by Hall, Marie
If it was anyone else I’d think he really meant it. But no matter how much we flirt, with Alex, I know it’ll never get beyond that point, not to mention the fact that mama’s been hounding me to go out again. Also, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to being a little bit hopeful Ryan might show up. I take the cup from him and drink, the sweet and creamy coffee is like ambrosia. “I’m pretty sure I can find something in my closet.”
“Awesome.” He wipes his hands on his pants. “Now give me three bucks.”
“Thief,” I fish the quarters out of my pocket. “There, saved all week.”
Laughing, he wiggles his brows. “Hey, if we were dating, I’d buy. You know how it is.”
“Be still my beating heart.” I plant my hand against my chest and flutter my lashes. “My hero.”
As I’m turning to go, he asks, “Heard from Ryan?”
My stomach bottoms out, the smile freezes on my lips.
“How is he?”
“Beating the shit out of stuff. He’s down at the gym.”
Is that a hint? I glance at my watch. No way I’ll make it there in time. Probably better this way anyway. I doubt he wants to see me right now. “Can’t. Got anatomy finals in thirty minutes. But tell him I said hi, okay.”
“Yeah.” He runs his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’ll do that. Take it easy, Lily Bean. Tomorrow at seven, K?”
Walking out the door I can’t stop wishing again he was the one I liked and that he had no issues with my Javi.
But reality is never so easy.
***
Ryan
“You look like a moron.” I laugh the second Alex walks out his door. He has on a black afro wig ten sizes too big for his head that bounces with each step he takes. A purple sleeveless vest with stripes and some sort of fringed beading on the bottom. Blue jeans that come up way too high on his waist and flare huge at his ankles, to top it off he’s wearing honest to God boots with chunky heels.
“You’re just jealous cause I make this look good.” He smiles and twirls, then does some sort of stupid crotch grab before doing a Michael Jackson ‘he he’.
“Wrong decade and, dude, good luck getting laid tonight.” I take a sip of the tepid water I’d been nursing the past hour.
It’s a Saturday night and I have nowhere to go. Normally I’d just hang with Alex, hit the streets and whoop and holler at anything walking in heels. Which tells me two things. A. I have a fucking boring life. And B. I desperately need more friends.
“Come with me.”
“Nah,” I get up and walk to the kitchen, dumping half the bottle down the drain. Hate warm water. “I don’t dress up like a clown. Not my style.”
“No one’s gonna care how you look, man. I’m a brother, that’s why I got to dress like this. But it’s not mandatory.”
Glancing down at my jeans and shirt, I wrinkle my nose.
“C’mon. Who knows you might meet someone.”
“Yeah, right.” Rolling my eyes, I head to the bathroom. “Met one, she kissed the first thing walking passed. Think I’m done for a while.”
“Whatever, dude. Not like you didn’t make up for it that night. Are you coming or what?”
What the hell. Not like I have anything else to do and sitting on the couch watching porn all night doesn’t appeal right now. “Yeah, just let me hit the head. Meet you outside.”
Twenty minutes later I know something’s not right. We aren’t headed toward the campus, but down a road I never wanted to see again.
“What the hell are we doing here?”
“Gotta pick up my date tonight.”
“What the hell, man!” Glowering, I whip around. The knuckles of my left fist are bruised and tender, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to punch him in the face right now.
“It’s a non-date, okay. Two friends hanging out. I like her. I already told you that.”
“Non-date.” Anger boils hot through my veins, buzzes in my head. “I’ve heard that shit before.”
Parking the car, Alex shakes his head. “Relax, man. Not cock blocking, okay. You guys need to talk and since you’re both too thick headed I worked it so that you’d have no choice.”
Damn him.
Why does Alex always feel the need to get involved in my business? “You were the one who told me to stay away, why do you care?”
Jangling his key ring, he grimaces. “Hell if I know. But I can’t stand watching you mope around like some lovesick ass anymore.”
“No, I’m not.”
Face droll, he just gives me a look that says ‘okay, whatever’. Not speaking another word, he gets out and in three long strides is up the path and knocking on her door.
Drumming my fingers on my pants, my palms grew suddenly slick. Why the hell had he done this? Alex needs to mind his own business, not butt into mine.
Liliana made her feelings clear kissing that fucking boy, moving on his body like sex on a stick. She’d told me all I needed to know that night. What if she thought I’d arranged this on purpose? Fuck.
The tension inside me grows to a boiling point until the door opens. Illuminated by lamplight, she stands in the doorway looking like a Victoria Secret’s angel coated in silver.
She’s wearing a macro-mini silver dress that barely covers her ass. High chunky heels and her hair is long and straight, hanging almost down to her waist.
I lick my lips and clear my throat, pushing down on a cock that’s gone half-mast. She turns and waves goodbye, then grabs Alex’s arm and walks out the door. The smile stays on her face until the second her gaze locks with mine.
I read the indecision immediately. She stops and her small nostrils flare.
Licking the inside of my lower lip, I look down at my feet. What the hell? Up until the point Jenny had bounced on me, we’d been having a good time that night. Or so I’d thought. Had she gotten jealous?
I’d never really even considered that. Was it possible that that make out session with ass for brains was just a way to let me know that?
I didn’t know her well enough to really say. But the look on her face Monday gave me cause to hope. Jenny’s clingy, everyone around the gym knows her. She’s one of those girls and normally I don’t mind that, but when I’d seen Lili across the street wearing a shocked, almost pained look, my heart had nearly stopped beating in my chest.
Did Jenny bother her? Was it possible that she was actually jealous that day too? My pulse thunders through my brain at the thought.
Alex opens the back door.
“I can sit in the back,” I quickly say.
The second I get out of the car I’m hit with the essence of her. That flower smell I can never forget or stop dreaming about is all over me. She stands so close I can see her nipples bead up to fine little points.
She takes a step back, eyes darting all over my face.
Hope is a crazy thing inside me; I want to believe she’s excited to see me. But I’m not sure, dropping my eyes to the ground, I scoot around her and don’t say another word, just slide into the back and look outside, pretending they aren’t there, that I’m not here.
Alex starts the car.
“You look hot tonight, Lily Bean.”
Not cock blocking, huh? I clench my fist; I hate my cousin right now.
“Thanks,” Liliana whispers and I frown.
Her voice is high pitched, she sounds different. Why?
Is she wishing I wasn’t here?
Turning in the seat, I feel her hot look all over me. It makes my skin tingle. I close my eyes.
“Hi, Ryan,” she says softly.
Guess ignoring her is out of the question.
Taking a deep breath, I nod. “Hey.”
Her gaze flicks toward Alex and then immediately swings back to me.
“I’ve been thinking about you,” she admits.
Alex clears his throat and I shift on my seat.
“Yeah, well…”
I can’t talk to her about anything in front of him. I wan
t to ask her if she missed me so much then why hadn’t she called? Why had she kissed that jerk? Had she been hoping her little game would have enticed me to call, make me desperate to get her on the phone and beg her to give me another chance? After the set down she’d given me, there’s no way in hell. I have some pride.
But then I can’t stop thinking about her face on Monday and I wonder what the hell’s really going on.
“Yeah, so the party’s gonna be rockin’.” Alex drums his fingers on the wheel, acting like the tension isn’t running thick as a current between us.
“Oh?” She looks at me a second longer before turning back around. “Why’s that?”
“Three reasons. Liquor.” He ticks them off on his fingers. “Girls. And did I mention liquor?”
She laughs.
“I’ll D.D. tonight,” I mutter.
Liliana smiles back at me, I turn away, I can’t look at her anymore.
The rest of the ride is spent trying to ignore them. But every laugh, every breath is like a dagger tearing through me. Another second and I would have probably demanded Alex stop the car so I could just walk home.
But we’re finally there.
Thank God.
Getting out of the car, I lean against it, tipping my face up and closing my eyes, forcing cleansing breaths in my nose and out my mouth. This had been a bad idea.
The music is blaring, pumping so hard I feel it beating through my chest.
How am I going to make it through this night?
Just the thought of seeing her dancing with someone else, of having him grab her ass… I grind my molars so hard my jaw aches. I’ll hit Frankie in his big fat lip if he tries it again.
I need to go. I can’t stay here. I’ll tell Alex to call when he’s ready.
Opening my eyes, I’m ready to tell him so but am stopped short. She’s standing right in front of me.
I swallow, just looking. Drinking her in like a man starved, every line and curve of her face. The wide green eyes, full luscious lips. Lips I’ve touched and for a brief moment had felt transported to heaven seconds before crashing back down to hell.
Groups of people walk passed us, every one of them dressed in costume.
Guys whoop and holler, some of them obviously skunked off their asses as one streaks by, a pale blur of silvery white skin in the moonlight.
“I’m sorry.” She doesn’t so much speak it, as mouths it.
She shouldn’t have to say she’s sorry, we aren’t dating. We aren’t anything. She’d told me the deal, the day at the zoo she’d told me not to touch, not to kiss and she’d driven that point home with Frankie, we aren’t a thing. I shake my head, ready to tell her so, but she grabs my face and I can’t think because it feels so good.
My abs clench from the feel of her soft skin gliding along my cheekbones. I can’t stop the feathery breaths that spill from my lips.
“I’m so scared,” she continues. “But I can’t stop--”
I grab her fingers and she doesn’t pull back. I feel like I’m handling something fragile and delicate and if I move or even blink wrong she’ll dash away again leaving me to wonder what the hell I’m doing anymore.
“Lily,” her name comes out strangled and I have to clear my throat, “God.” I kiss her fingertips, pressing them tight to my lips.
She moves into me, her tiny body so close heat shimmers like a wave between us, flowing out of her and into me.
“I like you,” she admits and I swear I just heard a choir of hallelujah’s ring out.
“I like you too.”
“But we barely know each other.”
I nod. “You want to know the truth?”
She wets her lips.
“I’m fucking terrified.”
Smiling, her entire frame literally seems to exhale with relief. “I thought I was the only one. When that girl sat on your lap, I went…” she drops her gaze, I’m pleased to realize I was right, she had been jealous, “I’m sorry, Ryan. It wasn’t fair to you and it’s been eating away at me all week.”
I shake my head.
“It’s just, it’s hard you know. With my mom, and Javi, and school. And when I’m around you, it’s so easy. Too easy and it’s not supposed to be this way.”
“Then let’s stop overthinking this thing?” I rub my thumb along her knuckles. “Let’s just be friends?”
A twinkle gleams in her eyes. “Who kiss?” Her voice sounds breathless and wispy.
I rub her goose bumped arms. “Maybe. No rules. No expectations. Just friends and let’s see what happens.”
“Javi is a part of me, Ryan. There is no me without him.”
Pulling her gently into the curve of my body, I meld her lower half with my own and experience a hot shiver down my spine when she trembles.
“I would never ask that of you. He can come out with us every time, if you’d like.”
“Well,” one side of her mouth curves up, “maybe not every time.”
I bite my bottom lip, eyeing hers like they’re candy and I want a bite.
“Though there is one thing, and I guess I’m breaking my no rule rule already, but this is important,” I say, and she swallows, green eyes filling up her entire face.
“What?”
“No more games. No more Frankie, no more kissing other guys.”
She nods, gripping my shirt in his fingers. “You too. I don’t want to see anyone all over you.”
I smile. “Deal.”
Lowering my face, our lips are so close we share breath.
Her fingers dance across my chest. “Slow, Ryan. I can’t handle anything quicker. You might find you can’t deal with that, but I won’t be anything but honest with you.”
Body aching for relief, I still know it’s better than not seeing her. Last week had been a living shit hole. I’d drowned my depression in sparring, sleeping, and eating. And it’d sucked ass.
“I seriously doubt that.”
“What? That I won’t be honest.”
“No.” I rub a strand of silky hair between my thumb and finger. “That I can’t deal. I think for you, I could deal with a whole lot.”
Chapter 10
Liliana
We’re in the kitchen, me sitting on the counter with a cup of beer, Ryan standing between my legs and we’re talking. Which, considering our surroundings, seems impossible.
Talking isn’t what people come here to do. They come to get drunk, have lots of meaningless sex and wake up tomorrow morning pissing and moaning about how shitfaced they’d gotten and they can’t remember anything, swearing up and down they’ll never do it again, only to come back the next weekend and start the cycle all over.
His fingers are gentle as he glides them down my face.
“Did you like kissing him?” he asks.
“I hated it,” I admit slowly, “I’ve never done that in my life. I’m sorry.” I touch a corner of his face briefly.
“Then why’d you do it?”
“Because I’m scared, Ryan.”
“Why?” Leaning back, he gives me full eye contact.
I took a psych class back in my freshman year and learned how to interpret body language. Ryan’s chest is pointed straight at me, his arms are open, palms flat on either side of my legs, he’s telling me he’s listening. Hanging on every word and I can’t contain the warm fuzzies that flood my brain.
I take a sip of my beer, actually it’s my second cup, and maybe that’s why I say what I do. “Because I saw you try to kill yourself once,” I hiss low and for his ears only.
A heavy sigh rolls through his shoulders. “I’m sorry about that. I was in a bad place then.”
“And you aren’t now?” The cup hovers around my lips.
“I’m better. Much better. I train. I eat right. I stay away from drinking. Mostly.” He shrugs, giving me cocky grin. “I don’t get drunk anymore. That shit, it’s done, it’s over. I swear.”
I want to believe that so bad. Want to think that something so awful it could m
ake a person try to commit suicide could really be tidied up so quickly.
Studying his face, I begin to learn him-- to try and decipher the meaning behind each eye tick, brow twitch, and pursing of his lips.
“It’s not just me I’m thinking about, and maybe you’re getting tired of hearing it already, but I can’t bring someone into my life who won’t stick around. Javier needs stability.”
