by Cat Schield
Early September in northern California was a lot cooler than what they’d left behind in Houston, and Ming welcomed the break from the heat. “It really is beautiful.” She carried their glasses outside. “We should take a long walk after dinner.”
Jason set down the plate and shot her a look. “If you have any strength in your legs after I’m done with you, we’ll do that.”
Despite the hot glance that accompanied his suggestive words, she shivered. Is this how the weekend was going to go? One long flirtation? It took them away from their normal interaction. Made her feel as if they’d grown apart these past few years and lost the comfortable intimacy they’d once shared.
“You’re cold. Come sit with me and I’ll warm you up.”
Her scattered wits needed time to recover before she was ready to have his arms around her. “I’ll grab my wrap.”
“Let me get it.”
“It’s on my suitcase by the door.”
How was she supposed to resist falling under his spell if he continued being so solicitous? This was the Jason she’d glimpsed with other women. The one she’d longed to have for her own. Only this Jason never stayed to charm any one woman for more than a few months, while Ming had enjoyed her fun-loving, often self-involved friend in her life for over twenty years. She sighed. Was it possible for him to be the thoughtful, romantic lover and a great friend all in one?
Was she about to find out? Or would making love with him complicate her life? Was he close to discovering she’d harbored a secret, unrequited crush on him for years? At best he’d not take it seriously and tease her about it. At worst, he’d put up walls and disappear the way he always did when a girlfriend grew too serious. Either way, she wasn’t ready for his pity or his alarm.
Jason returned with her dark blue pashmina. “I put your suitcase in the bedroom.”
Foolishly her heart jerked at the last word. Every instinct told her to run. Altering their relationship by becoming sexually intimate was only going to create problems.
Then he was wrapping the shawl around her and grazing her lips with his. All thoughts of fleeing vanished, lost in the heat generated by her frantic heart.
She put a hand on his arm. “Jason—”
He put a finger against her lips and silenced her. “Save it for later.”
The twinkle in his eye calmed some of the frenzy afflicting her hormones. She reminded herself that he was way more experienced in the art of seduction, having had vast numbers of willing women to practice on. He liked the chase. It was routine that turned him off. And right now, he was having a ball pursuing her. Maybe if she stopped resisting, he’d turn down the charisma.
So, she took half a dozen slow, deep breaths and forced herself to relax. Nibbling cheese, she stared at their view and kept her gaze off the handsome man with the dazzling blue eyes. But his deep voice worked its way inside her, its rumble shaking loose her defenses. She let him feed her grapes and crackers covered with pâté. His fingers skimmed her lips, dusted sensation over her cheeks and chin. By the time they were bumping hips in the small kitchen while transferring coq au vin and potatoes to plates, pouring more wine and assembling cutlery, Ming had gotten past her early nerves.
This was the Jason she adored. Funny, completely present, a tad bit naughty. The atmosphere between them was as easy as it had ever been. They’d discussed Terry’s offer to take over the practice. Her sister’s decision to buy a house in Portland. And stayed away from the worrisome topic of what was going to happen after dessert.
“This is delicious,” Ming murmured, closing her eyes in rapture as the first bite of coq au vin exploded on her taste buds. “My favorite.”
“I thought you’d appreciate it. Rosemary told me the restaurant was known for their French cuisine.” Jason had yet to sample the dinner.
She indicated his untouched plate. “Aren’t you hungry?” He sure looked half-starved.
“I’m having too much fun watching you eat.”
And just like that the sizzle was back in the room. Ming’s mouth went dry. She bypassed her wine and sipped water instead. After her first glass of the chardonnay, she’d barely touched her second. Making love to Jason for the first time demanded a clear head. She wanted to be completely in the moment, not lost in an alcoholic fog.
“How can watching me eat be fun?” She tried to make her tone light and amused, but it came out husky and broken.
“It’s the pleasure you take in each bite. The way you savor the flavors. You’re usually so matter-of-fact about things, I like knowing what turns you on.”
He wasn’t talking about food. Ming felt her skin heat. Her blood moved sluggishly through her veins. Even her heart seemed to slow. She could feel a sexy retort forming on her tongue. She bit down until she had it restrained. They were old friends who were about to have sex, not a man and a woman engaged in a romantic ritual that ended in passionate lovemaking. Ming had to be certain her emotions stayed out of the mix. She could count on Jason to do the same.
“The backs of my knees are very ticklish.” She focused on cutting another bite of chicken. “I’ve always loved having my neck kissed. And there’s a spot on my pelvis.” She paused, cocked her head and tried to think about the exact spot. “I guess I’ll have to show you when we get to that point.” She lifted her fork and speared him with a matter-of-fact gaze. “And you?”
His expression told her he was on to her game. “I’m a guy. Pretty much anywhere a beautiful woman touches me, I’m turned on.”
“But there has to be something you really like.”
His eyes narrowed. “My nipples are very sensitive.”
She pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. “I’ll pay special attention to them,” she said when she trusted her voice.
If they could talk like this in the bedroom, Ming was confident she could emerge from the weekend without doing something remarkably stupid like mentioning how her feelings for him had been evolving over the last few months. She’d keep things casual. Focus on the physical act, not the intimacy. Use her hands, mouth and tongue to appreciate the perfection of Jason’s toned, muscular body and avoid thinking about all those tiresome longings she’d bottled up over the years.
Savor the moment and ignore the future.
While Jason cleared the dishes from the table, Ming went to unpack and get ready for what was to come. Her confidence had returned over dinner. She had her priorities all in a row. Her gaze set on the prize. The path to creating a baby involved being intimate with Jason. She would let her body enjoy making love with him. Emotion had no place in what she was about to do.
Buoyed by her determination, Ming stopped dead in the doorway between the living room and bedroom. The scene before her laid waste to all her good intentions. Here was the stuff of seduction.
The centerpiece of the room was a king-size bed with the white down comforter pulled back and about a hundred red rose petals strewn across the white sheets. Candles covered every available surface, unlit but prepared to set a romantic mood when called upon. Piano music, played by her favorite artist, poured from the dresser, where portable speakers had been attached to an iPod. Everything was perfect.
Her chest locked up. She could not have designed a better setting. Jason had gone to a lot of trouble to do this. He’d planned, taken into account all her favorite things and executed all of this to give her the ideal romantic weekend.
It was so unlike him to think ahead and be so prepared. To take care of her instead of the other way around. It was as if she was here with a completely different person. A thoughtful, romantic guy who wanted something more than three days of great sex and then going back to being buddies. The sort of man women fell for and fell for hard.
“What do you think?”
She hadn’t heard Jason’s approach over the thump of her heart. “What I think is that I can’t do this.”
*
Jason surveyed the room, searching for imperfections. The candles were vanilla scented
, her favorite. The rose petals on the bed proclaimed that this weekend was about romance rather than just sex. The coq au vin had been delicious. Everything he’d done was intended to set the perfect stage for romance.
He’d given her no indication that he intended to rush her. He’d promised her a memorable weekend. She had to know he’d take his time with her, drive her wild with desire. This wasn’t some spontaneous hookup for him. He took what they were about to do seriously.
What the hell could possibly be wrong?
“I’m sorry,” she said into the silence. Sagging against the door frame, she closed her eyes and the weight of the world appeared to descend on her.
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t, either.” She looked beautiful and tragic as she opened her eyes and met his gaze. “I want to do this.”
He was very glad to hear that because anticipation had been eating him alive these past few days. He wanted her with an intensity he’d never felt before. Maybe that was because ever since he’d kissed her, he’d been fantasizing about this moment. Or maybe he’d never worked this hard to get a woman into bed before.
“Being a mom is all I think about these days. I know if I want your help to get pregnant, we have to do it this weekend.” Ming lapsed into silence, her hunched shoulders broadcasting discomfort.
“I didn’t realize making love with me required so much sacrifice on your part.” He forced amusement into his tone to keep disappointment at bay.
Her words had cut deep. When he’d insisted they make her baby this way instead of going to a clinic, he thought this would be the perfect opportunity to satisfy his longing for her. The kiss between them a few days earlier confirmed the attraction between them was mutual. Why was she resisting when the vibe between them was electric? What was she afraid of?
“I didn’t mean it that way.” But from her unhappy expression his accusation hadn’t been far off.
“No?” Jason leaned against the wall and fought the urge to snatch her into his arms and kiss her senseless. He could seduce her, but he didn’t want just her body, he wanted… “How exactly did you mean it?”
“Look, we’re best friends. Don’t you think sleeping together will make things awkward between us?”
“Not possible. It’s because we’re just friends that it will work so great.” He sounded as if he was overselling used cars of dubious origin. “No expectations—”
“No strings?”
He didn’t like the way she said that. As if he’d just confirmed her worst fears. “Are you worried that I’m in this just for the sex?” She wasn’t acting as if she hoped it would lead to something more.
“Yes.” She frowned, clearly battling conflicting opinions. “No.”
“But you have some sort of expectation.” Jason was surprised that his flight response wasn’t stimulated by her question. Usually when a woman started thinking too much, it was time to get out.
“Not the sort you mean.” She gave her head a vigorous shake. “I know perfectly well that once we have sex—”
“Make love.”
“Whatever.” She waved her hand as if she was batting away a pesky fly. “That once we…become intimate, you will have your curiosity satisfied—”
“Curiosity?” The word exploded from him. That’s not how he’d describe the hunger pulsing through him. “You think all I feel is curiosity?”
She gave him a little shoulder shrug. Frustration clawed at him. The bed was feet away. He was damned tempted to scoop her up in his arms and drop her onto the softly scented sheets. Give her a taste of exactly what he was feeling.
He pushed off the wall and let his acute disappointment and eight-inch height advantage intimidate her into taking a step back. “And what about you? Aren’t you the least bit curious how hot this thing between us will burn?”
“Oh, please. I’m not one of the women you date.”
The second she rolled her eyes at him, Jason knew he’d hit a soft spot. Ming overthought everything. She liked her life neat and orderly. That was great for her career, but in her personal life she could use a man who overwhelmed her senses and short-circuited her thoughts. His brother hadn’t been able to do it. Evan had once complained that his fiancée had a hard time being spontaneous and letting go. He’d never come right out and said that she’d been reserved in bed. Evan had too much respect for Ming to be so crass, but Jason had been able to read between the lines.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Has it ever occurred to you to look at the sort of women you prefer to date?”
“Beautiful. Smart. Sexy.”
“Needy. Clinging. Terrified of abandonment.” She crossed her arms over her chest and stared him down as no one else did. “You choose needy women to get your ego stroked and then, when you start to pull away because they’re too clingy, they fear your abandonment and chase you.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Jason wasn’t loving the picture she was painting of him. Nor was this conversation creating the romantic mood he’d hoped for, but he refused to drop the subject until he’d answered her charges.
“Jennifer was a doctor,” he said, listing the last three women he’d dated. “Amanda owned a very successful boutique and Sherri was a vice president of marketing. Independent, successful women all.”
“Jennifer had daddy issues.” She ticked the women off on her fingers. “Her father was a famous cardiologist and never let her feel as if she was good enough even though she finished second in her class at med school. Amanda was a middle child. She had four brothers and sisters and never felt as if her parents had time for her. As for Sherri, her mom left when she was seven. She had abandonment issues.”
“How did you know all that?”
Ming’s long-suffering look made his gut tighten. “Who do you think they come to when the relationship starts to cool?”
“What do you tell them?”
“That as wonderful as you are, any relationship with you has little chance of becoming permanent. You are a confirmed bachelor and an adrenaline junky with an all-consuming hobby who will eventually break their heart.”
“Do they listen to you?”
“The healthy ones do.”
“You know, if we weren’t such old and dear friends, I might be tempted to take offense.”
“You won’t,” she said confidently. “Because deep down you know you choose damaged women so eventually their issues will cause trouble between you and you have the perfect excuse to break things off.”
Deep down he knew this? “And here I thought I dated them because they were hot.” About then, Jason realized Ming had picked a fight with him. “I don’t want to talk about all the women I’ve dated.” But it was too late.
Ming wore the mulish expression he’d first encountered on the playground when one of his buddies had shoved her off the swings.
“This weekend was a mistake.” She slipped sideways into the bedroom and headed straight for her suitcase.
To Jason’s bafflement, she used it as a battering ram, clearing him from her path to the front door.
“You’re leaving?”
“You thought conceiving a baby should be memorable, but the only thing I’m going to remember about being here with you is this fight.”
“We’re not fighting.” She was making no sense, and Jason wasn’t sure how trying to provide her with a romantic setting for their first time together had sparked her wrath. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Back to San Francisco. There’s a midnight flight that will put me back in Houston by morning.”
How could she know that unless…? “You’d already decided you weren’t going to stay.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Her voice rang with sincerity, but she was already out the door and her face was turned away from him. “I just happened to notice it when I was booking my flight.”
Ming was approaching the trunk of her rental car as Jason barreled through the front door and halted.
His instincts told him to stop her. He was reasonably certain he could coax her mood back to romance with her favorite dessert and a stroll through the gardens, but her words had him wondering about his past choices when it came to relationships.
In the deepening twilight, a full harvest moon, robust and orange from the sunset, crested the trees. A lovers’ moon. Pity it would go to waste on them.
Jason dug his fingers into the door as Ming turned her car around. Was giving her time to think a good idea? He was gambling that eventually she’d remember that she needed him to get pregnant.
Five
Ming hadn’t been able to sleep on the red-eye from San Francisco to Houston. The minute her car had reached the Mendocino city limits, she’d begun to feel the full weight of her mistake. She had three choices: convince Jason to use a clinic for her conception, give up on him being her child’s father or stop behaving like a ninny and have sex with him. Because it was her nature to do so, she spent the flight home making pro and con lists for each choice. Then she weighted each item and analyzed her results.
Logic told her to head for the nearest sperm bank. Instead, as soon as the wheels of the plane hit the runway, she texted him an apology and asked him to call as soon as he was able.
The cab from the airport dropped her off at nine in the morning. She entered her house and felt buffeted by its emptiness. With Lily in Portland and Muffin spending the weekend with Ming’s parents, she had the place to herself. The prospect depressed her, but she was too exhausted to fetch the active Yorkshire terrier.
Closing the curtains in her room, she slid between the sheets but didn’t fall asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow. She tortured herself with thoughts of making love with Jason. Imagined his strong body moving against her, igniting her passion. Her body pulsed with need. If she hadn’t panicked, she wouldn’t feel like a runaway freight train. She’d be sated and sleepy instead of wide awake and horny.
Ming buried her face in the pillow and screamed her frustration until her throat burned. That drained enough of her energy to allow her to sleep. She awakened some hours later, disoriented by the dark room, and checked the clock. It was almost five. She pushed to a sitting position and raked her long hair away from her face. Despite sleeping for six hours, she was far from rested. Turbulent dreams of Jason returned her to that unfulfilled state that had plagued her earlier.
