by A. J. Markam
“Hi,” said a sunny, feminine voice to my left.
I looked up to see a girl standing beside my booth. She appeared to be in her early 20’s. Short, petite, with curly brown hair tied in a pony tail.
And very cute. Not hot like Alaria, but cute. And definitely a lot more conservative. She wore a white blouse buttoned pretty high, and a skirt that came down past her knees.
But she was definitely pretty. Perfect skin and friendly brown eyes.
She smiled at me. “Mind if I join you?”
Now in OtherWorld, NPC chicks would come over to you, drop their panties, and ask if you wanted to fuck. But that was fantasy.
This was the real world. And pretty girls never came over and asked to sit with you – especially when there was ample seating everywhere else in the restaurant.
I was reminded of that line from X2 where Magneto’s talking to the sadistic guard at his prison. The night before, Mystique had hit on the guard in a bar – then drugged and injected liquid metal into his veins in a bid to help Magneto escape.
Mr. Laurio, never trust a beautiful woman… especially one who’s interested in YOU.
Despite Magneto’s words, I bit on the bait.
“Uh… yeah, sure,” I said, bewildered.
“Thanks!” she said happily.
As she leaned over to scoot into the seat across from me, her necklace slipped out of the top of her blouse, and a little gold cross swung down.
…oh.
Great.
“Are you with the protestors?” I asked wearily.
She looked at me in surprise. “How did you know?”
I pointed at her necklace.
She laughed as she put the cross back inside her blouse. “That obvious, huh?”
“No, I just made a guess. Could have just as easily been wrong. Lots of people wear crosses.”
“Yes,” she said, with more than a hint of disapproval in her voice, “and for a lot of them it doesn’t mean anything.”
Oh God.
I didn’t care how cute she was, this was not how I’d envisioned my brief excursion back into the world.
“You know,” I started, “I don’t mean to be rude, but – ”
“One draft IPA,” the server said as he set down a stein in front of me. “Anything for your lady friend?”
I frowned. “She’s not my – ”
“I’ll have whatever he’s having,” she said chirpily to the waiter. Then she smiled at me. “And I’ll pay for it, don’t worry.”
I frowned. “I wasn’t – ”
“Anything to eat?” the server asked.
“No thanks,” she smiled.
“Alright, comin’ right up,” the server said as he left the table.
“You drink?” I asked.
“That surprises you?”
“Well… I have some Southern Baptists in my family, and you’d think that alcohol was the devil to hear them talk.”
“Ah, Southern Baptists,” she said with a laugh. “Know the difference between an Episcopalian and a Southern Baptist?”
“No, what?”
“An Episcopalian will say hello to you when you see him in the liquor store on Friday night.”
I smiled in spite of myself.
This chick was okay.
Definitely not a Chick, that was for sure.
“I’m Carrie,” she said as she stuck her hand out across the table.
I shook it.
“I’m Ian. Hope you’re not going to murder me telekinetically,” I joked.
She stared at me blankly.
Oh shit.
“Carrie…?” I said, trying to jog her memory. “Stephen King…? Brian DePalma movie…?”
“Oh, is that that old horror movie?” She wrinkled up her nose. “I don’t watch horror movies.”
Of course you don’t.
The server came over and placed a beer in front of Carrie. “One IPA for the lady.”
“Thank you,” she said with a winning smile.
But she drank beer. At least she had that much going for her.
As soon as the server departed, I decided to call out the elephant in the room. “So, Carrie… I gotta ask – ”
“Why did I come over here?”
“Yeah.”
She bit her lip, which was really sexy in an innocent kind of way.
After my time in OtherWorld, I wasn’t used to seeing ‘innocent’ much.
She began talking quickly. “I’ve seen you around Westek, and I always wanted to say hello, but I didn’t see you all last week, so when you came walking over here… I figured I better take my shot.”
My heart started to beat a little harder, and my cheeks flushed a bit.
I’d never had a girl come up out of the blue and hit on me before.
Especially not a pretty one.
And… weirdly… I felt a little guilty.
About Alaria.
Yes, I knew that was insane. Alaria was inside a videogame. This was the real world.
But I still felt a little guilty. Like I was doing something I shouldn’t.
Which was insane, too. Carrie had approached me, not vice versa. And there was no indication she wanted to do anything but have a drink with me. And besides that, Alaria and I had an open relationship.
But still.
Alaria might have been okay with me sleeping with other women, but that was in a videogame.
This was the real world.
And that changed things, at least in my mind.
“Um… that’s cool…” I said, stumbling a bit.
Carrie smiled at my utter lack of game. “What do you think of us, Ian? The protestors, I mean.”
I didn’t want to get into an argument, so I kept things vague. “You know… First Amendment rights… freedom of speech… the right to assemble… it’s fine.”
“But you think we’re all self-righteous a-holes, don’t you?”
I wasn’t gonna lie.
“…kind of,” I admitted.
She sighed and nodded. “Some of us are, I have to admit. I don’t exactly approve of their tactics.”
Huh…
“Which is why I want to try something different,” she continued.
I raised one eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
She pushed her beer aside and leaned over the table. My eyes were automatically drawn to the neck of her blouse, though it was buttoned up so far there was nothing to see.
She looked me straight in the eye. “We could really use someone like you, Ian.”
I frowned. “…someone like me?”
“A man on the inside.”
“Wha…”
Oh.
As Stig would say, Ah, fuck ME.
This wasn’t a pretty girl hitting on me.
Well, she was, but not because she was interested in me.
This was a fuckin’ RECRUITMENT.
The Jesus freaks were trying to use the ol’ honeypot trick.
Magneto was right.
“Yeah, not interested,” I said coldly, and reached for my wallet. Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese at home – alone – was sounding like a really good prospect. As for the beer, I could get the Uber driver to stop by the supermarket on the way, pick up a six-pack –
“Ian – I’m sorry,” Carrie said softly, and put her hand on mine.
The softness of her skin made me pause, and I looked into her eyes.
“I didn’t mean to offend you,” she continued. “I know you probably don’t like what we’re doing. I know you probably think we’re all religious nuts.”
Well… YEAH.
I didn’t say that, though. I just kept quiet and let her talk.
“We just believe very strongly that what Westek is doing is loosening the moral fabric of America.”
Well… YEAH.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I joked.
To my great surprise, she smiled.
“We’re not all anti-sex prudes, Ian. We just think that ever
ything has its time… and its place.”
The way she said it… how soft her voice was…
It was actually kind of erotic.
“And doing otherwise… well, it can promote a kind of addiction. And we don’t think that’s healthy.”
My hackles went up, and I wanted to contradict her –
But then a little voice in the back of my mind said, Could you give up the game?
Could you give up the sex?
Could you give up Alaria?
And I answered with the typical addict’s response:
Of course I could. I just don’t want to.
That gave me a little pause.
“There are even some people in your company who agree with us,” she whispered. “One conscientious objector in particular.”
I frowned. That was news to me.
“Who?”
“I’m not supposed to even be talking about this… do you promise that you won’t reveal the identity of this person if I tell you?”
She looked a little frightened as she said it. No matter the missteps she’d taken already in the conversation, I suddenly felt protective of her.
Of course, then I reminded myself that she was trying to recruit me as a spy.
Standard procedure, I imagined. Have the pretty girl show vulnerability. Appeal to the mark as a big, strong man. Hint that she needs protection. All while she’s stroking your hand seductively.
Despite all that, though, I wanted to know who the turncoat was.
“As long as they’re not deliberately sabotaging the company, then I promise I won’t tell anybody.”
She hesitated, then said, “I’m sure you know we’re protesting inside the game now. We have people playing 24/7, trying to change Westek’s policies and the other players’ minds.”
“Yeah,” I said drily, “I’m aware of it.”
“Well, we met an operative who works for the other side. He’s given us valuable intel – strangely enough, always in exchange for alcohol.”
Speaking of alcohol, I lifted my beer to my lips. Just before I took a sip, I asked, “And who’s this guy on the inside?”
“He goes by the codename Stig.”
I literally spat my beer out in a cloud all over her face.
Carrie just sat there looking at me in shock.
“STIG?!” I yelped, then realized I’d covered her in India Pale Ale. “Oh, shit, sorry – Stig?! That’s his name?! You’re SURE?!”
She wiped her face with a napkin as she stared at me. “You know him?”
I got up, slapped a twenty on the table, and said, “Be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”
And then I hustled out of O’Shaughnessy’s and back across the street to Westek.
44
“WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!”
I was back in the game, standing on what was formerly the nymph and Naga battleground. But the warriors were all gone, their posts deserted.
Behind me in Fathmos, I could hear screams from what was currently the nymph and Naga ‘fucking ground.’
Vastly different ‘grounds.’
The screams from the battlegrounds and the fucking grounds did sound kind of similar, though.
Not my screams, thought. They were pure righteous rage at Stig’s betrayal.
“YOU TOLD THE PROTESTORS ABOUT US JUST FOR A LITTLE BOOZE?!”
My imp crouched down on the ground, cowering before my fury.
“N-no,” Stig whimpered, but his head nodded ‘yes’ – his telltale giveaway.
I was about to blow a gasket when Alaria grabbed my arm.
“Ian, calm down,” she said quietly but firmly. “He’s your friend. Do you really think he’d knowingly sell you out?”
I looked at her, then back down at Stig.
He was huddled over and looking up at me like a dog terrified of its owner.
And he was trembling all over.
I thought of how, when I was a grade-A prick back in Exardus, Stig had never left my side.
He’d been a good friend to me. Way better than I ever was to him.
Imagine: an alcoholic imp who wouldn’t take a drink because I was the dickhead who needed babysitting.
I immediately felt ashamed at my behavior.
Thank god for Alaria reining me in.
I got down on the ground so that I was eye-level with Stig.
He flinched as I sat, and it hurt me to see it.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I shouldn’t have shouted at you. I was just… it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have shouted at you. I apologize.”
Stig looked at me in disbelief, then up at Alaria – but he relaxed and stopped shaking.
“Just tell me what happened,” I said calmly. “Please.”
“Well…” Stig said hesitantly, still looking afraid. “You were always – ”
Fwap-fwap-fwap went the finger.
“Okay,” I said, feeling mildly guilty.
Stig gave me a reproachful look. “I mean, it was all the TIME with the – ”
Fwap-fwap-fwap-fwap
“Yes, okay, I understand,” I said, the tiniest bit annoyed.
“And you wouldn’t even let me use my ‘Get Free Out Of Jail’ card!”
“It’s ‘Get Out Of – ’ never mind, just get to the part about the protestors.”
But Stig was on a roll.
“It’s – ”
Fwap-fwap-fwap-fwap
“ – with her!” Stig said as he pointed at Alaria. “And it’s – ”
Fwap-fwap-fwap-fwap
“ – with mermaids! And it’s – ”
Fwap-fwap-fwap-fwap
“ – with green ladies! All the time it’s – ”
FWAP-FWAP-FWAP-FWAP –
“I GOT IT,” I said, grabbing his hand so he couldn’t poke the hole anymore. “TOO MUCH FUCKING. MOVING ON.”
Stig gave me some side-eye, but continued. “Well… I wanted some booze, and you were always – ”
He was about to poke the OK symbol some more, but he saw my scowl and thought better of it.
“…but there wasn’t any booze. And you wouldn’t let me suck on the faun, either,” he said reproachfully.
He was talking about the goat-man statue that peed champagne.
“Let’s not use that term,” I said.
“…suck off the faun?” Stig asked, confused.
“STOP. PLEASE. JUST… STOP.” I held my forehead in my hand with my eyes closed… regained my composure… and then forced myself to look up and smile benignly. “Please continue.”
Stig looked at me like I was crazy, but continued his tale.
“Well, you and Alaria were – uh…”
He considered whether to fwap-fwap-fwap and decided against it.
“…with the green lady in the fish guy’s house, and I wanted booze. So I went for a walk to look for some. But there wasn’t any in the city, so I went outside the gates. The loud people with signs shouted at me, so I ran away. But there was a lobster guy all by himself who was drinking a bottle of booze. He offered me some, and I took it.
“‘Don’t tell anybody,’ he said.
“And I said, ‘I won’t.’
“And he said, ‘You don’t look like you’re from around here.’
“And I said, ‘I’m not.’
“And he said, ‘Did you come here with somebody?’
“And I said, ‘My boss.’
“And he said, ‘You have a boss?’ like he was surprised.
“And I said, ‘Yeah.’
“And he said, ‘In the game?’
“And I didn’t know what he was talking about, but he kept letting me drink, so I said, ‘Yeah.’
“And he said, ‘Your boss, does he work for…’
Stig paused to recall.
“Wessek, or Tekwes, or… I don’t know, some god. But he kept lettin’ me drink, so I just said, ‘Yeah,’ so I could keep drinkin’.
“And he said, ‘Do you like working for your boss?’”
Stig paused and cleared his throat.
“Now, you’d just kicked me out so you could – ”
Fwap –
As soon as he poked the OK symbol once, Stig paused and looked at me warily like he was wondering if I was going to explode at him again.
When I didn’t, he added in a few more pokes for good measure.
Fwap-fwap-fwap-fwap
“And I was still kind of mad at you, so I said, ‘NO, he’s a bos-sh.’”
Which I, Ian, knew was impish for ‘dirty anus.’
But to a normal English speaker, it sounded almost exactly like ‘boss.’
“…sorry,” Stig muttered.
“I deserved it,” I said. “Go ahead.”
“So he said, ‘Why don’t you like your boss?’
“And I said, ‘Cuz he won’t let me drink.’
“And he said, ‘That doesn’t seem that bad. You’re not supposed to drink on the job.’
“And I said, ‘He used to let me do it all the time!’
“And he said, ‘REALLY.’
“And I said, ‘Yeah!’
“And he said, ‘You mean, inside the game?’
“And I didn’t know why he liked games so much, but I wanted to keep drinkin’, so I said, ‘Yeah.’
“And he said, ‘What if I could get you as much booze as you want?’
“And I said, ‘GREAT.’
“And he said, ‘I’d need something in return, though.’
“And I said, ‘What?’
“And he said, ‘We just need to know what your boss is doing.’
“And I said, ‘Okay.’
“And so now when I go out of the city gates, the shouting people stop shouting, and they’re nice to me, and they give me booze, and I just tell them where we’re going.”
Stig stopped talking and looked at me.
I stared at him open-mouthed. “…that’s it?”
“That’s it.”
I stared at him for a few more seconds – and then burst out laughing.
Like, ‘rolling on the ground laughing my fucking ass off’ laughing.
Stig and Alaria stared at me like I’d lost my mind.
I hadn’t – I was just delighted with the absolute idiotic lunacy of it all.
An operative on the inside?!
Valuable intel?!
CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTOR?!
