by Layne Harper
“No. I like a specific brand. I’ll text ya the kind that I want.” I state just as sweetly. “There’s a drugstore on the corner. Please go for me while I wait here.”
“Oh God, Charlie. What if someone sees me buying tampons?” he tries to reason with me.
“They’ll think that you’re the best boyfriend ever. Now, please go,” I reply.
He turns around and huffs out of the bathroom. I hear him putting on his pants, shirt, and shoes.
Once I hear the suite door close, I let out a long breath. I’ve never been so happy to start my period in my life. I’ve spent the last week worrying that I was going to be a mom in nine short months. It’s not that I don’t want kids because I really want to be a mom, but I want to be a mom when Colin and I’ve got a clue what the future holds for us. Plus, I’m not ready to share him with anyone yet. I just want to enjoy him before we have the responsibility of a life.
Colin hasn’t been gone all that long when I hear him return. He comes into the bathroom and hands me a bag filled with three different kinds of tampon absorbencies. “I’m not sure what kind you wanted, and I was not about to go back so I bought you one of each,” he says with a shudder.
“Thank you, baby. You’re the best.” I praise him while I finish up.
Then, I turn on the shower and quickly rinse off before brushing my teeth and heading back to the bedroom. Colin is lying on his side of the bed facing me. He has a sad expression on his face. I crawl up on the bed and snuggle close to him. “Want to talk about it?” I ask.
“Not really,” he responds.
I know that he’s upset that we aren’t pregnant. A flash of indignation surges through me, but I calm myself back down. “Look Colin. I know that you’re ready to be a father, but I’m not ready to be a mom. I want kids, but I want to enjoy some alone time with you before we take that step. Plus, I would kinda like to be married first.”
Then, I try to lighten his mood by singing the “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage” song.
“Wow! You really can’t sing can you?” He says clearly mocking me.
I tickle his side and he laughs pinning my hands to me.
We fall asleep cuddled sweetly into each other. I know that I’m crazy in love with this man. He’s bliss and happiness all in one perfect package and the “what ifs” are happily staying where they belong at the very back of my mind.
Chapter Three
I HAVE no idea what time it is when I open my eyes. The hotel clock is on the other nightstand, and my 6’5” gently snoring man is draped over me pinning me to the bed. I try to scoot out from under him, but my slight movement makes him grab ahold of me, and he pulls me to him even tighter. I snuggle in resolved to enjoy the moment, and I fall back asleep.
The weight shifting off of me brings me from my dreamless sleep. I slowly begin to emerge to wakefulness when I feel Colin slide out of the bed. Just as I’m about to get up, I hear him say hello to someone on the phone.
I know that I shouldn’t spy, but I do anyway. I pretend to still be asleep, and I listen to his conversation.
“Well, I’m glad that that’s been taken care of,” he says.
There’s a long pause and then he adds in a cold voice, “Aiden, I don’t give a shit if she was happy about it or not. As long as the paperwork is signed and I get what I want, then I’m happy. Frankly, my happiness trumps hers.”
I wonder what he’s talking about. Does this have something to do with Sasha?
“Sorry, to bother you on a Saturday, but I just needed the reassurance,” he says to Aiden a whole lot more relaxed.
Aiden is talking because Colin is quiet. Then, Colin replies, “Thanks a lot man. I owe you one. I’ll text you when I’m back in Houston.”
When I hear Colin say goodbye, I quietly slip into the bathroom and take care of my business and brush my teeth. Thankfully, the birth control pills that I had gotten from my gynecologist are in my purse so I quickly take my first pill and wash it down with water from the sink. I slide them back in my purse. I don’t know what Colin’s attitude is yet about me being on the pill so I vow to not bring it up today. This is our only full day in New Orleans, and I want it to be spent having a blast.
I slip on a pair of jeans and long sleeve blouse and walk into the living room of the suite to find him watching his sports highlights. At least this time, he has enough sense to acknowledge me. He pats the seat next to him, and I join him on the couch.
“You need coffee, baby?”
“Badly,” I reply.
“Should I make you some or buy you some?”
“Ohhhhh!” I squeal as best as I can without my coffee, “let’s go have coffee and beignets.”
He laughs at my excitement. “How can I say no when you make cute noises like that?”
We walk to Café du Monde, and I order a basket of beignets and a cup of their famous coffee. The first sip is almost orgasmic it tastes so good. I must moan in pleasure because Colin says, “I thought I was the only one that could make you moan like that.”
I laugh out loud and flush bright red.
“Don’t be shy, Charlie!” he chuckles. “Let me hear you.”
Of course, Colin doesn’t eat a beignet. Instead of screaming at him to shove the powder donut in his mouth, I savor my basket and make a note that I’m going to need to run like an extra ten miles to get these off of my hips.
I take one of the powdered sugar donuts and wipe it across my lips as if I’m putting on lipstick. “Baby, do I have something on my mouth?” Totally setting Colin up for a sophomoric sex joke.
Without missing a beat, he replies, “Just a little bit of white, creamy goodness.”
I laugh and grab a napkin to clean my mouth as one of his “biggest fans” approaches us to talk football. For such a touristy restaurant, he only winds up signing a couple of autographs and taking one picture. I didn’t even bat an eyelash. I can take this level of interruption.
We stop at some boring restaurant on the way back to the hotel for Colin to grab an egg white omelet. I’ve had my three cups of amazing coffee so I sit there and watch him eat.
“What do you do when you travel? You’ve got to have the strictest diet ever,” I complain.
“I just don’t eat grains. It’s really not that strict. It’s actually pretty easy. Plus, I feel so much better that it’s worth it. You know. I’ve got to keep my stamina up to please my girl,” he says winking at me.
It’s funny because I don’t remember Colin having a problem eating grains when we were together before or keeping his stamina up, but whatever. If he wants a boring diet, he can have one.
After he’s finished eating, he looks at me and his voice fills with trepidation. “I’ve got one more surprise for you.”
He’s all of sudden nervous which makes me anxious. “I don’t think that I can take many more surprises. Just tell me what it is,” I reply.
“Well, it’s kind of the reason that I brought you to New Orleans,” he confesses. His body language is radiating unease. I’m not used to seeing Cocky Colin this obviously nervous.
I motion for him to continue. “I want to show you something. Will you come with me?”
“As long as you aren’t springing a love child on me or taking me into a crack den, I’ll go with you.” I reply sounding a whole lot more confident than I feel.
Colin and I walk back to the hotel hand in hand to grab a town car. The closer we get to the hotel the more nervous he becomes. This is a guy that I knew very well at one point in my life. I’ve seen him play in the most important football game of his college career. I’ve seen the behind the scenes Colin before draft day. Me and only a privileged few have seen Colin’s mask slip and realize that he isn’t made of stone. Right now, I’m reminded that Colin’s just a guy like everyone else.
I can’t take it any longer. “Baby, whatever it is, it’s okay. Remember, I’m yours until infinity.”
He squeezes my hand a
nd looks at me with those green eyes that capture me. “I’m not good at talking about this part of me.”
I don’t push him. Whatever it is, I’ll know soon enough.
I slide into the town car first. Colin follows behind me. To my surprise, Colin announces our destination as the Mercedes-Benz Superdome. It’s where the New Orleans Saints play football. It also houses concerts and other events. I can’t imagine why Colin would be so anxious about taking me to a stadium.
We’re dropped off at the curb that Colin had instructed. He asks the driver to wait for us and not leave under any circumstances. I’m a bit befuddled, but I continue to trust that he knows what he’s doing.
He leads me to an inconspicuous door and knocks. A beautiful girl, about my age, answers. She flashes Colin a huge grin. “You’ve got the whole place to yourself for about thirty minutes. That’s the best that I could do.”
He smiles back at her. “Thanks Gina. I owe you one.”
Colin grabs my hand and pulls me through a series of mazes filled with offices until we walk out on the cement floor of the Superdome. I’ve never been inside this stadium, but I’ve been in many other stadiums during my time with Colin. I don’t think that I’ll ever get used to how daunting they seem. The fact that Colin’s not intimidated by the shear vastness is a real testament to what a great player he is. He leads me to the dead center. My mind is reeling. I’m not sure why we’re here or why he’s almost vibrating with nerves. I squeeze his hand reassuringly. Whatever it is, we can handle it.
We stand in the center for a moment. I give him the time that he needs to process whatever thoughts he’s having. He’s almost shaking with anxiety. His green eyes are fierce. Whatever he needs to do here is the most important thing right now to him and to me. I’m prepared to stand there all day, although I know that we only have thirty minutes. Colin is going to have to collect himself. I can’t help him.
“Baby, whatever it is, you can tell me.” I reassure him again.
Finally, he seems to get his composure. I’m not used to this version of Colin McKinney. It’s something new for me to process.
Looking up at the roof, he begins, “This is where the Super Bowl will be held this football season.”
I squeeze his hand giving him the courage to continue. “This is where Clay won his first championship. This is where I want to be standing at the end of this football season with confetti falling all around me. This is the year that I have to win my first championship. I want it so badly, and I want to win it knowing that you’re in the stands watching me.”
I smile reassuringly at him and wrap my arms around his waist. He pulls back from me and out of my grasp while he runs his hands through his hair in frustration. “I’m not saying this correctly, Charlie.”
I stand there helpless and confused. Colin begins to pace in front of me. Walking back and forth. Back and forth. It’s nerve wracking. “Sweetie, take your time. It’s okay.” I try reassuring him again while I stand there watching not knowing what I can do to help.
He stops his pacing and walks back to me with determination. His demeanor has shifted to game day mode. He’s confident again and determined. “You’re my muse, my good luck charm, my whatever in the universe that stabilizes me. With you by my side, I was drafted to Dallas and won the starting quarterback job from a veteran. Since then, my career has been stagnant. We’ve been good enough, but not great. Now, that I’ve got you, I can have it all. I need you, Charlie. I need you, and only you, by my side to win the Super Bowl.”
His words are powerful. As a medical doctor, I don’t believe in silly stuff like good luck charms, but the man that I’m looking at does. The man with the most gorgeous green eyes that I’ve ever seen seems to believe that I’m his lucky talisman. My initial reaction is to laugh and explain that I’m just flesh and bones. I can’t bring luck to anyone. However, his demeanor and words tell me that he believes everything that he’s saying to me - that this moment might just be the most sincere moment that we’ve ever shared. Have I finally gotten through all the layers and really seen Colin?
“Look, Charlie. I’m not saying that the road ahead of us is going to be easy. I’m not an idiot. I know that we’ve got a lot of shit that we need to overcome, but I’m asking you to trust me. To not give up on me because it will be hard. I love you with all of my heart and soul. I want to be standing in this spot with you. I want confetti raining down on us, and I want that picture to be hanging in my trophy room. I can’t live without you. Now, that I have you you’re mine.”
I have tears streaming down my eyes. I’m overwhelmed by his declaration and that he chose to do it in this spot that’s so important to him.
“When I win the Super Bowl, if you’re not with me, it will not mean shit.” He concludes while he places his large hands on my shoulder. He’s so determined and serious. I almost feel as if he’s the coach, and I’m his player. He’s giving me a pregame pep talk. “Tell me. Tell me that you’ll be here with me. Tell me that you won’t leave me if I spend too many hours at practice or seem distracted. I need to know that I’ve got your support no matter what even if the media prints horrible stories about us and my fans mob us at restaurants.”
I don’t hesitate. “Yes, Colin. Yes I’ll be here and celebrate your first championship with you. Yes, I will support you one hundred percent in this journey. Yes, I’ll be your muse. Yes, I’ll stick around through ugly media stories and fangirls. Yes, I’ll be yours until infinity.” The words spill out of my mouth, but even as I say them, I wonder if I can do it. I want to believe everything that I’m saying, but this is so fucking tough. I’ve got baggage, but this man has a truckload. Here’s when the “what ifs” return to the forefront of my mind. What if there are too many fans? What if there are too many fangirls? What if I can’t take being in his shadow?
He grabs me and pulls me to him so tightly that I can almost not breathe, but I don’t care. I let him cling to me. I’m in love with him. He’s mine, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make him happy as long as the “what ifs” stay just that and remain “what ifs.”
When he releases me, I take a big gulp of air. He laughs and sheepishly apologizes. I stand up on my tip toes and kiss him passionately and lovingly on the mouth. I want to reassure him not only with my words, but with my actions that I mean every word that I said (I hope?).
“Baby, I think that our time’s almost up. I don’t want to get Gina in trouble, but before we leave, will you dance with me?”
“Why, of course, sir,” I reply sweetly, in my best southern belle accent.
He fumbles for a moment with his iPhone before George Strait’s The Chair begins to play. It’s the song we danced to so many years ago at Hurricane Harry’s in College Station. He sets the phone on the ground and we two step where the fifty yard line will be when the Super Bowl is held. It’s the perfect conclusion to my hopefully last surprise.
At the end of the song, he dips me back, but instead of the chaste kiss that I got on the cheek so many years ago, I get a full on French kiss. I like this much better. There’re no questions about where I stand with Colin. We’re together forever through thick and thin, and we’ll make it work (hopefully).
He grabs his phone and slips it back in his pocket. We retrace our steps and find Gina on our way out. Colin thanks her for her help, and we head back to the waiting town car.
It’s only a little past noon, but I’m emotionally and physically spent. It’s not like we slept much last night either. “Colin, do you mind if we go back to the hotel for a little while. I think that I need nap.”
He chuckles at me and puts his hand on my thigh. “Just a nap, huh?” he asks raising his eyebrow.
I give him a look of horror. He knows that I started my period. Ummm! Yes, just a nap.
He laughs and strokes my thigh all the way back to the hotel.
Chapter Four
I REALIZE that I sleep better with Colin by my side. It’s such a strange concept for me to wrap my head arou
nd. I haven’t shared a bed with a man since Adam, and with him I didn’t care whether or not he stayed over. Come to think of it, I only think that Adam and I actually spent the night together a handful of times. I’m lying in the suite bedroom staring at the ceiling wishing that Colin would come hold me until I fall asleep. I hate how needy I feel.
After counting the seconds for twenty minutes, I put the hotel robe on and walk into the living room of the suite. Colin’s standing at one of the windows staring out at the Mississippi River. His arms are crossed over his head, and are pressed up against the window. His head’s resting against his arms. His legs are in a lunge like position. He doesn’t realize that I’m watching him.
I’m torn as to what to do. He’s obviously having a quiet moment to himself, but his body language worries me. It’s not the way one would stand if they’re happy. I assumed that his declaration at the Superdome went well. Now, I’m concerned that I didn’t act as he had wanted me to.
Finally, Colin must sense me watching him because he slowly raises his head and turns to look at me. He smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
I slowly walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist and press my body against his back. “Want to talk about it?” I ask in a soothing voice.
“Not really, but I don’t have a choice do I?”
“Look, Colin. The more you share with me, the more I feel apart of your life. Remember, we’re a team.” I try to reassure him. God! How many more times are we going to have to have this same conversation? It’s like we’re constantly taking two steps forward and one step back.
He leans back against me, and I hold him while he continues to stare out the window. Finally, he says, “Mark thinks that we should do an interview together sharing our love story to help repair my image with my sponsors.”
I pause for a moment and let his words sink in before I speak. “I’m assuming by your body language that you don’t want to do the interview.”
