by Claire Gough
“I guess,” I whisper, closing my eyes as I melt into him.
“When did you realise you liked me?”
I smirk. “I still haven't.” I feel him laugh.
His lips gently brush my neck, sending shock waves throughout my body. Every hair on my body stands on end. His pulls one strap of my top aside. He trails light kisses down my shoulder. I moan, pushing myself back into him, wanting more.
“Oh, you definitely like me, Alexis Duke,” he whispers into my ear. I don’t need to open my eyes to know he's wearing his crooked grin. It takes every ounce of self-control to stay seated and not pin him to the bed, breaking rule two over and over. Even I don’t know which side of me is going to win tonight—my stubbornness or my need for Fin.
I open my eyes. “Yes, I like you, Finnley.”
I really want to tell him that “like” doesn’t feel strong enough for what I feel for him. “Like” doesn’t cover the way my heart picks up speed when he’s in the same room. “Like” doesn’t cover how my mind is so at rest when I’m in his arms that I could actually fall asleep. “Like” doesn’t cover how safe and secure I feel here. But what would be the point of saying any of this out loud? Admitting it would just make it hurt more when he leaves on Sunday.
“Alex?” he asks.
“Yes?”
“What happens Sunday?”
Weird how we both seem to be thinking about the same thing.
“I say goodbye to you and you go back to your life in Cowley.”
I wonder if he just heard my heart breaking. How stupid am I right now? Sitting here thinking I’m falling for a stranger in only a week? Things like that don’t happen.
“And that’s it?” I feel his heart beating against my back.
“What are you asking, Fin?” I move to the side a little so I can see his face.
“Are we allowed to talk or visit or anything?”
“Please, don’t tell me you’re about to suggest us trying to keep this going long distance.”
His lips pull into a thin line. “Would that be so bad?”
I groan and try to slide off the bed, but his arm tightens around my waist, keeping me in place.
“Fin…”
“Come on. Would trying this long distance be so bad?”
I shake my head. I can’t believe were having this conversation. I thought we were on the same page.
“I’ve thought about it,” I blurt out. He’s silent. I don’t think he believes me. “I really have. I’ve even looked up how long it would take to get to Cowley.” I watch his face when he realises I’m serious. “It’s nearly a four-hour drive…and I don’t drive.” I shrug.
“I drive. I can drive here.”
My heart breaks that he's trying keep us together and I’m not. I hate being the bad guy, but thanks to him, my dream is finally on its way to becoming a reality. I can’t pretend it’s going to be easy and that things will be the same between us.
“Fin, I’m on the brink of opening a business. That means I’ll be busy twenty-four/seven. Weekends will be my busiest days.”
“I don’t care. I could help.”
“You have the guys, the band. If you all work during the week, I’m guessing most of your gigs are on the weekends. So how would that work? Either you’d go to your gigs, leaving me wondering what you’re up to, or you'd be here, resenting me for missing them. Cole is working on getting you signed. That’s your dream. Running a B&B is mine.”
“I know,” he says, letting the pain spill into his voice.
“We agreed on one week.”
He nods. “I know we did. I was there. But going from this to no contact at all just seems...” He sighs, shaking his head. He isn’t seeing the bigger picture here.
“Okay. Think about it this way, Fin. We keep in touch, texting every now and then. What happens when one of us starts dating?”
He turns away from me. “I hate the thought of another guy going near you.”
I feel tears sting the back of my eyes. “I feel the same about you. So how do we carry on, keeping in touch, knowing we will have to move on at some point?” My voice shakes a little.
“Yeah.” He nods. I hate how my comfortable space in his arms now makes my chest hurt. He pulls me to him tightly.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, resting my head back on his shoulder.
“Don’t be. You’re right… I just… hate it,” he whispers and plants a kiss on my hair.
“Me, too. Let’s not talk about it anymore. Let’s just enjoy what we have left.” I’m desperately trying to hold my tears in.
As awful as this conversation has been, I hope he takes one thing away from it. I hope he realises that if I’ve thought about this enough to research it, the word “like” doesn’t cover how I feel about him.
I snuggle into my bed. God, I love my bed. I love it even more than usual today for two reasons. One, I have the day off, so I can stay in it a bit longer, and two, I'm waking up in it and not Fin's. I’m so proud of myself for that.
I was definitely uncertain as to whose bed I’d actually spend the night in. Fin still held me hostage at 1:00am. He wouldn’t let me go until I agreed to see him today. As if I had any other plans on my day off. I'm almost beyond caring that I keep dragging him away from his friends. I’m being selfish and don’t care. I want to monopolize all his time left in Blackpool. So why didn’t I spend the night with him again?
I can’t believe I’m picking out an outfit to go to look at water. The one place I love the most, the place I’ve been to thousands of times. But because it’s with him, I actually care what I look like.
I texted Bee earlier for a weather report, saving me having to walk upstairs to look out the window, and she said it was starting to get sunny. I pick a yellow-and-white vest top that has three buttons down the chest. I put it on, pairing it with cropped blue jeans and white lace ballet pumps. I look the picture of summer, so I hope Bee wasn’t lying to me about the weather.
I told Fin I’d meet him at 9:30amby the wall. It’s 9:20 now, but I just want to find Jill and thank her for today. Chances are, I’ll run into Fin way before either of us make it to the wall anyway.
Once in the lobby, I hear the guys in the lounge, making me smile. I can see why Fin gets along with them. They are all so different, but work so well together. Plus, they’re fun to be around. I walk into the lounge, seeing them finishing their coffee. Fin isn’t here, causing a slight pang of disappointment in my chest. I know I’ll be with him for the rest of the day, though.
“Morning, boys.” I smile at them as I walk through.
“Hey, Alex,” Jay responds. He's become noticeably happier the more the week goes on. I bet he's looking forward to getting back to his future wife. Cole smiles at me, as does Brad. I have no clue how he's here for breakfast because I know for a fact he wasn’t back in his room until after 1:00am.
I walk into the kitchen. “Morning,” I greet Jill, raising my voice to be heard over the music. She’s at the sink, and Alistair is at the fridge, putting things away.
“Hi, sweetheart. How are you this morning?” Jill wipes her hands on her apron before looking at me and squeezing my cheeks. She’s happy. Is it because I actually went out last night?
“Ouch.” I grimace as she pulls on my cheeks.
She laughs. “Sorry.” I pull her in for a hug.
“Thank you for the day off, although I have no clue why I deserve it.”
Alistair laughs as he moves around us, cleaning up from breakfast.
“You’ve forgotten, haven’t you?” Jill asks. I frown. “Tomorrow night, we’re going out with Bev for that sixties night. You said you'd cover for us.”
“Oh… Yes, I remember, but that doesn’t mean you need to give me today off.”
“Oh yes, it does,” Alistair answers, carrying dishes to the sink.
“No, it really doesn’t.”
“Don’t argue. You deserve a day off, especially right now,” Jill says, walking back to the
sink. I know she means while Fin's still here, so I don’t argue.
“So… How was last night? Did you have fun?” she asks, looking at me with her hands now in the soapy water.
“I did, although not as much fun as you seemed to think I would have.” I laugh when she frowns at me. “Fin found your note on his pillow.”
She turns her attention back to the soapy water. “Oh, you didn’t make it there then?”
I roll my eyes. “I'm definitely not answering that one.” I kiss her head and turn to walk out the door.
“Are you doing anything nice with your day off?” she asks, a knowing smile on her face.
“You know I am.”
I disappear into the lounge. The guys still sit there, talking. I walk around the tables and to the window.
“He’s already out there,” Brad points out as I spot the back of Fin’s head. I am so glad Fin has Brad. He seems like a sound guy, like he actually cares. Out of all the guys, Brad seems to be the most down to earth.
I contemplate asking what the three of them are up to today, but I decide against it. I’m sure whatever they answer would make me feel guilty for stealing Fin away. At the moment, I couldn’t care less about that and I want to keep it that way.
I open the door and pause at the top of the concrete steps to watch Fin leaning against the wall. His hair blows lightly in the wind, the reds in it gleaming in the slight bit of sun. He's wearing a navy polo shirt and light blue jeans. He looks so laid back and sexy. I walk down the drive and close the yellow gate behind me. I lean against the wall next to Fin, mimicking his stance, arms folded across my chest.
“Good morning, Miss Duke,” he says, still looking straight ahead.
“Good morning, Mr. Finnley.”
He laughs and turns to face me, his hands landing on my hips. I slide my arms around his neck
“If I knew your first name, I could call you that instead.” I smirk up at him.
“Yeah… Nice try.”
He leans forward, his lips gently touching mine. I lace my fingers behind his head and hold his face to mine. I’m sure he only meant it to be a brief hello kiss, but I’m not willing to let it be just that. His grip on my hips tightens as my tongue finds his.
I slowly pull back and smile. “Now it’s a good morning.” I slide my hand into his.
“Yes, I definitely agree.”
Fin pulls into the little car park. I unbuckle my seat belt and climb out, walking to put some change into the machine. Ticket in hand, I walk back to the car. I smile at Fin, who’s leaning against the car, and place the ticket on the dash. I can feel his eyes on me. He reaches out and pulls me to him. I rest my hands on his waist as he wraps his arms around me. He kisses my head and looks down at me.
“Last night, when I made you agree to spend today with me, I told you to take me to your favourite place.”
I nod. “Yep, and thats what I’ve done.”
He looks around the car park. “So tell me, Miss Duke. Where are we?”
“Lytham Jetty. When I was a teenager, this is where I would come. If I wanted to be alone or just escape from everything, I’d come here.”
His eyes search mine. “Thank you for bringing me here, Alexis,” he breathes.
I take a step back, but stay in his arms. “I’ve never even told Bee or Jill that I come here,” I confess. “I had some trouble adjusting in my teenage years. Being a teenager is hard enough, but without my parents, I struggled. I was young, and as much as I love Jill, I sometimes needed a space that was just mine, somewhere I didn’t need to be strong for anyone.” I shrug.
I look up to see Fin frowning a little, his eyes dark, listening to every word.
“I remember one weekend, I just needed to get out, so I went through my money box and grabbed a load of change, then got on the first bus I saw. It brought me here.” I shrug. I can easily see myself needing to come here again after Fin leaves.
He lifts my chin with his finger and his lips gently graze mine. He shreds his hands through my hair, and I push myself against him.
He pulls away and rests his forehead on mine, his hands now cupping my face.
“You’re such a strong person, Alex. I wish I had an ounce of your strength.”
“You do.”
He laughs and lifts his head off mine, looking somewhere behind me. I grab his face and make him look at me.
“You get up on stage and let people hear part of you in your lyrics. That takes a lot of strength, Fin.”
He stares into my eyes for a long moment, then starts to smile. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?” I ask, with a frown.
“Make me feel like I’m not a total fuck-up.”
He said it light-heartedly, but it makes my heart sink. I would love five minutes alone with whoever has made him think that way about himself.
“Fin, you have never been a fuck-up.”
He slides his hands into mine, rubbing the backs with his thumbs. “That’s sweet of you to say, but you don’t know my past.”
“And I don’t need to.” He frowns. “All I need to know is the version of you I’ve come to know this week.”
He squeezes both my hands. I think I’m finally getting through to him…if only a little bit.
“See? You say things like that.” He smiles, pulling me back to him so he can kiss my head.
Grasping my hand, we walk down the jetty. The wind blows fiercely, as always, so even if we were talking, it would be hard to hear each other. Both sides of the jetty are covered in long grass and bits of driftwood that eventually turns into mud, which turns into water when the tide comes in.
The very end of the jetty is covered in water today. I always love how creepy, yet peaceful this place is. There’s usually only some people walking dogs in this area. Not many tourists end up this far outside of Blackpool.
Fin looks at the water lapping at our feet. I watch his reaction to my secret place. He lifts his head and looks at the blue horizon. The sun sparkles across the surface of the water, making it look like diamonds. In the distance, a few boats bob up and down.
“So?” I ask, a little on edge that he hasn’t spoken yet.
“It’s peaceful here. I can see why you like it.” He looks down at me and smiles, then steps behind me and slides his arms around my waist.
“Do you want to know the real reason I come here so much?” I ask, my voice quiet over the wind.
“I do.”
“I come here…” I clear my throat. “I come here to talk to my parents.” I sigh. “I don’t know why, but I imagine they can hear me better here. Maybe because there aren’t tons of people rushing around. I feel like if I talk to them here, they will hear me better than anywhere else. Does that make any sense?” Just thinking about it hurts my chest. I feel his arms tighten around me.
“Yes, Alex, it does. It’s such a peaceful, beautiful place. It makes sense they would hear you.”
His words bring tears to my eyes and a familiar lump to my throat. I can’t believe how much he understands me in such a short amount of time.
“Thank you for showing me this place.”
“You're welcome.” I slide my hand into my pocket and pull out my phone. “I think we need a photo.” I turn the camera on.
His hand lands on mine. “Alex, this is your place.”
I know he doesn’t want to taint it by taking a photo of us here, creating memories when he'll be out of my life in a matter of days. The thing he doesn’t realise is this place will always remind me of him now because it’s going to be where I come to deal with losing him.
“I want to.”
He looks at me for a moment, then releases my hand.
I get the camera ready and start taking photos. A serious one, then some cross-eyed ones, then one where we’re sticking out our tongues, then he kisses my cheek. I turn my face a little. As if reading my mind, he turns my body to face him and kisses me with no hesitation. I wrap my arms around his neck and melt into his arms a
s the wind blows around us.
We bought some chips. I warned Fin they were the best chips on the coast, but he didn’t believe me. Now he does.
We sit cuddled up on a bench on the waterfront. We’re being blown around by the wind, but the sun warms my bare shoulders as I stare out at the jetty.
“I wish I could see your favourite parts of Cowley,” I say, fiddling with his arm that is draped around my shoulders.
He laughs. “That would be a very short tour.”
I frown. “You must have favourite places.”
“Yeah, the flat I share with Brad. Like I said, it would be a very short tour.”
“That’s it? No bars? Clubs? Nature trails? I don’t know... Snooker halls?” I ask, adjusting to see his face better.
“Nope. You should visit. I’ll show you how dull it really is.”
I sit silently. He knows visiting isn’t going to happen. Although I really want to be a part of his life when he returns home. I want to see his flat. I want to find places for him that could become his new favourites. I know I’m dreaming, but maybe that’s what I need to cope with not seeing him. I can see why holiday romances tell themselves they will still be together long distance. Deluding yourself that maybe it could work is easier than admitting it will all end.
“Don’t you have places you and the guys hang out?” I ask.
He nods. “Yeah, but it’s not the place that matters. It’s being with the guys.”
“You guys are close, aren’t you?”
“Brad’s like a brother to me. I guess all of us really are like family.”
“Even Cole?” I joke. I know he must love Cole on some level, but it’s hard to see why with the way Cole’s been acting this week.
He laughs. “Granted, he and I have some issues, but he's still like family.”
“Issues?”
“Yeah, but we had those before we even stepped foot in Blackpool.”
“Like?”
He gives me a small smile. “Oh, it’s a long story.
I frown. “So?”
“So… I’m only here for two more days and don’t want to spend the entire time telling you a boring story when I could be doing this.”
