But his prayers had gone unanswered. God, he’d never felt so helpless in his entire life. So sick, so devastated. A thousand times since then he’d asked himself what he could have done, should have done differently. He’d tortured himself with fantasies in which he stanched the flow of blood and saved his wife.
But he hadn’t. She’d died, and so had their baby boy.
It was only since meeting Juliette that he’d begun to believe that maybe his story could have a happy ending, that maybe he could reclaim his life through the greatest love he’d ever known—and now she was pregnant.
God, what if she died?
He’d survived Lora’s death but if anything happened to Juliette…
And it could. It could. His vivid imagination conjured up dozens of equally hellish scenarios. They lived too far from the hospital. She was tiny, so damned tiny. She should never be trying to bear a child. Lora had hemorrhaged. So could Juliette.
He could still see the horrified look on her face when he’d blurted out his first panicky, stupid reaction.
Irrational anger rose to choke him. How could she have done it? he’d asked her. Oh, he knew, all right. Knew what she’d said about the pantry. And he remembered the hot, slick, incredibly perfect moments when he’d sunk deep into her with nothing between them. Hell, he’d thought about that particular day more times over the past few months than could possibly be normal. If she just wasn’t so damned enticing…! All he’d been able to think of since she’d come to live with him was sex. Making love to her. Morning, noon and night, he’d had Juliette on his mind.
And now look what he had to show for it. A marriage in ruins and a wife…he nearly whimpered aloud. A wife who easily could lose her life because of his carelessness.
He slowed the gelding to a leisurely walk as his conscience bit at him and the anger fell away. This was no more her fault than it was his. She’d looked so shattered…she was probably sitting there crying her eyes out right now. As frightened as he was, he couldn’t let her go through this alone.
Determination firmed his mouth. He was taking her to a doctor today. And he wasn’t letting her out of his sight until this baby was born.
This baby. A small thrill ran through him, grew and spread. If he weren’t so damned afraid for her, he’d be loopy with happiness. A child made from the two of them, from their love. His aching heart softened. Another little girl? Or a brother for Bobby?
Oh, God, please don’t let anything happen to my wife. I need her. I love her. I need her to love me.
“Yo! Marty!” A faint voice from over the ridge made him slow the gelding and listen. The voice came again, deep, masculine and anxious. Cal.
He reined in his mount and stopped as Cal came over the ridge on the big bay he often rode, riding fast and steady until he got to where Marty was waiting.
His friend’s gray eyes were watchful as he neared. “What are you doing out here?”
He didn’t think he could share his private agony with anyone right now. “I’m a cowboy. I work out here, remember?”
“Yeah? Well, while you’re working out here your wife’s catching a plane to California.”
Fresh shock rippled through him. “What?”
“Lyn called me and suggested I get out here and find you. Juliette asked to her to drive her to the airport. Lyn said she’d do it, but she’s stalling.” Cal eyed him, frowning. “You want to tell me what in hell is going on? Last time I looked, you and your pretty little wife were about as cozy as a couple can get.”
No, he didn’t want to tell Cal anything. But the two had grown up together, and if there was one thing he knew about Cal McCall, it was that the man could sit there and never say another word until a fellow felt so guilty he couldn’t stand it.
“We had a fight,” he muttered. Panic was rising as Cal’s words sank in. She was leaving? She couldn’t leave! He loved her.
Cal raised one dark eyebrow. “Must’ve been some fight for her to be leaving. You said something stupid, didn’t you?”
Marty eyed him sourly. “Oh, like you’ve never done anything dumb in the name of romance.”
Cal grinned. “I’m a man. According to Lyn, that says it all.” Then his face sobered. “Come on. If you want to stop her, we’d better get moving. No, not back to the house,” he said as Marty turned his horse. “Better try to catch them at the end of the lane.”
Cal’s truck pulled into the yard with Lyn behind the wheel. She slid out of the cab and hurried across the yard to the house.
Juliette met her at the front door. “Thank you,” she said quietly.
“Don’t thank me yet,” Lyn said. “What’s the matter between you and Marty? Have you tried to talk it out? I know life out here can be tough, but you’ve made it through the first winter and calving season and I thought—”
“I’m pregnant.” The dull, flat words cut Lyn off in midsentence, and her green eyes widened.
“Well, then surely—”
“Marty doesn’t want it.”
Lyn recoiled. “Are you sure? I thought Bobby was growing on him.” She held up her hands helplessly. “I know he might think it’s a little soon since you just got married and you already have two—”
“No. He just—doesn’t want any more children. At all.”
Lyn’s mouth fell open. “You’re kidding.”
“He said so.” Juliette shook her head, swallowing the lump that was growing too large to speak around. “I have to catch a plane. If you drive me, Marty won’t have to come pick up the truck.”
Lyn hesitated. Nodded. “All right.”
Juliette set Inky’s small crate into the back of the truck and began throwing her things in after it. Then she went upstairs and got Bobby. He needed to be changed and dressed, and she began to fret about the time, fearing that Marty might return. It wasn’t so much that she worried he would stop her from leaving, but she didn’t want any more big scenes.
Her chin trembled and she bit down fiercely on her lower lip until the pain distracted her enough to get the tears under control. She could cry later. Right now she had to get off this ranch.
When she went back downstairs, Lyn was waiting in the living room. She stood as Juliette came into the room. “Maybe I’d better use your bathroom before we leave. It’s a long drive to Rapid, and my bladder’s feeling a bit squished these days.” The tall redhead rested a hand on the gentle swell of her abdomen, still barely noticeable though she was almost six months pregnant. “I guess you know what that’s like.”
Juliette nodded, not trusting her voice. She’d come to care for both Lyn and Silver, and she would miss them. She took Bobby out and put him in his car seat, strapping it securely into Lyn’s truck.
A few minutes later Lyn came out onto the porch. “One more minute,” she called, holding up a finger. “Cal’s out, but I need to leave him a message so he knows I’ll be gone for a while.” And she disappeared into the house again.
It seemed to take forever, but she finally returned, carefully shutting the door behind her. She picked her way through the snowy patches to the truck with a great deal more care than she’d shown rushing in. Then she had to find the keys, which she finally located wedged in a bottom pocket of her bib overalls beneath her coat.
By this time Juliette’s senses were screaming at her to go, but she gritted her teeth and didn’t comment on the need to hurry. Marty could return any minute.
At last Lyn got the truck in gear, and they started out the lane. Juliette felt some of the tension leaving her taut muscles with every yard of distance covered, though she knew she wouldn’t really relax until she was on that plane to California.
Her heart sank even more, if that were possible, at the thought of facing Millicent, pregnant and practically destitute. The only good thing that would come of it would be that Bobby would get to know his paternal grandmother, and if Juliette were vigilant and firm, Millicent wouldn’t take over his life the way she had his father’s. The very idea was daunting, and
she closed her eyes and laid her head wearily against the seat back as Lyn bumped the truck out the lane.
When the truck slowed a few minutes later, she opened her eyes expecting to see the highway. But they weren’t at the end of the ranch road yet.
Two horsemen sat astride their mounts, blocking the lane.
Lyn scrambled out of the cab before Juliette could even absorb the betrayal and ran to her husband, who’d dismounted.
Juliette sat perfectly still for a long moment. She refused to look at the other man who still sat his horse. Then she, too, got out of the truck. She walked toward the three people, the full weight of humiliation and despair making each step an effort. Marty had made it clear he didn’t want her child. He’d never said he loved her, either, and while she’d thought that wouldn’t matter when they’d married, she knew now it wouldn’t be enough for the rest of her life.
“Juliette.” Marty’s voice cut through the awkward silence. “We have to talk.”
She ignored him, advancing on Cal. “How did you—Lyn told you!” She turned to the other woman, and her eyes glistened with tears. “I thought you were my friend,” she said bitterly. “I guess I should have known better. It was stupid of me to think I could depend on Marty’s friends for anything.”
Cal put a comforting arm around his wife’s shoulder. “We’re your friends, too,” he said quietly. “That’s why we hated to see you leave without at least trying to talk things out with Marty.”
She wouldn’t look at him. Her lovely face was chilly and as severe as a marble statue.
He’d known it would be hard, but suddenly a fear even greater than the others he’d lived with shot through him, chilling him to the bone. What if she wouldn’t listen? What if she listened and left anyway?
Marty’s horse shifted restlessly, probably picking up on his own roiling, unsettled emotions. The cold fist of fear around his heart didn’t ease, but the irrational anger that had gripped him since he’d seen Juliette standing in that shaft of sunlight, the backlit window illuminating her slender body and the slight but frighteningly distinct swell of her abdomen, had dissipated. He glanced down at Cal, standing with his wife’s face turned into his shoulder.
His friend.
“Would you take the truck back to the house?” he asked. “And keep an eye on the baby for a while?”
Cal nodded.
Juliette crossed her arms. “I need that truck. I have a plane to catch.”
Lyn didn’t look at any of them as she climbed back into the cab of the truck and turned around, then headed back toward the ranch with Bobby in the infant seat beside her. Cal mounted his horse and followed, and in a moment they’d moved over a small hill and out of sight.
Juliette stood watching until they were gone. Then she squared her shoulders and turned her back on Marty. Resolutely she began to walk back along the lane.
“Juliette, wait. We need to talk.” He repeated his earlier words.
“You said everything there was to say already.” Her words floated back to him. She didn’t stop.
Damn! He’d never seen her so icy cold, so angry. Still, he wasn’t quitting. He urged his horse forward, going around her a small distance and dismounting in front of her.
“You’re not going anywhere until you listen to me,” he informed her.
She stopped in her tracks, clearly unwilling to get too close to him. “Fine. I’ll walk to the road and get help from someone.” Belligerently, she turned her back on him and started walking away again.
All right. That was it. He’d had it. He started after her. Too late, she realized he was coming and she started to run but he caught her within a dozen steps, whirling her against him and into his arms.
“Let me go!” It was a shriek, and he was shocked by the genuine fury she showed as she fought to free herself. He dedicated himself to subduing her without hurting her much as he would a new calf. Finally, tired of her squirming, he pinned her arms to her sides and yanked her hard against him so that she couldn’t kick him.
She froze. So did he. Her body was soft, cushioning him where he pressed her close. The air was electric, filled with the sound of their ragged breathing. Her gaze dropped to his mouth, and an erotic jolt shot straight to his groin. His body was already hard and excited by the struggle with her warm female form, and he suddenly moved again, firmly covering her lips with his and molding them, thrusting his tongue between her teeth again and again until the rigid resistance left her body and she was kissing him back.
He bent and lifted her into his arms, then walked her three steps out of the lane and onto a sweet grassy bed thick with tiny bluebells, careful to set her down gently.
“Will you let me go?” Her words were filled with pain.
“Not until you listen to me.” Breathing hard, he looked down into her face.
And was shocked again.
She was crying. Huge tears rolled back into her hair. Her blue eyes met his and in their depths he read a deep, indescribable sorrow that rocked him to his core.
He groaned. “Don’t cry, angel. It tears my heart out when you cry.”
“You don’t ha-have a heart.” The words were sobs. “No one w-with a heart would say he didn’t want his own child.”
“I know.” He pulled back from her, then gathered her close, rocking her gently, absorbing her pain. “I didn’t mean it. I don’t even know why I said that.”
“You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it.” Her voice was muffled in his throat. She wasn’t fighting him anymore, but she wasn’t embracing him back, and that shaft of naked fear shot through him again. She sounded so…so hopeless.
Had he ruined the best thing ever to enter his life by allowing his own stupid fears to rule him?
“I didn’t mean it,” he said again. Quietly. He sighed, pulling her back and putting his thumb beneath her chin to lift her face to his. When her eyes met his, he let everything he was feeling show. “I was terrified,” he said slowly, forcing the words past the lump in his throat. “Terrified of losing you. Thinking about you having a baby…you’re so fragile and delicate. And we’re so far away from the hospital here.” He swallowed. “I can’t live without you. I can’t. I love you. I love you so much that if something happened to you it would kill me.” His voice was little more than a harsh whisper. “After Lora died, I hurt but I kept on going. I had Cheyenne to think about, and somewhere in the back of my mind I always knew I’d get married again some day. I planned it all out but I couldn’t find the right woman. When I met you, everything fell into place.”
“Marty—”
He shook his head and laid a gentle finger against her lips, looking deep into her eyes. “I do want this baby. A part of me wants nothing more than a living, breathing symbol of how much I love you. But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t tell you that another part of me is scared absolutely spitless by the thought of you trying to deliver our child.” His voice broke, and he had to stop and swallow again. “I can’t lose you.”
Tears were still rolling from her eyes, but she raised her hands and cupped his jaw, and he briefly closed his eyes in relief as he read her expression.
“I love you,” she said. “I loved you from the first day we met, even though I told myself I was crazy, that love at first sight was just an expression. I could never be sorry that your baby is growing inside me.”
Shaken to the core, humbled by her unflagging love for him, he turned his head and kissed her palm.
“We can take all the precautions you want,” she said, “I’ll move to town and live beside the hospital if it will make you feel better, but you have to relax and not worry so much. I’ve already had one child, remember? My labor was only six hours long and I barely remember pushing. It was an extremely easy birth, and he weighed over eight pounds. The doctor told me I was made for having babies. I can do this,” she told him softly. “We can do this.”
Did he dare allow himself to be convinced, comforted, by her words? He dropped his
head and sought her mouth for a slow, sweet kiss. “I want to believe it.”
“Then let yourself,” she said. “We’re going to have a whole lifetime together. With our children.”
He whistled for his horse, and when it was standing at his side, he lifted his wife and set her in the saddle, then swung up behind her. “Let’s go home.”
“Home,” she echoed, and he put his hand under her jaw and turned her face to his so that he could kiss her.
“Thank you,” he said, “for loving me.”
“It wasn’t hard.” Her eyes were shining.
Deliberately he moved against her bottom, snuggled against him in the deep saddle. “It is now.”
And they laughed again before he kissed her as the horse carried them home.
Epilogue
It was a christening party.
“There. The guest of honor is clean, dry and fed again,” Juliette said as she carried three-month-old Analisa back out to the group gathered beneath the big shade trees in the yard.
“That’s the way we like ’em,” Deck said. He rose to his feet. “I’d better go help Cal and Marty with that riding lesson. Looks like they’ve got their hands full.” He gestured down toward the corral where the two men were juggling a group of children and two horses.
“Here.” Silver rose and settled their year-old daughter Genie in his arm. “Hang on to this one and see how Erica’s doing while I help clear the tables.”
Lyn looked up from her chair, where she was nursing her third child, six-month-old Jonathan. “Wait till he’s done eating and I’ll help you.”
“Sounds like a deal.” Silver settled back in her chair and chuckled. “Hey. How’d I do that? No kids!”
All three women laughed softly. “I’m not sure I remember what that’s like,” Juliette said ruefully. She looked down toward the pasture where Cheyenne, who was even more strikingly lovely at eight than she’d been at four, was carrying Lyn’s middle child, Julia, around in the pasture. Cal and Lyn’s kids were easy to spot; they all had their mother’s deep-red curls.
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