by Cat Schield
“That’s right. Your favorite.” And one of the few things Ming enjoyed cooking. “Pity you aren’t here this morning to have some.”
“Just remember that paybacks can be painful.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you needed your car to go shopping for Max and Rachel’s wedding gift this morning. I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.” She disconnected the call. “I’m going to run Jason’s car over to him and then I’ll come back and we can make breakfast.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you over there?”
“No. I think the fresh air will do him some good.”
She escorted Lily to the kitchen and settled her with a cup of green tea before she headed for the front door. Jason was already in the car when she arrived.
“Lily sounded upset this morning,” Jason said. “Did I hear her say she put an offer on a house?”
“In Portland. But she seems really unsure what her next move is.” She drove the car into the parking lot of a coffee shop in her neighborhood and cut the engine. “She’s conflicted about going.” She paused a beat. “Did you know they’re sleeping together?”
Silence filled the space between her and Jason. Ming listened to the engine tick as it cooled, her thoughts whirling.
“Yes.” He was keeping things from her. That wasn’t like him.
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t want you to get upset.”
“I’m not upset.” Not about Lily and Evan.
Last weekend she’d discovered what she really wanted from Jason. It wasn’t a baby she would raise on her own. It was a husband who’d adore her and a bunch of kids to smother with love. She was never going to have that with him, and accepting that was tearing her apart.
“Well, you don’t look happy.”
“I want my sister to stay in Houston.” The air inside the car became stuffy and uncomfortable. Ming shoved open the door and got out.
By the time she reached the Camaro’s front bumper, Jason was there, waiting for her. “What happens if Lily and Evan decide to get married?”
Then she would be happy for them. “Evan and I were over six months ago.”
“You and Evan broke up six months ago.”
“Are you insinuating I’m not over him?”
“Are you?” He set his hand on his hips, preventing her from going past.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” She tried to sidestep him, but he shifted to keep her blocked. “Would I be sleeping with you if I was hung up on your brother?”
“If I recall, the only reason you’re sleeping with me is so you can get pregnant.”
She should be relieved that he believed that. It alleviated the need for complicated explanations. But what had happened between them meant so much more to her than that she couldn’t stay silent.
“Perhaps you need to think a little harder about that first afternoon in your kitchen.” She leaned into his body, surrendering her pride. “Did it seem as if all I was interested in was getting pregnant?”
“Ming.” The guilt in his voice wrenched at her. He cupped her shoulders, the pressure comforting, reassuring.
She stared at his chest and hoped he wouldn’t see the tears burning her eyes. “I knew it was going to get weird between us.”
“It’s not weird.”
“It’s weird.” She circled around him and headed to the passenger side. “I should probably get back.”
For a moment Jason stood where she’d left him. Ming watched him through the windshield, appreciating the solitude to collect her thoughts. It was her fault that their relationship was strained. If she’d just stuck with her plan and used a clinic to get pregnant, she wouldn’t have developed a craving for a man who could never be hers. And she wouldn’t feel miserable for opening herself to love.
As Jason slid behind the wheel, she composed her expression and gathered breath to tell him that they needed to go back to being friends without benefits, but he spoke first.
“Last night.” He gripped the steering wheel hard and stared straight ahead. “I crossed the line.”
*
To fill the silence that followed his confession, Jason started the Camaro, but for once the car’s powerful engine didn’t make him smile.
“Because of what you wanted me to say.” Ming sounded irritated and unsure.
“Yes.” Moments earlier, he’d considered skirting the truth, but she’d been honest about her feelings toward him.
“Then why did you?”
Making love to her had flipped a switch, lighting him up like a damned merry-go-round. He kept circling, his thoughts stuck on the same track, going nowhere. He liked that they were lovers. At the same time he relied on the stability of their friendship. So far he’d been operating under the belief that he could have it both ways. Now, his emotions were getting away from him. Logic told him lust and love were equally powerful and easily confused. But he’d begun to question his determination to never fall in love.
“Because it’s how I feel.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
He saw the hope in her eyes and winced. “It isn’t bad. We’ve been close a long time. My feelings for you are strong.” How did he explain himself without hurting her? “I just don’t want to lead you on and I think that’s what I did.”
“Lead me on?” She frowned. “By making me think that you wanted to move beyond friendship into something…more?” Her fingers curled into fists. “I’m not sure who I’m more angry with right now. You or me.”
If he’d known for sure that sleeping with her would complicate their friendship, would he have suggested it? Yes. Even now he wasn’t ready to go back to the way things were. He had so much he longed to explore with Ming.
If he was honest with himself, he’d admit that helping her get pregnant was no longer his primary motivation for continuing their intimate relationship. He’d have to weigh a deeper connection with Ming against the risk that someday one of them would wake up and realize they were better off as friends. If emotions were uneven, their friendship might not survive.
“Do you want to stop?” He threw the car into gear and backed out of the parking spot.
“You’re making me responsible for what does or doesn’t happen between us? How is that fair?”
Below her even tone was a cry for help. Jason wanted to pull her close and kiss away her frown. If today they agreed to go back to the way things were, how long would he struggle against the impulse to touch her the way a lover would?
“I want you to be happy,” he told her. “Whatever that takes.”
“Do you?” She looked skeptical. “Last night I wanted you to stay, but you got all tense and uncomfortable.” A deep breath helped get her voice back under control. When she continued, she seemed calmer. “I know it’s because you have a rule against spending the night with the women you see.”
“But I spent last night with you.”
“And this morning you couldn’t put your clothes on fast enough.” She stared at him hard enough to leave marks on his face.
“So what do you want from me?”
“I’d like to know what you want. Are we just friends? Are we lovers?”
Last night he’d denied their relationship to his friends and felt resistance to her suggestion that he stay the night with her. As happy as Max and his brothers were to be in love with three terrific women, Jason could only wonder about future heartbreak when he looked at the couples. He didn’t want to live with the threat of loss hanging over his head, but he couldn’t deny that the thought of Ming with another man bugged him. So did her dismay that Evan had fallen in love with Lily.
“I won’t deny that I think we’re good together,” he said. “But you know how I feel about falling in love.”
“You don’t want to do it.”
“Can’t we just keep enjoying what we have? You know I’ll always be there for you. The chemistry between us is terrific. Soon you’ll be busy being a mom and won’t have t
ime for me.” He turned the car into her driveway and braked but didn’t put the Camaro in Park. He needed to get away, to mull over what they’d talked about today. “Let’s have dinner tomorrow.”
“I can’t. It’s the Moon Festival. Lily and I are having dinner with our parents tomorrow. I’m going to tell them my decision to have a baby, and she’s going to tell them she’s moving.” Ming sighed. “We promised to be there to support each other.”
Jason didn’t envy either sister. Helen Campbell was a stubborn, opinionated woman who believed she knew what was best for her daughters. At times, Ming had almost collapsed beneath the weight of her mother’s hopes and dreams for her. She hadn’t talked about it, but Jason knew the breakup of her engagement had been a major blow to Ming’s mother.
“What about Tuesday?” he suggested.
She put her hand on the door release, poised to flee. “It’s going to be a hectic week with Max and Rachel’s wedding next weekend.”
Jason felt a sense of loss, but he didn’t understand why. He and Ming were still friends. Nothing about that had changed.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s too much to go into now.”
Jason caught her arm as she pushed the door open and prevented her from leaving. “Wait.”
Ming made him act in ways that weren’t part of his normal behavior. Today, for example. He’d hid in her bathroom for fifteen minutes while she and her sister had occupied the bedroom. There wasn’t another woman on earth he would have done that for.
Now he was poised to do something he’d avoided with every other woman he’d been involved with. “You’re obviously upset. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I feel like an idiot.” Her voice was thick with misery. “These last couple weeks with you have been fantastic and I’ve started thinking of us as a couple.”
Her admission didn’t come as a complete shock. Occasionally over the years he too had considered what they’d be like together. She knew him better than anyone. He’d shared with her things no one else knew. His father’s suicide attempt. How he’d initially been reluctant to join the family business. The fact that the last words he’d spoken to his little sister before she’d died had been angry ones.
“Even knowing how you feel about love—” She stopped speaking and blinked rapidly. “Turns out I’m just like all those other women you’ve dated. No, I’m worse, because I knew better and let myself believe…” Her chin dropped toward her chest. “Forget it, okay?”
Was she saying she was in love with him? Her declaration hit him like a speeding truck. He froze, unable to think, unsure what to feel. Had she lost her mind? Knowing he wasn’t built for lasting relationships, she’d opened herself up to heartbreak?
And where did they go from here? He couldn’t ask her to continue as they’d been these past two weeks. But he’d never had such mind-blowing chemistry with anyone before, and he was a selfish bastard who wasn’t going to give that up without a fight.
“Saturday night, after the wedding, we’re going to head to my house and talk. We’ll figure out together what to do.” But he suspected the future was already written. “Okay?”
“There’s nothing to figure out.” She slid out of the car. “We’re friends. Nothing is going to change that.”
But as he watched her head toward her front door, Jason knew in the space of a few minutes, everything had changed.
Ten
Ming caught her sister wiping sweaty palms on her denim-clad thighs as she stopped the car in front of her parents’ house and killed the engine. She put her hand over Lily’s and squeezed in sympathy.
“We’ll be okay if we stick together.”
Arm in arm they headed up the front walk. No matter what their opinions were about each other’s decisions, Ming knew they’d always form a unified front when it came to their mother.
Before they reached the front door, it opened and a harlequin Great Dane loped past the handsome sixty-year-old man who’d appeared in the threshold.
“Dizzy, you leave that poor puppy alone,” Patrick Campbell yelled, but his words went unheeded as Dane and Ming’s Yorkie raced around the large front yard.
“Dad, Muffin’s fine.” In fact, the terrier could run circles around the large dog and dash in for a quick nip then be gone again before Dizzy knew what hit her. “Let them run off a little energy.”
After surviving rib-bruising hugs from their father, Ming and Lily captured the two dogs and brought them inside. The house smelled like heaven, and Ming suspected her mother had spent the entire weekend preparing her favorite dishes as well as the special moon cakes.
Ming sat down at her parents’ dining table and wondered how the thing didn’t collapse under the weight of all the food. She’d thought herself too nervous to eat, but once her plate was heaped with a sample of everything, she began eating with relish. Lily’s appetite didn’t match hers. She spent most of the meal staring at her plate and stabbing her fork into the food.
After dinner, they took their moon cakes outside to eat beneath the full moon while their mother told them the story of how the festival came to be.
“The Mongolians ruled China during the Yuan Dynasty,” Helen Campbell would begin, her voice slipping naturally into storytelling rhythm. She was a professor at the University of Houston, teaching Chinese studies, language and literature. “The former leaders from the Sung dynasty wanted the foreigners gone, but all plans to rebel were discovered and stopped. Knowing that the Moon Festival was drawing near, the rebel leaders ordered moon cakes to be baked with messages inside, outlining the attack. On the night of the Moon Festival, the rebels successfully overthrew the government. What followed was the establishment of the Ming dynasty. Today, we eat the moon cakes to remember.”
No matter how often she heard the tale, Ming never grew tired of it. As a first-generation American on her mother’s side, Ming appreciated the culture that had raised her mother. Although as children both Ming and Lily had fought their mother’s attempts to keep them attached to their Chinese roots, by the time Ming graduated from college, she’d become fascinated with China’s history.
She’d visited China over a dozen times when Helen had returned to Shanghai, where her family still lived. Despite growing up with both English and Chinese spoken in the house, Ming had never been fluent in Mandarin. Thankfully her Chinese relatives were bilingual. She couldn’t wait to introduce her own son or daughter to her Chinese family.
Stuffed to the point where it was difficult to breathe, Ming sipped jasmine tea and watched her sister lick sweet bean paste off her fingers. The sight blended with a hundred other memories of family and made her smile.
“I’ve decided to have a baby,” she blurted out.
After her parents exchanged a look, Helen set aside her plate as if preparing to do battle.
“By yourself?”
Ming glanced toward Lily, who’d begun collecting plates. Ever since they’d been old enough to reach the sink, it was understood that their mother would cook and the girls would clean up.
“It’s not the way I dreamed of it happening, but yes. By myself.”
“I know how much you want children, but have you thought everything through?” Her mother’s lips had thinned out of existence.
“Helen, you know she can handle anything she sets her mind to,” her father said, ever supportive.
Ming leaned forward in her chair and looked from one parent to the other. “I’m not saying it’s going to be a picnic, but I’m ready to be a mom.”
“A single mom?” Helen persisted.
“Yes.”
“You know my thoughts on this matter.” Her mother’s gaze grew keen. “How does Jason feel about what you’re doing?”
Ming stared at the flowers that surrounded her parents’ patio. “He’s happy for me.”
“He’s a good man,” her mother said, her expression as tranquil as Ming had ever seen it. “Are you hoping he’ll help you?”
“I do
n’t expect him to.” Ming wondered if her mother truly understood that she was doing this on her own. “He’s busy with his own life.”
Patrick smiled. “I remember how he was with your cousins. He’s good with kids. I always thought he’d make a great father.”
“You did?” The conversation had taken on a surreal quality for Ming. Since he never intended to get married, she’d never pictured Jason as a father. But now that her dad had mentioned it, she could see Jason relishing the role.
“What I meant about Jason…is he going to help you make the baby?” her mother interjected.
“Why would you think that?”
“You two are close. It seems logical.”
Ming kept her panic off her face, but it wasn’t easy. “It would mess up our friendship.”
“Why? I’m assuming you’re going to use a clinic.”
This was all hitting a little too close to home. “That’s what I figured I’d do.” Until Jason came up with the crazy notion of them sleeping together. “I’d better give Lily a hand in the kitchen.”
Leaving her parents to process what she’d told them, Ming sidled up to her sister.
“I shared my news.” She started rinsing off dishes and stacking them in the dishwasher. “Are you going to tell them you’ve bought a house in Portland?”
“I changed my mind.”
“About the house or Portland?”
“Both.”
“Evan must be thrilled.” The words slipped out before Ming realized what she was saying. In her defense, she was rattled by her father’s speculation about Jason being a great dad and her mother’s guess that he was going to help her get pregnant.
“Evan?” Lily tried to sound confused rather than anxious, but her voice buckled beneath the weight of her dismay. “Why would Evan care?”
The cat was out of the bag. Might as well clear the air. “Because you two are dating?”
Ming was aware that keeping a secret about her and Jason while unveiling her sister’s love life was the most hypocritical thing she’d done in months.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Evan admitted it to Jason and he told me.”
