She wet her lips, forced the words. ‘‘And wouldn’t that be convenient? It’d get me out of your precious house and leave the field free for one of the others.’’ She paused, hating the hollow ache that took over her chest at the thought. ‘‘Who would you hook him up with? Alexis? Jade? Someone else? Wonder if Ledbetter’s got a daughter.’’
‘‘It wouldn’t matter if he did,’’ Jox said softly. ‘‘It doesn’t take an itza’at to know that you’re it for Strike. If you die, he’ll rule alone.’’
Emotion was a brutal gut-punch that had tears welling. ‘‘Yet you’d rather that than have us try again to bring the god through during the equinox.’’
‘‘My duty is to protect the son of the jaguar king, and the Nightkeepers.’’ He glanced at her. ‘‘For what it’s worth, I’m very sorry.’’
‘‘Maybe Jade will find something useful in Ledbetter’s journal.’’
The winikin nodded. ‘‘Maybe.’’
But what was the likelihood she’d manage it in the next twenty hours or so?
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Red-Boar stayed with Anna through the night, making sure she didn’t succumb again to the nahwal’s pull. Problem was, having him in her bedroom seriously freaked her out. The two of them had always rubbed each other wrong, partly because they understood each other too well. Now he was sitting in a chair next to her bed, wearing drawstring pants and a fleece, both in penitent’s brown. Like she was really going to fall asleep with him there.
‘‘I’m fine, really,’’ she said. ‘‘You can leave anytime.’’
‘‘And if the nahwal comes back, they’d have to come get me to climb inside your head and kick the bastard out again, which would take time you wouldn’t have.’’ He folded his arms across his chest, and she worked very hard not to notice the slide of muscle beneath the soft material of his shirt.
Forcing herself to focus on what he’d said rather than how he looked—and since when did that matter to her?—she said, ‘‘You wouldn’t be here unless you wanted to be, so ergo, you want to talk to me about something. So spill it, old man, and get out of my room so I can rest.’’
He scowled. ‘‘I’m only eight years older than you, for gods’ sake.’’
Damned if he wasn’t right, she realized as she did the math. He’d been married and a father at the time of the massacre, but he’d started young. ‘‘What do you want?’’ she persisted, knowing there had to be something.
He shoved a glass of juice across the nightstand in her direction, nearly dumping it on her. ‘‘Drink your OJ. You’ll need the energy.’’
‘‘For what, exactly?’’
‘‘I want you to go back into the barrier.’’
‘‘Wait.’’ She held up both hands, sloshing the OJ. ‘‘Whoa. I thought the point was to keep me away from the nahwal. Now you want me to go back in?’’
‘‘I’ll go with you.’’ He paused. ‘‘We need more information. ’’
Her skin chilled. ‘‘You can’t use the three-question spell until the actual equinox.’’
‘‘I know. That’s why I need you. The nahwal has marked you. It will come if you call, answer if you ask.’’
‘‘Maybe.’’ She paused. It didn’t take a flying leap of intuition to guess where this was going, what he wanted her to do. ‘‘But you need to get something through your thick skull right now. I don’t want to lead the Nightkeepers. I don’t even want to be here. Maybe instead of charging into the barrier, you should be asking yourself why you’re having so much trouble accepting Strike as leader.’’
‘‘Because he hasn’t accepted it himself,’’ said the older Nightkeeper—though he was right, damn it, that he wasn’t that much older than her.
Before, she’d been a teenager and he an adult. Now they were both adults, which gave her the guts to say, ‘‘You don’t have the right to make that call. The kingship passes from father to son unless the line is broken. It hasn’t been broken. Strike is our father’s son. He is king, whether he likes it or not.’’
‘‘He doesn’t want it.’’
‘‘Neither do I.’’ She leveled a finger at him. ‘‘So why put me in the same position and think anything’s going to be different?’’
‘‘Because you’re different.’’
‘‘That’s right. He stayed in the program. I didn’t.’’ Anna gave up all pretense at resting and sat up, pulling the bedclothes up around her in a protective tepee, even though she was wearing light cotton pj’s beneath. ‘‘Don’t depend on me. I’m not the one you want.’’
When he didn’t say a damn thing, she froze. ‘‘That’s it, isn’t it? You want an alliance. Me running the show, with you as my mate. Me for the bloodline, you for the leadership.’’
Shock and betrayal tangled with something darker, more tempting. It might even work, she had to admit inwardly. Jox and the winikin would never support Red-Boar in a bid for power, but they might support her, support the bloodline.
He met her stare for stare. ‘‘You had feelings for me once.’’
She snorted. ‘‘I was sixteen. You were the only guy I knew who was taller than me. Besides, you were mourning Cassie and the boys. That made you safe.’’
Pain flickered across his normally impassive features. After a moment, he said, ‘‘Do you know how long it’s been since I heard that name? Since anyone mentioned them aloud?’’
‘‘This won’t bring them back. Going against succession won’t fix anything.’’
‘‘If your father had listened to Gray-Smoke and Two-Hawk . . .’’ He trailed off after naming the king’s closest advisers, who had normally taken opposite sides in any debate, but had been united in begging him to ignore the visions and wait for the end-time before leading the Nightkeepers to battle.
‘‘That doesn’t mean Strike is wrong now,’’ she said, but wasn’t entirely sure she believed it herself.
His look said he’d caught the hesitation. ‘‘Two jaguar rulers. Two sets of visions that go against tradition, against the prophecies and the writs. How can you not see the parallels?’’
‘‘I see them.’’ She frowned, wanting to support her brother’s born role but not willing to blindly follow tenets she’d learned as a child and walked away from as an adult. ‘‘I’m just not convinced history is always destined to repeat itself.’’
‘‘ ‘What has happened before will happen again,’ ’’ he quoted.
She waved him off. ‘‘Too easy. The world isn’t built on aphorisms and it doesn’t march to the beat of thousand-year -old prophecies. Think about it . . . Godkeeper issue aside, who would you rather have leading the charge, you and me or the rightful king and his mate?’’
‘‘His human mate, you mean?’’
‘‘She’s it for him,’’ Anna said softly. ‘‘Don’t you remember what that felt like?’’ The words brought a faint pang, because she’d found it with Dick, though she couldn’t say for sure they had it anymore.
‘‘Fine. Great.’’ Red-Boar turned his scarred palms to the sky. ‘‘Which just puts us in an even crappier position, because when it comes down to it, he’s going to choose the woman over the gods. We need to stop him from doing something really stupid.’’
‘‘Or you could trust him to make the right decision.’’
‘‘Look where trusting your father got me.’’
And she really couldn’t argue that. He and so many others had trusted Scarred-Jaguar to know what was right, and they’d died for it. Red-Boar might have survived the battle, but everything important that was inside him had been killed that night.
‘‘I won’t lead,’’ she said finally. ‘‘I’m sorry.’’
He sat for a moment in silence, then nodded and stood. ‘‘I’ll let you rest.’’
She waited until he reached the door before she said softly, ‘‘Hey.’’
‘‘Yeah?’’ He looked back, his expression inscrutable.
‘‘Don’t do anything stupid.’’
‘‘D
efine ‘stupid.’ ’’
The trace of arrogance in his voice reminded her of the brash young warrior all the girls had sighed over, even after he’d married and become a father. More, she remembered how that had changed him, made him a man, even in her childhood perception. ‘‘Before you do anything, ask yourself whether you’ll be proud to own your actions in front of Cassie and the boys when you finally reach the sky.’’
Her only answer was the slam of the door at his back.
Leah slept poorly and woke the morning of the equinox feeling strung-out and twitchy.
It wasn’t just her conversation with Jox that had her on edge, though it hadn’t exactly been fun to have her lover’s defacto father tell her to do the world a favor and kill herself. There was something in the air, itching beneath her skin and making her jumpy. Restless.
Twelve hours and counting.
She opened her eyes to find Strike awake, propped up on one elbow, staring at her as though he was trying to memorize her and commit every last moment they were together to long-term storage in his brain. Or maybe that was what she was feeling.
‘‘We should talk,’’ she said, her voice raspy with morning huskiness.
‘‘Let’s not.’’ He leaned into her and covered her mouth with his, and though she knew it was a stall, she also knew it might be one of the last times they were together.
Opening her mouth to his kiss, she buried her fingers in his thick hair, hooked a leg over his hip, and offered herself to the moment, to the man she wished she could claim as her own. They strained together, touching, tasting, and the heat built as it always did when they were together. Only this time there was an edge of desperation— theirs, the god’s, she didn’t know. But she knew the end was near; she tasted it in the bold possessiveness of Strike’s kiss and felt it in herself—a sense of needing to take a piece of him with her.
Then he shifted against her, poised to enter her, and she saw the question in his eyes. Tears threatened as she nodded and he slid inside without protection, skin on skin, tacit acknowledgment that after tonight it probably wouldn’t matter whether she conceived.
It mattered right then, though. It mattered in the feel of him within her, the sense that she was truly taking him inside her and holding a piece of him close to her heart. She pressed her cheek to his as they moved and found their rhythm, drawing out the pleasure, delaying the moment when they’d have to deal with reality.
Soon though, too soon and yet not fast enough, the heat built; the tempo changed as he thrust and withdrew, thrust and withdrew, pounding into her, racing with her to the peak. They came together with strangled cries and a rush of love so intense Leah almost closed her eyes against it, denying the emotion. But she didn’t. She kept her eyes wide-open, looking into his and seeing the love there. Seeing the heat and the mad glory of what they’d become together.
Then it was past and the heat faded. The world came back into focus around them. And there was no excuse not to have the conversation they were both dreading.
Drawing away from him, Leah touched his cheeks, his chin, the strong line of his nose. When he lifted a hand to do the same to her, she saw his forearm marks, stark black against his skin. She caught his hand and pressed her lips to the glyphs, kissed each one, then kissed the raised weal of the sacrificial scar that crossed his palm.
‘‘Leah,’’ he said, curling his fingers around to cup her face.
‘‘We need to talk about it.’’
‘‘There’s nothing to discuss,’’ he said, his voice going autocratic in a way that was necessary in Strike the leader, but set her teeth right the hell on edge in the bedroom.
‘‘Try again,’’ she said, lowering her voice in warning. Watch your step, Ace.
His eyes went cool, though she sensed the heat within him, knew it was a calculated move. ‘‘I’m going to try to bring the god through into me,’’ he said, like it was no big deal and the obvious choice. ‘‘Jade’s working on finding the transition spell as we speak.’’
Leah’s skin chilled even as anger flashed hard and hot in her veins. ‘‘And you’re just now mentioning this? What do the others think of the plan, given that, oh, there’s a good chance that you’ll turn into a makol? That’s why Nightkeeper males aren’t supposed to enter the Godkeeper ritual, isn’t it? Too much aggression in their psyches, running too close to the darkness.’’
‘‘It’s my decision.’’ But he looked away, not meeting her eyes.
‘‘That’s bullshit and you know it.’’ She grabbed his jaw and turned him to face her. ‘‘You’re not just a guy, Strike. You’re the frigging king.’’
‘‘I’m the king’s son,’’ he said, his jaw setting beneath her fingertips. ‘‘Until I take the scepter, the greatest sacrifice doesn’t apply.’’
‘‘Which doesn’t make it right for you to risk yourself like this.’’ She felt a panicked, trapped fluttering in her chest, a sense that this was history repeating itself all over again. And though she’d wanted him to care enough to buck the prophecy and fight the gods themselves for her, now that he was offering to do just that she saw the desire for what it was: a pretty dream, a selfish wish. It wasn’t a real option, wasn’t truly what she wanted him to do.
‘‘It’s my choice,’’ he maintained stubbornly.
‘‘No. It isn’t.’’ She leaned in hoping he’d listen. ‘‘Think about it rationally. If I . . .’’ She stumbled over the word ‘‘die,’’ found a neutral euphemism. ‘‘If I go before the equinox, Kulkulkan will be freed to return to the sky and you’ll have a chance to bring him or another god through to earth. Alexis could handle it, or Patience. Bonus with her, because she’s already got a Nightkeeper mate.’’
His eyes darkened and his voice went rough with the god’s anger, with his own. ‘‘You want to die?’’
‘‘No!’’ she said quickly, then softer, ‘‘No. But I don’t want to live knowing everyone else’s days are numbered because of me.’’
‘‘How about having a little faith?’’
‘‘This is all about faith,’’ she snapped, hating that they had to fight about this, hating that each of their options was worse than the last. ‘‘I’m choosing to believe that the end of the world is coming, and you and the Nightkeepers are our best chance of stopping that from happening. I’m choosing to believe that there’s a flying-serpent god stuck somewhere between the earth and sky because I’m alive, and I’m choosing to believe my death will free it and give you the best possible chance of stopping the next stage in the countdown, or at least the best chance to bring other gods through and increase your powers to the point that you can beat the Banol Kax.’’ She blew out a long breath, trying to ease the pressure in her chest. Her voice cracked a little when she said, ‘‘If that isn’t faith, I don’t know what is.’’
He slid his hand from her cheek to the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair and holding hard, as though he meant to keep her there and never let her go. ‘‘I’m talking about having faith in me. Trust me; I’ve thought this out. Having me cast the transition spell and bring the darkness through is the best answer. Then you and I are the Godkeeper together. Hell, I’m pretty sure I’m halfway there already—what is all this anger I’ve been dealing with if it’s not the dark side of Kulkulkan?’’
It’s you, she wanted to say. It’s your anger, your frustration. But instead she said, ‘‘Whether it’s Kulkulkan or not, the anger is a problem. It’ll make you skew too hard toward the darkness.’’
A muscle ticked at the corner of his jaw. ‘‘I’m strong enough not to turn makol.’’
‘‘You can’t know that, even if you had the spell,’’ she whispered, gripped with fear that his stubbornness and his ego would take him too far. ‘‘It’s too much of a risk.’’
‘‘It’s my decision.’’
‘‘All due respect, no, it’s not, no matter how many times you say it.’’
‘‘Don’t use your cop voice on me,’’ he growl
ed, eyes flashing.
She pulled away from him and sat up, pulling the sheet with her. Anger rising to match his, she snapped, ‘‘Then stop acting like a spoiled prince. Stop ducking the scepter and pretending that’s going to solve anything. You can’t have everything you want—life doesn’t work that way, not even yours.’’
She knew those were fighting words, but part of her wanted the fight, welcomed it. They needed to burn off some of the tension and anger, and if they ended up pissed at each other, it’d be so much easier to do what needed to be done.
But he didn’t fight back. He rose up and gathered her into his arms, holding her close. ‘‘I’m sorry, Leah. I can’t let you do what I know you’re planning.’’ He chanted a quick spell before she could react, and sleep rose up to claim her.
As the grayness rose up to claim her, she slurred, ‘‘Bastard.’’ Then she collapsed, knowing he’d catch her when she fell.
She was going to be pissed when she woke up, Strike knew, and there was a good chance she’d never forgive him for cheating her out of her revenge on Zipacna. But he’d rather have her alive and hating his guts than dead because she’d gotten caught up in a fight that wasn’t even really hers. So he carried her down to the lower level of the mansion, into the storeroom he’d already set up with a bed and chair, makeshift chamber pot, small refrigerator, and a pile of books.
It was the best he could do. And she was going to despise him for it.
‘‘I’m sorry, Blondie.’’ He arranged her on the bed and pulled a blanket over her against the cool of the lower level. ‘‘It’s better this way.’’ He would present himself at the altar beneath Chichén Itzá and offer himself up to take the whole of Kulkulkan, severing the god’s connection to her and bringing all its magic into him. He would be both Godkeeper and Nightkeeper, sacrificing any hope of a future with her for the sake of her safety.
At least, that was the plan. Jade had better hurry up with the spell, though.
Bending, Strike touched his lips to Leah’s cheek, telling himself there’d be time later for them to work things out, for her to learn to trust him. But as he straightened and turned away, it sure as hell felt like he was saying good-bye.
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