beautiful, famou
s women. I followed your career, you know. You were always in the news.”
“The press tended to glamorize my life.” He unbuttoned her blouse and pushed it aside. “Are you warm enough?”
“Yes. I’ve always found the hay quite cozy.”
“Now, I’m the one who’s jealous. I don’t like to think of you sharing the hay with some other man.” He was laughing, toying with her, his black eyes gleaming with mischief and desire. She loved his playfulness. It was one of the many moods she remembered. Lovemaking would never grow dull and routine with Tanner.
She laughed with him, entering into his teasing mood.
“There was no one except—” Too late she realized what she was saying.
“Claude?”
She reached up and touched his face. She could feel the tension in his jaw. “Tanner, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring him between us again.”
Tanner brought himself under control. He’d be damned if Claude would steal everything from him—even a joyful reunion in the loft.
“You didn’t. He’s not between us, and he never will be.” With that staunch denial he lay down beside Amanda and gathered her into his arms. “Now, where were we?” He kissed her throat. “Here?” His lips moved down to her breasts. “Or was it here?”
Her hands tangled in his hair. “Oh, yes, Tanner. There.”
He feasted on her, rediscovering every fine inch of her body, taking his time, stretching out the hot pleasure until he wondered why the hay hadn’t caught fire. He possessed her as only a man in love could.
And she became his. He could see it, sense it, feel it. She was by turns yielding and demanding under him, her cries of pleasure echoing among the rafters of the old barn.
They gloried in their oneness, reveled in remembered touches, and delighted in newly discovered ones. They held nothing back, loving recklessly.
When the final explosion came, they sank together in the hay, hearts entangled as surely as arms and legs, fulfilled and sated at last.
He laced her fingers through his and brought her hand up to his mouth. “I, Tanner, take thee, Amanda . . .”
“To love until Christmas is over.” There was a desperate gaiety in her voice. She sat up and smoothed the dark hair off his forehead. “It will be a lovely affair, Tanner, something to cherish and to remember.”
“Call it an affair. Call it an obsession. Call it whatever you like, Amanda, but it will end at the altar.”
As much as she wanted it to be so, she knew he was dreaming. In an attempt to keep the mood light, she ruffled his hair. “You’re as stubborn as old Josephine.”
“That’s one of my more lovable qualities.” He sat up and reached for their clothes. “If we hurry, we might make it to bed before sunup.”
“Yours or mine?”
He chuckled. “Insatiable little thing, aren’t you?”
“Yes. If I live to be a hundred, I don’t think I could ever get enough of you.”
“Amanda, it’s going to be my pleasure to try to fulfill that wanton desire.”
“Wanton, am I?” She swatted his bare behind. “Just for that remark I’m thinking about making you sleep downstairs on the sofa.”
“That’s probably the only way I’ll get any sleep. And we’re going to need at least a few hours. I’ve promised that we’d baby sit tomorrow. Paul and Martie want the twins out of the house while their Christmas ponies are being delivered.”
“We? How did you know I’d be available’?”
“Maxine.”
“The little snitch.” Amanda laughed.
“She told me you’ll have extra help during the rest of the holidays, and I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist the dynamic Donovan duo.”
“Pretty sure of me, weren’t you?”
“Not so sure about you, but certain about myself. I don’t intend to let you out of my sight until I get you to the altar.”
Since it was three o’clock in the morning, she decided not to argue. Tomorrow would be soon enough to set out the guidelines for this affair.
She and Tanner climbed into his snazzy red car, and she cuddled close as he drove her home. Going up the stairs together seemed natural, and getting into her four-poster bed felt like old times.
Before “Good night” was out of her mouth, she was asleep in Tanner’s arms.
o0o
“Mandy.” She felt something tickle her arm. “Mandy, love.” That brought her fully awake. She opened her eyes to see Tanner leaning over her. For the first time in years she was glad to welcome the morning.
She sat up in bed and squeezed her arms around his wonderful chest. “Tanner, I’m so glad to see you, I could die. Is it morning already?”
“It is now that you’re awake.” He kissed her. It was simple and sweet and very precious. “I’m going to pick up the twins. If you’re up to it, I’ll bring them back here. If not, I’ll take them to the park.”
“Absolutely not!” She jumped out of bed and raced around the room, gathering her toiletries. “Gracious. I have to shower and wash the hay from my hair and make breakfast. What do they eat for breakfast? How old are they? Goodness, I don’t even know their names.”
Tanner lounged against the bedpost, enjoying her flushed excitement. High on her pretty cheekbones, the spots of color were almost as vibrant as her hair. Her eyes were wide and bright, and there was a lovely lilt to her voice. He thought she’d never looked more beautiful. It was the anticipation of the children coming to play that did that to her, he thought. Right then and there he silently vowed that she’d have a child of her own before next Christmas.
“Matthew and Elizabeth are four. And they’ve been up for hours. It’s ten now. They probably had pancakes and juice at about six o’clock.”
Brushing her hand through her tangled hair, she looked at him. “You’re dressed.” She said it like an accusation.
He laughed. “Bathed, dressed, jogged, and fed.”
She moaned. “Oh, Lord, Tanner. Do you always have this much energy in the morning?”
“Always.”
“Then it’s a good thing I’m not planning to marry you. I’m not a morning person.”
“That’s all right. I love you just the way you are.”
Before she could reply, he was gone. She could hear him whistling all the way down the stairs.
o0o
Matthew and Elizabeth were either angels unaware or devils in disguise. Amanda couldn’t decide which. In the short space of two hours they’d built and destroyed fifteen Lego block bridges, taught Amanda three nursery-school songs, one of them naughty, asked Tanner to make it snow so they could build a snowman, and turned the den into a battleground for a game of cowboys and Indians. Tanner was now tied at the stake.
“ ‘Manda.” Matthew looked up at her with his devastating Donovan smile. “Got any matches?”
“Tell him no,” Tanner said.
“How can I ignore him? He has the Donovan charm.” Amanda patted Matthew’s bright blond hair. “What do you want them for, angel?”
Matthew giggled. “That’s what Daddy calls Mommy. I’m not no angel. I’m a boy.”
“He wants to burn Uncah Tannah at the stake, like on TV.” Elizabeth, with her adorable dimples and her daddy’s dark hair, caught Amanda’s hand. “Don’t let him burn up Uncah Tannah. I love him.”
“I won’t, precious.”
Tanner snorted. “That’s hard to believe. You gave him the rope and showed him how to tie the knot.”
“Party pooper. It’s only a game. Anyway, you volunteered to be the victim.”
“That was to save your hide, my dear. Matthew had his eye on you.”
Matthew and Elizabeth hadn’t heard a word that had been said since party pooper. They were bouncing around the room yelling “Pahty poopah” at the top of their lungs.
“At least they’ve forgotten about m-a-t-c-h-e-s,” Amanda said, spelling the last word.
“Don’t look so smug. They’re thinking of something even worse
. Everything they say about preacher’s kids is true.”
“You can’t fool me, Tanner Donovan. I know a doting uncle when I see one. You positively glow every time you look at them.”
He grinned. “Caught me red-handed. Can I help it if their mother is my favorite sister-in-law?”
Matthew and Elizabeth stopped bouncing long enough to tackle their uncle.
“Let’s play horse, Uncah Tannah,” Matthew said.
Elizabeth clapped her hands. “Goody, goody. Let’s play horse.” She and her brother went into another Indian war dance, chanting, “Goody, goody.”
“Oh, no.” Tanner gave an exaggerated groan.
Amanda bent over him to untie the ropes. “That sounds like a lovely idea.”
“Not if you’re the horse.”
With the ropes dangling in her hands, she leaned close and spoke softly, for his ears only. “I thought you rather enjoyed being the horse.”
“It depends on the rider.” His gave her a long, languid look, and with war whoops all around them, they made love with their eyes.
“Tanner, do you think these angels are ready for a nap?” He thought her smile was breathtakingly beautiful. Love and passion and joy surged through him. Amanda was his woman, and she wanted him.
“I’ll bribe them.”
Scooping them up, he put them on his shoulders and played horse all the way upstairs to bed.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The Donovan house was brimming with people, food, and laughter. Amanda sat beside the fire in the den, listening to the happy sounds. She didn’t know when she had felt such contentment.
Martie Donovan, holding two steaming cups of hot chocolate, came and sat down beside her.
“I thought you might like this.” Martie handed her a cup.
“I could have gotten that.”
“You sound like Paul. If he had his way, I’d be sitting on a silk cushion for the entire nine months. Pregnancy mystifies him.”
Martie’s laugh was a silvery tinkle that complemented her bright hair and her bangle bracelets. She was a vibrant woman, still slim in spite of her condition. No wonder she’s Tanner’s favorite sister- in-law, Amanda thought.
