by CJ Archer
"It was foolish to borrow her dress," Hammer growled. "It was foolish to join the others at the sunken garden and to come here."
I bristled. "I disagree. The first two should have been a little harmless fun. There hasn't been a lot of fun in my life lately, and I wanted to forget my troubles. As to your third point, not even you could have foreseen this, Hammer, so do not lecture me."
His back stiffened and his jaw hardened. He would not back down and apologize, and I wouldn't allow him to make me feel guilty. Everything between us would change now, and that I did regret. There'd be no more easy conversations, no more flirting, if that's what it was. There would only be his words hanging like a weight between us. I liked him, but not enough to allow to him speak to me in such a manner.
He finally looked away and drew in a deep breath. "Erik, escort Josie to the garrison."
"Not Mull?" he asked.
"Not yet."
Was I a prisoner too, or merely temporarily restrained? It would have been a more palatable order if he'd directed it at me and not his guard.
"Brant, take his lordship to the cells," Hammer went on.
Brant smirked down at Lord Frederick. "My pleasure."
Lord Frederick gulped.
"And you, Captain?" Erik asked as he stood by the door, waiting for me.
Hammer looked to Laylana, mewling like a sick cat, the blankets drawn up to her chin. "I'll wait here until Laylana settles."
Brant grabbed Lord Frederick by his doublet only to let him go again. He frowned at the cabinet, noticing it for the first time. "What's that doing here?" He reached out but suddenly recoiled. His fingers curled into a loose fist. "What was that? Did anyone else feel it?"
Hammer picked up the cabinet and tucked it under his arm. "Sergeant," he barked. "The prisoner."
Brant swallowed and tore his gaze away. He pulled Lord Frederick up without a care for his injuries, and forced him from the room.
"You're hurting me," Lord Frederick whined.
Brant merely grinned.
Erik and I followed them part of the way, but Brant stopped when the corridor intersected another.
"Why were you in there?" he asked me.
"I wanted to check on Laylana," I said, using a similar excuse as I'd given the maid. While the cabinet had been my main reason for entering the chamber, I had also wanted to see the woman kept in a locked room. For now, I thought it best not to mention that to this man.
"Without Hammer asking you to?" He snorted. "You really are a fool. I hope I get to see how the captain deals with you later. It could be more entertaining than the party." He forced Lord Frederik down the corridor to the left while Erik and I headed right.
"Do not listen," Erik said. "The captain will not hurt you."
"There are ways to hurt someone that aren't physical," I murmured.
The garrison was empty, and I suspected the guards were still on duty as the revels continued in the gardens. Erik told me he'd been the lone guard stationed at the palace. He must have stepped out of the garrison when I entered and stole the keys.
"The captain will be angry with me," he said from the sideboard where he poured ale into a tankard.
"I'm sorry. I'll tell him I tricked you."
He thanked me, but we both knew it wouldn't save him from a scolding.
"Did you hear Laylana screaming?" I asked. "Is that why you came?"
He nodded. "I see maid too and tell her to get the captain. I would say you are lucky I come but you do not need me."
He handed me the cup and I drank, only to splutter at the strong, bitter taste. It wasn't ale.
"Drink," Erik said. "It helps the heart." He tapped his chest.
I was skeptical about its health benefits but it did slow my racing heartbeat a little.
That is, until Hammer returned. "Erik, take Brant and return to the king's side. Stay with him until I return."
"But there is no danger now," Erik said. I thought him brave for speaking at all. A glare from Hammer sent him on his way, however.
Hammer waited for the door to close before perching on the edge of the table. He crossed his arms and watched me. He didn't speak and the only movement came from the steady rise and fall of his chest. His gaze held neither heat nor ice, but it stretched my nerves to breaking point. I needed more of that drink.
I refilled the tankard only to have it plucked out of my hand before I could sip. I hadn't heard Hammer move. He stood close, trapping me against the sideboard. My heart raced, my breath quickened. Every piece of me became very aware of every piece of him. The way the light cast deep shadows across his eyes, beneath his cheeks, the way his hair was tousled, and the way he was so much taller and broader than me. Very much that.
"Josie," he began, then did not continue.
Part of me wanted to prompt him to go on, but part of me didn't want to hear his admonishment. There were only so many times a woman could bear hearing that she was a fool, particularly from a man she found so compelling.
Because despite his physical presence and strength, despite his anger, I was still attracted to him. My attraction galled me as much as being told I was a fool. I wished I felt otherwise. In time, I would, if I could stay away from the palace and him. But for now, I was a fool.
"There's blood in your hair." He lifted a hand and I instinctively leaned away. He dropped it back to his side. "You're afraid of me."
I swallowed and tried to think of an answer, but my tongue failed me.
As if he realized he was too close, he stepped back. He tucked his hands behind him and lowered his head. After a moment, he said, "Come with me." He strode to the door leading to the service corridors, not the one leading outside. So he wasn't about to throw me into the prison cells for unlawfully entering a private chamber, nor was he sending me home.
"Where are we going?" I asked, following him.
"To ask Laylana some questions."
"Which questions?"
"Whichever ones you want."
Laylana was still skittish but at least she wasn't screaming or wailing. Hammer had managed to calm her. I suspected a herbal tisane of some description, but there was no evidence of anything stronger than water in the cup on the bedside table.
"Laylana, this is Josie," Hammer said. "She's a doctor."
I didn't correct him. I smiled at her but did not approach the bed. After the incident with Lord Frederick, I was skittish too.
She lowered the blanket she'd drawn up to her chin upon our entry. "Will you cure me?" she asked.
I looked to Hammer but he offered me no guidance. "What ails you?" I asked.
"I…I don't know." Her voice was thin, reedy, and seemed to come from far away.
"Do you have any aches or pains in your body?"
She shook her head. "It's my mind. I can't remember."
"None of us can," Hammer said. "We've spoken about this, Laylana."
"Why, doctor? Why can't we remember?"
I was about to tell her I couldn't give her any answers, but she looked at me with hope and trust, and I couldn't destroy that. "I'm looking for a cure," I told her.
She smiled tentatively. "Until then, I'll stay in here."
I tilted my head to the side. "Why?"
"It's safer."
I glanced at Hammer but his face was a blank mask. "With the door locked?"
"To keep me in," Laylana said. "I've run off before when I…when I had a turn. I don't want to do that again. I want to wake up here afterward." She smoothed her palm over the blanket. "Sometimes, I think I remember this room."
"What do you mean by a turn?" I asked.
"You tell her, Captain. I don't remember them."
"Laylana has episodes where her memory is wiped clean," he said.
I gasped. "All of it?"
He nodded. "Her name, her recent experiences. It's worse than our memory loss. We at least remember everything that has happened to us from the moment the palace was completed. Laylana loses her memory again and again. S
ometimes it happens two or three times a week, sometimes she can go a few weeks without an episode."
"That's awful. So she can't remember any of you? She doesn't remember the palace, or your problem with memory loss?"
He shook his head.
"How frightening," I said. No wonder she screamed in terror and wailed mournfully. Imagine knowing nothing about yourself and those around you. Imagine waking up surrounded by strangers. "Do any of your memories ever return, Laylana?"
"No. I do have a vague sense of belonging in this room, though." She clutched the blankets to her, as if those were the only constant in her ever-changing world.
"Captain, why didn't you tell me?" I asked.
Finally, his mask slipped. He lowered his head, shrugged. "I don't know."
"You don't trust me," I murmured.
His head snapped up. "I trust you." He swallowed. "I trust you, Josie." Was he trying to convince himself or me?
I rubbed my temples. Hailia, my head hurt. I needed some hollyroot. A lot of hollyroot. "Even after I went behind your back to look for this cabinet?" I said. "I doubt it, Hammer."
He winced, and it took me a moment to realize it was because I used his name, not his rank.
"You have every right to distrust my actions." I was digging my own grave, but it seemed fair and right to admit guilt where I was guilty. He couldn't be blamed for everything, although I was still reeling about being called a fool. "But I went behind your back for a reason. I want to help you find answers." I nodded at the cabinet, now sitting on the dressing table. "If I have to go behind your back again in my search for the truth, I will."
Hammer eyed the cabinet. His fists curled at his sides and the knuckles went white. He wanted to open it, yet he didn't either. It was the first sign of a crack in his iron-willed resolve. I could widen that crack, if I was careful.
"What are you afraid of?" I asked.
He said nothing, just stared at the cabinet.
A different tactic was required. "I understand why you trust him. I understand why you want to trust him. But he's lying to you. You know he is, Captain."
He rubbed his thumb over his fisted knuckles. "I do."
"So why don't you open it and find out what he's hiding?"
"I will." But he didn't move toward it. He just continued to stare. "I've been biding my time, gathering information, looking elsewhere for answers and cures."
"But you've found none, have you?" I kept my voice calm, gentle, the way my father spoke with distraught villagers after they'd lost a loved one. For all his briskness toward patients, he could be the most caring man when he tried. "The answers may be in there," I went on. "They may not be bad answers, either; they might be good ones. But you won't know until you open it."
"He'll have my own men throw me in the cells if he finds out."
"I know that's not worrying you. I know you're more afraid of losing a friend's trust than going to prison."
He looked sharply at me. The sudden movement startled Laylana. She shrank back behind the blankets. If she knew what we talked about, and who, she gave no indication. Hammer seemed to trust her enough to have this conversation in front of her, although he did not mention the king by name.
"He's not your friend, Captain. He's keeping secrets and lying to you. He doesn't deserve your loyalty."
He turned back to the cabinet and with a deep intake of breath, strode toward it. He withdrew a flick-knife from his pocket and forced the doors open, only to fall back as if an invisible hand had pushed him.
I stepped closer but his outstretched arm blocked me. "Don't touch it," he said.
I had no intention of touching it. I simply stared. Sitting at the bottom of the cabinet was an egg-shaped gem, the color of freshly spilled blood. If I held it in my palm, I would just be able to close my hand around it completely. Its facets swallowed the light, causing the gem to glow from the inside. The glow grew brighter the longer we stared.
"What is it?" I whispered.
"A stone," Hammer said.
"A cure?" Laylana asked.
"It's just a stone."
Hammer removed the gem, studied it then went to put it back. Only he didn't return it. He slipped it into his sleeve then dipped his hand into his pocket. He closed the cabinet doors. His sleight of hand must have been to trick Laylana because I'd seen everything.
"May I borrow this blanket?" he asked Laylana.
She nodded and he wrapped the blanket around the cabinet. He tucked it under his arm and bade Laylana goodnight.
"I'll see you in the morning with breakfast," he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.
"Flat cakes?" she asked.
"With syrup."
She smiled.
"Goodnight, Laylana," I said. "I hope I can visit you again, if that's all right."
She nodded but looked uncertain. Perhaps she wondered what I'd think if I returned and she'd forgotten me.
Hammer locked the door and together we headed up to Lady Miranda's rooms and fetched my bag and clothes before exiting the palace altogether on the forecourts side. The revelers must still be in the gardens, enjoying the music and wine in the warm night air. If I listened very hard, I could hear laughter on the breeze.
The two guards on the gate stood to attention and greeted their captain. As we drew close, a faint glow shone through his pocket, only to recede the further away we got from the gate. No, not the gate, the men.
"Captain, the gem," I said when we were out of earshot. "It responded to those guards."
He opened the flap of his pocket and looked inside. "How?"
"It glowed."
"It's still glowing."
I looked into his pocket. "Yes, but not much. When you opened the cabinet doors, it began to glow. The color brightened when you touched it. I think it becomes more active when it's around people."
He checked the vicinity. We were half way between the palace gates and the stables and coach house. No one was near. This side of the palace was empty, silent. He pulled out the gem. Its glow strengthened.
"Hold it," he told me.
I put out my hand and he dropped the gem onto my palm. The glow diminished but didn't extinguish.
"Do you feel anything?" he asked.
I caressed it with my thumb. The facets were smooth, their edges sharp. It was cool but not cold. "No."
"No pull? Like it's…?" He shrugged, as if he couldn't think of the words. "Like it's drawing on your vitality?"
"No. It feels like a stone." I handed it back to him and it instantly flared to life.
He dropped it in his pocket. "It's responding only to those of us who've lost our memories." He started walking again. This part of the avenue wasn't well lit and, with the moon hidden behind clouds, I couldn't make out his features. His strides, however, were long and I had to walk quickly to keep up.
"It's not just a stone though, is it?" I asked.
"No."
"What do you think it is?"
"I can't begin to answer that."
I could, but I didn't say it out loud. Not because I didn't want him to hear, but because hearing it spoken might make it seem more real. I didn't want it to be real. I didn't want it to be the answer for their memory loss, for the existence of the palace, for the very existence of all these people. It would mean they shouldn't even be here. It might mean they'd disappear one day without warning, never to return.
Magic.
"Will you confront the king about it?" I asked.
"I don't know."
I wanted to press him further but kept my mouth shut. I'd said enough for one night. He'd done enough for one night. Now he needed to think about what that gemstone meant.
"If you need to discuss it with someone, you can talk to me," I said. "You know where to find me."
"I do." It was impossible to gauge his intention from those two words. It was entirely possible he never intended to speak to me again. Part of me wouldn't blame him. I'd caused him a few problems and undermined
his loyalty to the king.
But all of me would be very disappointed.
We reached the coach house and he sent a sleepy groom to prepare a carriage to take me home. We stood on the avenue outside the building to wait. Neither of us spoke for some time, and I felt the blanket of awkwardness keenly. I couldn't think of a safe topic to ease it, however.
"Will you be all right?" Hammer eventually asked. "Your wound…"
"It'll be fine. There are no fractures, just a headache the size of the palace. A tisane of hollyroot and a good night's rest will get rid of it."
"Send word to me if it doesn't disappear by morning. I'll bring Doctor Clegg out myself."
I smirked. "He'd love that. Tending the midwife who thinks she's a doctor will give him a laugh."
"If he laughs, he might find himself relegated to an attic room."
"I thought Balthazar decides who is assigned to which room."
"Balthazar likes me."
I wasn't quite sure of that but said nothing. It was enough that he'd been disloyal to the king tonight; I couldn't ask him to question Balthazar's motivations too.
Silence fell again. Hammer leaned against one of the columns holding up the stable portico and shifted the cabinet to his other hip. "Josie," he said softly. "Well done tonight. You single-handedly captured the poisoner."
His earnest praise caught me off-guard and set my heart hammering again, so much so that I blurted out the first thing that entered my head. "You called me a fool. Three times, as I recall." Ugh. Why did I have to bring that up?
He shifted his weight again. "I'm sorry. I have a temper. It tends to make me say the first thing that enters my head, and sometimes that's the wrong thing."
I laughed. "Believe it or not, I do that too. But only when I'm nervous, not angry. I'm sorry I made you angry."
"It wasn't you, it was…" He sighed. "Very well, it was you. You're so…" He shook his head. "Never mind."
"It's all right. I've heard it all before. Stubborn. Headstrong. Selfish."
Thanks to the flickering light from a nearby torch, his crooked smile looked wicked. It quickly vanished, however. "When I walked into Laylana's room, you looked pale. You were shaking. And there was nothing I could do because you'd already done it. I felt useless."
