by Alex Lidell
“I planned on the truth.” He cocks his head, studying my face with an intensity that makes me want to shuffle my feet. “Han and I fought .You stopped it. Is that a problem?”
“I’m not supposed to be outside the Academy walls.”
“This isn’t your first time out here, Osprey. Or second. Or tenth, I think.” With a snort, Coal pulls up my loose sleeve to expose the tail of the still-healing knife wound. “Also, I’m quite certain River either already knows we are out here or will discover it from Han shortly.” Releasing my arm, he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his voice softening. “Keeping things from River is a piss-poor move.”
“You’re one to talk.”
“Yes. From experience.”
“It isn’t the same,” I snap, despite having meant to keep silent. Now that I’m talking, the words spill out beneath his attentive gaze. “You are his equal, and I’m nothing but a lowly cadet. River cares nothing for my reasons, my abilities, my knowledge. There is magic threatening the Academy—the whole continent—and I’m not going to hide under the bed while others do the fighting. But there’s nothing I can say to him to make him take me seriously. He locked me up for a night because I disobeyed his orders to try to stop a fight.”
“He did not.” Coal’s hand, already on my face, grips the base of my chin. “Leralynn. River did not order you held. He had no idea you were still in the dungeon. I’ve a bone to pick with him over that, but he never meant to hurt you. He’s a good man.” Coal’s jaw—and grip on mine—tightens. “But yes, River does discipline cadets. And after last night, what I saw in your past… I’ve a notion of why that’s a problem.”
“He didn’t know I was—” I stop, suddenly processing what Coal mentioned earlier and then again now. He saw my nightmares too. Saw Zake’s beatings—my terror, my screaming. My shrinking away. The implications thud through me. It’s a part of my life I wanted to keep locked away forever. And now I’ve never felt so exposed. My breath quickens, and I try to pull away.
Coal doesn’t let me go. Doesn’t laugh at me either. “Yes. We’ll have to figure something out on that front. Meanwhile…” He frowns thoughtfully. “I see your point about wishing to keep River in ignorance of your secret world-saving schemes lest you have to fight him as well as magic. And since you plainly have something going on and will continue this something no matter what, I will make you an offer: anything you tell me in confidence stays between us. Anything you don’t tell me and I discover on my own is fair game to share with River.”
“That’s…” I glare at Coal. “That’s blackmail to ensure I tell you everything I’m doing.”
A corner of his mouth twitches and despite pain-filled eyes, I see the first genuine smile the male has attempted in a long, long time. “I think I like the thought of knowing everything you’re doing, Osprey.” Leaning forward, he brushes his lips over mine. “Most likely, I like it too much.”
My heart stutters, the sensations rushing from my lips all the way through my skin. Before I can savor him too deeply, however, Coal pulls away, his face serious again.
“But as for tonight, we have to go to River. He almost certainly knows already. And it is better if we both see him now than if he must seek us out later. Plus there is another matter I need to see him on.” Coal runs his hand along my neck and shoulders and spine, finally settling his warm palm in the small of my back. “Come, Osprey. Let’s get this over with.”
15
Lera
“Coal. Leralynn.” River rises from behind his desk. The light in his study window gave away his location despite the late hour. “I’ve been expecting the two of you.”
I try to step back on instinct, but the feel of Coal’s insistent hand on the small of my back keeps me moving forward. My pulse races. This isn’t going to go well. There is no chance in all the bloody stars that it will. For either of us.
Striding up, River reaches over my shoulder to shut the door, his woodsy scent washing over me. “I understand you assaulted Han just outside the Academy,” he says to Coal. With the ice in his voice, the crackling fire in the study’s hearth gives no warmth to the room. “Is that accurate?”
“Yes,” says Coal.
River’s chin points to Coal’s bound arm. “And you lost?”
“Yes,” Coal repeats.
A muscle tics in River’s jaw, though his chiseled face gives away nothing more of his thoughts.
When his stony gray gaze shifts to me, the flutter of anxiety spilling into my blood makes me dizzy. No matter how hard I try to see past the stern commander to the male who danced and studied with me, all I see is the male who left welts on Tye’s back, who ordered me to a dungeon for disobedience, who sent Coal there despite knowing the male’s past.
I see a male who would never accept a cadet as a peer.
“And what of you, Leralynn?” River asks. “How did you end up in the middle of that mess?”
“I…I saw Coal and Han fighting. From the top of the wall.” I swallow, hating the slight hitch in my voice. No chance of River failing to notice—the male never misses so much as a blink, though he is too well controlled to show it. “Someone needed to stop it, and I was available.”
River puts his hands behind his back, his shoulders spread wide as wings under his black silk shirt. The hard lines of his jaw and penetrating gaze make the air sing with tension. “And?” he asks.
“And?” I echo.
River’s gaze slides over my shoulder, no doubt to brush Coal’s face before returning. “You saw Coal fighting. For the second time in as many days. You had already been punished for joining in once. Why did you choose to do so again?”
My brows narrow, indignation kindling a slow flame inside me. “What do you mean why? Because it was the right thing to do, River.” I feel Coal shift behind me in warning, but I can’t make myself heed it. Of all the things that turn my knees soft beneath River’s powerful stare, this one I will fight for. “Because that is what you do when you see a friend in trouble.”
“I did not realize you considered Coal, your instructor, a friend,” said River.
I hadn’t either. Not this Coal. And maybe he isn’t, but he is a part of my soul nonetheless. Raising my chin, I square off before River’s might, my pulse racing. I know that keeping my mouth shut and head bent is the safer course, but I can’t, so I won’t. For all our sakes.
“You think broken rules were the greatest problem here in the past two days?” My voice rises, and I take a step toward the male. “That locking Coal up would cure anything? I ran to interfere in a fight because I saw mortal danger that you were either too blind to mark or too proper to bother with.”
Silence settles over the room, punctuated by my too-fast breathing. I stepped over the line. Stars, I took a running leap over the line and peed on it in midflight. And I’ve no notion of what I’m going to do now.
River’s unreadable eyes weigh me. “That is not how I would have phrased things,” he says finally. “But you are not wrong.” Walking toward Coal, he plants himself in front of the warrior, hands behind his back. “Per our earlier conversation, I’ve given it some thought, and I reject your proposal. Any objection?”
“No, sir,” Coal says, offering no more explanation than that.
“Good.”
All right, then. I shift my weight, my thoughts firmly on the door. Somehow, incredibly, it seems there’s a chance that a dismissal rides in the wind. I’ll worry about the why of it later. For now, I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
“We aren’t done.” River tells me, as if having read my intention to flee. “Come up to my desk, please, Leralynn.”
I take one step before noticing the thin rattan rod River pulls from behind the heavy oak table. Not the leather belt as Zake favored, but similar enough in the ways that matter. At once, my whole body stiffens, my lungs too tight to draw breath. Curling my hands into fists, I let my nails pinch into my skin, focusing on the small sting to keep myself togethe
r.
“River,” Coal says. His voice is hard and distant.
“I’m aware,” River replies. Returning to my side of the desk, he removes the golden cuff link holding his silk shirt’s cuffs together and rolls up the material to just above his right elbow. “I won’t strike you, Leralynn,” he says, his attention focused on his work.
A momentary wave of relief touches and flees. “Coal isn’t—”
“Not Coal either.” Sleeve secured, River finally shifts the whole weight of his attention to me. “I never intended for you to have been left overlooked in a dungeon cell, much less restrained to a wall. It was my duty to know what was happening to you, and you had every right in the world to expect as much from me. It was my breach of responsibility that led to a great many wrongs done today. Mine, and no one else’s.”
My eyes widen as River hands me the rattan rod, bracing his hip against his desk as he holds his bared forearm between us, the point of the elbow tucked against his ribs for stabilization. Perfectly corded muscle that a sculptor would envy tightens beneath taut skin, the sensitive flesh between the wrist and bend of the elbow dancing with shadows.
“Wait. What?” The hair on the back of my neck rises like hackles, a shiver shooting along my spine. “I don’t understand.”
“Yes, you do,” River says, his heavy gaze lending his soul to the words. “There is nothing—nothing—more important for me than keeping you…” He falters. “Than keeping all my students safe. A duty at which I’ve failed spectacularly over the past two days. You’ve already paid for your transgression. I have not. One dozen, please, if you don’t mind.”
“Oh, bloody damned stars, you want to bet how much I damn well mind?” I sputter, jerking away from the rattan rod. I only realize that I’ve jumped across the floor when my shoulder catches River’s bookshelf, stacks of journals, references, and ink bottles falling in a spectacular whoosh.
River blinks almost appreciatively at the mess but stays put otherwise.
Crossing my arms, I glare at Coal—who merely shrugs—and turn back to River. “Your strategy of adding more pain to that already collectively endured is… What’s the word I’m looking for…? Ah, stupid.”
With a short sigh, River braces his palms on his thighs before speaking again, his voice measured. “It isn’t my strategy, Leralynn. It is the reality of where we are. Do you imagine I enjoy disciplining you? Watching you be terrified or exhausted or hurting? Wondering what the hell I’m going to have to do to you next when you defy the rules and teachers?” River’s tone softens. “I need you to know that I understand the scope of my failure before you. That I am sorry. I need you to trust my word—” His voice catches, and he cuts himself off, trying to corral some emotion in his gaze. It seems he needs my trust on a level he can’t fully understand himself, much less explain.
“Apology accepted,” I say quickly. “I understand everything. I trust you. Can I go, please?”
River sighs, a muscle tensing in his jaw. “If you want other projects to continue between us, then you will do this now.”
Other projects. The tutoring. The time with River I’ve grown to savor. Acid rises up my throat as River hands me the rattan again. I run my fingers along his bare sensitive belly of forearm, the skin lacking the thickness of the muscled side or calluses of his palms. River shivers lightly before he can suppress it, his eyes flickering.
“Leralynn,” he prompts.
Bracing his arm against my left hand, I close my eyes and flick the switch, its tip landing just beneath the crease of River’s elbow.
“It doesn’t count unless it leaves a welt or draws blood,” says River. “From a self-preservation perspective, I would prefer we achieved that point sooner rather than later.”
The next minute is the longest of my life, the soft sound of River hissing at the sting driving into me as much as the raised welts that appear all too vividly along his skin. The male makes no effort to pretend he feels nothing, eyes closing, sweat breaking out on his temples as small flinches run through his body with each impact. And after a few strokes, I stop pretending either.
My stinging eyes spill tears onto my cheeks, washing out the hidden poison that was eating my soul. River didn’t abandon me in that cell. Didn’t relegate my existence to a secondary tier, to be addressed at his convenience. His maddening, frustrating ways are rooted in protectiveness, not apathy. Because that is who River is. A protector. And I don’t know where that leaves the two of us.
The twelfth stroke has nowhere to land but on already hurt skin, and the sight of blood welling up at the welted intersection shoves me off the edge I’ve been riding. Sobs rake my chest, my breath hitching inside lungs that can’t draw enough air. This is all wrong. Every horrid moment of it.
Not caring for the propriety of it, I bury my face in River’s shoulder and, after a moment of stiffness, feel him smooth his hand over my hair. His woodsy scent fills my nose, mixing with a hint of lavender soap. “It’s all right,” he murmurs as if it were true. “We’re done.”
Behind me, I hear the sound of the door being pulled open.
River stiffens again. “Coal—”
“No. You broke it, you fix it.” The door clicks shut, Coal’s soft footsteps dissolving into the distance.
After a minute, River’s hand settles on my shoulder, nudging me away gently.
I shake my head, my grip tightening even as I brace myself to be pushed away, for the bubble of intimacy to pop with a resounding snap of formality. It will happen, I know. It must, for without the magic’s bond, that is what truly lies between us. River is a king, and I am a rogue.
River’s hands on my shoulder tighten, the firm push a heartbeat away. I swallow only to realize that River has pulled me toward him instead when he sits on the edge of his desk, settling me on his lap and wrapping his arms tightly around me in one smooth motion that feels like a locked door giving way. His heart pounds under my ear, and with a soft sound in his chest that I feel rather than hear, he rests his cheek on top of my head. “Leralynn,” he whispers, his breath ruffling my hair.
16
River
River pressed Leralynn’s small warm body against his chest, breathing in her lilac scent with a desperation that made his chest ache. The green silk of her top had ridden up her torso, and his hand itched to cup the soft curve of her waist, to rise higher to her luscious breast. It was madness, doing this to himself. In the part of his mind that still functioned, he knew that holding her was wrong. That he never should have let Coal leave, not when the pull Lera had on his soul overwhelmed all sense. Yet that voice of reason was as distant as the long-dimmed horizon, and all River’s protective instincts demanded that he wrap himself around the girl, comfort her even as he took comfort from her in return.
How many in Lera’s place would have savored the chance at vengeance? Would have been elated at the opportunity to even the score that the disparity in power always tallied between a commander and his charge? Especially after what River had done to her, leaving Lera abandoned and shackled when it was his duty more than anyone’s to ensure her protection.
Was it her fast forgiveness that set the final noose around his heart, or her courage? When things turned hard, Lera stood up for others before herself, and that called to River as much as it terrified the living daylights out of him.
As he stroked Lera’s silky hair and back, River had to concede that she was so like his beloved Diana that the images melded together. Or perhaps he was moving on. Falling in love, stars take him. With a student.
“I’m sorry,” River whispered.
“You are a bastard.” Lera raised her face to him, her brown eyes and pale cheeks glistening with tears. “For making me hurt you. I hated it.”
“Me as well.” River brushed his knuckles along her wet cheekbones, savoring the way she leaned into his touch. “But holding you makes it hurt less.”
What the hell was he saying? River closed his eyes, trying to breathe in some common se
nse. Instead, he inhaled a lungful of tantalizing lilac. A heartbeat later, River felt the soft brush of lips against his and snapped his eyes open with the speed of a diving hawk.
The girl had moved so she was kneeling on his lap, her beautiful eyes only inches from his own.
“Leralynn.” River cupped the back of her head, fully intending to pull her away. Gently but firmly. Then she bit her lip, and all his noble intentions sizzled away in a blaze of smoke. His cock tightened, his mouth demanding that it be him nipping Leralynn’s lush mouth. Taking it so completely that she’d have breath for nothing but the moment. With him. Together.
This time when she leaned toward him, River covered her mouth with his, scraping his teeth along her bottom lip until he could plunge inside.
Leralynn gasped, driving him deeper. His tongue danced with hers until sparks showed against his closed eyelids. Without seeking her permission, River’s hand slid to that maddening spot on Lera’s waist, massaged it, slid firmly over each bump of her rib cage until it met the bottom swell of her breast.
Wrong.
But he couldn’t stop. With Lera’s gentle undulations against his lap driving the flames higher, River felt himself falling—a fall that started a month ago and took a dizzying turn the night of Ostera, heady jasmine blending with lilac as they spun under the full moon. Spiraling down to a place he might never be able to come back from.
And might never want to.
17
Lera
“I don’t like it,” Arisha says, swirling a spoon in a mug of the hot chocolate the Academy served with the midday meal.
“The part where Coal didn’t die?”
“That too,” Arisha says thoughtfully, stopping to watch the corner of the dining hall where a large wolf, a small boy, and a heaping platter of meat disappear behind one of the heavy window drapes. Shade. Shade is back. A moment later, Shade’s wagging tail makes the curtain move obscenely. Arisha winces, then returns to the matter at hand before I can fully process my shifter’s return. “But mostly all the other parts. Leaving Han aside for a moment, the little earthquake you caused without meaning to shook the whole school. And this strengthening connection with Coal? What happens if next time, he drags you into his nightmares instead of you pulling him out? Not only are the wards cracking, but the way the magic is spilling out is as controlled as an avalanche. Something is going to give, and sooner than we’d like.”
