I moved on top of her and her thighs opened further to accommodate my large frame. Juliette’s hands went to either side of my face and pulled me down to her. When my lips were almost touching hers, she whispered, “I want it hard and fast.”
Hearing those dirty words from her beautiful mouth sent most of the blood from my body surging south, and I slammed into her in one motion. Juliette’s head arched back against the pillow and her hands gripped my biceps. Her arched back made her mouth-watering breasts rise invitingly towards me, and I didn’t hesitate to tease her nipples with my tongue, licking each one slowly, in sharp contrast to the increasing speed with which I was slamming into her.
“Yes. Leo. Yes. Leo.” Juliette alternated between those words and became increasingly breathless as we both powered towards our release. When it came, it was like nothing I’d ever experienced. We both shattered together and I knew beyond any doubt that I never wanted to be with any other woman ever again. She was everything.
“So much for keeping your pants on,” she mocked.
“Hey. I tried. It’s not my fault you can’t resist me.”
She tried to punch me in the arm, but I grabbed her hand and kissed her hard on the mouth to shut her up.
Eventually, we managed to prise ourselves apart and take a shower. When we climbed back in bed, we resumed our position of lying face-to-face, mere inches separating us.
“When I’m with you, I feel brave,” she whispered. “Brave enough to be myself for the first time.” She reached for my hand and intertwined our fingers.
“What were you so afraid of?” I asked, squeezing her hand and rubbing my thumb over her knuckles.
She paused as if trying to collect her thoughts. “I was afraid my mum wouldn’t love me anymore if I wasn’t everything she wanted me to be. It sounds really silly to say it out loud. I’m an adult, for goodness’ sake.”
“There’s nothing silly about a child loving their mum.” A knot formed in my stomach and I felt the room sway. “You’ve carried around far too much guilt and it’s about time you let it go.”
“Risk taking has always been a coping mechanism, but it was all about the adrenaline rush. Taking a risk with my own life was calculated. Taking a risk with hers was unimaginable and, until you, never felt worth it. She’s always been there for me and, despite her obsessive ways, I knew she loved me.”
“Love between a parent and a child should be unconditional.” My heart ached in a way I hadn’t allowed it to in a long time. The lump in my throat was constricting my breathing. I didn’t like this line of conversation. “Controlling your life has probably kept her grief at bay all these years, and now that you’re not allowing that anymore, she’ll finally confront it.” I picked up her hand and squeezed it. “You’ve done her a favour, Jules.
“You never talk about your mum.” She said it so quietly I guessed she already sensed it was a touchy subject for me. A subject I didn’t like to think about, let alone talk about.
“She’s dead.”
Juliette squeezed my hand tighter. Having her so close to me was starting to feel more like a need than just a want. She wriggled forward and moulded herself so perfectly to my body. Her head nuzzled into the crook of my neck. “Tell me about her?”
I kissed her head and sighed. “Not tonight, angel.” I kissed her head again, sensing her disappointment in her slumped shoulders. “I’ll tell you about her one day.”
She looked up at me with trusting eyes. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m here for you. Okay?”
“Go to sleep, beautiful girl.”
I hugged her to me and breathed in time with her until I knew she was asleep. I couldn’t help the uneasy feeling I had that she was putting her trust in me and I had no real intention of opening up completely to her. I was doing her a favour sparing her the ugliness. Five years ago I’d lost both my parents in a way I couldn’t talk about. There was no point dredging up the past. I’d told her the only thing she needed to know about my mother: she was dead.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Leo
“Can we take my car to the farm?” Juliette asked as we lay in bed the next morning, unwilling to untangle ourselves from each other.
“Sure. Why?”
“I love to drive and don’t get much of a chance to in the city.”
“Okay. We’ll get the tram back to your apartment and go from there later this afternoon.”
She snuggled in closer and kissed my chest.
“Hardly worth having a car in the city. Motorbikes are much easier.”
“You have the Jeep though.”
“It was my dad’s. I just can’t bring myself to sell it.” I’d planned to sell it and even placed an ad about a year ago but pulled it as soon as I started getting enquiries. It’s crazy, really. It’s expensive to run and service, but it’s just sentimental I suppose.” I shook my head, knowing how ludicrous it sounded. “I should sell it.”
“It’s not crazy at all.” She hugged me tighter and kissed me lightly on the lips. I was again reminded of the peace this girl brought into my life with her simple comfort.
I threw a few things in a duffle bag, and then we caught the number sixteen tram back to the city. A short walk from the tram stop took us to her apartment on Southbank.
“Pack warm clothes for tonight. It’ll be cold at the farm. We might stay over at Bea and Angus’s if it gets too late to drive home, so maybe pack your toothbrush.”
“No sexy lingerie?” she purred, winking at me seductively.
She was killing me. I pulled her to me and kissed her. “I’ve changed my mind about the farm. Let’s just stay here all weekend.”
“I’m sorry,” she groaned as I continued my exploration of her neck. “I really want to go back to the farm.”
I kissed the delicate skin on her neck because I knew how much it turned her on. “Are you sure about that?” I said between kisses. “We can have a lot more fun here.”
She groaned as I continued my sensual assault across her collar bone and grazed my knuckles over her breasts.
“You promised me a light show,” she croaked out on jagged breaths.
***
My knuckles whitened as I death-gripped the grab handle while she deftly blipped down a gear and took a corner at a pace I would have thought utterly suicidal—except that she executed it perfectly. “Fuuuuck, Juliette.”
“What?” she asked, smiling nonchalantly and humming along to P!nk’s Raise Your Glass. “Did you know P!nk is my idol?”
She wasn’t kidding about how she loved to drive. I was observing more of the real Juliette behind the wheel. “No, I didn’t know that. She is pretty badass though, so it does make sense.”
“She is totally badass, but I reckon she’s so much more. She’s beyond talented, a fierce mother, a poster girl for feminism but most of all, unapologetic for being herself. It’s like she is who she is and doesn’t give a crap what anyone thinks.”
“Okay.”
She laughed, probably knowing her assessment of the singer was lost on me.
“I’ve always loved her music,” she continued. “But I never really listened. I always felt so inspired and motivated by her, but then I’d ignore my inner voice the second my mother said ‘boo’.”
Juliette spoke quite calmly, even though she’d just taken another corner at warp speed. I braced my core muscles, closed my eyes briefly and tried not to think about how fast the next corner was approaching.
“Are you feeling inspired now?” I asked, opening my eyes. “Inspired to keep us alive, I hope.”
She glanced over to me and smiled, the light reaching her eyes. “Trust me.”
“I do, but I’ll be happy when we get there in one piece.”
She threw her head back and laughed. “No sweat.”
My beautiful girlfriend handled the car with the casual competence of a professional race car driver. It was incredibly sexy.
“You’re a bloody good driver. I reckon you could take on
the pros.”
She glanced at me and scrunched up her nose. I suspected it was one of the things she didn’t publicise openly.
“Do you think I’m reckless?”
I shook my head. “Pushing limits and feeling the rush is obviously a part of who you are. You have to embrace it and own it. Trying to hide who you are was making you reckless. Those suicidal thoughts of yours just pissed me off.”
“I like driving fast,” she whispered. “Like—I really like it.” She glanced at me again and bit her bottom lip.
I laughed. “Pretty sure I already worked that out.”
“Maybe you’d like to come to the track with me some time?”
“You race? Seriously?” That I had to see.
“You could meet Jim and Shorty, my race buddies.”
I clenched my jaw. Juliette would turn heads anywhere she went, but a racetrack would be awash with testosterone. “I’ll be there.” Damn straight I’d be there.
The farm came into view fifteen minutes later. When she pulled up at the gate, I jumped out to open it. “Park next to the house. You can enjoy my handiwork on the driveway.”
As we rumbled over the cobblestones, I felt the familiar pangs of tension roll through me. When she turned the car off, she faced me. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. I was nervous about being there, but I could do it for her. Her big eyes were willing me to open up to her, but she was better off not knowing.
“Let’s get out of the car and go for a walk. Last time we were here, I didn’t get to show you around properly.”
We jogged down the garden to the drywall boundary, eager to warm up a little. Juliette had her cream coat, a scarf and a beanie on, and she looked stunning. The sun was dropping in the sky and the cold air made her cheeks rosy.
“Wow!” she gasped, the cold air puffing from her mouth. “You’ve done an incredible job, Leo.” She ran her gloved hands over the stone. “Is this the end of your property?” She indicated the grassy field beyond the wall.
“That field is part of my property, but only to the first fence. Beyond that belongs to my neighbours.” I grabbed her hand. “Come on, I’ll show you.”
The grass was dry and a little crunchy underfoot. It hadn’t rained in a while.
“I really love it here, Leo.” She couldn’t stop looking around. “Open space, pine trees, grazing horses. It’s heaven.”
“I like being here with you.” It was true. Being with her made me so incredibly happy. I pulled her to me and hugged her close. She put her arms around my waist and rested her head on my chest. All was right in the world.
“I love this time of year,” she said, pulling out of my arms and skipping ahead. “Cold weather has always been my favourite.”
“Me too.” I loved seeing her like this. She looked so happy and free. I never wanted to see her in pain, or fighting to be someone or something she wasn’t. “What else do you love?”
She stopped and looked at me quizzically. “Actually, lots of things.”
“Tell me your top five.”
We took off again at a slow pace. I kept glancing at her deep in thought with her eyes casting up to the sky then down to her feet, then back up again. She was mesmerising.
Halfway across, one of the horses in the field lifted its head and wandered over to us. He was a beautiful bay gelding with black dapples on his rump and a white star on his forehead.
“I love horses. Cold weather is my number five and horses are number four.” The old boy closed his eyes as she stroked between them.
“Do you ride?”
“Not for a long time. My grandparents have a farm on the Mornington Peninsula. I learnt to ride on a pony they kept for me.”
“Well, this old boy belongs to Bob and Wendy, my neighbours. I let them use my field for their horses. I’ll ask if we can borrow him sometime. I’m sure they won’t mind.”
A smile that could light up New York City erupted on her face.
“Getting dirty in the garden.”
“What?” I asked, confused.
“That’s my number three. I love being on my hands and knees getting dirty in the garden. I love digging the soil and watching things grow.”
I swallowed hard and couldn’t speak.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“You shouldn’t use the words ‘getting dirty’ and ‘hands and knees’ in the same sentence. My brain can’t cope.”
She smacked me on the arm and laughed. “Pervert.”
“Your fault.” I pulled her to me and kissed her. I couldn’t keep my hands off her.
“Kissing. That’s my number two. I love kissing you.”
“Well, I’m glad you clarified.” I kissed her again.
We walked in silence for a while before she stopped and turned. “Why me?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve known me less than two months, and for a lot of that time, it’s been far from smooth sailing.” She locked her eyes with mine and I swore I could see right through to her soul. “So, why me? Why didn’t you write me off the moment you saw me at the charity event with Richard?”
I huffed out a loud breath. “If you beat me back to the wall, I’ll answer your question.”
“Two questions.” She held up two fingers. “I want answers to two questions.”
“And if I win?”
“You won’t.” She took off at a sprint, catching me by surprise. I stood there dumbfounded for a couple of seconds before I realised she was making serious ground. Her long legs were a blur, but I could tell she was laughing at the same time which was slowing her down. I gave her a few more seconds just so I could enjoy the sight of that beautiful girl leaping over rocks and waving her arms around.
I took off after her. My legs were fast and strong from rigorous training, but I didn’t catch her. I didn’t really want to. I enjoyed the back view of her almost as much as the front. She stood at the wall, puffing but laughing jubilantly.
Picking her up, I threw her over my shoulder and walked through the back gate and to the gazebo. She was laughing and pounding on my backside.
“Put me down, you caveman,” she demanded.
I deposited her on the seat and collapsed next to her. She stood up and climbed onto my lap, straddling me before kissing me passionately, wriggling in my lap when she could no doubt feel my desire for her.
“Spill it, Ashlar. Question one. Why me?”
She pushed down harder on my crotch, and I groaned but chuckled at her unnecessary tactic. A deal’s a deal.
“It started at fight night,” I confessed.
“When you saw me getting attacked by the guy?”
“No. The one before that.”
“You mean when you just glared at me through the cage and then disappeared?”
“That’s right.”
She climbed off my lap and sat down on the seat next to me.
“Does that freak you out?”
She looked up from what she was staring at on the floor. “No. I’m not freaked out. I’m blown away. There’s a difference.”
I stood up and paced a few times, gathering my thoughts before standing under the wooden archway, looking up towards the house. “Some dickhead in the crowd called out to me as I was leaving the cage. It hit a nerve and stupidly I saw red. I wanted to find him and pummel his face into the ground.” I turned my head to face her.
“I remember.” She stood up and walked over to me, reaching for my hand.
“I scanned the crowd, hoping he’d call out again when my eyes came to rest on you. Everything other than you faded away. Sounds corny, but you looked like an angel and I no longer felt the urge to hurt that guy. I felt calmer than I’d felt in years, and somehow I knew you were someone special.” I squeezed her hand. “I knew we’d meet again.”
“Probably didn’t guess it’d be the next day at my mum’s snobby charity event, huh?”
“No,” I chuckled. “When I saw you in that white lace dress with Richa
rd, I was dumbfounded. I had an overwhelming desire to protect you from whatever was happening in your life that made you appear so downtrodden.”
“Oh,” she mouthed.
“Then you appeared in my old bedroom.” I pointed towards the house. “The sassy smartarse ready for a fight.”
“I was trespassing and I accused you of stalking me.” She covered her face with her hands.
“You asked me why you? And I’m telling you, I’ve never been more intrigued, more confused, more frustrated or more turned on by any girl in my life. It certainly hasn’t been a classic boy-meets-girl love story, but here we are.”
“Here we are.” She hugged me tightly and I kissed her head.
“I’ll throw the question back at you. Why me?”
“You’re really hot and I wanted to get in your pants.” Her deadpan expression was ruined by the light dancing in her eyes that turned into a laugh.
She had such an incredible way of laughing with her whole body and it was infectious. I lunged for her and tickled her sides, eliciting pained laughter.
“I’m kidding,” she huffed out between laughs. When she’d composed herself she continued. “The moment we locked eyes across the cage changed my life.” She took a few deep breaths. “I felt something fundamental shift inside me, and from that moment on, my worlds began to collide.” She kissed me gently and spoke against my lips. “You and I were meant to meet when we did. You saved me from myself. I feel that in my bones.”
“I love you, Juliette.” The words fell out and I realised quickly that I didn’t care. I loved her and I wanted her to know.
A gasp escaped her lips before I crushed them with mine so she didn’t feel pressured to say the words back. It was a kiss unlike any before. She pushed me back before we got too carried away. “Are you going to let me respond or are you just going to kiss me to death?”
“That’s how I’d like to go.” I tried to hide my inner turmoil with a cocky grin.
“If you’re going to be a smartarse, I’ll keep it to myself.” She tried to escape, but I tightened my arms around her.
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