by Tanwen Coyne
Asleep at night, awake at morning.
Her voice sounded wooden and echoed in the silent house yet she sung, making her voice as strong as she could manage. It seemed as though something, someone, was listening to her singing.
She sang the words she could remember, then her voice faded and the house was silent once again.
Then, from the quiet, emerged a sound.
Jennifer’s chest throbbed as she realised it was a desperate sobbing.
Chapter Eight
JENNIFER SAT STILL IN her living room, watching the piano. She hadn’t heard the music for several days now. She hadn’t dreamt of her lover either. It was as though she had disappeared.
‘Where are you?’ she whispered. ‘Come back, please? Don’t leave me alone.’
She stood and crossed to the piano. She lifted its lid and pressed down on a key. But one note didn’t make a tune.
She decided to go out for a walk and wandered aimlessly down the hill in the direction of the harbour. She’d not really explored down here yet. Maybe it would take her mind off things.
The hill was steep and she ended up walking rather faster than she’d intended. She reached the bottom of the hill. Away to the right was the harbour, crowded with fishing boats and people. She didn’t want to be around people just now.
Jennifer turned left. The path was overshadowed by thick green trees and was seldom used. She felt cool and refreshed the moment she stepped beneath them. She walked slowly, taking in the gentle sounds of the world around her, and imagined she was walking with her lover. They could walk here together, holding hands. She wouldn’t feel so lonely if they were walking together.
The path came out on a little beach. As she emerged from the covered path, she was met by the sight of the white-blonde shore. A breeze blew her dark hair out behind her. It was a tiny beach and not another soul was there.
Jennifer made her way across the sand to where it met the sea. She sat by the water. The tide was going out, revealing seaweed-strewn rocks and leaving small puddles behind. The strip of sand was so small she could almost touch the trees and rocks surrounding it. She hoped no one would come here, unless it was her piano player. When would she see her again?
Arianwen stirs in her bed. Her mind throbs with confusion and she tries hard to remember the days since the wedding but they are a fog. Maybe there is a reason she should not try to remember.
She peers out of her window. The sun is setting. How many days has she slept through? She does not care.
She rises and dresses. She can hear her parents talking in the other room. She does not go to them. She goes out, walks slowly down towards the little beach only she visits. It is nothing more than a strip of sand but it is quiet and peaceful there.
She makes her way down the hill and follows the little dirt track down to the beach. It is dark by the time she steps onto the sand and, immediately, she senses someone else is there.
As Jennifer sat there, gazing out at the gentle waves, the sun began to set. She watched the whole sky become pale, then fill with pinks and orange, until finally it was dark. She sat back against a rock and closed her eyes, feeling the cool air stroke her face. It was peaceful here. Her mind found her ghostly lover.
The wind became a hand caressing her face. She kept her eyes shut. She didn’t want to ruin the spell. It was so real. She could feel the warmth of her lover close to her, feel her gaze on her and her hand touching her gently. She wanted to see the face she knew she would love but she was certain that if she opened her eyes, the moment would break and she would be alone.
‘Don’t leave me alone,’ she whispered.
‘I’m here,’ came the reply, soft like the trees rustling.
‘Stay,’ whispered Jennifer. ‘Stay for always.’
‘I want to.’
Jennifer reached out and touched the delicate face. She ran her fingers over it as though she were blind and learning features by touch alone. She could feel the gentle curve of the cheek; the full, wet lips; the hot, ragged breath. She could feel the high brow, the satin length of hair falling around her face.
‘I want to see you.’
‘Then open your eyes.’
‘You won’t go?’
‘I will not go.’
Jennifer breathed slowly and deeply, then opened her eyes. She gazed at the figure in the darkness before her. It was too dark to make out each detail but Jennifer could see her eyes. They were a soft blue, bright in the darkness. They were wet and Jennifer wondered if she’d been crying. She could see the long dark hair, the gentle features. She was dressed in old-fashioned clothes: a wide Victorian skirt and a corset which trapped her. Jennifer wanted to reach out and free her from it.
‘Are you real?’ she asked.
Her lover blinked at her. ‘I think so. Are you real?’
‘I suppose so,’ Jennifer said, watching her lover carefully.
Her lover bit her lip. ‘Are you a ghost?’
Jennifer blinked at her. Surely, the other woman was the ghost. Did she not know that? If not, how could Jennifer possibly tell her?
She shook her head. ‘No.’ She reached out and touched her lover’s jaw. ‘I’m not.’ She shuffled closer, looked into those sad blue eyes. ‘What’s your name?’
‘Arianwen.’
Jennifer smiled and tried the name out on her lips. ‘I’m Jennifer.’
Arianwen leaned forwards, caught hold of Jennifer in a firm but soft grip. ‘I know,’ she said, and kissed her deeply.
Chapter Nine
ARIANWEN IS SURROUNDED BY warmth. There is nothing else in the world but this moment. Jennifer is in her arms. Arianwen turns her head and looks at her. She is sleeping, her eyelashes brushing her cheek. Arianwen cannot stop watching her. She has waited so long to look into her face. She reaches out and touches her cheek, running her fingers along the soft, warm skin.
Jennifer sighs and opens her eyes. She looks up at her and smiles. ‘Did I fall asleep?’
‘Yes, I was watching over you.’
‘Is this real?’
Arianwen leans forward and presses her lips against Jennifer’s. ‘Does that feel real?’
‘It shouldn’t but it does. Kiss me again.’
Arianwen wraps her arms tightly around Jennifer and kisses her again. Jennifer yields beneath her and Arianwen presses forwards into her. This is what they have dreamed about.
Arianwen caresses Jennifer’s side, feeling the curves of her body. She slides her hand under the hem of Jennifer’s top and caresses her waist, feeling the warmth of her skin flow through her.
Jennifer tugs her closer. ‘Please touch me.’
Arianwen presses close to her, savouring her warmth. She can feel the heat coming from her groin and she pushes her leg in between Jennifer’s to feel it better. She has never done anything like this before but she seems to know instinctively how to make Jennifer gasp with pleasure.
Jennifer keeps her eyes closed and just holds tight to Arianwen as she is kissed and touched. Arianwen cannot keep her eyes or her hands off Jennifer. She pushes up further beneath her top, stroking the soft skin or grazing it slightly with her fingernails. Jennifer gasps in response to both kinds of touch.
Arianwen reaches further up and finds the hot, dimpled flesh of Jennifer’s breasts. She runs her hands over them, feeling the nubs harden to points in response. She glances at Jennifer’s face and takes in her open mouth, her eager lips.
Arianwen grins and kisses Jennifer. She pushes up her top and looks down. Jennifer is trembling, her breathing ragged. She opens her eyes and meets Arianwen’s gaze. Arianwen smiles at her. Her expression is absolutely trusting and her eyes are bright. Arianwen knows suddenly that this should not be real, that this is impossible, yet still they are here together. They are making love together and it is real.
Arianwen wraps her arm around Jennifer’s waist and presses her mouth to a nipple. Jennifer arches in her embrace, gasping in the night air. Arianwen sucks harder and Jennifer’
s fingers grip Arianwen’s arm so hard they go white. Arianwen slides one hand down and in between Jennifer’s legs. Jennifer cries out loud and begins to hump her hand as Arianwen continues to suck her nipple hard.
Jennifer wraps her legs around Arianwen’s waist and they move together, finding their own rhythm and arching together as their pleasure reaches its peak.
Arianwen sits back and watches Jennifer recover. She cannot stop looking at her. Her face is flushed and her eyes are lidded. Her mouth is open and Arianwen gazes at it as Jennifer’s breathing comes in gasps. Arianwen feels warmth settle inside her. She cannot remember ever feeling like this before. It is frightening but, at the same time, far too wonderful to run from.
Jennifer opens her eyes and looks at Arianwen. ‘I want to touch you now,’ she whispers.
Arianwen pulls back a little, her belly swirling suddenly.
Jennifer sits and cups Arianwen’s jaw. ‘It’s okay,’ she murmurs. Arianwen can feel the heat of her breath against her skin.
‘I’m going to make you feel so good.’
Arianwen shivers and then Jennifer is kissing her and she can feel the warmth again. Jennifer’s hands are sure and gentle on Arianwen. Slowly but without fumbling, she unhooks the clasps on Arianwen’s dress and pulls it aside. Beneath is her tight-laced corset.
Jennifer breaks away from the kiss for just a moment to glance at the corset. Arianwen can see her puzzling over the fastenings and she curses her clothing. She wants, needs Jennifer’s hands on her skin.
Jennifer kisses her again and begins to undo the laces. Arianwen breathes out into Jennifer’s mouth as the laces come loose. The relief. She feels released from the cage of a lifetime.
The bodice is unlaced and peeled away, revealing Arianwen’s undershirt. Her arms, shoulder and upper chest have been bared. Again, Jennifer breaks their kiss, this time to gaze at Arianwen’s naked flesh. Arianwen has never been beheld like this before. It is strange. Again, her stomach twists inside her but she does not wish to cover herself. Afraid though she is, she wants to lay herself open to Jennifer’s gaze. She cannot get enough.
Jennifer’s hands are gentle, almost reverent on Arianwen’s skin. She cups her shoulders with a firm grip, then moves down in a fingertip caress. Arianwen lets out a soft gasp. The touch is so soft it tickles. But her desire is not to laugh. She wants more touch.
Jennifer’s hands are sure and steady. She cups the heavy roundness of Arianwen’s breasts through the thin undershirt and keeps her hands there, thumbs moving rhythmically over the erect nipples. Arianwen feels her entire body tingling as she is touched oh so gently. Jennifer is watching her face, studying her reactions. Arianwen returns her gaze.
‘Please,’ she whispers.
Jennifer smiles and cups Arianwen’s face with a firm hand. ‘I told you I was going to make you feel good.’
Arianwen nods rapidly. ‘Please, give me more. I beg you.’
Jennifer leans forward, her thumbs still moves rhythmically over Arianwen’s taut nipples. She brushes her lips against Arianwen’s and murmurs close to her.
‘You don’t have to beg.’ She reaches behind Arianwen and undoes the laces at the back of her shirt, loosening it enough to tug it down and expose her chest. Arianwen no longer feels strange at being naked before Jennifer. It feels right. It feels like she has been waiting to show herself to Jennifer all her life.
She blinks. Her life. Jennifer is not part of her life. Jennifer is from another place. Why are they here together on this beach?
Jennifer kisses her again and all such thoughts sweep from Arianwen’s mind. There is nothing here but their nakedness before each other. Arianwen reaches out and holds onto Jennifer. She holds her naked waist as Jennifer begins to scatter kisses across Arianwen’s skin. She wants to reach her peak again, with Jennifer. She wants to feel Jennifer’s nakedness against hers.
‘Will we be discovered here?’
Jennifer shakes her head. ‘I don’t think anyone else ever comes here.’
‘Then I wish for us to be naked together,’ Arianwen says, feeling and hating the hesitation in her own voice.
Jennifer is gazing at her, eyes wide in wonder. Then she smiles.
Jennifer felt the fear in her lover’s body. But she could also feel her determination to overcome it. She wondered about her lover. She wanted to know where she came from, how it was that they were together then. She tried not to think about it. There would come a time for asking questions. Now it was just about this moment of being together, of touching each other, of being naked together, just as Arianwen wanted.
Jennifer pulled back just a little way and, watching Arianwen’s face, tugged at each piece of clothing until they had all fallen away and she was standing naked on the sand before Arianwen.
Arianwen gazed wide-eyed at her. She licked her already-wet lips and took deep breaths. ‘You are beautiful.’
Jennifer blushed. She’d never been called beautiful before. She smiled. She liked it. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered.
Arianwen fumbled with her own clothing. Jennifer went to help her. Together they peeled away the corset, the shirt, then the skirt. Underneath the skirt, Arianwen’s undergarments presented a challenge. As they worked, Jennifer could feel the weight of Arianwen’s clothing being lifted away. Arianwen let out a sigh, then smiled and kissed Jennifer hard.
Jennifer held her tight. ‘We’re just two women,’ she murmured.
Arianwen pressed kisses to Jennifer’s face. ‘Touch me,’ she whispered.
Jennifer skimmed her hand up Arianwen’s sides. Her body was slim and supple. Her skin, covered up for so long, was smooth and soft. Jennifer felt thrills go through her. She wrapped one arm firmly around Arianwen and brought her as close as could be. Their hot, erect nipples met, pressing points against one another. They shared a gasp and began to move against each other.
Jennifer slipped her hand down Arianwen’s back, over her smooth, round bottom. Arianwen whimpered softly. Jennifer curled her hand round a thigh and searched for the warmth she knew was there.
Arianwen trembled as Jennifer found the warmth and slid two fingers inside. Arianwen’s heat enveloped her. She moved her fingers slowly at first, then faster, until she could feel Arianwen’s belly undulating against hers.
Arianwen tugged at her and they found themselves on the ground, on top of their shed clothing. Jennifer settled herself between Arianwen’s legs and kissed her way down, whispering kisses across her responsive flesh.
She reached her belly and went lower. Arianwen held herself completely still, trying to stop from trembling. When Jennifer’s tongue slid out to taste her, Arianwen jerked upwards uncontrollably. Jennifer grinned and slid her tongue over Arianwen’s heat. Arianwen’s thighs trembled with the effort of not jerking and thrusting as Jennifer’s tongue flickered over her clit. Jennifer loved the reactions she was causing, watching her go wild and proud to be giving her such pleasure.
Arianwen came with a loud cry, her thighs clenched hard around Jennifer’s shoulders. Jennifer kept her tongue moving until Arianwen sagged, exhausted by her pleasure.
Jennifer shuffled up to lie beside Arianwen, wrapping her in her arms. ‘Okay?’ she asked.
Arianwen looked at her, her eyes dark with pleasure. ‘You speak so strangely. I have never felt like this, not in my whole life. I do not know how I can go back to how it was before.’
‘Then stay here with me. Stay forever.’
Arianwen put her head on Jennifer’s shoulder and closed her eyes. ‘Forever,’ she whispered with a sigh.
Chapter Ten
JENNIFER WOKE ALONE. LIGHT was beginning to peep over the horizon towards her and the stillness of the world was about to fade away. She pulled on her clothes and, lost in memories of the night before, walked back to her little cottage.
She closed her front door behind her and the emptiness of her cottage surrounded her. Her lover wasn’t there. There was no music playing, just emptiness and silence.
Lyi
ng down on her bed, Jennifer closed her eyes and tried to recall the touch of her lover from hours before. She really was her lover now. It wasn’t just a dream.
Arianwen wasn’t from now. She was from long ago. Jennifer knew that was impossible. Yet they had been together, and it didn’t seem to matter that it was impossible.
‘Jennifer,’ Arianwen breathes in her ear.
Jennifer reaches out to touch her but there is only empty air. ‘Please come back. I want to hold you.’
Arianwen did not appear. Jennifer pulled the blanket over herself and pressed her face into the pillow, utterly bereft.
Bewilderment follows Arianwen. She finds herself alone on the beach, her corset and wide skirt and petticoats in place and trapping her as always.
Her head throbbing with confusion, she trudges home across the sand. Her parents will be at the cottage and she will have to pretend she is not in love with a spectre.
Making no noise, she slides into the cottage. It is dark. There are no candles lit. There is no hum of her father’s voice and no click of her mother’s knitting needles.
‘Mother?’
There is silence.
‘Da?’
Still nothing.
She walks into the living room and finds only darkness. Her piano stands quiet and closed in the darkness. There is nothing else in the room.
Trembling, she goes to her bedroom. There, her brass bed stands ready for her. There is someone in it, huddling beneath the covers.
She jerks in delight. Jennifer has come!
No. It is her own body she sees.
She sees herself, in a different time, lying in her bed. Her hair is white, her face creased and her mouth in a grimace. She is alone, dying in her bed. There is no one even to hold her hand.
Arianwen watches herself suffer, covered in blankets, her breathing laboured. She can feel her own loneliness, aching within her body. She wonders why she does not call out for Jennifer. Jennifer would come to her.
