“I’m sorry,” he said again, though he knew it didn’t change anything. “Some people can have a relationship and still achieve their goals, but it’s looking like I’m not one of those people.”
Skyler slid closer to the window, moving as far away from him as possible and withdrawing into herself. He’d botched it. Made things worse. The opposite of what he’d hoped to accomplish.
A horn sounded behind them, and he started through the green light.
“Skyler,” he said, hoping she’d let him explain.
She didn’t respond, just tightened her arms and stared out the window.
He’d give her a few minutes to sort out her thoughts while he came up with a way to restart the conversation. But restart it, he would. And this time...he’d get it right. He had to. He doubted he’d ever get another chance.
* * *
Skyler tried to focus on the passing scenery and ignore Logan’s awkward apology, but it rolled through her mind in haunting waves. She’d foolishly let herself hope he’d changed. Why she’d even considered it, she had no idea.
Every step, every move he made confirmed his priorities.
Not everything. He took time out of his busy day to drive you to the office today.
So what?
He’d likely done so because he wanted her cooperation on the investigation so he could find Marty faster. Gain his promotion faster. Prove he was the man he thought he needed to be faster. When all he needed was to let go of the superficial drive and embrace the man she knew him to be. Caring. Kindhearted. Responsible.
All the things she’d want in a man. If she wanted a man. Which she didn’t, right?
Right.
Still, her attraction to him made her do stupid things. She couldn’t afford to be stupid. It only brought additional heartache. It’d taken her two years to get over him, and she wasn’t about to let him destroy her life again.
Remember that when he trains that magnetic gaze on you.
Remember your parents.
Their bickering. The unhappiness. The constant struggle to make more money. To get more things. Like Logan. True, he wasn’t doing it for the money. He was doing it to feel better about himself, which was likely even more of a motivator to stay the course than her parents’ need for things had been. She shoved him out of her mind and replaced him with the warning.
Remember, Skyler. Remember.
NINE
Logan glanced at Skyler. She’d spent the past ten minutes huddled near the door, and he felt the tension rolling off her. Her wounded expression was far worse than any feisty argument they might be having.
“We have to talk about this, Skyler,” he said.
She didn’t respond.
“Please.”
She moved a mere fraction, but he felt her gaze on him. He glanced at her to find her eyes sad and tortured.
“What is it?” he asked.
“My parents,” she said so softly he had to strain to hear her. “They’re just like you. Work came first. Every single day. I was last. In everything, really—I was never considered more important than work and social climbing. I hated it, but it was the way it was.”
She looked away again and her pain cut through him like a machete. She’d never told him much about her family, just that they weren’t close. He hadn’t pried because he didn’t want her digging into his dysfunctional family. He should have. Then he would’ve known that leaving for his job was the worst thing he could’ve done to her and tried harder to soften the blow.
Unable to concentrate on his driving when she was so distraught, he pulled to the side of the road and faced her. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Leaving the way I did hit you where you’re most vulnerable, which was never my intention.” He gently turned her by the shoulder to face him and left his hand resting there to transmit his sincerity. “I really am sorry. No wonder you’re still angry with me.”
She seemed to lean into his hand for a moment before shrugging it off. “I forgave you a long time ago, Logan, and I’m not angry anymore.”
“You could’ve fooled me.”
“I’m hurt,” she said in a sad little whisper. “Still hurt. That’s a whole lot different than angry.”
Logan heard the gut-wrenching anguish under her words and he didn’t know how to respond. He’d learned early on that life was filled with pain, but now he could grasp how much of the same anguish she’d overcome in her own life.
“I’m amazed you’re not still mad at me.” His words sounded so trite, but sharing his feelings was a foreign concept to him.
“I have no other choice.” Her tone was resigned. “My parents have spent most of their lives being angry with each other over every little thing. Life is too short to repeat that behavior myself.”
She’d always been so good at living one day at a time. Keeping her peace in the face of adversity. Until he’d ruined it.
“I know this may not help.” He took her hand. “But if the Chicago job hadn’t come up, I’d still be here. We’d be together.”
“Really?” She pulled her hand free. “I doubt it. Something else would’ve come along that you’d decide was more important than me or any relationship.”
“I really do want someone in my life,” he said as convincingly as he could.
“So you say, but actions speak louder than words, Logan.”
She was right. As much as he hated hurting her and the jerk that it made him, he still believed that leaving had been the right thing, the only thing he could do at the time.
And she deserved his complete honesty no matter how much it hurt. “You’re right. It’s not the right thing for me now, but I’m almost there. After I’m promoted to ASAC, I’ll be more open to things other than the job.” He explained his real reason for being in Portland.
She stared a hole right though him. “You honestly believe when you get this promotion you’ll change, don’t you?”
“Yeah, why shouldn’t I? I’ll have proved my father wrong, and then I can move on.”
“What if your dad isn’t impressed? What if you need to work toward another goal to prove your worth to him?”
“That won’t happen,” he said adamantly. “I’ll be one of the youngest agents ever to become an ASAC. Three full years younger than Dad when he got the job. He’ll be impressed. He has to be.”
“From everything you say about him, I doubt you can count on it.” She clutched his arm as if desperate to convince him. “Let this thing with your dad go. It’s already cost you so much.”
“Easier said than done.”
“You once believed God could help you with this problem. You even said you were making progress in putting everything else aside and trusting Him.”
Logan had forgotten that. Forgotten how during their time together he’d relinquished so much of his struggle to God and found some measure of peace.
So when had he stopped letting God take charge?
Easy answer. When the job came up in Chicago. He’d wanted it so badly, he hadn’t even thought about God’s will. He just quit listening and went back to his old ways. Took control of everything again. Made decisions for himself. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but one that he now recognized that he’d made.
Skyler lifted her chin and firmly met his gaze. “You gave up on God, didn’t you? Decided to go it alone again.”
He’d done just that. Was still doing it now. Doing what he’d been taught to do. Make goals to reach for. Climb the ladder. Achieve. Make his dad proud.
He’d lived for that—only that—for so long.
Until Skyler entered his life. Beautiful. Soft, sweet Skyler looking up at him with such hope for him burning in her eyes. Hope that he could be the man she wanted him to be. That he’d learn to relax and let go. To live fully as she
did.
He was tempted to cling to her hope. To let go. To do as she wished.
You’ll never amount to anything. His father’s words shot into his head from the day he’d told him he wanted to become a teacher. Teaching’s for someone who can’t do anything else. He’d stared down his nose at Logan. Guess I should’ve expected it from you, though. You never were tough enough to run with the big dogs.
The words, still as painful today as they’d been back then, blotted out Skyler sitting next to him. Blotted out a need to find that elusive peace.
There was plenty of time for that, but his goals had time limits.
That meant he was about to disappoint her again. He didn’t want to do so, but he had to.
“The job is at my fingertips, Skyler. I have to go for it,” he said, working hard to ignore the way the emptiness in his soul grew. And if that wasn’t enough to set his gut burning, he couldn’t quit wondering if he was making a mistake. A big mistake.
* * *
Skyler climbed from the car and stowed her emotions before she stepped inside the sheriff’s office where Darcie would start asking questions. Logan escorted her to the side door. He walked crisply, purposefully, his dress shoes clipping on the concrete. He was on full alert for an attack. She picked up on his anxiety, and every change in their surroundings grabbed her attention.
The wind. The trees. A white paper bag blowing across the parking lot.
Each flicker of movement hinted at danger lurking out of sight, pumping adrenaline through her veins until she reached the entrance and slid her security fob over the electronic lock.
The door clicked open, and a sense of relief washed through her as she turned to him. “Thanks for the ride. You can get back to your job now.”
“I’m not leaving until I personally turn you over to your squad.”
She rolled her eyes at his overprotectiveness.
He planted his feet. “I’m serious, Skyler. I’m coming in with you.”
She was mentally exhausted from their conversation and it wasn’t worth the effort to argue, so she held the door open for him.
Together they moved through the busy bull pen area. Her associates looked up from their desks, but other than a quick glance, they didn’t speak. Jake wound his way toward them while the rest of the squad sat around the conference room table, waiting for the morning debrief to start.
“I’ve been here for ten minutes already. I was starting to get concerned,” Jake said, but his tone held less of a bite than when he’d argued with her at the firehouse. “Since you insisted on coming over here, Suit, how about giving us an update on the investigation before you take off?”
“Sure,” Logan said congenially when Skyler had expected him to ask Jake to quit calling him Suit.
Logan’s phone rang and he glanced at it. “It’s the Portland SAC. I’ll need to take his call first. I’ll try to make it quick.”
Logan took a few steps away, and Jake went into the conference room. Skyler started to follow, but she heard Inman’s raised voice coming through Logan’s phone, stopping her.
“Seriously, Hunter?” Inman shouted. “What part of assaulting a reporter says you’re ready for the ASAC job?”
Logan tugged at his tie and looked up. He caught her watching and moved farther down the hallway. “Parsons grabbed Sky—Deputy Brennan’s injured arm. I had to do something before he hurt her again.”
Skyler could no longer make out Inman’s words, but she didn’t have to hear the man to know Logan was receiving a lecture for shoving and threatening Parsons.
A perfect end to their conversation in the car. If Logan hadn’t already decided he needed to forgo everything else in his life to focus on the job, he was sure to do so now that the ASAC job was in jeopardy.
Even if she was foolish enough to think he might care about her, he’d never give up this quest to prove himself.
Remember, Skyler. Remember.
TEN
“So what if he grabbed Brennan?” Inman’s pointed question hung in the air, and Logan looked around, searching for a logical response but came up empty.
“Fortunately for you,” Inman went on before Logan had to respond. “Brennan could bring Parsons up on assault charges, and Parsons hopes not filing charges against you will keep her at bay. Doesn’t mean he won’t do a hatchet job on us in the media, though.”
“What if I met with Parsons and made nice? Maybe offered an exclusive interview,” Logan suggested, though he hated the thought of offering a reward to Parsons for manhandling Skyler.
“That could go a long way in appeasing his anger.”
“And your anger? Will it help with that?”
“No, but it’ll keep you in the running for the job. For now anyway. Make another rookie mistake like this again and I might not be as lenient.” He paused, rapid breathing filtering through the phone. “We clear, Hunter?”
“Clear, sir,” he said quickly before he made Inman angrier.
“Fine. Then make this complaint go away. Now!”
Logan hung up and loosened the knot of his tie so he could breathe. He felt like Inman’s demands were choking him, but it was Logan’s job to make the man happy. He should call Parsons right now, but he needed to cool down first or he’d make things worse. Besides, the team was expecting an update and keeping his word with Jake was important, too.
Or maybe you’re not ready to leave Skyler yet, the thought came unbidden.
He ignored it and joined the team in the conference room. All heads snapped in his direction. He’d have to be blind to miss the continued doubt burning in their eyes.
They didn’t trust him. Just like Skyler. He’d done things over the years that he wasn’t proud of, but he’d always been a man of his word and someone others could count on. Until now.
“What’s he doing here?” Darcie asked, her tone openly antagonistic.
“Relax.” Jake held up his hands. “I asked him to give us an update.” Jake gestured at the head of the table. “Floor’s all yours.”
Feeling their gazes tracking his every move, Logan forced his head back into the game. “As I mentioned at dinner last night, we were unable to enhance the video to get clear details on Marty’s ring, so my team is compiling pictures for Skyler to look at. We hope to have something ready to view later today.” Logan turned to Skyler. “I’m assuming I can find you at home to show it to you.”
She nodded. “Since my phone will be sitting in evidence for the unforeseeable future, I need to get a new one. Aside from that, I’ll be going straight home after we’re done here.”
“Is Darcie still planning on driving you?” Logan tried to sound curious, but it came out demanding.
Darcie crossed her arms and a flare of irritation sparked in her eyes. “Before you complain that I’m not a cop, I’ve lived with these guys for years and they’ve made sure I know how to handle a gun and carry it with me at all times.”
“She can at least hit the broad side of a barn.” Brady looked up from a fresh pile of woodchips and winked at Darcie.
She slapped her hand at him, but Logan could see the charming Brady had her wrapped around his finger. Logan personally didn’t see the attraction. Brady might be a bundle of energy, always tapping his foot or whittling away at a chunk of wood, but Logan had pegged the guy’s attitude as easygoing and carefree. Odd how Logan found the same traits enchanting in Skyler, but they grated on him coming from Brady.
Brady ducked away from Darcie. “Don’t blame the messenger. I’m telling the truth.”
Darcie wrinkled her nose and seemed to relax.
“I wish you’d sugarcoat something just once in your life.” Her lips turned up in a generous smile.
“Ha!” Archer said. “Not possible with him.”
Logan watched the teamm
ates, laughing and tossing out more jabs. He couldn’t stop feeling like he still didn’t fit in. Since he’d met this squad, he’d been thinking they were like a family, but they weren’t just like one. They were a family. Caring about each other. Teasing. Calling each other out on their faults, yet supporting each other. Like the family he’d wanted growing up.
“Okay, guys,” Jake interrupted. “Let’s focus so Skyler can go home and get some rest.”
Listen to the guy for once.
Logan turned to his task and wrote makeup on the whiteboard. “We’ve analyzed the makeup used to create the prosthetics. It appears to be a professional brand used in theater and films.”
“Meaning one of them might be a makeup artist as you suspected,” Jake offered.
Logan nodded. “Their robbery spree started in Los Angeles. If they’re L.A. residents with a background in makeup, then they likely have a connection to the Hollywood studios. Agents at our field office are showing the prosthetics around to see if anyone knows a makeup artist named Nicole with a boyfriend named Marty or vice versa.”
“Sounds like a promising lead,” Jake said. “If they’re actually from L.A.”
“Sounds more like a wild-goose chase to me.” Brady paused with his knife in midair. “There’s gotta be a ton of makeup artists in Hollywood.”
Logan didn’t want to get into an argument about the merits of his investigation, so he went on. “We’re also tracking down local makeup suppliers in case the makeup was purchased in Portland and processing forensic evidence from the scene. We recovered fibers and hair from Nicole, Faith and Skyler’s clothing. That, along with Marty’s blood from the alley, has been sent to the FBI lab in Quantico for analysis with a request to rush it.”
“Sounds to me like you’re coming up short on solid leads.” Cash eyed Logan. “And you could use some help in the investigation.”
Silent Night Standoff Page 8
