“Really? ’Cause I’m pretty familiar with how those boys operate. It’s all about the band. It always has been. What happens if you can’t deal with the press? If they keep digging into your background, writing about you? What happens if you need to get away from all the crowds, all the people? What do you think he’s going to put first? When his dad is pressuring him and his brothers are giving him a hard time, do you think he’ll be strong enough to stand up to them?” He reaches out and takes my hand, his grip firm. “You deserve better than that, Daisy. You deserve better than being his second place.”
I start crying. He’s voicing what I’ve worried about since the first day I saw those pictures show up on my ConnectMe page last year. I had a lot of reasons to stay away from Daltrey and the band, but part of me, a part I never admitted to, was really just scared that if I went after him, he wouldn’t be there for me. It was easier to hide than take the chance that he’d reject me.
“I’m sorry,” Levi says, but he doesn’t let go of my hand. “I don’t want to make you sad. I don’t ever want to do that. But I know you, Daisy, and I know what you’re about to do. And I need you to know, before you make that choice, that it is a choice. That you have options.”
“What options?”
He gives me that sad smile again. “Me. I could be your choice. I would take such good care of you. We have fun together. We could travel or find a place to settle far away from the bright lights and screaming fans of Ransom.” He rolls his eyes. “You would never have to worry about people trying to get a piece of you. I would take care of you.”
“Levi—”
“Don’t say no,” he says quickly, a bit of fear in his eyes. “Not yet. Just think about it. I know that you love him, I do. But have you ever even let yourself consider that he might not be right for you? What do you think would happen if you opened up your eyes a bit more, just for a while? Give yourself time to think. Time to plan a life you really want, not just a life of following him around fulfilling his dreams. A life you want, Daisy. Anywhere you want. Would he still be the one you choose?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper, because it’s true. I never once, not in all these years, imagined a life that didn’t include him. When we were apart, I stopped dreaming entirely rather than dream of someone else.
For a moment, I imagine it. What would my life be like with someone like Levi? We could get jobs or maybe go to school, live somewhere quiet and private. There would be no fans trying to get a peek at us, no reporters, no one to throw our biggest mistakes back in our faces for sport. I think back over the week we’ve spent here, and I realize that, in spite of what sent me off to hide, I’ve enjoyed my time with him. We do have fun together. In fact, it’s pretty much impossible not to have fun when Levi’s around. I’ve been comfortable here. I’ve been safe. And when I asked him to take me away, he didn’t hesitate for a second.
“I’m not going to bother you about it anymore,” he says softly. “I just want you to think about it, okay? It doesn’t have to be with me.” His eyes twinkle in that familiar way of his. “Though I’d like to give myself my own hearty recommendation. But regardless of whether you want to be with me, I want you to think—really think—about what you want.”
I nod, dazed. He watches me for a minute, his eyes intense on mine. Slowly, he moves forward in his chair, leaning toward me until his face is close enough that I can make out the tiny freckles on his nose. I watch, wide eyed, unable to react, as he swallows heavily. Then, he brushes his lips against mine, so softly I barely feel it.
“You deserve everything, Daisy,” he whispers. He stands and turns for the house, leaving me alone on the deck, more confused than I’ve ever been.
Chapter Thirty
Daltrey
“Stop!” Dad calls from the back of the theater, waving his arms over his head. “Stop!”
Cash’s guitar cuts off, the drums and bass following. I take my fingers from the keys of my piano.
“What now?” Lennon asks.
Dad points at me. “You’re off, Daltrey.”
I stare out into the dark void of the seating area. “What?”
Dad starts walking toward the stage. “You’re off by a quarter beat. You need to listen for the drums.”
I flex my fingers over the keys, struggling to keep my temper. “Fine.”
He reaches the front row. “What did you say?”
I glare at him. “I said fine.”
He crosses his arms. “Do you have something else to say?”
“No, Dad, I don’t. You said I was off. I don’t think I was, but I will try to keep on tempo. Can we just get this over with?”
“That right there is the attitude that’s messing us up,” he says, gesturing at me.
“What, that I said I would try?”
“No, smart ass. The ‘just get this over with’ part.”
Oh, God. I don’t think I can sit here and listen to this lecture again; I really don’t. I grit my teeth, staring at the white and black keys, and don’t reply, knowing that if I do I’ll only end up yelling.
“You’ve been off all week,” he continues. “Your energy is low—”
“Everyone’s energy is low, Dad,” Lennon interjects. “We’re in the final week of the tour. We’re tired.”
“It’s different with him,” my dad insists. “And you know it. Daltrey, you’re acting like you’d rather be anywhere but here. You think the fans can’t read that?”
“Damn it, Dad,” I mutter. “I’m doing my best.”
“You are not. I’ve seen your best, and this is not it.”
“I’m doing my best under the circumstances.”
“The circumstances, Daltrey, are of your own making. So maybe instead of moping your way through these shows, you should figure out how to change them.”
I’m just about at my limit. Changing the circumstances would require leaving the tour to go find Daisy, which just so happens to be the very thing I want to do. But it’s not an option right now, and I’m doing everything I can to hold it together so I can live up to my responsibilities. For him to throw it back in my face right now…
“Are you listening to me?” he asks. “Because you owe your brothers and your fans a much better effort than you’re—”
“That’s it.” I stand, knocking my piano stool over in my haste. “I’m done with rehearsal. I’ll see you all at sound check.”
“Daltrey, you get back here!”
But I’m already stalking off into the wings. My heart is pounding so hard it feels like it might hammer its way out of my chest. I’m angry at my dad, angry at the tour, angry at myself. We only have two shows left, but I’m not entirely sure I’ll be able to get through them. We’re finishing the tour up in Cleveland, our big triumphant homecoming show.
I snort at the thought, pushing open the door to the green room so hard it bounces off the wall and nearly hits my shoulder on the way back. Homecoming, my ass. The local press is having a field day. I made my court appearance yesterday, a minor assault charge, but from the way they’re acting, I may as well have committed murder. They all seem obsessed with where we go and what we do, and why Daisy hasn’t been seen with us. It’s bad enough that I can’t stop worrying about her. Having them shout her name at me every time I go outside is not helping.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Dad asks.
I close my eyes and groan. I keep my back to him, remembering how Daisy calmed herself with those huge deep breaths of hers. Before I get the chance to try it, his hand is on my shoulder, spinning me around.
He looks livid. “I asked you a question.”
“I’m done, Dad. If the guys want to rehearse, that’s fine. But I’m done being lectured. It’s not doing me any good.”
“You think you get to dictate what—”
“Yes. I will dictate the conditions under which I perform. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m having a hard time tapping into my creativity right now. Being made to feel like a s
tupid little boy is not helping.”
He takes a step back. “I’m not trying to make you feel like a stupid little boy. I’m trying to snap you out of this. You have responsibilities, people counting on you.”
“Do you think I don’t know that? Damn it, Dad, if it was up to me, I would have left two weeks ago to find Daisy. It’s all I can think about. Levi won’t talk to me anymore. I don’t even know if she’s okay! The only reason I’m here at all is because I’m trying to be responsible.”
“It all comes back to her, doesn’t it?”
I turn away. “Seriously? You know how I feel—”
“Stop right there. We are not done with this conversation.”
I sigh but don’t walk away.
“I know you think you love her, son.”
I face him. “I do love her.”
“Daltrey, you don’t have the luxury of acting like some high school kid with a crush.”
I could punch him. I really could. “Do you think that’s what this is? She’s not a crush, Dad. She’s my best friend. She’s been my best friend since I was five years old. She was the one I went to when I was sad and lonely and scared after Mom left.”
“And did you learn anything from that?” he asks. “From her leaving? Because I learned something, Daltrey. I learned that you should never put a girlfriend over your work.”
I narrow my eyes. “I’m sorry you regret leaving your band, Dad. I really am. But this is not the same.”
“How is it not the same?”
“Because Daisy would never ask me to leave!” I yell, my temper officially shot now. “She wanted this for me as much as I did, and she would never ask me to give it up.”
“She might not ask you to, Daltrey, but she could still make you lose it all.”
“How?” I can’t believe him. He, of all people, knows how much she’s helped us, how much of her own time she’s put into our success over the years.
“She was hospitalized. She’s clearly not stable. What if she can’t deal with all of this?” He spreads his arms wide as if to encompass the venue, the band, and even the fans outside. “What will you do then?”
“We’ll figure it out together.”
He shakes his head. “You’re being naive. She’s not fit to be here or to be a part of this—”
I promised myself after Justin that I wouldn’t ever hit someone in anger again. But I decide shoving doesn’t count. My hands meet his chest, and I push hard. “Shut the hell up, Dad. I mean it.”
His face goes three shades redder, and he points a finger at me. “You better watch yourself, Daltrey.”
“No, you should watch yourself. Insulting the woman I’m in love with is not the way to get me to fall into line.”
He rolls his eyes. “Give me a break. You’re twenty years old.”
“And I’ve loved her for as long as I can remember. She’s the one that was there for me, Dad, when you were so busy building your band. She was the one that cared about me. She never equated my worth with my ability to play piano and make my family famous.”
“How dare you?”
“What do you want from me? I’m here, okay? I will be here through the end of the tour—”
“And then what? You go chasing after her? I knew she was trouble for you, knew it was for the best when she took off last year. The minute her father told me that she was in the hospital—”
“Wait—what?”
He looks away, the anger seeming to seep out of him ever so slightly.
“Did you just say her father told you she was in the hospital? When was this? When did you talk to Mr. Harris?”
He wears a distinctly uncomfortable expression for a moment, then he lifts his chin and looks me straight in the eyes. “He called me last June.”
“He… he called you? What the hell did he call you for?”
“He wanted me to give you Daisy’s contact information in the hospital. He thought it might help her, that she might respond if you tried to get in touch again.”
I have him up against the green room wall so fast I hardly realize I’m doing it. “Are you telling me that you knew she was in the hospital last year? And you didn’t tell me?”
He tries to push me off, but my anger gives me strength.
“You were recording your album, Daltrey. The last thing in the world that you needed—”
“I needed her! And she needed me! Her dad actually reached out to us? And you kept it from me?”
Suddenly, strong arms are pulling me away from my father.
“Okay, man,” Cash says. “That’s enough.”
“Did you hear him?” I yell, struggling against my brother. “I can’t believe you, Dad! You could see how broken up I was about her—”
“That’s my point! She’s too much drama for you. It’s not what you need.”
I finally succeed in pulling away from Cash and shove a finger into my dad’s chest. “You don’t have any idea what I need. And it’s certainly not your right to decide it for me.”
“Okay, let’s just take a break.” Reed’s calm voice sounds from the doorway to the wings. “Everyone needs to chill out.”
I spare him a glance and see that Lennon is behind him. I’m so mad I’m actually scared. The only time I’ve ever felt like this was when I went off on Justin. My hands are shaking. “I’m done,” I mutter, holding out my hands. “I’m fucking done.” I turn for the door.
“Daltrey!” Dad calls.
But I don’t pause. I slam out of the green room and into the dressing room, bypassing the main sitting area for a small back room. I sink into the closest chair, burying my head in my hands and trying to get a handle on my rage.
He knew. I can’t believe it. He knew that she was in the hospital, knew that she had tried to kill herself. And he kept it from me. For what? The band? What kind of father did something like that?
“You okay?”
I don’t bother looking up at Cash. “Don’t, man. Seriously. Just leave me alone.”
“Nah, I think we need to talk.”
That wasn’t Cash. I look up to see that Reed and Lennon have joined him in the doorway.
“Is he out there?” I ask.
“No.” Lennon pulls up a chair and joins me at the table. “We told him to go chill out in the bus.”
“He can go fuck himself in the bus,” I mutter.
“He was way out of line,” Cash says. He folds his arms and leans against the doorway. “No way should he have kept something like that from you.”
I’m surprised at how relieved I feel, knowing that he’s on my side. From the looks on the other boys’ faces, I have a feeling they agree with Cash.
“I can’t believe him.” I pound my fist on the table. “She went through all of that alone, and she didn’t need to. I should have been there.”
“You can’t blame yourself,” Lennon says.
“I’m perfectly happy blaming him right now,” I snarl, and he laughs.
“Look, man,” Reed says, mirroring Cash’s position against the far wall. “That’s fucked up, what he did. I get that. And maybe Len is right, maybe you shouldn’t blame yourself. But at the same time, you’re not completely innocent here.”
“Fuck, Reed! Really? Look, I get that I messed up. I get that everyone had a worse tour because of me. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not talking about getting arrested,” Reed says. “I’m talking about Daisy. Would you have gone home if you knew what Dad knew?”
“Of course.”
“So if you knew she was in trouble, you’d drop everything and go make sure she was okay?”
“Yes.”
“Then why the hell didn’t you?”
“Because he didn’t tell me—”
“So you didn’t know the specifics. But you knew she wasn’t calling you. You knew you couldn’t reach her. You knew her dad moved and that something was going on. Why weren’t you worried about her?”
“I was,” I argue.
“So
were you just too pissed to care? ’Cause I gotta tell you, man, if I loved a girl the way you say you love her, I’d make damn sure she was okay if I had the slightest reason to worry about her.”
His words seem to sink into my stomach, making it feel both heavy and empty at the same time. Lennon said something pretty similar back in New York, didn’t he? He was right, and Reed is right now. I should have gone home.
“And I’m doing the same fucking thing right now,” I mutter, more to myself than to him. “The exact thing.”
“Except this time, you know she’s safe,” Cash says. “You know she’s with Levi.”
I shake my head. I don’t know she’s safe, not really. Levi isn’t talking, and she hasn’t called me. For all I know, she’s completely melting down. Levi seems to have some problem with me right now and doesn’t seem inclined to keep me up to date.
“That’s not the point,” I say. “The point is that she’s going through something, and I’m not there. Again.”
“You have a job, man,” Cash starts, but I wave him off.
“I know I do. And I’m going to do it. I’ll be here for the shows in Cleveland. But when they’re done, that’s it. I don’t care what Dad wants from us, I’m going to find her.”
“Are you sure you shouldn’t give her time?” Cash asks. “To figure out what she wants?”
“She can have all the time in the world,” I say. “But she’s going to know she can count on me, that I’m going to put her first.”
“Daltrey, what if she doesn’t want to come back?” Cash asks, sounding hesitant. “What if she doesn’t want anything to do with this life after what happened?”
He’s just voiced my greatest fear, that Daisy won’t want me. All those years ago, she was the person to fill the hole in my heart after my mom left. I’ve been relying on her ever since. The idea that she, too, might decide she doesn’t want me—that terrifies me. And maybe, really, that was the reason I didn’t go after her last year. I think, deep down, I was scared that she would choose to walk away forever—just like my mom.
But Daisy is nothing like my mom. She’s nothing like her mom, either, despite her fears. She is strong, kind, and loyal. She’s so much braver than she ever gives herself credit for. She’s worth any fear, any risk, any chance I’ll have to take. Because I love her, completely and overwhelmingly.
Ransom Page 26
