by Claire Gough
like he is.
“No, and I’m not going to.”
“Giving up?” he asks, a twinkle in his eye, thinking he’s won.
“No. I just think it would mean more coming from you.”
His smile drops. We sit silently for a moment, listening to the music blasting through the speakers. I sit up and cross my legs, studying my pale arms.
“Think I could get a tan out here?” I ask.
He sits up, mirroring my position. “If you stay out here long enough.”
I look at him, my eyes falling on his arms. He has a lovely, healthy tan. I move my arm next to his to see just how much darker he is than I am.
“Wow, you actually get sun in Cowley?” I ask, taking his hand in mine. I rest the back of it on my knee and start to run my finger up his forearm. The whole time, I watch his face, his reaction. He bites his lip as my finger traces up his forearm. God, I want to kiss that bottom lip he's holding in his teeth. I know he can feel the electricity because I can sense it running throughout my skin. I look at my fingers tracing his arm, turning it in my hand.
Oh, my god. How have I not noticed this before?
Fin has words tattooed on the inside of his forearm. I have spent so long studying his arms, how did I miss this? I start tracing the script. I tilt my head so I can read it.
“‘Just because it’s out there to be found doesn’t mean it’s worth finding,’” I read out loud. The words make me feel sad, but I’m not sure why. I want to know what they mean.
“Lyrics from one of our songs,” he answers my unspoken question. I look up from his arm to his face. He’s still watching my fingers tracing his skin, then he looks into my eyes.
“Who writes the lyrics?”
He shrugs. “I guess I do.”
My heart starts to rattle around in my chest. “What do these mean?” I run my finger along the black letters on his forearm.
He looks away. “It’s from a song I wrote years ago. It was a pretty shitty time in my life.” He looks at me again. I know he wants to pull his arm back to stop me from asking questions, but he likes my touch too much.
I nod, running my finger up and down his arm. “Do you regret the tattoo?”
He shakes his head. “Not the tattoo, just what it represents.” I know he just put his guard up because I can feel the atmosphere change. He doesn’t want to talk about this with me.
“How many songs have you written?” I ask, a little more light-hearted.
“All of them.” He gives me a soft smile. I now need to hear every single song by The Dukes to find out more about him. I’m sure the emotions behind the lyrics would tell me more about Fin than he is willing to.
“When’s your next gig?” I ask, eager to know when I can hear them again. I wasn’t paying enough attention Friday night. I hate myself for that fact right now.
“Wednesday night. Think you can make it?” The hope in his eyes is hard to miss.
I smile. “I’ll definitely be there.”
I lift his hand to my lips and kiss it before letting it go. He plants his hand in the sand in between us, bringing his face closer to mine, staring at my lips. I'm glad we’re sitting down if he's going to kiss me again. At least I won’t have to worry about my legs giving out.
“Where’s Brad?”
His eyes don’t leave my face as Cole looms over us. I’m pretty sure Fin’s still contemplating kissing me, even with him standing there. I see anger flash through his eyes as he turns to look up at Cole.
“Ice cream.”
Cole is now shirtless, which I can’t help but think is for my benefit. He has a tattoo, too, but it’s just some random symbol on his chest.
His eyes dart between Fin and me. “Okay. Want to join us?”
Fin looks at me, then back at Cole. “Um… No, thanks. I’m good.” Fin wraps his arms around his knees. Shrugging, Cole walks back to Jay. I feel bad that I’m keeping him from his friends.
“Sorry about that,” Fin apologises, trying not to laugh.
“If you must take your top off to play football, by all means, don’t let me stop you.” I smirk at him.
His eyes sparkle. “If you want to see me take off my top, you only have to ask, Alex.”
Oh...my...god!
I try hard not to groan. The thought of him taking his top off just because I asked makes my body temperature rise off the charts.
“Emergency stop, Finnley,” I say, shaking my head and fanning myself with my hand.
He laughs. “What?”
“Rule two… Every time one of us thinks we’re heading toward breaking rule number two, we need to—”
“Emergency stop.” He finishes my sentence with a knowing nod. I nod back
“No, no, no!” Fin suddenly appears in front of me, a smile on his face. I smirk and step to my right, walking around him along the beach. “Please, don’t go.”
He grabs hold of my hand and turns me to face him. His hands slide to my waist and he grips me tightly. I bite my lip as I look into his eyes. He is trying to keep a straight face, but his lips keep turning up at the corners. I can’t help the smile spreading across my own face.
Bee is already up on the street level, waiting, while I am stuck on the beach, trying to make a swift exit…and not a very successful one. I look up at her for some support, but she just leans over the wall, laughing at me.
“Fin, stop. You need to spend time with your friends,” I whine.
He shakes his head. “I live with them. How much more time do we need to spend together?” He smirks, making me laugh.
“Fin…”
“Alex…”
I sigh. “They already hate me.”
He frowns. “No, they don’t. Cole just has a stick up his ass, but that’s Cole. He’s always so high-strung. That’s why we made him the manager of the band.”
He lets go of my waist and grabs both my hands in his, a pleading look in his eyes. I can’t see a way out of this. I glance behind him at the guys sitting on the beach.
“Please!” He squeezes my hands.
I look up at Bee as I try to pull my hands free, but he grips them tighter.
“Tell her she should stay with me, Bee,” he calls up to her playfully.
I look at her. She seems lost for words as she shakes her head and shrugs, then giggles.
“See? Even Bee thinks you should stay with me.” His playful smile fades.
Stupid, stupid, Alex!
I know at least one way I can get out of this situation. I tug one of my hands free from his, slide it around the back of his neck into his hair, and pull his lips to mine.
Shit!
I originally started kissing him to make it easier to get away, but feeling that familiar buzz, I am totally kissing him for me. It’s the only thing I’ve wanted to do all day. It feels so good, I almost forget my agenda... Almost. He lets go of my other hand to touch my cheek. I take the opportunity to try and make a break for it.
He quickly catches my hand and pulls me back to him, my body colliding into his. “Nice try.”
I look into his golden eyes. He’s so close, I can feel his breath on my face. I lick my lips as I stare at him helplessly. All thoughts of leaving have now completely vanished as he holds me to him. He slowly leans in, touching his lips back to mine. His hand cups my cheek, holding my face in place, as his tongue slowly enters my mouth. I grip onto his back as I melt into his body. I feel an erratic heartbeat, but I don’t know if it’s mine or his. Fin slowly pulls away.
“I didn’t call for an emergency stop,” I whisper.
He closes his eyes. “No, I did,” he breathes out, resting his forehead on mine. “Come for a drink with me later.”
“If I agree, will you let me go?” I ask, not moving.
“I won’t let you go until you agree.”
I nod. “Then I guess…I guess I’ll see you later.”
Just like that, his arms fall to his sides and he lets me walk away.
I avoid my phone at all costs, main
ly because I am avoiding Fin at all costs. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I want to see him. Today was amazing, even before the kissing. I lightly trace my bottom lip with my fingertips as I remember his lips on mine and how sweet they tasted.
Hmm, did it just get warm in here?
Nevertheless, I still think I’m going to cancel our date tonight. I don't want his friends to resent me for stealing him from them all week. Cole already looks at me like I’m the Devil.
If I put my phone on silent, I can pretend I fell asleep. It is 6:30pm now. If I wait another hour, he'll go out with the guys. Until then, I just need to keep busy.
I live in a dungeon... Okay, I don’t, but I have no windows, so I don’t know how much time has passed. I’m guessing at least an hour because I was able to tidy my wardrobe, which takes some doing. Everything is now on hangers and organised into dresses, tops, and bottoms, then colour-coded. I glance at my clock hanging above my door. 7.48pm. My stomach churns. I feel awful for letting Fin down.
Taking a deep breath, I check my phone. I have several messages and missed calls. I sit on the end of my bed with a sigh as I read the texts.
Hey. Thought we were meeting tonight.
I feel bad, but I can’t steal him from his friends. I’d hate for Bee to abandon me for a guy...although that has happened a few times.
Hope I didn’t upset you at the beach. Would still really like to see you, if you’re up for it x.
His messages cause a strange reaction in me. I really did want to see him, but I didn’t realise just how much. I’m sitting here sulking because I totally made the wrong choice. I start typing.
Oh, my god! I’m so sorry, Fin. Guess I fell asleep. Hope you’re not too mad at me.
I bite my lip at the lie. I really hate lying.
I sit with the phone in my hand for at least fifteen minutes, hoping for a reply.
Nothing.
With a sigh, I heave myself off the bed. Well, at least I know my plan worked and he went out with his friends. So why do I feel so bad? I know why. I imagine him hitting on another girl, doing whatever with her before he comes back here. Why shouldn’t he? Nowhere in my rules did I say he couldn’t have sex with other girls. Why the hell didn’t I make that a rule? Either way, I told him no sex. I guess that’s a lot to expect a single guy on holiday in Blackpool to put up with.
I'm going to drive myself mad wondering what he's doing and who he's doing it with.
I pick up my phone and check it. Still nothing. God, am I going to keep doing this to myself until he comes back?
I look around my room. I don’t think it’s been this clean since I was sixteen and Aunt Jill said she'd buy me a computer if I kept it clean for a whole week. I need to find some way to keep busy.
Sheets!
The sheets I took off the beds this morning are sitting in the dryer, waiting to be folded. I smile at my idea.
Jill is sitting in our living room, laughing, as Alistair shakes his head. I haven’t a clue what she just did to make her laugh at herself, but I can tell that’s what happening by the smile on Alistair’s face. I clear my throat from the doorway.
Jill smiles at me over the back of the sofa. “Oh… Hi, sweetheart. Are you okay? We thought you’d gone to sleep.”
“I did doze off. I’m just going to fold the bedding from this morning.”
She gives me the same look she always does, like I have no life and she suspects it’s her fault. It's not.
I walk out of the living room and up the five steps to the main guest house. I open the door and smile at the scent of the air freshener in the lobby. I love how it greets me every time I come up here. The guest house is still and silent as I walk into the lounge area. The lights are off, and the setting sun casts an orange glow over the room.
Shit!
I jump when I see the silhouette of someone sitting on the window seat.
I’m glad I kept my cursing to myself in front of a guest. I quickly search for the light switch on the wall as my other hand clutches my chest, trying to calm my heart. When I flick on the light, my eyes narrow.
“Fin?”
He’s sitting how I usually sit…leaning against the window, watching the sea down the street. He has some sort of book in his hand. My heart doesn’t slow down when he looks at me, his face completely straight.
“What are you doing here?” I ask. I’m shocked, but delighted to see him at the same time. It means he isn’t out with some other girl.
“Well, I had a date, but she stood me up.” His lips are pulled into a thin line. He closes the book and tucks it between him and the window. Damn it, I wish I was calm enough to have noticed what he deems suitable reading material.
“I’m sorry. I fell asleep.”
“No, you didn’t. You were avoiding me.” He stands and slowly walks toward me, still not smiling. He reaches me and shoves his hands into his pockets. “I know why you did it, too, which makes it hard to be mad. I know you were trying to do what you thought was right.” He brings a hand up to gently touch my cheek. My breath catches in my throat.
“I’m sorry.” I sigh. His skin on mine makes it so hard to think. He lets his hand drop, then puts it into his pocket again. “I wanted to see you, but I felt bad. I don’t want to constantly steal you away from your friends. I don’t want to be that girl.”
“I know. I knew that’s what you were doing around 6.45pm,” he says with a hint of a smile.
“I thought you'd just go out with your friends and have some fun.” I shrug.
He looks down at his feet and nods. “The guys are like family to me...” He lifts his head and looks me in the eyes, “but I see them every day of every week. We work together, we live in the same building. They get that I want to spend time with you. The only person who doesn’t seem to understand that is you. Besides, no one will miss me.”
He looks sad. I know there’s so much about him he doesn’t want to share with me. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to know.
“So… Are you free right now?” he asks, looking behind me at the door to our living quarters.
“Totally free.”
He smiles. My breath stops in my throat again as his hand inches toward my cheek, but he doesn’t touch me. Instead, he reaches past me to the light switch, flipping it off. The room instantly glows bright orange from the setting sun. His hand slides down my arm and into my hand. He pulls me to the window seat, moving the book out of the way. He sits down with his back against the wall, puts one leg alongside the window, then tugs me down to sit between his legs. He pulls me back into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. My head rests on his left shoulder, his chin resting on my right one. Silently, we look out the window at the setting sun. We sit this way for a while. It’s so comfortable.
“So, tell me more about Alexis Duke,” he says softly, his lips brushing my ear, sending chills throughout my body.
“What do you want to know?”
I feel his breathing change. I think I already know what he’s going to ask. He tried to ask it yesterday, but I avoided the question.
“Why Blackpool?”
His simple question stops my breath in my throat. I knew I was going to have to talk about this sooner or later. I guess I should just get it out of the way.
“I didn’t really have much choice.”
“Oh…”
“It’s okay.” Now.
It wasn’t okay for many years. That’s why I am so close to Jill, and I guess it’s the reason I feel like I can’t leave her to pursue my own life. Jill and the B&B are all I have known for more than half my life. I have had years to deal with what happened. It doesn’t mean I don’t think about them every day.
“I lost my parents in a road accident when I was ten,” I finally say.
Fin sucks in a breath. “Alex, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Honestly, I’m fine.”
The accident isn’t something I talk about much anymore, but for some strange reason, I feel safe ta
lking to Fin.
“Jill and Bert were the only family I had left, so I came to live with them.”
“Then you lost Bert, too.”
“Yeah.” I try and laugh at the fact fate took so many people from me so quickly. I know it’s not funny, but thinking about it too seriously will open up all the wounds it has taken so long to heal.
“God, Alex. I’m sorry.”
I nod, tears stinging my eyes. I guess saying it out loud brings it all back. His arms tighten around me even more. I feel like if I do break down right now, Fin will hold me together.
“It’s okay.”
“I shouldn’t have asked,” he whispers.
I shake my head. “I’m fine now. I wasn’t for years. It took me a long time to be fine.”
He kisses my cheek as he squeezes me. I need a distraction.
“Anyway, you wanted to know about me. Now you know my horrid past.”
“I’m sorry you went through all that.”
I rest my hand on his arm that’s wrapped tightly around me as I play it out in my head. The memories of my life before the accident seem to be slowly fading, but the memory of the accident is still as clear as day as it moves in slow motion.
“You think about them a lot?”
“Every…single…day. The anger I had has worn off over the years, though.”
I stare at the sun, desperately trying to pull up images of my parents. Images of a birthday in our garden back in Birmingham come to mind. It’s one of the memories I still have. But that’s all they are now. Pictures. They don’t move. I don’t remember my dad’s walk. Did he swing his arms? Did he limp? I can’t remember little things like that anymore.
“Do you remember them?” he asks, as if reading my thoughts. His breath is warm across my cheek.
I shrug. “Bits. I was ten when it happened, so I still have some memories. Just not as many as I’d like.” A small smile touches my lips as tears fill my eyes. “I had ten years more than some people get, so I'm lucky, I guess.”
I feel so safe in his huge, manly arms. His lips gently brush my cheek and linger there.
