by Kimber White
“I don’t know,” she answered, and again I knew she was telling the truth. “I just do it.”
“But not to me,” I said, squaring my shoulders and turning to face her full on.
Color drained from her face and her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard. Now, I did sense a flash of fear from her.
I lifted my hand and rubbed my knuckles along her jaw. I don’t know why I did that. But, the instant I touched her, her fear seemed to dissipate.
“Not to you,” she answered. “You’re different.”
“I’m an Alpha,” I said.
“I didn’t...I thought Valent was the only one.”
I barked out a bitter laugh. “That’s what he wants them all to think. It’s a lie. There are others. Many, many others. In other states and around the world, shifters don’t live like he does. Alphas of other packs aren’t tyrants like he is. They don’t control when their members shift, what they do, who they mate with.”
I watched Rowan change. Her eyes darted over the cavern, glistening with the hint of tears. I couldn’t tell if she was happy or sad at what I said. For a moment, her shoulders hitched as if she were having difficulty drawing in air. Finally, she rose and backed away from me. Still, it wasn’t fear I sensed coming off of her anymore. Shock, maybe.
“Rowan?” I stood. When I moved toward her she put a hand up to ward me off.
“I have to go,” she said, breathlessly. “I can’t miss another dose.”
“A dose of what?” She jerked her head toward me and I realized maybe she hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
“Rowan, wait.” I had so many other questions for her.
“You’ll be safe here,” she said. “For a little while at least. I’ll come back. I can show you…”
She put a hand on her forehead, looking unsure of what to say next.
“Rowan!”
But, before I could reach her, Rowan turned and ran to the cave entrance, fast as lightning. She left a whoosh of air in her wake brimming with raw power.
Seven
Rowan
The air choked me. Sweat poured down the middle of my back as I clawed through the branches and made my way back to the cabin. I’d let almost a full day pass covering over Jagger’s blood trail, hiding him, hiding myself.
Jagger’s blood. Spots of it still dotted my skirt. He’d bled all over me as I helped him into the cave. That alone wouldn’t have meant anything. As I pushed through into the clearing near the cabin, I sat down on a fallen log. Woozy, I put my head down and tried to slow my breathing.
My hands were shaking. I pressed my left thumb into my right palm and rubbed. The deep gashes in my hand throbbed.
Blood. Jagger’s blood.
I closed my eyes and I was right back there. With him. It had been such a small thing. I’d pressed the torn fabric of my skirt against the deepest of his wounds. My blood mixed with his and the world tilted on its axis.
Jagger’s blood. My blood.
Shaking, I traced the line of the wound on my own hand. It had already started to heal. Nowhere near as quickly as Jagger’s would, but I was different too. Heat stirred in my core. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel his breath kiss my cheek. I wanted to…
“Rowan!”
Aunt Grace stood with her hands on her hips in the doorway of the cabin. Her gray hair flew around her head as the breeze picked up.
“What the hell are you doing sitting out there? Come on inside. Didn’t you hear me calling for you? Jesus, Mary and Joseph. It’s like you want to get sick again. Come on, honey, I’ve got everything laid out.”
I moved like a zombie. Feet shuffling. I couldn’t get my brain to focus on any one thing as Grace took me by the shoulders and steered me into one of the kitchen chairs. She made small talk and I think I answered her questions as she prepared the syringes and gave me my shots. I kept my hands folded in my lap so she wouldn’t see the cuts and scrapes. As soon as I could, I’d change out of my clothes and hide the skirt.
“You all right?” she asked.
“What? Yes. I’m fine.”
“Hmm. Well, something’s kicked up out there. The patrols got close to the house today. I heard ‘em talking. Somebody’s been through here who ought not to. You know anything about that?”
I jerked my head up and looked at her. Aunt Grace’s brow furrowed, but her question seemed to come from a place of genuine ignorance. Still, something made me keep my guard up, even around her. I loved her. She was the only person in the world who gave a damn about me. But, she did everything the Pack patrols told her to and more. She wanted no trouble. If she knew about Jagger…
“I heard the same rumblings,” I said. “Wonder what’s going on.”
She let it drop. I got out of it without having to outright lie to her. Oh, I’d done that before plenty. She had no idea the extent of my dealings with the shifter patrols. I grew bolder each day, seeing how far I could push my powers. If she knew, there’s no telling what Aunt Grace would do.
“Have you always lived here, in Heartland?” I asked. Every time I asked her things like that, she gave me half-answers and changed the subject quickly. Sometimes, I asked the same questions over and over just to see if I could catch her in a lie.
Grace busied herself disposing of the used syringes and tidying up the table. “Me? Most of my life, yes.”
“You ever cross the border?”
Grace blinked. Her hands trembled then froze. She never liked when I asked her these kinds of questions. She liked it even less when I asked about who my parents were. I called her Aunt Grace, but I had no idea if she was even related to the woman who gave birth to me.
“It’s dark and brutal out there, honey. We have it made here in Heartland. I don’t see why some don’t understand that. You have everything you could ever want right here.” She held the last of the syringes in her hand and shook it before she tossed it in the plastic container by the door.
“The Alpha though,” I said. “Are there others like him? Out there, I mean.”
She dropped her shoulder and leaned against the counter. “Other Alphas? Oh, honey, I wouldn’t know about that.”
“You’ve never asked. I mean, you must know something. You told me you worked for him when you were younger. Cleaning his house. Watching some of his children. I’ve seen the photos you keep, Aunt Grace. You had other people you loved. The children in that locket you wear, the man in the frame in your nightstand drawer. What happened to all of them?”
She took a step back, staggering almost as if my words were a physical blow. I hadn’t meant to hurt her or cause her distress. I expected her to yell at me for going through her things. But, Aunt Grace was a practical woman. She knew I was here alone most of the time. Of course I was going to get bored.
“I had my time, Rowan,” she said. “I had my other life. But, it was a very long time ago and all the people you see in those pictures are gone now.”
She jerked her chin down, gesturing the finality of her statement. But, she’d told me nothing. Normally, I’d leave it. But, Jagger’s touch had stirred me in ways I wasn’t used to.
“You had your time. But Grace, I haven’t had mine.”
She blanched. She sank slowly into the kitchen chair beside me and put her hand on my arm.
“I have questions. I need answers. I need to know who I am. What I am. I need to know if there are others like me. How long will I have to keep taking this medication? I told you, I feel stronger than I ever have before. I haven’t had a seizure in over two years. I’ve gone longer and longer without the shots and I’m still fine. Maybe...I’ve outgrown it.”
“No!” Grace gripped my arm hard. I could have easily thrown her off, but I didn’t.
“No,” she said, more quietly. “Now, you listen to me. I’ve gone over this and over this. You don’t take those injections, you’ll die, honey. I’ve seen it before. You wanna know what happened to the children in this locket? That’s what happened, baby.”
&n
bsp; “They were like me?” I blinked back tears.
She pursed her lips together. “They were, but they were different too. And the meds didn’t work for them like they do for you. As for outgrowing it...that’s not a chance I’m willing to take. You have to trust me, baby girl. I’ve kept you alive this long. And you remember what it was like when you were little, don’t you?”
I did. Hot tears stung my eyes as the memories flooded in. In my earliest memories, I’d been bedridden. I couldn’t lift my head. I couldn’t feed myself. Grace had taken me into town a few times in a wheelchair. I remember seeing other children my age running and playing in the streets. They’d looked at me with gaping mouths and pointing fingers. Then, I got stronger. Little by little.
“Without these shots, it’ll get bad like that again. I know Able Valent isn’t perfect. I’m not saying I agree with the way he runs things. And yes, I don’t know where you heard it, but there are other Alphas in other places who do things differently. But, Able’s the one responsible for you being alive, Rowan. Don’t you ever forget that. He’s the one who pays for the medication that makes it so you can walk and talk and breathe, honey. We owe him everything. We owe him your life.”
She kissed my hand and rose from her seat. I could still see the tears misting her eyes as she went to the front door. I watched through the window as Grace picked up a plastic box holding the used syringes and walked out with it. She looked back once, giving me a grim smile as she took the trail back toward town.
This time, I followed her.
It wasn’t the first time I’d done it. Many times, she knew I was there. Not this time though. This time, I didn’t let anyone see me.
Downtown Heartland was only a mile and a half from the cabin. The trail from our front door led straight to a dirt road that wound its way up to the closest thing we had to civilization out here.
Heartland, Kentucky had only one streetlight and four city blocks, if you could even call them that. A century ago, I knew this place was something altogether different. When the prison was still in business, the people in this town almost all worked there. Before that, the tobacco plantations kept them thriving. Now, the only people living here were connected to the Pack.
Able Valent’s bodyguards lived and shopped here. A few of them had families. Mostly though, this place was like a small military base. At least, I imagined it was from what I’d seen on television and read in the few books available to me.
We had a hospital in the northeast corner, but they mostly did wound care and sick calls. Shifters don’t need much patching up. If any of the human mates or children needed more serious medical attention, they’d go to places like Bowling Green or Owensboro. Places I’d never been. Places I’d been too scared to even try to get to.
She didn’t go into the main hospital. Instead, she went to the pharmacy annex beside it. I stayed in the shadows and found a hiding place in the lobby behind a dumpster. If I listened hard enough, I could hear through brick walls.
“You girls keeping out of trouble out there?” Bill Harvey was the pharmacist. I’d only met him a couple of times with Grace. Two times a week, she’d make this trek to turn in the used syringes and get a new batch for me. Years ago, she’d take me to the town’s only doctor. Dr. Martin. He was kind. Old. But, I hadn’t seen him in forever.
“Oh, the usual excitement, nothing more,” Grace answered.
“Hmm. Glad to hear it. Saw Geordie and a couple of the others come in looking pretty banged up the other day.”
“Did ya? I swear, I don’t know what Able’s thinking keeping those nimrods around. They’re not serious enough if you want my opinion. It’s not like the good old days anymore, is it? I swear Able’s got to feel more like a babysitter than he does anything else.”
Harvey laughed. “Maybe so. But, I’d hate to think your girl had anything to do with it. I’ve heard some rumors, Grace. Bad ones. I didn’t want to say anything to you, but you should know. You should also know you can talk to me. If the meds aren’t working…”
“They’re working, Bill. They’re working just fine. She’s fine.”
“Well, that’s good then. Here’s your order. You let me know if you need anything.”
She said something else that was too muffled for me to hear. But then Grace thanked Bill Harvey for the medication and she walked out the door. I pressed my back against the wall. Grace stopped right at the end of the alley. If she turned to the right, she might have seen me. She didn’t though. Instead, she just straightened her shoulders and turned back to the dirt road that would lead her to our cabin.
I could beat her there easily. I meant to. But, the minute I took to the woods again, a different urge compelled me. Before I knew what was happening, I made my way to the mouth of the cave where I’d left Jagger.
If he was smart, he’d be long gone by now. He didn’t know the area. There was a good chance he’d walk straight into the path of the shifter patrols. Part of me sensed that was exactly what he wanted. There was something about the way he acted during the fight with Teague and Dugger that made me feel maybe he didn’t care if he walked away from it. But, he had.
My heart thundered in my ears as I approached the mouth of the cave. I took a deep breath as I pushed the vines away and stepped inside.
He was there. I felt him instantly. Warmth flooded me and Jagger’s scent seemed to soak through me. Powerful. Manly. His.
I didn’t need artificial light to see him. I had my own power to see in the dark. He slumped against the wall, legs curled up as he slept.
I went to him, feeling suspended in time. He was deeply asleep, his lashes fluttering in REM.
“Jagger,” I whispered his name, just to be sure. But, he was out.
He was the biggest shifter I’d ever seen in and out of his wolf. Standing close to six foot five, I guessed. Every inch of him was corded muscle. His tan skin gleamed with sweat as he dreamt.
“I’m...I’m sorry,” he murmured. “Baby. I’m so sorry.”
Baby. My heart seized. I hadn’t planned to, but before I could stop myself, I pressed one hand lightly to his cheek, the other against his chest. The poultice had fallen away, leaving a shiny pink scar beneath it. He was healed. He was whole.
My heart skipped a beat and my breath caught as our skin touched. Desire coursed through me, strong and sure.
“It’s all right,” I whispered. “I promise. It’s all right now. You did everything you could.”
I don’t know what made me say that. I had no idea what he was dreaming about, but raw need poured from him. My touch connected us. Energy flowed up from my heart, through my fingertips, arching through us. It was as if a cable went from his brain to mine and I could see his dreams. No. Not see them. Feel them.
“So much. So much,” he whispered. “Keara. Baby. It’s too hard. Too hard.”
“I know,” I said, though it didn’t feel like my voice. This was something deeper. Jagger’s need became my need. No. I didn’t know. She knew. The truth pounded through me like a sledgehammer. I didn’t know Keara. I didn’t even know Jagger. But the truth of my words struck a deep chord.
“She knows. Oh, Jagger. She knows. It’s all right. It’s not your fault. Let go. You have to let go.”
Then, the spark of energy connecting us broke. It slammed into my chest, vaulting me across the cavern, knocking the wind straight out of me.
Jagger convulsed, then he woke. His eyes wild, he dropped into a crouch. His wolf simmered, but somehow, he found the strength to keep him at bay.
“What?”
I held up a hand to shield myself. The intensity of Jagger’s stare reignited the spark running between us. He felt it too. My God. I saw it in the flicker of his eyes. He felt it too.
“Jagger?” My voice cracked.
He was on me. With a powerful grip, he took me by the wrists and dragged me to my feet. “Who are you?”
“Jagger, look at me. Look at me! I’m Rowan. I told you. I’m Rowan.” He looked at
me and through me. His whole body quaked. Then, his grip loosened and he dropped to his knees. He buried his face in his hands. He was lost. Broken. My heart ripped in half.
I didn’t think. I just reacted. I took a halting step forward. Then another. Then, I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled him against my thighs as he wept.
Eight
Jagger
One beat. Pain. Two beats. More pain. And yet, I was still breathing. She was everywhere. She was so close.
“Keara?” I choked out her name. Her scent surrounded me. Sweet. Soft. Good. Home. The pain washed away and I could breathe again.
I was dead. I had to be dead. How else could she seem so close? Fingers threaded through my hair, sending a shiver of pleasure through me and calming my inner wolf.
“Jagger, look at me.”
She spoke. She never spoke in my dreams. I could never feel her in my dreams.
“Jagger!”
The voice sounded like glass shattering. I was falling. So fast. So far. My head spun and I clawed the ground to get my balance. But, I was already on the ground. On my knees.
Blue eyes swam in front of me. Dark hair framed her face. Not dark. It shouldn’t be dark. Her hair should be the color of autumn leaves.
“Jagger! You’re okay. Whatever it is, you’re okay.”
I shook my head to clear the fog. My heart thundered inside me. I took a breath, waiting for the pain to follow it. This time, it didn’t.
“Keara?” I called out. I knew she wasn’t there.
“Rowan. I told you my name is Rowan.”
I closed my eyes and reached for Keara’s pain. There was nothing there but my own. A few pangs from the healing wounds stretched taut across my chest. My back hurt from lying on the rock. My knees creaked as I slowly rose to my feet. But, these were normal aches.
I caught Rowan’s eyes again. She held steady, reaching for me. I jerked my hand away.
“What have you done?”
She cocked her head to the side. “Done? I haven’t done anything. I came to check on you and you were having some kind of episode. A nightmare, I think. If you’ll hold still, I’m going to touch you. Just on the cheek. You might have a fever. That could explain a few things.”
