by D. L. Roan
“Dani?”
Clay! She rushed down the hall where he stood inside the front door, noticing the lack of bruises or cuts, only his dimples on either side of his wide, nervous smile. “You’re not bleeding.”
“No,” he said with a tight chuckle. “I’m fine.” His gaze darted to Matt, then back to her, holding his hat in a death grip. “Can I talk to you for a minute? Outside?”
She took his hand and led him to the door. “Are you leaving already?” she asked when they were alone on the front porch, hoping Grey and Mason hadn’t said something stupid. Why else would he leave so early?
She followed him down the steps, but he stopped on the last one and turned around. Standing on the step above him, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m sorry about my dads. I knew it would be bad, but you didn’t deserve that.”
Clay pressed his forehead against hers, his bare chest heaving with his anxious breaths. Grey and Mason apparently didn’t give him the chance to get his shirt.
“I don’t care about any of that right now,” he breathed.
“Did they tell you to leave?” she asked. “If they did, I’m going to stay with Con and Car and Breezy—or I was—I mean, I can, if they did tell you to leave.” God help her, she didn’t know what she was going to do now. “I guess what I’m saying is, you don’t have to go right now, if you don’t want to.”
Clay shook his head. His hands fell from her waist and he held her away from him, his gaze focused on her lips. When she laid her hands on his shoulders again, she felt them shudder. “You’re trembling.” She cupped his face and made him look at her. “What’s wrong? What did my dads say?”
He turned his head out of her grasp and took a deep breath, then reached into his pocket. “I’m being ridiculous.” His voice was shaky despite his grin.
Dani froze when he unfolded his fist and she saw the ring cradled in his palm.
“I’ve been carrying this thing around for two days. I kept moving and checking and trying to figure out if I should wait until everything was perfect, or not, but I’m done waiting to tell you how much you mean to me. I know my timing sucks, and we have a lot of things to work out.” His hand trembled as he picked the ring from his palm and held it pinched between his fingers. “But Grey was right. My love for you isn’t a choice. It’s not a choice between states, or ranches, or jobs. I’ll love you no matter how far apart we are, or how much time we need to figure things out. You’re my heart and soul, and you will be for the rest of my life.”
Oh, no. Clay, don’t. Dani couldn’t breathe. Her insides began to tremble, her skin tingling with a crippling numbness as she watched him drop to one knee. Oh my God.
“Beautiful, will you marry me?”
This is not happening. She stared at the ring he held up to her. Is this really happening? This can’t be—why is he doing this now? “Oh my God! Are my dads making you do this?”
“What?”
Dani’s knees gave out at the thought and she sank down onto the steps in front of him.
“No.” Clay assured her. “I mean, Grey said some things that helped me see through all the chaos that’s been rumblin’ around in my head since I first knew you were the one, but he’s not making me propose to you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
Clay’s hands still shook as he braced his forearm on his knee and reached out to cup her face. “I’m doing this because you’re the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know it’s sudden. And I know you don’t want to leave Falcon Ridge. I’m not asking you to. I can’t leave Texas right now, and there’s a million other little things that make this seem impossible, but we’ll figure all that out later, together. I love you, Dani, and that will never change.”
Dani swallowed, still staring at the ring, trying desperately to make sense of what he was saying. She lifted her hand to take the ring and then paused. A balmy sweat laced her palms as her finger hovered above the sparkling emerald-cut diamond. “It’s beautiful,” she managed through the tightness in her throat. Though she wanted to take it more than anything in the world, she was terrified to even touch it.
“It’s my mom’s.”
What? “Your mom’s?” The tightness in her chest was nearly unbearable and the words barely squeaked out.
“She wanted it to go to the first one of us who got married. If it doesn’t fit or isn’t what you want,” he continued when she didn’t say anything.
Dani shook her head, or at least she thought she did. “It’s perfect.”
Could she? Could she marry him? How? She didn’t know the first thing about being married. She’d never even imagined it, not even as a child. One day, maybe, in some distant future, sure, but she’d never had fantasies of a handsome prince sweeping her off her feet, rescuing her, and taking her to live in his big white castle. She’d never needed rescuing. Clay was her prince, by every definition, but…
“I still have school,” she blurted out, the excuse sounding ludicrous even to her own ears, but it was true.
“I know,” he said. “In fact, that’s Grey’s only condition for his blessing.”
Grey gave him his blessing? He asked Grey?
“Dani, you’re killing me.”
She looked up at Clay, into his perfect, smiling eyes. How could she say no? How could she say yes? Her life was here. “Clay I…”
“Do you love me?” he asked.
“Yes, but…” There was no question. She loved him more than she thought possible, but what about Falcon Ridge, her family, and Uncle Cade? He’d said it didn’t matter, but it did! Even though it shouldn’t. No, it didn’t matter. She wanted to marry him, but how? This was so unexpected, she just couldn’t put all the pieces together.
“But?” Clay prodded.
Unable to think, she pushed to her feet and stumbled the rest of the way down the steps into the yard. “Clay, I can’t see myself ever being happy anywhere but here.”
“I know,” he said behind her. She turned to see he’d followed her, the ring still in his hand. “And I don’t have any of those answers right now, Dani, but who does?”
“And then there’s Uncle Cade,” she pushed on. “I know I said I’d help you with your clients, but he’s getting worse. His fever is back and…and-and I don’t know how much time he has left. I can’t leave again. If I can’t even promise you that, how can I promise you forever?”
“I’m not asking you to leave,” Clay repeated, standing inches from her.
Dani tried to reason with him. “Can you honestly tell me you’d be willing to give up Sterling Eagle, your home and your family? And you’d be happy about it?”
Clay dipped his chin and stared at the ring, flipping it back and forth between his pinched fingers. “No,” he finally admitted, “but I’m not saying no, either.”
Dani wrapped her arms around her stomach and drew in a deep breath. They both stood there, neither saying anything, and all she could think was that she never wanted him to leave, but no matter what she said, yes or no, he was going to. Because he had to. And her heart was already breaking because of it. “Clay, I love you.”
“But you won’t marry me,” he said, stuffing the ring back into his pocket.
Desperate to make him understand, she took his face into her hands and pulled him down to kiss him. He didn’t resist, but his body was stiff and he didn’t kiss her back. “I’m not saying no, either.” She tried using his own words to reason with him. “I just can’t say yes. Not right now. I never expected this, and I need time to figure things out.”
His hands tucked into his pockets, Clay stared at his boots. She kissed his cheek, his chin, and lips, but he never moved. “Can you give me some time?”
The corner of his mouth twitched into a dejected grin and he gave her a stilted nod. He rocked back on his heels, sucking in a deep breath and finally met her gaze. “I gotta go,” he said, then leaned in and gave her a peck on the cheek. A kiss that felt cold and broken.
“Clay, please. Do
n’t leave like this.” She gripped his elbow but he took another step away from her, then another, her hands sliding down his arm until their fingers tangled, then slipped apart.
“Bye, beautiful,” he said with a sad wink and then turned and walked away.
She stood in the yard and watched until the rental truck’s taillights blinked at the end of the driveway, praying and hoping he’d change his mind. The truck sat there for several long moments, long enough for a kernel of hope to bloom in the pit of her stomach. She took a step forward, then another, but then he pulled onto the road and drove away.
Chapter Thirty-One
Three Weeks Later
The portable air conditioner in Dani’s office belched out a growl as the compressor kicked on, the worn-out unit unable to keep up with the July heat. Dani sat at her desk, fanning her face with a file folder as she impatiently waited for her laptop to finish updating. If it was this hot in Montana, she could only imagine what it was like in Texas.
The thought immediately conjured the memory of her last night with Clay, her eyes darting to the corner of the room where she’d pushed her old desk to make room for the new one. She’d tried a hundred times to throw it out, unable to sit at it day after day without remembering that night, but there it sat, eating up half the space in her tiny office.
She pulled her feet from her desk with a groan, shoving her hands through her sweaty hair. He was everywhere. She couldn’t drive anywhere without looking in her rearview mirror for his truck. She couldn’t take a shower without remembering the feel of his lips on her, and the disappointed look on his face when the hot water had run dry. She couldn’t eat a meal without remembering the way he catalogued and kept track of all her least favorite foods. She couldn’t even drink coffee without the taste of sulfur ghosting over her taste buds. She couldn’t look at the mountains that skirted Falcon Ridge without seeing the arid peaks in the desert. Every time her phone rang her heart ached with hope that it was him.
They’d talked once since he’d left. He still loved her, or at least he’d said the words, but the conversation had been stilted and cold. They’d texted a few times after that, but his replies had been lifeless and distracted, and eventually stopped altogether.
Three dozen times she’d called him since, leaving messages until his voicemail was full. She wondered if he’d even listened to them. It felt wrong to give up, but what choice had he left her? He obviously didn’t want to talk to her, which hurt worse than not knowing what to say to him if he did.
She grabbed her phone off the desk and thumbed through her pictures, something she usually only did at night, when she was alone. Nothing had changed. As much as she wished she could, she still couldn’t fathom leaving Falcon Ridge. She couldn’t abandon her life, her responsibilities, any more than he could his. She flipped to the shot of them on top of the turbine, her favorite, staring at it, tracing her finger over his dimples until they were blurry and unrecognizable through her tears.
The faint sound of her mother’s voice coming from the front of the barn broke her trance. She dropped her phone and swiped her hands over her face. If her mom saw her crying there’d be no end to the questions.
Even though Grey had probably told them everything, she hadn’t told a single soul about Clay’s proposal, and so far, they hadn’t asked. She’d like to keep it that way for as long as possible, or until she could at least think about it without bawling.
“Hey, honey.” Gabby tapped on her doorframe.
“Oh, hi Mom.” She looked up from her laptop as if she’d been engrossed in her work and hadn’t heard her come in.
Gabby’s smile tensed and, for a moment, Dani thought she’d been busted. “I know you’re busy,” she said, stepping inside, “but I was wondering if we can have a girls’ night tonight?”
Dani cocked her head. “Tonight?”
Gabby nodded excitedly. “I want to see that new Flix original. The one with the vampire cowboy with really cute buns.” Dani laughed at the way she scrunched up her nose and flexed her fingers into claws like she was squeezing said buns. She was almost as bad as Gran. “Your dads won’t watch it, which is fine, because I’d rather not watch it with them, but I don’t want to watch it by myself.”
Her laptop dinged, indicating the update had finished and she used the distraction to think up an excuse. She knew exactly what Gabby was doing, and it wouldn’t work. She wasn’t going to tell her or anyone about what happened with Clay.
“Oh, come on, honey. It’s been forever since we’ve had a girls’ night, just me and you, and you’ll be going back to school soon.”
Dani closed her eyes, trying to erect a mental force field to shield her against the tsunami of guilt.
“I’ll make your favorite caramel popcorn,” Gabby added in a singsong voice.
Dani’s head fell forward in defeat, her mouth watering at just the thought of her mom’s salted caramel covered popcorn. “Okay,” she reluctantly agreed.
“Yes!” Gabby clapped in celebration. “Seven okay?” Dani nodded and her mom gave her a hurried hug. “I need to go see if Gran has some heavy cream to make the caramel. If not, I’ll have to run into town.”
“Don’t go all the way into town just for that,” Dani insisted. “It’s not a deal breaker.”
Gabby turned back from the door and gave her another quick hug. “I love you honey, but caramel popcorn on girls’ night isn’t optional.”
When Dani bounded down the staircase that evening, dressed in her comfy cotton pajamas, she was looking forward to vegging out in front of the television with her mom. Gabby was right. It had been too long since they’d had a movie night, and it would keep her from her lonely bed that much longer, distracted from all things Clay.
The sweet scent of caramel mingled with that of the buttery popcorn and swirled in the air as she rounded the corner into the den, but she stopped short in the threshold when she saw her dads sitting on the sofa beside her mom.
After the fiasco in the barn, she’d made an uneasy truce with Mason and Grey. With Uncle Cade still recovering, they’d all agreed to let it go, and they had, but things hadn’t been the same. Not really. And she knew it was mostly her fault.
She’d made it clear she wasn’t ready to talk about Clay or anything else, and they’d respected her request, until now apparently. As they all turned to look at her over the back of the sofa, pity and concern still lingering in their eyes, she got the feeling she was about to be ambushed in some sort of family intervention.
“Hi, darlin’,” Matt said with an easy smile as he pushed to the edge of the cushion. “Looks like your movie date’s here,” he said to Gabby, bringing her hand to his lips for a quick peck.
Hats in hand, Grey and Mason pushed to their feet, both saying goodbye to Gabby before the three of them filed around the sofa toward her.
“Where are you going?” Confused, she glanced from dad-to-dad, searching for answers to their unexpected departure.
“I have to get off this ranch for a few hours,” Matt said with a pleading grin.
Grey slapped him on the shoulder. “He got his walking papers from the doc today, so we thought we’d take advantage of girls’ night to go into town and grab a few beers.”
“Thanks for keeping your mom company,” Mason whispered as he stooped down and kissed her cheek. “She needed a break after the last few weeks helping Uncle Cade and Papa Daniel.”
Dani glanced over at her mom, who was already surfing the channels to find the movie. God, she’d been so wrapped up in her own troubles, she’d neglected to realize that life had gone on around her. Her mom had spent hours upon hours at the hospital until Uncle Cade had been released, and cooking meals with Gran to put in their freezer for when Uncle Cade came home. Then she’d spent days at their house with Breezy and Chloe, going over insurance paperwork, even arranging for a home health nurse to start visiting to keep him from having to travel into town for simple stuff. And she’d done it all effortlessly while keeping
the family household running without a glitch. And making homemade caramel popcorn.
“Yeah, sure.” She grinned as her earlier alarm subsided, both relieved she hadn’t been duped into some sort of a round table interrogation about her and Clay, and excited to spend some time with her mom.
Her dads filed out the door, and Dani curled up on the sofa next to Gabby, surrounded by pillows and blankets with a huge bowl of popcorn between them. The opening scenes of the movie were dark and ominous. Dani laughed when the main character first appeared, wearing his trademark tight-fitting leather pants, and her mom sighed with dramatic feminine appreciation.
Her heartache and fears faded away as she sat cuddled up beside her mom and watched the modern-day vampire thriller unfold. They were nearly to the end when the scene flipped to a chase through the desert, the gang of cowboy vampires trying to outrun the rising sun to rescue the heroine. It wasn’t just the desert setting that had gripped her heart in a vice, but the rows of wind turbines in the background.
Tears immediately flooded her eyes and she tried desperately to blink them away, only for more to take their place. A huge knot of pain lodged in her throat and she tried to swallow, but her muscles rebelled, the ache lodged too deeply to be dispelled. She sat paralyzed by the sudden deluge of sadness, holding one of the throw pillows in a crushing grip against her aching chest. She’d never felt more lost or lonely or broken, helpless to make it stop.
“Dani?” her mom asked, laying a comforting hand on her thigh.
Tears streamed unchecked down Dani’s cheeks, her lips quivering with the effort it took to hold back her sob.
“Oh, honey, is this about Clay?”
Dani’s head bobbed up and down, even as she tried to deny it.
“Come here, baby.” Gabby gathered her in her arms.
“I miss him so much,” she choked out against her mom’s chest, the words breaking through the patchwork dam she’d tried to erect around her heart.
“It’s okay, honey. Let it out.” All the pain and confusion and grief and worry she’d been holding inside came rushing out in a torrent of tears and heart-crushing sobs. It hurt so bad. How could he just walk away?
