by Abby Brooks
“Well … I saw her once, right after you and I had lunch at the hospital, but I haven’t been back.” I give Lexi my best smile in the hopes that she won’t be offended on behalf of all new mothers everywhere.
Lexi’s jaw drops. “Are you kidding me?”
“I’ve been otherwise occupied.”
“Are you telling me that you have ignored your post-natal sister and newborn nephew because of me? You’re not saying that, are you. Ty. Tell me you’re not saying that.”
“They have a saying in the Marines. When you lie, people die. And I’ve taken that to heart, so I’m really not comfortable with what you’re asking me to do here.”
She slaps me on the arm. “Tyler! What are you even doing here right now? Go! See your sister and hold that baby and kiss him right on the top of his head and you apologize to her for not going to visit more often. In fact, don’t just apologize. Bring a gift. A big gift. Babies are a big deal.”
Her words hurt, but I don’t dare let it show on my face. Babies are a big deal. A really big deal. And I missed out on getting to see mine for the first six years of his life. I stand and salute. “Yes, ma’am!”
Lexi’s eyes go wide and she smiles wickedly. “You feel free to do that whenever you want.” She makes a show of fanning herself. “Who would have thought I had a thing for a military man?.”
I hate hospitals. Hate them. Up until the day I met Lexi for lunch at Grayson Memorial, there hasn’t been one time in my entire life that I’ve been glad to visit a hospital. It’s always tragic. The hushed atmosphere. The people suffering, be it the patient dealing with whatever trauma brought them there or the family trying to hold it together long enough to stay strong for each other. Today, though, officially counts as the second time I’ve been glad to visit a hospital.
“He’s perfect, Paige.” I smile down at the bundle in my arms. It’s hard to tell if he looks more like his mom or his dad because he’s nothing more than a little lump in a blue beanie who can’t control his facial expressions. “Little Leo.”
“My little lion.” My sister leans over to stare at her son in my arms. Her blonde hair is pulled back in an unceremonious knot and she’s not wearing any makeup, but she looks happier than I’ve ever seen her. “You look good holding a little one,” she says. “Very natural. Although, I suppose given your age and your marriage to the Marine Corps, it’s too much to hope that Leo might have a cousin to play with anytime soon.”
I inwardly grimace while maintaining my outward composure. I didn’t tell my sister about Gabe the first time I came to visit because it was all so new still. Now, it feels wrong that she doesn’t know I have a son because we have spent our life telling each other everything. I was her rock until her husband came into the picture and took over the job. Why would I hide something this big from her? There’s no shame here. None at all.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been around much.” Leo coos and stretches and I smile down at him.
“Yeah. About that. What gives, jerk?”
“I ran into someone I used to know and she had a bit of a surprise for me.”
“That sounds … problematic.” Paige sits back, ready to hear whatever crazy story she thinks I’m about to give her. Whatever she’s preparing herself for, she’s in for a massive surprise. Reality is going to blow her expectations right out of the water.
“Do you remember that girl I ran into in Key West? The one who lives in Brookside?”
“You mean the one you wouldn’t track down because you knew she was too big of a deal and would conflict with your marriage to the Corps?” Paige rolls her eyes. “How could I forget?” Understanding causes her to lean forward. “No way. You found her? This is good, right? Like really good?”
I smile because she’s right. It’s good. Really, really good. “We kind of found each other. She was as surprised to see me as I was to see her.” I remember the way I felt the first moment I saw Gabe and realized who he was. “No. Scratch that. I was definitely more surprised than she was.”
“I feel like you’re hiding something from me, here. Like, something big.”
I shift my nephew in my arms. “I have a son.”
“Shut. Up.”
I nod. “A six-year-old son named Gabriel Tyler.”
Paige blinks in shock. “Are you furious? Why didn’t she try to reach you? Why didn’t she let you know? Oh my God, I’m furious on your behalf.”
“It’s a long story filled with lost notes, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and misplaced good intentions. And no, I’m not furious.” I settle back in my chair. “I’m confused. And I have very little time to figure out how to move forward before I go back to Hawaii.”
“Have you gotten to meet him?”
“I spent the morning teaching him how to throw a football.”
Paige puts a hand to her heart. “Oh, Tyler. I can’t even begin to process all this. You’re going to make me cry.” And, true to form, giant tears well in my sister’s eyes. One look at her and I know she understands how big a deal this is for me. She knows how I feel about our father. She knows how much his absence fucked with our heads. And she knows how much I want to do everything better than he ever did.
I shift in the cheap armchair near the window. “You know I swore I’d be there for my kids. I always said I’d be the proudest dad in the history of proud dads from day one and I’ve missed six years, Paige.” I look down at Leo and my voice cracks, goddamnit. “I didn’t even know a human being could be this small.” I look long and hard at my sister. “I missed his first word. I missed helping him learn to walk. I missed looking down at his face and trying to figure out how much he looks like me instead of her. I missed his tiny fist holding my finger. I missed his first day of school.”
Paige nods her understanding. “And now you have to go back to Hawaii and keep on missing the rest.” Her heart is breaking for me and it’s written all over her face.
“And what about when I’m deployed again? Because let’s face it, I will be deployed again. That’s six months of me being over there, with shitty internet connection on the best of days and … well … the bad days get way worse than that. And I haven’t even started talking about how much I like his mom.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to find a way to keep them in my life.” I don’t know how, not with their life so firmly planted here and mine so firmly planted in the Corps, but where there’s a will, there’s a way, damn it, and I have made my living finding those ways.
Movement in the doorway catches my attention. “Hey! Ty!” Rob, Paige’s husband, walks in bearing grease-stained fast food bags in each hand. He holds one up. “If I had known you were here, I’d have grabbed you something.”
“No worries there. I’m happy to hold this little thing while you guys eat,” I say, jokingly, and then smile down at Leo.
Rob sits on the edge of the bed and hands my sister her food. She smiles graciously and he stares at her like she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen as she takes several large bites. Leo shifts and then starts crying and try as I might, I can’t calm him down. Paige puts her sandwich down and takes her son, cradling him in her arms while she rocks and shushes him. Rob leans down, his forehead nearly touching Paiges, and smiles at his son. For the first time in a long time, I wonder if my devotion to the Marines is misplaced. Maybe there’s more to the world than being a badass leader, kicking ass and taking names. Maybe, just maybe, the answer to life is much simpler than that.
LEXI
Even though I’m the one who made Ty leave—and I stand by that decision, babies are important, thank you very much—I miss the hell out of him. He left this morning and I haven’t heard much from him since, which is fine, because again, babies are important. Ty has only been in Brookside for five days, but he’s made himself a nice little place in my heart and I feel his absence almost as deeply as I feel his presence. Gabe was nothing but a steady stream of Ty this and Ty that when I put him to b
ed, so it’s evident there’s a Tyler-shaped place on my son’s heart, too.
Our son’s heart.
It’s time I get used to sharing him now. I just wish, because it is so nice having Ty around, that he didn’t have to leave again so soon. And while I’m busy wishing, I wish he didn’t live all the way on the other side of the country. Every time I start thinking it’s time to tell Gabe the truth, every time I start thinking there’s something real between Ty and me, some chance for the three of us to grow into a little family, I come right back to the fact that there’s a thirteen-hour plane ride separating us. That’s right. Thirteen hours. And that’s if I decide to go crazy and pick a flight without layovers. Can you imagine that with a six-year-old?
There has to be a way to make this work, but I’ll be damned if I can see it.
My phone vibrates with an incoming text just as I sit down with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and the intention of binge-watching Orange Is the New Black on Netflix. I snatch my phone up off the coffee table and my stomach flutters with excitement when I see Ty’s name.
Ty: Hey, you.
Me: Hey. I’ve been thinking about you.
Ty: Right back atcha, kid.
I consider inviting him over, but it’s late and for all I know, he might still be in Grayson visiting his sister. I scroll through the Netflix menu until I get to OITNB, fast forward through the atrocious song that plays during the opening credits, and then hit pause to send Ty a text.
Me: Obviously your sister didn’t kill you for neglecting your brotherly duties and ignoring her for so long.
Ty: She did not. She did, however, tell me I was a fool if I didn’t spend every last second I have in Brookside with you.
Me: You told her about me?
Ty: Of course I told her about you. Why wouldn’t I tell her about the woman who is systematically changing my life for the better with each passing day?
I hold the phone to my heart and smile up at the ceiling. Before I can think of a way to respond, another text comes in.
Ty: This would be easier if you’d open your door. Texting is so impersonal.
I frown. If I opened my door? He’s here? Happiness surges through me. I push off the couch and fling open my door and there he is in all his glory. I do a full body scan because yes, please! This man is eye candy at its finest and I am not above objectifying him. Not at all. Even in a t-shirt and shorts he looks amazing.
“Have you been out here this whole time?” I ask as my gaze settles on his handsome face.
“From the moment I hit send on the first text.”
“You could have just knocked, you know.”
“Yeah, but this is more fun.” He sweeps me into his arms and kisses me as he walks us backward into the house, kicking the door shut on the way. My body responds to his and I grab him by the belt and lead him down the hallway towards my bedroom. His sister is right. We’d be fools to waste even a second of alone time. Once my bedroom door is closed and locked behind us, I get down on my knees and undo his belt and then his pants.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asks.
“You got to taste me. Now I want to taste you.” I lower his pants and underwear and his cock springs free, thick and veiny and bigger than I remember it. I lick along his shaft, running my fingernails along his inner thighs and just as I suck his tip into my mouth, I gently brush my nails against his balls. He groans and his dick jumps in appreciation. I bob my head along his length, pushing him as far back into my throat as I can manage.
“Fuck, Lex.” Ty takes my hair in his fist. “That feels so good.”
I look up at him as I swirl my tongue around and around and the feral pleasure on his face sends heat coursing between my legs. I slide a hand into my waistband and down into my panties, circling my clit in time with my bobbing head. Ty closes his eyes and lets his head drop back and I swear he’s about to come, but instead of chasing down his orgasm, he pulls back.
“That’s enough,” he says. “I need to have you.”
He pulls a condom out of his wallet and slides it in place. I don’t complain this time even though I want to. He knows I don’t like them, but maybe, given Gabe’s existence, Ty feels better being safe. He stretches me out on the bed, gathers my wrists in his hand and pins them over my head and then stares down at me. His gaze is heated yet soft and a smile tugs at the corner of his lips.
“You are so beautiful, Lexi. I could stare at you all day and still want more.”
He kisses me, his mouth tender, his breath sweet, and then in one smooth motion, he slides himself into me. He never breaks eye contact, not once, and we move towards climax together, our chests heaving, our hearts pounding, and something perfect building between us.
Ty cradles me to his chest and I soothe myself by listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart. “It’s so good to be here with you,” he says. “It’s like a little slice of heaven inside this crazy world of ours.” Ty’s voice rumbles in his chest.
I take a long breath and close my eyes. Part of me wants to just nod and agree with him, but I’ve never been one to put my head in the sand and ignore a problem. Nothing gets better simply because you refuse to look at it. “How many days until you have to leave?”
Ty sighs. “Two.”
The word is a vice grip around my heart. Two days. Two days until he’s gone. Two days to figure out what our future looks like. Two days to decide what to tell Gabe and how to tell Gabe and how we’re supposed to move forward from this.
“I wish you didn’t have to go.” I make the statement as nonchalantly as I can, but tears prick at my eyes regardless. I blink until they’re gone and swallow back the well of emotion that brought them to life in the first place.
“Me, too.” Ty runs a hand through my hair. “And that’s saying something because Brookside ain’t got nothing on Hawaii.”
He’s trying to be lighthearted, but I’m not in the mood to laugh about any of this. “What are we going to do?”
Ty shifts out from underneath of me and props himself up on his elbow. “I don’t know, but that won’t last long. I’m pretty good about finding answers for impossible situations.” He touches a finger to my nose. “Don’t you worry about a thing.”
I sit up. “Don’t worry? How can you even say that? Short of you moving back here—which is a problem because there isn’t a base anywhere close—or me moving out to Hawaii—which is a problem because of my job and Gabe and school and oh yeah, you and I barely know each other…” I shake my head and let out a long, calming breath. As much as I don’t want to talk about this, it’s past time we had an open discussion about our future. “I can’t imagine going back to living without you and yet, I can’t imagine how I get to keep you either.”
Ty smiles. “I’ll find a way.”
“That’s great. You can say that as often as you want, but I’m still going to ask you how you intend to find a way.” I keep my voice soft and my face light so he knows I’m not trying to fight with him, but I’m not in the mood for platitudes and bedtime stories, either. I want a solution. I need a plan. “I’ll take action over hope any day,” I say.
“I have forty-eight hours to figure it out and in my line of work, that’s a goddamn eternity. Trust me, Lexi. I will take care of this. I will.”
He sounds so sure of himself, I almost do trust him. “I’m a pretty smart woman and am a decent problem solver, and I can’t come up with anything that isn’t a lot of phone sex, Skype calls, and way too many thirteen-hour plane rides.”
Ty’s mouth forms a grim line. “And I agree that none of that is enough to build a real relationship on. I want more than the bare minimum with you. What we have is worth more than that. Just give me some time to figure it out.” He grins down at me, that smile I can’t ignore. “I will figure it out.”
I don’t know what to say, so I open my mouth and blurt out the one thing I don’t expect to hear coming out of my mouth. “I think we should tell Gabe you’re his dad.”
Ty’s eyes go wide. “Whoa. Really? Where did that come from?”
“I’ve been thinking about everything you said and it’s not ideal—you popping into his life for a week only to have to leave again—but neither is the way we’ve been living. And, since you’re going to figure out a way for us to see each other more than once in a blue moon, I think Gabe will be better off knowing where he came from and why you aren’t here with us all the time.”
A rush of emotions cloud Ty’s face. Joy mixed with pain and excitement and trepidation. “Are you sure?”
“I am. I thought I’d fight you tooth and nail on this one, but the answer is crystal clear to my heart and my gut. It’s only my head that keeps trying to come up with reasons to keep him in the dark.”
Ty’s face clouds over. “I’d like it better if zero parts of you kept trying to come up with reasons to keep Gabe in the dark.”
I take his hand. “That’s fear and nothing else.” I tap my head. “Fear is my worst enemy and I will resist change with the best of them right up until the point where I make myself do the thing my heart and my gut know is right. That’s just life with me. A lot, and I mean a lot, of stubborn resistance, even against what I know is right. Because fear. Obviously.”
“I don’t like the thought of you being afraid.” Ty rubs his thumb along my knuckle. “What makes you scared?”
I flop back on the bed and pull the sheets up around me. “Things are good now, right? They’re not perfect, but they’re far from bad. And one small change might send the whole world toppling down around me. I understand that’s a terrible way to live my life, settling for fine when I could have great.”
“Did you just call me great?” Ty stretches out beside me. “Because I think, given everything we’ve been talking about, you just called me great.” He turns to face me, smiling wide
“I did. You are. I was thinking it just the other day. Gabe and I have been okay up to this point. In fact, before you came crashing into our life, I would have said what he and I have was perfect. We’re both happy and healthy. I have a good job and he does well in school. What more could I really ask for, you know? But then you came a long and showed me how much we were missing out on.” I shift so I can look him in the eyes. “Like, you can raise someone underground and he will be happy for all of his life, watching the flickering of the fire on the cave walls and calling it beautiful. And he might die happy, never knowing what he was missing up on the surface. But the moment he stepped outside and saw the blue sky and the swaying trees, the moment he felt the warmth of the sun on his skin, he could never be satisfied with his dark cave ever again. You’re our blue sky, Ty,” I say, smiling and blinking back tears.
