‘I’d recommend you do the same ones. I doubt our principal would let you change anyway. I’m the school captain, you know.’
She smiled with encouragement. ‘Really? That’s awesome. Do you have to do heaps of speeches and stuff?’
‘Not heaps. Well there is a bit of planning for school events, but I share that with my co-captain, Roman.’ The mention of his name made my stomach squeeze.
‘Oh yeah,’ she teased, not knowing what she was getting into.
‘No it’s not like that,’ I blushed. ‘I have a boyfriend. We are best friends. Or were.’
Her eyebrows rose. ‘What happened? Too stressful?’
‘Something like that.’ My lips pursed and we kept walking in our Ugg boots along the sand.
We were both keeping secrets today and that was fine. A first proper meeting had to stay casual, to suss each other out. So far, she was down to earth and unassuming; exactly what I needed.
‘So tell me about this boyfriend? You been together for long? Serious?’ Her hands slipped into her pockets, suggesting she was ready to listen.
‘Gosh, where do I start? His name is Nate, and he goes to the Grammar school down the road from our school. At first I thought he was a total prick. But he’s misunderstood.
He’s sweet, and charming, and really cheeky. For the most part we are getting serious, yeah.’ I smiled at my summary of him. It was spot on.
‘Cool. He sounds nice. I had to leave a boyfriend behind when I left; it wasn’t pretty. But I know there are plenty more fish in the sea,’ she said diplomatically.
I noticed the pain in her voice. What had made them leave so dramatically and just her Dad with her?
‘For sure. Maybe not at our school,’ I replied, rolling my eyes.
‘Can I tell you something?’ When I nodded, she said, ‘I’m so nervous about school starting. Please tell me it’s easy to fit in.’
‘Only if you don’t have red hair,’ I muttered, shaking my head at the memory. Shana frowned, confusion in her brown eyes. Luckily, her hair was raven black and red probably wouldn’t show through it if she did ever colour it. I laughed, to show her I was joking, even though I wasn’t.
hoa. Look out. We have a new girl at school. Competition. Watch where you’re going, won’t you sweetheart?’ Skye winked at Shana as she stepped on the books Shana was quickly trying to pick up off the ground. The nervousness she mentioned a few days ago showed loud and clear. I bent down to help her just as James did. Odd. I didn’t see James often at school, unless he was with Roman. His gentlemanly side had remained a mystery, until now.
‘Thanks guys, but I’ve got it,’ Shana said in a small voice. Her cheeks shone a rose colour underneath her olive skin. She was very pretty; I was sure she’d pick up one of our boys in no time. Maybe they wouldn’t consider her a ‘school girl’ as they didn’t know her yet. It would be a mad scramble for her first term here.
‘Oh, how sweet. Now you’ve got everyone helping you. And Daisy has finally found a new friend since Rachael started hanging out with my crew. Better hang on to this one tighter, hey school captain?’
‘Whatever Skye.’
My chest burned with the new knowledge of Rachael changing friendship groups without telling me. Skye would have been banking on me not knowing. She’d be gloating to her friends as soon as she saw them about the surprised look on my face when I found out my best friend wasn’t ‘best’ anymore.
‘I’m James.’
James introduced himself, holding out his hand to Shana and shaking me out of my trance. Seeing that her hands were already full with slippery books, James quickly moved his hand to skim it through his mousy brown hair. The cool act made me giggle. So did Shana.
‘Sorry, can’t reach. Next time,’ she smiled sweetly and they grinned at each other until I grabbed her arm and we moved off to first period.
‘Who was that girl before? The platinum blonde,’ Shana whispered during note-taking in history.
‘Ahh, yes. Skye. My arch nemesis. Well, any normal girl’s enemy. She makes it her business to be,’ I said, raising my eyebrows for emphasis.
Shana looked uneasy. She seemed to scare easily, so I backtracked and tried to encourage her.
‘She’s also easy to ignore. I’m getting real good at it,’ I lied, remembering all my run-ins with her since the start of the year. Thinking back, most times she baited me I gave in and bit back.
‘I hope so. I don’t like trouble. I’m not good with confrontations.’
‘Stick with me. I’ll protect you. And it looks like James will, too,’ I teased, nudging her in the ribs.
She grinned despite herself. ‘So who is he? Is he nice? Or just wanting to flirt with me?’ She doodled idly on her lecture pad while she waited for my response.
‘He’s my best friend’s best friend. If he is his best friend, then he must be pretty nice.’ There, that wasn’t a lie.
‘Wow that’s not half confusing,’ she giggled. ‘Don’t you know him? If he’s your best friend’s best friend?’
‘Good question,’ I nodded. ‘You’d think so, but not really. I see Roman more alone than with groups of people.’
Shana’s eyes lit up. ‘Oh, is that the guy you told me about on the beach?’
‘Uh, sorta. It’s … complicated,’ I stammered, opening my textbook to fake busyness.
She was not fazed. ‘Fair enough. I’d like to get to know this James a bit better. Maybe I should drop my books more often.’
‘Only one way to find out,’ I grinned, wondering if James would be interested in her. What a happy family that would be, James and Shana, Roman and I. Not funny.
‘One month until exams,’ Miss Shaw told us on the way out. ‘Keep revising every night or they will come to bite you in the you know what.’ She smiled at me as I passed her and I smiled back.
Rach passed me in the corridor moving to our next class. I hadn’t seen her all holidays, which was rare for us. With sadness I made eye contact with her and for an instant her eyes softened with familiarity. My eyes widened as I noticed her hair. It wasn’t completely bleached white blonde, but it was close. A whole head of blonde foils as well as a dirty blonde semi-permanent made her, in theory, a new member of the Blonde Brigade.
With a sinking heart, I promised myself I would think of ways to bring her back; to find out what’s happened to ‘us’ and try to salvage some of our friendship.
At lunch, Shana sat with me under the veranda, watching the boys playing basketball.
‘Shana, I’ve been meaning to ask you, why are you here only with your dad?’ Honesty was a good way to get curiosities out in the open.
‘My mum left us. Long story short, she ran off to Spain with this guy she met on the internet. Dad and I decided we needed a change of scenery.’
‘Right. Are you coping?’ I asked to be polite, and because she seemed fine about it.
She nodded with a mouthful of juice. ‘It’s been happening for a while; I’ve had a chance to get used to it. So tell me one of your secrets then, mm?’
I laughed. I should have seen this coming. ‘Try this. Sometimes I feel like I’m torn between the idea of opposite types of guys. It’s doing my head in.’
‘And you have a boyfriend? Wow.’
‘Tell me about it. I wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but I figure you’re safe.’
I exhaled and ran my hands through my hair.
‘Yeah, you win hands down. At least I know the truth about my mum and my life. Sounds like you need to keep seeking your truth.’
‘You got that right. I’ll let you know when I find it.’
She patted my leg and smirked, shaking her head.
ife as I knew it had changed. I didn’t mind change. For the most part, I embraced it. I didn’t know how to deal with this sort of change.
Roman took a leaf out of Rachael’s book and distanced himself from me, as he had threatened when I didn’t promise to end things with Nate. Whenever I tried to contact hi
m to hang out he was ‘busy’. If he was telling the truth then he needed to take a break from his life and chill out. If he wasn’t telling the truth, and he was avoiding me, then we had more of a problem than he was willing to admit.
Had I hurt him that much by being with Nate? A small part of me played devil’s advocate inside my head. It accused me of wanting my cake and eating it too. To have Roman as the ‘safe’ option to flirt with when Nate wasn’t behaving as well as he should be, or wasn’t turning out to be all he was cracked up to be, was, in my silly little brain’s opinion, being spoilt.
It was probably right. It was probably better this way. Then Roman wasn’t bound to me by any obligations and I could stop enjoying my newfound flirting interest in him.
A couple of weeks into the term, Josh broke up with Pam. I can’t say I was surprised. What I was more surprised over was that he stayed with her so long in the first place. The poor girl came into my room crying her eyes out at the time, begging me to tell her he would come round and they would be back together again in no time. I hated lying to her. How does a sister tell a girl her brother is a dick a lot of the time? How could I tell her the truth? I’ll never forget the pained look in her tear stained eyes as she left my room with the words, ‘Don’t make the same mistake as me, Daisy. Don’t trust a guy with everything you have.’
At the time I almost felt arrogant. Like my relationship with Nate was so much more superior to anyone else’s. The fact is, any relationship can turn into hers and Josh’s if people give themselves permission to behave like that. Everyone starts out with a clean slate to soil. I wondered if her words would come back to haunt me one day, to punish me for my lack of sympathy.
The night before my first external exam, I received a phone call from a very distressed Nate. I hadn’t nearly studied enough for maths and was feeling very anxious about my ability to pass it, at minimum. I wasn’t in the right headspace for conversations with anyone.
‘Babe, I need to talk to you. I feel like crap,’ he started, anxiety clear in his voice. I shut my maths book and moved to the bed, reaching for my headset. It was 9 pm, and my brain was dying fast.
‘What’s up?’ I asked, absent minded.
‘My parents.’
An alert sounded in my head. ‘What’s happened?’
‘They’ve got the papers for a divorce. That’s why I haven’t been able to see you lately. It’s over, Dais,’ his voice broke and he took a deep breath to steady himself.
I couldn’t begin to imagine what he was going through. ‘Gosh Nate, I’m so sorry. Do you know why?’
‘Not really. They’re calling it ‘irreconcilable differences’, whatever that bullshit means.’
‘Hmm. Well. Maybe it’s for the best. They have been fighting for a while. They might be happier without each other.’
‘Can you come over? I need you. We can sit in my car and hang out. It’ll make me feel better.’ His voice pleaded against my better judgment. I had an exam first thing, but how could I deny my boyfriend the sympathy he so needed?
I met him outside his house. His head hung low. It was all I could do to just hold him while we sat on the kerb on his front lawn and let him vent his frustrations of life.
‘It’s harder on Amelie. She’s so young. She doesn’t understand adult issues and why people can’t live together,’ he whispered, clutching my waist with one arm.
‘I’ve been watching out for her, you know, like I promised. She seems happy at our school and she’s hanging out with a group of friends. I think she’ll be fine after a while. She’s lucky to have you as a big brother.’
‘Thanks. I knew you would. See why I love being with you? You’ve got such a good heart and you’re a positive influence on everyone you are around.’
‘Oh shush. I’m not that awesome.’
‘You are. Look at me.’
I obeyed, my eyes straining to empathise with the hurt displayed in his.
‘Losing my parents as a couple has made me realise how important you are to me. I know I was really busy after our weekend trip and I’m sorry for that. I’ll try to make it up to you. The thought of losing you tears me apart. I want us to get closer and stronger. If you know what I mean.’
I did. It wasn’t the right time for me to hear it in my current frame of mind, but my spine tingled. I wanted nothing more than to be with him completely. My attraction to him grew every day. I was totally in love with him.
He continued, ‘It’s hard for me to talk like this. I’m a guy. I’m trying. If you’re willing to be patient with me and help teach me, I’ll get there one day.’
‘I guess we both have a lot to teach each other, huh,’ I said, chuckling quietly at the unlikely irony.
‘We sure do. We can do it at the same time, if you like,’ he teased.
I pushed his shoulder but gave him a kiss. ‘Nate I need to be getting home. It’s late.’
‘Please stay a little longer. I’m not ready to go back inside and face Dad. He’s shattered.’
I couldn’t say no. I stayed until after midnight and my mind was so over stimulated that I had a crap sleep.
My disaster of an exam was perpetuated throughout the week as I bombed out for each subject, except history. Nate required my company and support for hours at a time, so I helped him as much as I could, no matter how much it taxed me emotionally, physically and academically.
I squashed a niggling debate in my head; was it worth it that I flunked my exams to make sure Nate was OK each night before I went to bed? What did commitment really mean?
To me, it was all or nothing. I thought that was normal.
Nate’s eighteenth birthday was only a fortnight after exams. I found out through Amelie, of all people. I guess it ended up helping me that I made sure I kept my promise to Nate from the beginning. For leaving me ignorant, Nate would pay. The sneaky sod didn’t tell me the exact date of his birthday and I hammered him for it during soccer practice one Wednesday afternoon.
‘What? You didn’t want me to make a fuss of it? That’s the most stupid excuse I’ve ever heard, Nathaniel Frederick. Pathetic,’ I said, kicking the ball extra hard at him. It sailed over his head as he rolled his eyes and spread his hands wide.
‘Too bad, go get it,’ I shouted.
He shook his head and turned to jog after the ball, which had made its way solidly on to the field below us.
When he came back, he called, ‘So now you know. And I don’t want a big deal.’
The ball was sent back to me perfectly, just enough to my right so I could stop it easily with the inside of my foot.
‘I’m pretty sure that’s up to me, not you,’ I spat back. ‘So you’ll take what I give you and enjoy it, got it?’ I passed it back to him and watched him laugh at me.
‘Really. What sort of birthday present are we talking about here?’ he asked, eyes lighting up with mischief.
‘That’s for me to know and you to find out,’ I replied, sticking my tongue out at him. He smiled my favourite smile; slightly crooked and full of boyish charm.
He had cheered up significantly since he found out about the break up. Possibly to make himself feel better, he took it upon himself to continue teaching me, step by step, the things I needed to know about loving someone. I blushed thinking about all the things we talked about and did together, but I knew it was getting to a point where there would only be one more step left. It was natural, inevitable, enchanting.
Not long after, I decided the time would come on his birthday. It seemed fitting and it would be a great surprise for him. And a great present. I was ready for it. I felt confident in us.
The main thing left to decide was; did I tell him beforehand to warn him? Or not?
Do I tell anyone?
June
Dear Diary,
I’m so in love. I know I say that every time I write, but it’s true. I can’t help the things that stick in my head and heart. I’ve just found out it’s Nate’s 18th birthday in a fortnight. I don’t
know what I can get him that he doesn’t already have, except one thing … if you catch my drift.
I’m scared. Petrified, even. Fine, I’m shitting myself, happy?
I don’t know anything. I don’t know how to act, what to wear, what to expect. I don’t know whether I should be buying the protection or telling him, or going to the doctor … the idea of putting pills into my body freaks me out a bit, but I guess latex should too.
It all sounds gross. If I’m going to go through with this I’ll need to mature more beforehand. I can’t behave like a five year old in front of him.
I need to learn to talk about it. If no one knows, who do I talk about it with?
Great idea. Glad we had this talk.
Scaredy-cat Daisy. No kisses.
The boy’s sky blue eyes pierced mine. He looked nice. The freckles on his nose and cheeks only added to his charm. Someone who loved him had paid particular attention to his school uniform; it was flawless; his shorts and shirt pressed to perfection.
He waited patiently for me to answer him, hands in his pockets. I, on the other hand, held on to the shoulder straps of my oversized school bag, unable to make a firm decision either way. As usual, I could see both sides of the proposal.
The boy shrugged and smiled at my indecision. Straight white teeth flashed across his mouth, lighting up his face, and I immediately felt drawn to his friendly, easy going persona. I nodded and we started walking. He asked plenty of questions to make me feel comfortable, which I appreciated.
There was one problem. I wasn’t sure where we were going. We were dressed for school, but why were we walking on empty dirt roads with only horses surrounding us? The buildings were dark and unfamiliar.
Something small and hard poked into my hip. He was offering me food. What was it? Pink, hard to chew, and sweet. I thanked him and kept walking, wishing I knew where I was.
From our left, an older boy in a purple uniform with matching cloak, riding a horse, blocked our way.
Friendship on Fire Page 24
