by Ben Hammott
Ebenezer screwed his nose up at the drink. "I would rather suck the wax from your ears than drink that slop."
"Slop, Sir?" said the waiter with obvious shock. "It's the finest vintage Champagne, Sir."
"Vintage slop is what it is. I wouldn't let my toilet drink that muck."
Noticing the waiter's obvious distress, Mrs. Havasham giggled and then saved him. "Bring a Brandy for Mr. Drooge, please Jeeves."
"And make sure it's a large one, I think I'll need it."
"Yes, Sir, I will return shortly with your drink." The relieved waiter hurried away.
"I don't think Jeeves has met anyone like you before, Ebenezer. You can be a bit of a shock on a first encounter."
"Not just the first," added Mr. Havasham with a smile.
"What do you think of the house this year, Ebenezer?" asked Mrs. Havasham.
"As gaudy and eye assaulting as every other time."
She giggled.
"I tell you, if a man was on the moon and looked back toward earth, he would notice two things: this carbuncle of a house standing out like a blemish of good taste, and that huge offensive excuse for a nose in the center of your otherwise average face."
The couple laughed.
Mrs. Havasham grabbed both his hands. "I simply love your humour. I'll share something with you, Ebenezer…"
"Well unless it's your bed with the lights turned off, I'm not really that interested."
"Hang on old boy, that's my wife," said Mr. Havasham in mock offence.
"At least you admit it, not something I would do after making such a huge mistake and especially not in public."
Mrs. Havasham laughed again. "What I was going to say before I was so jovially interrupted, was meeting you at this annual gathering is the highlight of my year."
"If your life truly is that depressing, I'd consider suicide as a better alternative."
She laughed and grabbed one of his cheeks in between delicate fingers and gave it a wobble. "I could kiss you for making me laugh so much."
"Please don't. You'd likely take out an eye with that dagger-like appendage."
She laughed again and slipped her arm back in his.
"So, Ebenezer, not with your brother tonight?" asked Mr. Havasham.
"Your brandy, Sir."
Ebenezer turned to the waiter, took the glass and stared suspiciously at the drink. "Is that a double?" he asked doubtfully.
"It is in polite society, Sir," answered the waiter with forced civility.
"In that case, bring me two more in the same glass."
"Of course, Sir. Two double brandy's in a glass not fashioned to hold them."
"You can pour them in a bucket for all I care," said Ebenezer.
The waiter glared civilly, backed away a few steps, turned and disappeared into the crowd.
"We were talking about your brother," reminded Mr. Havasham.
"No, you were. I haven't associated with my brother for nigh on thirty years, why would you possibly think our estrangement would suddenly change?"
"Exactly!" stated Mr. Havasham. "Thirty years is a long time for this rift between you to continue."
"Bah! If I live for another thirty, which I very much doubt, the rift will remain for what he has done."
"But…"
His wife put a hand on her husband's to silence him. "Let us not talk of such things at such a joyous time of year. Ebenezer, will you honor me with a dance later?"
He shrugged. "If my bunions are behaving themselves, I suppose you can press your voluptuous body against mine while we jig around the dance floor."
She smiled and laid a hand on his arm. "So it's a date then?"
"I said so didn't I?"
She laughed, grabbed her husband's arm and led him away. "I simply love that man."
"Ebenezer," called a voice he recognized and despised.
Ebenezer drained his glass, glanced around at the crowd but saw no sign of the waiter with his fresh drink and reluctantly turned. His brother, accompanied by two ladies, one on each arm, walked toward him.
Sebastian grinned. "So you made it then, brother?"
"Obviously." Ebenezer turned his attention to the two pretty ladies, but more especially to their low cut gowns. "What brothel did you hire these two trollops from?"
The girls giggled.
"See, ladies, I told you my brother was funny. Ebenezer let me introduce you to my beautiful companions…"
Ebenezer sighed in a bored fashion. "If you must."
"On my left arm is Miss Abigail Fortune and on my right, her sister, Miss Wendy Fortune, daughters of Sir Jerrymire Fortune, the well known industrialist and banker."
"Never heard of him," said Ebenezer curtly.
"Well known that is, in the top end of society, which I am afraid my brother, is a height you could never hope to climb to."
"If you are part of it, I'd rather not make the effort."
Sebastian glanced around and then back at his brother. "On your own again, I see."
"I am quite content with my own company and, unlike most people, have no desire to fill it with trinkets of companionship." His eyes glanced at the two Fortune sisters.
Sebastian merely smiled. "Okay, girls, why don't you go and have a walk around to show yourselves off. I am sure there are many suitable single men here who would like a chance of sharing some time with two as beautiful and, mores the pity, un-plucked as you two most definitely are."
The girls giggled, detached themselves from the man's arms and hand in innocent hand entered the ballroom. They were greeted by many pairs of appreciative eyes, and not all were of the male variety.
"So, Ebenezer, how are things at dreary Drooge Manor?"
"Everything is shipshape and secure as my crumbling mansion can be. And what about Castle Gloom?"
"Likewise, but even more than you or that manservant of yours could ever imagine. A mouse, however furtive, would not be able to get in."
Ebenezer smiled. His brother thought his knowledge of the burglar was a surprise. "Furtive is as furtive does," he replied confidently.
Sebastian looked at his brother with a puzzled expression. "What? I have no idea what that means."
Ebenezer thought about what he had just said. He had no idea either but he wasn't about to admit it. Thinking a confident smile would get him out of trouble, he brought one to his lips.
"I think old age has taken its toll on your faculties, brother."
Seizing upon the chance to parry a retort in their game of words, Ebenezer put a hand to his back. "I think you are right brother, my back is steadily become more hunched, I fear soon I will resemble Quasimodo." Ebenezer enjoyed the flash of shock upon his brother' face.
Sebastian recovered quickly and reformed his confident expression. So Ebenezer knew about the hunchback, not that it would do him any good. His precautions were too protective and encompassing for even the remotest chance of any scheme devised by his brother and that butler of his to succeed. But did he know about his plan of attack? He had to find out. "It is true; you are becoming a shadow of your former self." The lack of any recognition shown by his brother at the mention of the name gave him confidence the man was unaware of the thief assassin in his employ. The painting was as good as his and with it his grandfather's inheritance.
Though the confident smile remained on Ebenezer's lips, his thoughts were confused and worried. Why did his brother emphasize the word, shadow? What possible repercussions could it have for a successful outcome of his venture already set into motion? He was powerless to do anything about it but pray Butler handled whatever surprise was thrown in his path.
"Your brandy, Sir."
Grateful for the distraction, Ebenezer took the offered brandy and placed the empty glass on the tray.
"Is your drink in order this time, Sir?" enquired Jeeves with a sarcastic overtone.
Ebenezer studied the large glass filled to the brim with the delicious brown liquid. He smiled at the waiter. "Perfect, Jeeves, well done."
A bit taken aback by the unexpected compliment, he turned to the other man. "Champagne, Sir?"
Sebastian took a glass. "Vintage, Jeeves?"
"Extremely, Sir." The waiter shot a glance at Ebenezer before disappearing into the crowd.
Ebenezer stared confidently into his brother's eyes and just as confidently his brother's stared back. He held up his glass. "The games have begun, brother."
Sebastian smiled. "They certainly have."
"To the winner," toasted Ebenezer.
"To the winner," Sebastian repeated, having no doubt it would be him.
The two men brought their glasses together briefly, took a sip, turned and walked away from each other. Though they shared glances across the room, no more words passed between them for the rest of the night.
Butler drove the carriage past those lined up in front of the mansion and reined the horses to a halt in front of the door. He noticed Ebenezer waiting with Mrs. Havasham at the top of the steps. He also noticed the relief on his master's face on seeing him arrive.
Ebenezer turned to his host. "As usual, it's been a thoroughly unpleasant experience and now, thankfully, it is time for me to leave."
Mrs. Havasham, much to Ebenezer's annoyance, linked her arm through his and accompanied him to the carriage.
She smiled at Ebenezer. "Will you be back next year?"
"If I'm not dead, I might."
She laughed. "The way you whisked me around that dance floor most of the night, I'm sure you will outlive us all, Ebenezer."
He glanced at her ample chest that she had pressed his head between while they had danced and noticed evidence of his dribbles still remained. "Being so close to those two beauties of yours was the only bit of enjoyment I had all night."
She laughed. "Then I'm glad the evening has not been completely unpleasant for you. And don't forget what I said, Ebenezer. You know where I live; you can come and visit at any time."
"Don't hold your breath on that score because I won't be coming. And don't forget what I said, you come calling on me and I'll set the dogs on you."
Again she laughed. "I'll miss your wit and the man that is you, Ebenezer." She stroked a hand gently on his cheek. "You need to find yourself a wife."
"Bah! What do I want one of those for? I have Butler to look after me."
Butler opened the door of the carriage. "It is my life's burden, Sir."
"No, not inside, Butler, we need to talk. I'll sit up beside you."
Butler helped Ebenezer into the driver's seat and fetched the blanket from inside to wrap around him.
"Make sure you take good care of him, Butler," said Mrs. Havasham.
Butler nodded. "I do try, Mrs. Havasham, but it's not always easy." He climbed onto the seat next to Ebenezer and clucked the horses into motion.
"Good bye, Ebenezer, don't be a stranger," called out Mrs. Havasham.
He flashed a weak but warm smile. "Thanks for the evening, Agnes, it was okay, really."
She smiled back and waited until the carriage had turned and headed up the long driveway before returning, a little hesitantly it seemed, inside.
Butler glanced at the house as they drove by and noticed Sebastian watching them from one of the windows.
"Okay, Butler, how did your evening turn out?"
"Well, Sir, it wasn't without its problems, but I am happy to report it ended very satisfactorily."
"We have Sebastian's painting?" he asked excitedly.
"Yes, Sir, we most definitely do."
"Well done, Butler. That is wonderful news."
"We couldn't have done it without Furtive, Sir; I think you should give him the original ten thousand as planned."
"Yes, okay, I suppose he earned it."
"He did, Sir."
Ebenezer rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Sebastian is going to be so angry when he finds out."
"That's not going to be a problem, Sir, is it. I mean, will he retaliate?"
Ebenezer shrugged. "It's difficult to know for sure, but there are unwritten rules to the game we play and he must accept that I have won and he has lost."
"Hmmm," mumbled Butler. "Might I inquire who wrote these unwritten rules, Sir?"
"Well, no one really, we both sort of assumed they were part of our game."
"Was it both or just you, Sir, who assumed this?"
"Well, I assumed he had also assumed there were certain rules."
"Ah, forgive my lack of confidence in your brother's gamesmanship, but I believe when he discovers we have stolen his painting, the only rules he will be playing by will be his own."
Butler steered the horses through the wide gateway of Havasham Hall and onto the track leading to the Drooge estate. Snow began to fall. He looked to the east at the brooding dark clouds creeping past the sulky moon. "A storm is coming, Sir."
Ebenezer continued to stare straight ahead and pulled the blanket tighter around him. "Yes, I know."
After a while of brooding silence, Ebenezer spoke. "Will we be okay, Butler?"
Butler looked at his frail master. "Yes, I am sure we will, Sir."
"Good… I want you to know that even if it doesn't seem so at times, I do look upon you as a friend."
"Thank you, Sir, and at times, like right now for example, the feeling is mutual."
After a few moments silence Butler spoke. "Sir, can I ask you a question? It's a bit personal and I would like to know, but if you don't want to answer I'll understand."
Ebenezer turned his head to look at Butler, but said nothing for a few moments. "Okay, but if I answer your question I will ask you one that I would like to know the answer."
"Agreed, Sir. This rift with your brother, how did it start?
"You are right, that is personal, but we have known each other for a long time now, almost twenty years, so I will give you your answer. It started with a young lady called Nancy. In the scheme of things she was no one special, she worked in the tavern her parents owned in the town not far from here, but she was very special to me. I loved her. I know you probably think a man like me is incapable of such an emotion, but I wasn't always the bitter miser you have known me to be. Nancy and I had been on a few dates and we had kissed, but I wanted more. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I wanted her to be my wife. I brought a ring, nothing fancy but as much as I could afford at the time. Sebastian saw me looking at it one day and foolishly I told him my plans. In two days time when I had arranged to meet Nancy, I was going to ask her to marry me. It was a mistake I regret to this day.
"Sebastian, a year younger and the better looking brother, always desired what I had even if he didn't want it, toys, school friends and I should have realized the thing I most desired in the world he would also want to take from me. The day arrived when I was to meet with Nancy and propose, but when I arrived at the inn, she wasn't there. I waited all night, but she didn't return. The following day I saw her walking through town hand in hand with my brother, talking and laughing. When my brother noticed me across the street, he took her in his arms and kissed her. I couldn't bear it. I ran with tears streaming from my eyes and my heart in pieces.
"A few weeks later I discovered she was pregnant and, of course, Sebastian wanted nothing to do with her after that. He told me he was bored with her and I could have her back if I wanted. Nancy came to see me. She cried and said she was sorry and told me when she had told Sebastian she was having his baby and he had to marry her, he told her he wanted nothing to do with her and she should ask me because I had planned to ask her to marry me a few weeks before. The courage of the girl to come and ask that very thing of me after she had broken my heart was remarkable. It showed how desperate she was. The shame of having a baby out of wedlock was more than she could bear. I was angry and slammed the door in her face. Two days later she took her own life. I have never forgiven myself for turning her away and I will never as long as I draw breath forgive my brother. It was this that changed me and started the rift between us." He looked at
the man sitting next to him. "Does that answer your question?"
Butler nodded sadly. "I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't realize."
"No one does."
After a few moments, Ebenezer spoke again. "My question for you, Butler, is why are you here? Why have you stayed with me for so long? I have known a few butlers in my time and none have been like you. You could easily find a comfortable position somewhere a lot better that Drooge Manor, with a far less demanding master and be paid a lot more, so why do you stay with me? I know you don't like talking about yourself, which is why I know as much about you now as I did when you first arrived, but I would like to hear your answer."
"It is true, Sir, when I advertised in the newspapers for a position, you were not the only reply I had, and yes, I could have chosen a position in a grand house full of servants, the offers were there, but you were different, Sir. They only wanted me, but you needed me and I wasn't sure you would survive if I didn't. That is why I came and why I remain here." He looked at Ebenezer. "Does that answer your question, Sir?"
Ebenezer nodded and used the blanket to wipe his eyes. "Damn that cold wind. It's making my eyes water."
"I know, Sir. I have mentioned this before, but you do realize that I can't stay forever. I have lived your life for almost twenty years and though I don't regret a day of it, well perhaps one or two, I need to start living one of my own."
Ebenezer said nothing, glanced into the sky and watched the snowflakes drift from the heavens. A few moments later he sat up straighter. "That's enough of all this maudlin talk. Tell me exactly what happened while I was at that ghastly ball."
"I'm sure it wasn't all ghastly, Sir. Mrs. Havasham seems to like you, though God knows why the way you speak to her."
"I make her laugh. I'm not sure she gets much chance to laugh with all those high and mighty posh friends of hers; some of them are so stuck up, they'd drown in a rainstorm without an umbrella, so when I meet her each year I make an extra effort to give her a good time. It's the only reason I go."
"Sir, I think you just brought a tear to my eye."
"Probably that cold wind or a flake of snow."
