by Claire Gough
He swallows, then points at the tub. “Best ice cream I’ve ever tasted!”
I just nod and laugh. “I told ya.” I start eating my own tub of frozen loveliness.
After a few minutes, I ask, “So, are you guys hoping to get signed or something?”
“Cole’s doing all he can to get us noticed. He has a friend up here who’s trying to get us more and more gigs.”
“Why here?” I look at him briefly.
He shrugs. “Brad wanted Jay to come here for his unofficial stag do, and Cole wanted to spend the entire two weeks from work promoting the band. This is a weird compromise of the two.”
“And what do you want, Fin?”
He scoffs. “God knows.” Confusion passes over his face. At this moment, he looks so lost. I wish I could help him, but how can I when I have no clue what’s bothering him?
He looks at me. “What about you, Alex? What do you want for the future?”
I open my mouth, then shut it. It’s something that has been on my mind a lot lately, but I find it hard to talk about because it means an end to the life I know, the life I have clung to since I was ten. I feel my heart hammering in my chest as I realise I am actually going to say it out loud.
“I’m…” I sigh and close my eyes. This is stupid. I shake my head. Talking about something you want should be easy. “I want to open my own B&B.” I take in a huge gulp of air and fill my lungs with it. Saying it out loud feels so alien.
“Is that what you’re going to do?”
I freeze. That’s the question I've been asking myself for months now.
“You say that like its simple.”
“It’s not, but you’re the one who just said it’s what you want.”
I turn to look at him. “It is what I want.”
He frowns at me. “I feel like there’s a ‘but’ here.”
I stab my plastic spoon into the last little lump of ice cream floating in my tub. I suddenly don’t feel so hungry.
“You’re good at this,” I scoff. He laughs slightly, making his thigh rub on mine.
“So… Are you going to do it, Alex?” He sets his tub down on the step and turns to face me.
“I don’t know.” I shrug, feeling lost. I gaze into those deep, dark eyes. Something about him makes me feel so comfortable. “I’ve wanted my own B&B since I was around fourteen. I now have the money to make the move, to start looking for a place, but…” I look at him, seeing him smirk, “I’m finding it hard to actually make a move.”
I feel like I just put part of myself out for him to see. I kind of expect him to laugh because the thought of me running my own place is ridiculous, even to me.
“What’s the main thing holding you back?” he asks softly. His accent sounds soothing right now. He also isn’t laughing at me.
“My aunt Jill. Alistair and I are all she has.” I feel like crying at the thought of telling her I’m moving on.
“I’m sure she'd want you to live your life, though, Alex.”
I look up at him, trying to hide the tears in my eyes. “That’s what she says all the time.” I try to smile, but it’s more of a grimace. “She knows it’s what I want. For years, it’s all I’ve worked for, saving all my money just to get my own place. I think she even knows I have enough saved now to move on, but she won’t mention it.”
“So if she knows about it and cares about you enough to let you live your own life, what’s really holding you back?” I stare up into his dark brown eyes and feel something inside me crack. The tears that have been stinging my eyes threaten to spill over the edge.
“I just feel so selfish.” I run the back of my finger under my eye to catch the moisture, then wipe it on my jeans.
Fin slides his arm around my shoulders and pulls me toward him, resting my head on his chest. I feel so safe and protected. It makes it seem okay to feel sorry for myself. How messed up is that? I feel the tears in my eyes again as I breathe in Fin’s now familiar smell. I squeeze my eyes shut and let the tears fall.
I take a few deeps breaths, then lift my head. He leaves his arm loosely draped around me, just in case I break again.
“After everything my aunt has done for me, I feel selfish wanting to move on, move out. How do I look her in the eyes and say, ‘Hey, Jill, thanks for everything, but I’m going now’?”
He smiles and reaches out, running a finger under my eye, catching a tear I missed. “Alex, you know your aunt better than anyone. Do you really think she’s going to mind? If anything, I think she would be proud of you, and I think she’d be proud of herself for watching you move on and succeed. I’m guessing she taught you all you know about the business, right?”
I blink a few times at his words. Wow, he’s good at this.
“I guess I never thought of it like that.”
“Of course you didn’t because this is a huge thing, Alex. Your next move is vital and scary as hell. Your mind will look for ways and reasons to back out. Don’t let self-doubt stop you. Trust me, you’ll kick yourself if you don’t at least try.”
I look into his eyes. He seems so wise, like he really knows what he’s talking about. I want to know so much more about Finnley.
I wipe my eyes again to make sure all my tears are gone. I feel like a total mess now. Part of me hates that Fin saw me so vulnerable. At the same time, his words make sense. I hardly know this guy, but here I am…in his arms, feeling so safe, telling him my hopes and fears.
I pull out of his grasp. If I don’t, I’ll be here all night. But it feels so nice, and he smells like home.
“So, now you know everything.” I smile at him, feeling stupid for letting myself get so vulnerable.
“I guess.” He smirks.
I frown at him. “You guess?”
“Well, yeah. I don’t know everything I wanted to know.”
“What else did you want to know?” I smirk back, flirting.
“Well… I still don’t know if you have a new boyfriend every week.” He playfully nudges me with his shoulder and laughs. I shake my head, giggling. Everything between us seems normal again, like I didn’t just have a meltdown.
“Come on. Let’s walk back,” I say, standing. His chestnut hair blows in the wind. In the little light from the setting sun, I can see his hair has a gorgeous red tinge to it.
He bites his lip as he squints up at me, the sun in his eyes. I step in front of it so a shadow falls over him. He smiles up at me, then rises from the step, his eyes on mine the whole time.
“Okay,” he finally replies, sliding his hand into mine.
“Thank you,” Fin says as we walk back toward The Driftwood. We were talking about B&B’s, good experiences and bad ones. I had started bullying him into giving us a good review on Trip Advisor when he randomly said thank you. I look around, trying and figure out what he’s thanking me for. I look down at our joined hands.
“For…letting you hold my hand?” I ask, frowning.
He laughs a little. “Well, yeah. For that, too, but I meant telling me about you.”
“And my stupid fears?” I look at my feet for a moment before lifting my eyes to his
He shrugs. “Yeah, that.”
I bite my lip. I still can’t quite believe how emotional I let myself get in front of him. I feel embarrassed just from him bringing it up again.
“It means a lot to me that you shared that,” he says, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. “All I asked from you was the chance to get to know you and you’re letting me, so thank you.”
If he really means that and it’s not just some line, I guess I don’t feel as embarrassed by my outburst. I do think he should share something with me, though. That’s only fair, right?
“Are you thankful enough that you’ll tell me your first name?” I ask, making him laugh.
He shakes his head. “Not a chance.”
“What’s so bad about your name?”
“It’s...” His eyebrows pinch together as he thinks about his answer. “It’s just
so Cowley, it’s embarrassing.”
“Oh, I get it now. You think your name might embarrass you in front of your latest conquest.”
He stops dead in his tracks, looking at me intently. “Alex…” He shakes his head, looking down at the ground. He sighs and lifts his head to look at me. “I told you, this isn’t about sex.”
At the mention of sex, my blood pressure spikes. I’m having a hard time believing it’s about anything but sex. I nod, not knowing what to say because I know we won’t agree on this point. I hate that this might just be a game to him and that I am being played. The more I refuse to let him in, the more of a challenge I become. I just confessed my hopes and fears to him. Will he use them against me at some point to get me to trust him and somehow lure me into bed?
I hate the image that my own mind keeps throwing back at me of him going back to his bandmates, all of them laughing that I fell for it, that I let him get what he wanted.
No, I can’t let that happen.
“It’s just embarrassing,” he adds, breaking me out of my own thoughts. He starts walking again. With his hand still in mine, I have no choice but to start walking again, too. I think he knows I don’t believe this little thing between us isn’t all about sex to him.
“So, Fin, I’m curious. What did you say to the guys after you realised I was running the B&B and that we’d already met?” I ask, changing the subject.
He laughs. “Honestly?” I look up at him and nod. “Well, first, I went straight to Cole’s room and politely asked him to stay away from you.” His cheeks turn a lovely shade of pink.
“What?” I laugh.
He scratches the back of his head with his free hand for a second, then lets it drop, chuckling.
“As we talked to you that first night, I noticed the way he looked at you, so we had a chat.”’ I can’t help but feel a little flattered.
“And what did he say?” I ask.
He looks down at me, almost like he’s contemplating whether he should say anything.
“He admitted he was thinking of making a move on you, but since I actually met you first, he said he’d back off.”
“I can’t believe you’re telling me this.” I shake my head and giggle like a schoolgirl.
“Neither can I, to be honest, but I feel comfortable with you.” He smiles a sweet smile, and I know exactly how he feels. That exact feeling is what made me pour my heart out to him.
“So… What if Cole had been the one who met me in the shop that day? Would you have backed off?”
He looks into my eyes, as if seriously contemplating his answer. He searches my face for a moment…until his lips turn into that sexy sideways smile and his hand tightens on mine.
“Probably not.”
I can’t speak. All words have evaporated out of my head, so we walk on in silence.
When we come to the street leading to The Driftwood, Fin lets go of my hand. He walks over to the wall overlooking the sea and leans on it. The breeze ruffles his hair as he stares at the waves, the tide coming in. I walk over and lean on the wall right next him, my right arm touching his left as we both look out to sea.
“So are you going to go after Cole instead now?” he asks. I look at him just as he turns his head to face me, a smirk on his face.
“Hmm, I don’t know. Haven’t decided.” He playfully nudges me. It’s something so simple, yet it makes my heart pound. “Not a chance, Fin.”
I lean my head on his shoulder, letting out a huge sigh. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I have started to let Fin in…and I like it. That feeling alone is so confusing. I don’t do the whole dating thing. I can usually take it or leave it, but I can already feel the pull to Fin getting stronger every minute I’m around him.
Bee's words echo in my mind. This will end with you crying on my shoulder.
She’s right. I feel it as I stand here with my cheek pressed against his leather jacket. I need to decide how to deal with this connection I feel. I honestly don’t think I have the strength to stop it anymore.
I push myself away from the wall. I take a deep breath and step toward the guest house, hoping a little bit of distance from him will help me think a bit more clearly.
“Alex?” he asks. His voice sounds so heavy.
I stand still, my back to him, and squeeze my eyes shut. I guess I’m not going to get a minute to clear my head after all. Maybe my connection to him works both ways. I think he can sense me trying to pull away from him, or trying to.
“Okay, so we went out. Now what?” I ask him loudly, practically shouting over the roar of the sea, my back still to him.
I feel him moving until he’s standing right in front of me. He’s stunning. The sun setting behind me reflects in his eyes as the breeze keeps rearranging his hair into many different styles, each one suiting him perfectly. He frowns at me.
“I mean, did you even think that far ahead? What happens next, Fin?”
He sighs in defeat. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.”
“What were you hoping to achieve tonight?” I ask, getting slightly angry. I’m starting to feel things for him, things I didn’t want to, and it’s all his fault. I would have been just fine if he had left me alone like I wanted. He was the one who wanted this. He wanted tonight to happen, not me.
“I don’t know! I just knew I wanted to spend more time with you. Now…” He shrugs helplessly. I watch his tense shoulders relax, his voice softening. “Now I want to spend even more time with you.” His brown eyes meet mine. My heart swells a little more…and I hate it.
“We don’t have time, Fin. We have a week.”
“I’ll take a week over nothing.”
He watches me for a long moment. I can’t speak because I don’t know what to say. I see his jaw clench tightly as he shakes his head.
“And the seriously frustrating thing is you’re still not willing to do that, are you?” he says through gritted teeth.
He’s actually angry with me?
“Can you really blame me, Fin?” I snap. “This is a holiday for you, all fun and games, but it’s not for me. This is my life! Once you’re gone, I'm the one left here.”
“I know that, Alex. We can’t change the circumstances. What I can change is how I spend my week while I’m here.” He looks so frustrated as he shakes his head, trying to think of a way to convince me. “I don’t want to spend what’s left of my week here watching you every day, wondering what it would be like to get to know you.”
He looks lost. I feel lost. I have no idea what to do because he’s right, but what if it’s all part of his plan to lure me into his bed?
“Why me?” I ask, watching him closely.
I watch as he steps closer to me until he's only a foot away. I swallow hard as his eyes lock on mine. He’s so close, I can smell his aftershave again. He holds his hand up, the palm facing me.
“Put your hand against mine.”
I look at it. I already know the point he's trying to make before I even let my skin touch his.
“Alex…” He nods to his hand.
I sigh and put my palm against his, feeling the shot of electricity through my hand, down my arm, right into my chest. He intertwines his fingers with mine, squeezing. I bite my lip. It’s hard not to groan at how good this feels.
“I know you feel that, too. The look on your face every time I’ve touched you. The first time I shook your hand in the lobby, holding hands walking down the street tonight.”
I look down at my feet. His skin on mine doesn’t help clear my mind at all. In fact, it has quite the opposite effect.
“I still can’t get over that this might all be a huge plan just to get me into bed,” I whisper in a weak, shaky voice, his intense, brown eyes staring into mine.
“I couldn’t fake this feeling, Alex.” He squeezes my hand, sending more electricity shooting through my body. We stand there, looking into each other’s eyes, as I try to figure out if this could be a trick. If it is, how is he doing it?
He steps even closer to me, my hand still in his. “Okay?” He sounds astonished.
“Yes, but I have some rules.”
“Rules?” He nods. He seems willing to agree to anything, as long as I agree to this.
“Rule one. No falling for each other. We only have a week. We need to remember that. Falling for each other would be stupid.”
He smirks and bites his lip to stop himself from smiling. He nods, not saying a word.
“Rule two.” I feel my heart beating in every cell of my body. “No sex.” I watch him intently to see any clue that I’ve just spoiled his plan. That’s the main reason I’m making it a rule, though. He nods, which I can’t believe. If I am just one big game amongst him and his buddies, not having sex with him will guarantee I don’t embarrass myself…right?
“Just a week-long summer fling, then it’s back to our own lives like nothing happened,” I say, trying to keep my voice very matter-of-fact.
“A summer fling, no sex,” he agrees. “That’ll be easy, Alex. I told you this wasn’t about sex. I meant it.”
I wish I didn’t gulp when he said sex, but it sounds so sexy in his posh accent.
We stand quietly for a minute, my hand still in his.
“Is that it?” he asks, raising an eyebrow
“I’m only going to do this if I’m not stepping on anyone’s toes,” I say, trying to stay strong as I look at him. It’s hard when he’s all windswept and gorgeous.
“Toes?” He cocks his head to one side, smirking.
God, he’s killing me here. Why does he have to be so goddamn sexy?
I swallow. “If there is even a hint of a girlfriend back in Oxford, Fin, you need to tell me now. I am not going to mess around with some poor girl’s boyfriend.”
He nods. “There is no one waiting for me in Oxford, Alex. No one at all.” He tries not to smile at the fact I’m actually considering this. “How about you? Any guys I should be worried about while I’m here?” I wish I could lie in order to see his reaction, but I can’t.
