by Hall, Marie
How Romeo and Juliet were doomed to fail, from the moment they’d set eyes on one another forces outside of their control had conspired like a snowball rolling down a hill, gathering speed and momentum, growing bigger and bigger, until it was so big it consumed them, their love, and their lives.
I’d thought it all so terribly romantic. To love someone that much, that even if they’d known they’d never escape in the end, they’d still chose to walk that path all over again.
But sitting here right now, it isn’t romantic.
It isn’t pretty.
It’s awful, an ache that spreads both hot and cold and makes me want to cry. I love him so much and I’m losing him.
I know I am.
***
Ryan
By some miracle I’d found Jell-O molds in the shape of Spiderman. Already imagining Javi’s surprise I wiggle the blue chunks out, ripping a few heads off in the process.
Lili’s house smells amazing.
Mama’s having a rare good day. Adelida had pulled her hair back, she’s sitting in front of the TV, talking low to Javi who’s staring at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade with single minded diligence.
“Nice apron,” Alex snorts, eyeing the frilly green and white atrocity Lili had forced me to put on this morning, claiming it would help me not to stain my khaki pants and blue collared shirt.
He leans over my shoulder, staring at the molds with a tight grimace. “Looks, disgusting.”
“You here to do anything other than screw with me?” I growl, wiggling the bowl under his nose before setting them into the fridge.
“Nah,” Lily hugs my waist, staring at Alex. “He’s just jealous because he knows he can’t look as sexy as you in one of these.” She tugs at the apron.
Adelida rolls her eyes. “Dios Mio, I don’t want to hear this,” she mutters, puttering around the kitchen, slapping lids back onto boiling pots of water and stews, before waddling off into the living room to check on Mama and Javi again.
I chuckle. “Look at that, you made Ade all shy.”
“No, she did not!” Ade snaps from the back.
Alex goes to the kitchen table. Drawing out a chair, he’s squatting, ready to sit.
“Might not want to--” The words are on the tip of my tongue, ‘don’t sit on that seat, you’ll fall on your ass’. A lesson I’d learned the hard way. But my warning isn’t quick enough.
One second he’s looking at me all confused, the next his head disappears and he’s sprawled out on the floor.
“Sheyet,” he moans, rubbing his ass and then covering his mouth with a fist, looking into the living room where two sets of eyes pin him with hard glares. “I mean… umm… my bad.” His face turns red.
Liliana laughs, the sound reminds me of a tinkling bell. “That’s what you get, making fun of my baby.”
She pats my chest and I’m not going to lie, my chest puffs out like a fucking peacock’s tail.
Snarling, Alex yanks out the other chair and sits. “Could have warned me. Made me swear in front of the boy, dude. Not cool.”
“Hey,” I grab a blue kitchen towel and dry my hands off, “I tried to warn you. Might want to take the wax out of your ears next time.”
“Har har har.” Alex takes a swig of his beer. “Can I help?”
Liliana turns.
The tamales are out and steaming on the counter, the ropa vieja fills the entire house with its stewed tomatoes and beef brine aroma, making my stomach growl appreciatively.
“Not really,” she says, “pretty much all done.”
Tossing the towel on the counter, I lean back and pull Lili into my side. She looks killer today, wearing a dark gray dress that drapes loosely around her knees and cinches at the waist. Her hair’s pulled up into some sort of twist and she’s even wearing a little bit of make-up around her eyes.
Not that she needs the stuff, she’s already hot without it, but the black eye shadow makes her green eyes snap electric.
I can’t wait to take the dress off her tonight.
“Yeah, no surprise you offer to help after it’s all done.” I smirk and he shrugs. “It’s what he always does at home too.”
“Hey, I’m no cook. Trust me,” Alex swallows another mouthful, “You don’t want what I’d make. Boiled hotdog, if you’re lucky, scrambled egg with probably a lot of shell in it for flavor of course, and a slice of burnt toast if you’re really lucky.”
“Remind me never to go over when he cooks.” Lili looks up at me.
Her cold fingers idly toy with the hair on my arm.
“Well,” Ade comes back into the kitchen, taking off her apron. “Help me to set the table, ninos y nina.”
Lili unties my apron, leans up and kisses my neck before turning and grabbing the plates.
They’re out the kitchen, in the dining room setting our spots. I grab the spoons and forks.
“Hey, man,” Alex comes up to me, speaking low, “you tell her yet?”
I can’t believe he’s bringing this shit up here, now. “No.”
Grabbing the enormous silver pot full of banana wrapped tamales, I head to the big table.
Liliana had been up early this morning, her and Javi. Javi hadn’t really been much help, just reading his comics, but Liliana had seemed possessed to make this Thanksgiving perfect.
She’d cut out tons of paper snowflakes, stringing them through with little white lights and hung them all around the room. Even going so far as going outside to snip a few pitiful looking blooms from the neighbor’s house, placing the yellow flowers in small glass vases around the table. It actually looks nice. Nothing fancy, but I like that.
Ade had also helped decorate. She’d gotten more colorful items. A bring pink and teal tablecloth, some yellow and red fiesta plates.
Doesn’t look like any Thanksgiving I’ve been to before, but it’s nice. Homey.
Lili won’t admit it, but I know what she’s doing. She’s building a memory, making her mother’s Thanksgiving perfect.
My heart clenches whenever I think about their situation. What will this family do without her? She may not walk, but Mama’s presence lingers heavy in every single crack, crevice, and corner of this home.
I sit the pile of tamales down. “Here good?”
Ade waves me off. “Go get more food. Hurry, Tina’s getting tired and I want to get some good food into her before she goes back to bed.”
Tossing me a grateful smile, Lili light’s several sets of votive candles.
Jogging back to the kitchen, I look for a pair of oven mitts to set the pot of old clothes on top of.
“So that’s it then?” Alex hasn’t moved from where I’d left him. “That’s all you have to say? You’re really not going to tell her?”
“Fuck me,” I hiss under my breath, glancing up to make sure no one heard who shouldn’t. “What the hell is your problem? Are you trying to ruin today?”
“Me? No.” He crosses his ankles, his expression closed and angry. “Why would I do that? Why would I ask you to treat someone I care about with an ounce of respect?”
“You’re worse than a chick. Let it go. I was having a good day, so is Lili, that doesn’t matter.”
Scrubbing a fist down his disbelieving face, Alex gives me a look that makes my blood cold.
Lowering my chin, I whisper, “Too fucking far, Alex, you hear me. Stop. Now.”
Steel gray eyes narrow into the thin slits. “Just because you think ignoring it solves everything, I’m telling you, you walk a slippery slope.”
Knuckles popping, the air between us grows thick as water.
I spot Lili from the corner of my eye. Tamping it all down, refusing to let Alex do this to me, I turn and smile.
She’s studying me and the fine hairs on the back of my neck rise.
“Everything okay?” she asks.
“Fine.” Grabbing a red pair of mitts, I heft the pot, and not sparing a glance for Alex, kiss her cheek. “Just fine.”
I don’t stop t
o look back and see if she’s looking at me, or even if she’s talking to Alex. Because I can’t. I won’t allow my drama to spoil a moment she’s worked so hard for. Today is about her and her mother, not me, not right now.
A few minutes later the table is set, no thanks to Alex’s lazy ass. The only thing he’d set was a small toothpick holder.
Ade wheels Mama to the table; her lashes flutter a wordless thank you. “Tanto?”
Lili sits next to her and pats her arm. “I know it’s a lot, but it’s all your favorites, Mama. Rice, and beans, and… and,” her voice cracks.
This is clearly harder on her than she’d thought it’d be. Hoping to lighten the mood I butt in.
“Old clothes,” I supply.
Mama smile is brief, but there. “You know, now you mention it, that is a terrible name for food.”
Tossing me a grateful nod, Lili grips my thigh and squeezes. I play with her fingers underneath the table, holding on until she stops shaking.
“Mmm,” Alex sniffs appreciatively, he’s sitting across from me and next to Javi who’s staring down at his empty yellow plate with his face resting on his fists, “it all looks good, Mommy.”
“It’s Mama, you nerd,” Lili giggles, and it’s like everyone in the room takes a deep breath and settles down.
Alex just grins, and I’m a little less irritated by him.
Ade gestures for my plate. “Since you helped make the masa, you get the first tamale.”
Flexing my fingers, I pass her my plate. “You didn’t tell me it was going to be such back breaking work. I thought I was never going to get to stop grinding corn.”
Eye’s twinkling, Ade shrugs a plump shoulder.
Even Adelida’s in a festive mood today. She’s worn a silky green dress, and her customary flyaway curls are tucked and gathered back into a neat bun.
“Come now, you’re a big strong boy.” She eyes my arms, forcing me to flex them in response. Tittering like a young girl, she presses her fingers to her lips. “Oh, you terrible flirt.” Her dusky cheeks burn red.
Mama laughs.
Unwrapping the steaming tamale, I tap the yellowish orange congealed masa with the tip of my fork. Lili’s flowery perfume tickles my nose as she leans in to whisper.
“It’s good, try it.”
“Looks different.”
Lifting a perfectly sculpted brow, she drags her fork through the tip of it and brings it to my lips. “Try it.”
The fork traces the seam of my lips and my pulse thrums.
“Try it,” she singsongs.
I lick my lips, thinking what we’re doing in front of the others might be more than PG rated. But the thought doesn’t last long.
She looks so beautiful today, I don’t want this food. I want Lili, want to drag her back to the room like a caveman and feast on her all day.
A loudly clearing throat reminds me where I am.
“Holy he--”
Ade sniffs in Alex’s direction, quelling his swearing.
He coughs and bangs a fist on his chest. “Heck,” he finishes, “Can you just take the bite please, there’s a child present.”
Mama laughs and Lili’s dark green eyes twinkle.
Opening my mouth, I let her feed me.
The first thing I taste is the slightly bitter hint of oil she’d called achoite, followed by the creamy texture of finely ground corn. “Not bad.”
She shoulder bumps me. “Told you.”
After that, there’s no more sharing of food. Not that I’d have minded, though it’s probably safer we don’t, too much longer and I’ll forget things like manners and just take her.
Javi’s tearing into his tamale and soon we all are.
We laugh, and drink lots of fizzy, creamy punch from plastic paper cups.
Halfway through the meal Adelida says, “Tina, are you still wanting to go after Thanksgiving Day shopping? Juan, has agreed to come and watch Javi again.”
Lily leans in and whispers, “Juan’s Ade’s boy, he works in a nursing home. Stops by every year so Mama and Ade can go shopping.”
I nod, thanking her for the information.
“Ah, Ade,” Mama pushes the food around her plate, she’d only been picking at it to begin with, “not this year.”
“Did you still want that new stereo?”
Mama shrugs. “It would be nice. My other one is full of static. I can hardly hear my news anymore.”
“I’ll go with you, Ade, so long as someone’s here to watch Mama and Javi, I’d love to come,” Lili chimes in, then turns to me, “You want to come with us? You too, Alex, if you want?”
I look at him. After Thanksgiving Day shopping isn’t something that appeals to me in the slightest and by the turn of his lips, I know Alex is thinking the same thing.
All the hassle of waiting in line for shit that won’t be worth the deal two months later. But…
Scratching the back of my head, I nod. “Yeah, we’re coming.”
“Hey, I didn’t agree…” Alex’s lips pinch.
“Oh, come on, it’ll be fun.” Lili smiles, the one that shows all her teeth and completely takes over her face. I’m putty in her hands when she turns that on me, I know Alex will be no different.
Exhaling loudly, rolling his lips as he does so, he growls, “Fine. Not like I got a chick waiting for me tonight.”
Ade looks ready to faint as she makes a pointed effort to not look at him. Mama’s lips twitch. I think she’s secretly just as naughty as her Liliana. Javier’s already looking back at the television screen, completely clueless what Alex implied.
I just roll my eyes.
And he has the nerve to complain about my table manners.
“Oh my gosh,” Lili covers her mouth, “the things that come out of your mouth, Alexander.”
Chapter 23
Liliana
The day rolls by in a blur and it couldn’t have been better even if I’d scripted it. Mama had had energy, she hadn’t gone back to her room as I’d expected, she’d even eaten a little, which was more than I’d seen her eat in weeks.
Javi settles himself onto the sofa, sitting beside Ryan almost the entire night, watching both football games.
The guys had laughed, and teased us all and I can’t remember when was the last time we’d had a day like that.
Ade had taken Mama to bed at nine. Almost thirty minutes ago, and Javier’s looking like he’s losing the battle with sleep too. He keeps rubbing his eyes, determined to stick to Ryan as long as he possibly can, but eventually sleep claims him too.
“Should I take him?” Ryan looks to me.
“Hey guys, think I’m gonna bail.” Alex checks his watch, then stands and gives a lion’s stretch and yawn. “What time is this stupid thing tomorrow?”
Bopping my leg over Ryan’s knee, I nod for him to lift up Javi. “You don’t have to come, you know, Alex. If it’s that awful.”
Ryan scoots off the couch, hefts Javi easily in his arms, then turns and glares at his cousin. “Like hell he’s not. He’s going. I’ll pick you up at three.”
“Hell. Three?” Alex curls his nose. “You owe me big, Lili. I mean, big.”
Getting up, I stretch my back before walking to him, giving him a hug. “There, consider that payment in full. And thanks for coming today, Alex.”
He wraps his arms around me, lifting me off the ground and squeezes tight. Tugging on his shirt until he bends over-- because he’s a giant and I’m too short otherwise-- I kiss his cheek.
Rubbing at the spot, he looks at Ryan, jerking his thumb at me. “You saw her do it first, man. No punching.”
Snorting, Ryan turns down the hall. “Get the hell out of here, man.”
Patting his chest, I follow him to the door.
Grabbing his coat and keys, he claps his hand against its frame. “Lili Bean, I uh…” He frowns and I cock my head.
“What?”
I see so many emotions scrawl across his face, concern and worry the most prominent.
&
nbsp; “Alex? What?” I take a step toward him.
But he must have thought better about whatever he’d been about to say, because he shakes his head and gives me one of his classic cocky grins. “Nothing. Had a great time. You take care of him, okay?”
