Another time a note says, “Dear customer, the sheets in the laundry you dropped off smelled of urine. We ask that you rinse these items before giving them to us.”
“This is humiliating. Buster can't help it. They're treating us like the Snopeses,” Charles says, referring to a family in Faulkner, as he unloads the bags from the car.
“I agree. We'll do it ourselves from now on,” I offer.
Going to the Laundromat for a couple of hours each week actually becomes a job I look forward to. Pretty soon Stephen comes along as we discover a shared domestic pleasure, doing such mounds and mounds of dirty laundry—six to ten loads—taking up many washers including the huge industrial ones for the sheets and blankets soiled as a result of Buster's most recent seizures; and then our plotting for an entire row of dryers, one of us standing guard while the other deftly pulls laundry out of the machines, loads up several baskets, and triumphantly rolls them over, one in each hand.
Then there's the folding, which we enjoy most, folding clean, fresh-smelling sheets and towels, shirts, pants. The trunk I once packed full of clothes for Stephen has long since been ransacked for Trevor. As luck would have it, Trevor and Stephen are about the same size. The trunk serves as Trev's dresser.
One night Stephen and I find ourselves folding a run of twenty or so identical boxer shorts complete with sports insignia.
“Where did these come from?” I ask.
“I think they're a gift from Trevor,” he answers. “I guess you won't have to buy us underwear for a long time. I saw another couple of boxes of these in the garage …”
Besides maintenance and upkeep of the house, work, and schoolwork, our animals teach us rituals. Rufus loves to howl. He possesses a hound's deep baritone and will “sing” on command, sing passionately, starting in the lower octaves and reaching crescendos that so amaze and move us, we reward him with almost a whole pack of Pupperoni, the other dogs rewarded in the wake of Rufus's performance simply for being Rufus's friends.
And Buster, indeed, loves balls. At the sight of one he cannot be distracted. He is compulsive about balls, perhaps owing to his epilepsy. Buster must be kept indoors if the boys decide to shoot baskets in front of the garage or he will steal the ball and boot it all the way down the hill to the retirement home.
Now and then we let him have the ball inside our fenced yard, but he's allowed to play with it for fifteen, at the most twenty minutes at a time or he will pop it, and/or bloody his nose, and/or work himself into such a frenzy he begins to seize.
As for G.Q., the behaviorist at the vet school in Grafton diagnosed him as dominant aggressive, a condition, he told us, that often surfaces about the time a dog reaches two years old.
“If he were in the wild, he would be alpha male, top dog,” he explained.
“In the wild,” I considered. “He's not far from it…”
To suppress his aggression, the behaviorist instructed us, we must engage G. in rigorous training, including disciplined walks on the leash followed by the exercise of the command of fifty to one hundred downs each day. The behaviorist also put him on Prozac.
All of us participate in G's training lest he get the notion he can bully any of us. During the early dark, sleet or snowfall, while I cook dinner or while the tutor instructs one or the other, the boys work with the bulldog in the dining room. Rufus and Buster drop in and try a few downs themselves. Over the drone of the tutor's explanations of algebraic equations can be heard: “G, heal! Good boy! G.Q., down! Good boy! Buster, down. Good boy! Rufus, down. Rufus, down. Rufus, down … .”
My friend Frank has sent us a video showing the beneficial effects of Prozac on animals. One weekend my sister Eve comes to visit, and while she and I shuck a huge barrel of corn, I show her the video. We listen to the narrator explain how a bird, once confined in a cage much too small for him, plucked out all of his feathers. Though the bird was rescued and moved to a larger cage, he continued to torment himself and was nearly bald, full of scabs and scrapes.
Given careful doses of Prozac, however, the bird is shown in various stages as he grows new feathers, until at last he is fully arrayed, content, and animated. You can see for the first time that the bird is a beautiful parrot.
“I've known people like that,” says Eve, a practicing psychologist now in divinity school.
Another segment of the video shows a dog who refuses to come out from behind the drapes of his person's living room, and yet another dog who has fixated on a particular stick and cannot be persuaded to put it down. As a result that dog hardly eats or sleeps.
“That's me,” I comment.
“I'm the one behind the curtain,” Eve answers.
Once on Prozac, however, both dogs behave more normally—the first now happy, apparently, to be a part of the household as he naps in the center of the living room. The second dog is clearly uninterested in the stick to which earlier he was enslaved.
The voice on the video discusses each case, comparing the bird with others confined too closely who did not pluck out their feathers.
And why, the commentator asks, did the first dog feel that he was only safe behind the drapes? Why did the second dog fixate on the stick while another happily gave it up to his person, played with other sticks, then abandoned them to go inside?
It is hard to say, the voice explains. Perhaps these animals lack the necessary serotonin, were born with low levels. Close captivity appears to have depleted the once-healthy bird's levels. After rescue, he still could not recover without help from the drug.
Prozac seems to be working for G.Q. Since he has been taking capsules in a piece of bologna every morning, we haven't observed him going strange, stiffening, narrowing his eyes, and licking his lips, though Stephen, if he is irritated about something, adopts the gesture.
Portrait of Frank / Photo by Stephen Digges
Vocabulary List
H Period
Stephen Digges
1. Mettle: The boys jumped from rooftop to roof op showing off their mettle to the onlookers below.
2. Dour: Her expression was dour when she told me I was going to fail the quarter.
3. Beguile: The boys would beguile the cops into believing that the fire was electrical.
4. Ogle: Her shapely figure caused her students to ogle blatantly.
5. Cull: Ms. A. has chosen to cull me out of the rest of the group as someone whose excuses are unacceptable.
6. Deleterious: The entire concept of grading the individual according to a standardized system can cause a deleterious self-esteem problem.
7. Doleful: His expression was doleful as he was led into the police station.
8. Ameliorate: He would ameliorate his friends’ problems by stealing a car to drive them home.
9. Reticent: The reticent man turned out to be a spy.
10. Subvert: With the help of many I will subvert the present social and political systems.
11. Raze: The kid will raze his room in anger if he isn't let out soon.
Arrested once more for driving on a suspended license, Stephen walks in the door one evening. He's bailed himself out of jail, perhaps a good thing for him to know how to do.
Shaking his head, he quotes from the movie Jaws: “ ‘Sometimes the sharks go away.’ “ he says. “ ‘Sometimes they don't go away’ “
Another evening Trevor storms in the door, furious with the teachers at Amherst Regional High. He spent last summer at a special camp where he not only brought up his grades, he excelled with As in math, English, and history.
He had hoped to improve his status from eternal freshman in high school to junior or senior. When Trevor announced his plans to go to Wolfeboro School Camp in New Hampshire, the local high school suggested it might be possible, if, they added, he did well.
But now those teachers say no. No, his intense summer work is not enough, after all, to advance him. Even though he is much older than all of his classmates he must remain a freshman. Yes, they insist, if he wants to stay in school
, he must retake his freshman year. Neither he nor I can change their minds.
Trevor's seething ignites Stephen's demonstrative anger. The two of them begin plotting to get back at the teachers. They're revving up to be sure, holding each other, conspiring.
Charles steps in and places his hands on their shoulders.
“Fellas,” he begins, tuning his voice a little, mimicking the mayor in Jaws. Charles exaggerates his preparation to get the boys’ attention. Trevor and Stephen stand back.
“ ‘Fellas, be reasonable, /for one am not going to stand here and watch you do some kind of half-assed autopsy on a fish and see that little Kitner boy spill out all over this dock …’ “
We look to all kinds of literature, poems, and songs to find direction. Bob Marley's “You can't blame the youth, you can't fool the youth of today …,” and “One good thing about music …” are favorites. And Charles has an amazing ability to quote whole passages of prose. If I'm worried or upset about something, at my request he lovingly recites the last paragraph of Joyce's The Dead.
Still, Jaws—its plot, characters, dialogue—becomes for us a code of ethics, words to live by, much as verses from the New Testament were my mother's.
As a child I would hear my mother call out to a beautiful spring day, “ ‘This is the day the Lord hath made. Let us be glad and rejoice in it.’ “
Our Jaws version is double-edged: “It's a beautiful day… the beaches are open …, “ which carries the multiple meaning of “Watch your back. This could be the day of a major shark attack.”
If as a child I attempted to twist the truth to turn it in my favor, my mother might have quoted, “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free …”
When Stephen or Trevor offer diluted excuses, I might affect Hooper's disgust at the carnage of the first shark attack and the mayor's attempts to cover it up.
“Come off it,” I say. “ ‘This wasn't any boating accident
When the dishes are stacked high in the sink, the laundry piled up to mountainous proportions, when the boys are behind in their schoolwork, Buster is going through a cluster of seizures, my mother might revert to her favorite verse, Romans 8:28, a wonderful disclaimer: “For we know that all things work together for those who love God and who are called according to his purpose.”
The Jaws version also recognizes the magnitude of the daily: “We're going to need a bigger boat.”
Heading down the basement one evening to gather the boys’ clothes for the laundry, I see what looks like the apocalypse escaping from beneath the storage room door, open it to find the cats basking before a great light, basking in the warmth of several huge grow-lights, the shelves inside lined with thriving illegal weed.
My mother might be reduced to the belting out the words of the prophets from the dreaded Old Testament, “Get thee down, Moses, for thy people have corrupted themselves!”
Charles, drawn downstairs by cries, shakes his head as he rubs his hands toward the warmth.
“Hmm. Well, well, well.”
“ ‘Take a good look,’ “ I answer. “ ‘Those proportions are correct.’ “
“ ‘Like to get your name in the National Geographic.’ “
We stare into the brightness.
“Actually it's lovely” I say. “And green.”
“Just listen to the electric meter ticking.”
“Busted. They are busted … .”
“ ‘Chief,’ “ Charles says, beginning to clear the shelves, “ ‘put out the fire, will you?’ “
Dear Frank,
I'm so glad you'll be coming to dinner, but ever since I invited you, I've been worried sick. Maybe I haven't been entirely honest with you about the nature of this household, and thought to write to prepare you If you decide not to come, I understand.
You should be forewarned, especially since you'll be coming on a weeknight.
This is a wild household. Dogs sleep on beds no questions asked. The boys of en do their homework in my room—Steve at his word processor (his mouse Frederick in his pocket!), Trevor spread out on the floor, Buster and Rufus snoring as the pizza man arrives with dinner, cats leaping in and out of the windows (we ‘ve removed all screens for this purpose, the upshot of this that the most beautiful moths grace the walls and ceilings now and all through the summer and fall)!
There may be phone calls from teachers, more often the cops. Yes, cops. As you know Buster goes through cluster seizures, and I'm afraid he is about due.
I suppose I had some sort of fifties fantasy when I invited you out. To be honest I'm not a very involved cook, the volume of food required here forbidding little more than whole bags of things dumped in to boil.
If you'd rather not come, I understand. I'd love for you to, but I'll take it in stride if you decided against it. From what you've told me, you live a very different life.
Hey, I'm not trying to scare you, but let's not entertain false assumptions
Sincerely,
P.S. If you decide to come, I should explain the smell in the kitchen. We've been propping the doors open each night so the dogs can go out to pee if they need to. Well, a skunk wandered in the kitchen door—probably after the cat food—and I'm afraid he sprayed. Though we've washed everything down, there's still quite an odor. At any rate, if it doesn't rain, we'll cook outside.
Dear Mr. P ,
I so enjoyed judging your poetry contest! Please let these students know that I was impressed and moved by the power of their feelings and their care with language and form. I commented on at least one poem by each poet. It was very hard to decide, and I hope it is okay with you that besides the first, second, and third place winners, I chose six honorable mentions… .
PORTAL OF THE III “I” (THIRD EYE) CONTRACT
Hip-hop, reggae, and R&B are free of charge. Any deviation from this selection will result in a twenty-dollar surcharge.
1. We spend thirty minutes preview for Presentation. Beyond that time, a fifteen-dollar minimum is required.
2. A fifteen-dollar consultation fee is required.
3. All presentations are on a cash basis and require 50% deposit on all cash sales above twenty-five dollars to begin presentation jobs, such as equipment, ground space, transportation, etc. These extra costs are separate from presentation and will be paid for by client.
4. We are not responsible for any damage or other liabilities. The only responsibility pertaining to our organization is the music.
5. Our standard fee is based upon the hourly rates for work and does not include separate, pre-presentation costs.
In the event of cancellation, a fee will be charged based upon the original contract price. It is to the client's utmost advantage to come with information and organization to avoid adding any time to the job structure.
Client
Contractors: Stephen Digges and Trevor Clunes
Date Signed:
CONTRACT RATES:
HOURLY RATES: 20$
TRANSPORTATION/EQUIPMENT FEE: 30$
CANCELLATION FEE: 50% OF ORIGINAL CONTRACT FEE
Dear Trev,
While I am gone I am putting you in charge of several things:
1. Watering and maintaining the gardens and the window boxes. Make sure each evening all the gardens have lots of water, and don't forget the little window boxes on the front of the house, over by the garage, and on the back patio.
2. E-mailing me in Russia at least three times. I'll have shown you exactly how to get on-line with CompuServe. Please keep me informed of everything, send me news!
3. You will also be in charge of dinner on Tues., Wed, and Sat, and Tues. night of next week (see calendar in kitchen). Tues. and Wed, Joanne will be here, so Steve will be busy with tutoring. Then he will clean up those nights and fix dinner on other nights.
The nights that he fixes dinner, you are in charge of cleanup. There will be plenty of things to eat, and it will be your job, while Steve is with Joanne, and then later, too, to plan and get the meal
on the table for you and Steve and Brian.
4. Buster's hips really bother him at night so I am asking you that while I am away, DO NOT LET HIM PLAY WITH THE BASKETBALL! If you want to play, close the front door and the side door, too.
5. Keep up with your laundry and keep your room neat.
I know you can do it, and I wish you luck! I'll miss you!
Dear Mr. T:
I am faxing you the deed for 101 Blue Hills Road, a house for which your company has the mortgage. Because the house was originally in my former husband's name, it has been difficult for me to correspond with and/or receive responses from you.
Yesterday I spoke with a woman at your establishment who told me if I faxed this document to you, this information would allow me to speak about the financial status and the mortgage status of this residence.
First of all, see letter and insurance document also faxed regarding ‘s overcharging me for house insurance I already possessed with . As a result, overcharged me over a thousand dollars, money that I wanted to put toward my September house payment.
I received a letter from stating that they had indeed overcharged me, and that this money had been put in the escrow account. Because the house insurance was in my name and not my former husband's, I suppose my request could not be acted upon. Now I am hoping that this will change.
Secondly, while I was at work, a certified letter from arrived. I suspect this is some kind of warning, though I could not pick up the letter at the post office because I am not Stanley Plumly.
The Stardust Lounge Page 12
