by Cat Schield
A hand shoved him in the chest, breaking through the walls of panic that had closed in on Jason.
“Geez, Jason.” His brother blinked in groggy confusion. “What the hell?”
Chest tight, Jason sat on the floor and raked his fingers through his hair. Relief hadn’t hit him yet. He couldn’t draw a full breath. Oxygen deprivation made his head spin. He dug the heels of his palms against his eyes and felt moisture.
Grabbing the pill bottle, he shook it in his brother’s face. “How many of these did you take?”
“Two. That’s all I had.”
And if there had been more? Would he have taken them? “Are you sure?”
Evan batted away his brother’s hand. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“You didn’t make the wedding. So I came over to check on you. Then I saw you on the floor and I thought…” He couldn’t finish the thought.
“I didn’t make the wedding because I wasn’t in the mood.”
“And these?”
“I went for a bicycle ride this morning to clear my head and took a spill that messed up my back. That’s why I’m lying on the floor. I seized up.”
“I left three messages.” Jason’s hands trembled in the aftermath of the adrenaline rush. “Why didn’t you call me back?”
“I turned my phone off. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.” Evan rolled to his side and pushed into a sitting position. “What are you doing here?”
“Lily said she turned down your proposal. I thought maybe you’d done something stupid.”
But Evan wasn’t listening. He sucked in a ragged breath. “She’s afraid it’ll hurt her sister if we get married.” He blinked three times in rapid succession. “And she wouldn’t listen to me when I said Ming wouldn’t be as upset as Lily thinks.”
Jason couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was this Evan’s way of convincing himself he wasn’t the bad guy in this scenario? “How do you figure? It’s only been six months since your engagement ended.”
Evan got to his feet, and Jason glimpsed frustration in his brother’s painful movements. “I know you think I messed up, but I did us both a favor.”
“How do you figure?” Jason stood as well, his earlier worry lost in a blast of righteous irritation.
“She wasn’t as much in love with me as you think she was.”
Jason couldn’t believe his brother was trying to shift some of the blame for their breakup onto Ming. “You forget who you’re talking to. I know Ming. I saw how happy she was with you.”
“Yeah, well. Not as happy as she could have been.”
“And whose fault was that?” He spun away from Evan and caught his reflection in the large living room windows. He looked hollow. As if the emotion of a moment before had emptied him of all energy.
“I worked hard at the relationship,” he said, his voice dull.
“And Ming didn’t?”
A long silence followed his question. When Jason turned around, his brother was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands.
“Ming and I were a mistake. I know that now. It’s Lily I love.” He lifted his head. His eyes were bleak. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without her.”
Jason winced at his brother’s phrasing. His cell rang. Ming was calling.
“Is everything okay with Evan?” The concern in her soft voice was a balm to Jason’s battered emotions. “It’s been almost a half an hour.”
He couldn’t tell her what he thought was going on while Evan could overhear. “He threw his back out in a bicycle-riding accident this morning.”
“Oh, no. There should be some ice packs in his freezer.”
“I’ll get him all squared away and be there in a half an hour.”
“Take your time. It’s been a long couple of days and I’m exhausted. Wake me when you get here.”
He ended the call and found himself smiling at the image of Ming asleep in his bed. This past week without her had been hell. Not seeing her. Touching her. He hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind.
“Ming told me to put you on ice.” Talking to her had lightened his mood. He needed to get his brother settled so he could get home. “Do you want me to bring the ice packs to you here or upstairs?’
“What the hell do I care?”
Evan’s sharp retort wasn’t like him. Lily’s refusal had hit him hard. Fighting anxiety over his brother’s dark mood, Jason bullied Evan upstairs and settled him in his bed. Observing his brother’s listless state, Jason was afraid to leave him alone.
“Are you going to be okay?”
Evan glared at him. “Why aren’t you gone?”
“I thought maybe I should stick around a bit longer.”
“Sounds like Ming is waiting for you.” Evan deliberately looked away from Jason, making him wonder if Evan suspected what Jason and Ming had been up to.
“She is.”
“Then get out of here.”
Jason headed for the door. “I’ll be back to check on you in the morning.”
“Don’t bother. I’d rather be alone.”
The fifteen-minute drive home offered Jason little time to process what had happened with Evan. What stood out for him was his brother’s despair at losing the woman he loved.
He stepped from his garage into the kitchen, and stood in the dark, listening. The silence soothed him, guided him toward the safe place he’d created inside himself. The walled fortress that kept unsettling emotions at bay.
He glanced around the kitchen and smiled as his gaze landed on the chair where he and Ming had made love for the first time. Just one of the great moments that had happened in this room. In almost every room in the house.
He had dozens of incredible memories featuring Ming, and not one of them would be possible if he hadn’t opened the doors to his heart and let himself experience raw, no-holds-barred passion.
But desire he could handle. It was the other strong feelings Ming invoked that plagued him. Being with her these past few weeks had made him as happy as he ever remembered. He couldn’t stop imagining a life with her.
And this morning he’d been ready to make his dreams reality.
But all that had changed tonight when he’d mistaken what was going on with Evan and relived the terror of the night he’d found his father in the garage. The fear had been real. His pledge to never fall in love—the decision that had stopped making sense these last few weeks—became rational once more.
He couldn’t bear to lose Ming. If they tried being a couple and it didn’t work out, the damage done to their friendship might never heal. Could he take that risk?
No.
Jason marched up the stairs, confident that he was making the right decision for both of them. He’d expected to find her in his bed, but the soft light spilling from the room next door drew him to the doorway. In what had been his former den, Ming occupied the rocking chair by the window, a stuffed panda clutched against her chest, her gaze on the crib. Encased in serenity, she’d never looked more beautiful.
“Where’s all your stuff?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
“It’s in the garage.”
Gone was the memorabilia of his racing days. In its place stood a crib, changing table and rocker. The walls had been painted a soft yellow. The bedding draped across the crib had pastel jungle animals parading between palm trees and swinging from vines.
She left the chair and walked toward him past the pictures that had graced her childhood bedroom. He’d gotten them from her parents. Her father was sentimental about things like that.
“Who helped you do this?”
“No one.” His arms went around her slim form, pulling her against his thudding heart. He rested his chin on her head. “Except for the paint and new carpet. I hired those out.”
“You picked all this out by yourself?”
Jason had never shopped for a Christmas or birthday present without her help, and Ming was obviously having a hard time wrapping her head
around what he’d accomplished in such a short time.
“Do you like it?” he prompted, surprised by how much he wanted her approval.
“It’s perfect.”
*
Nestled in Jason’s arms, Ming wouldn’t have believed it was possible to fall any deeper in love with him, but at that moment she did. The room had been crafted with loving care by a guy who was as comfortable in a department store as a cat in a kennel of yapping dogs.
He was an amazing man and he would be a terrific father. She was lucky to have such a good friend.
Jason’s arms tightened. “I’m glad you like the room. It turned out better than I expected.”
“I love you.” The courage to say those words had been building in her ever since Jason told her he wanted to go public about his part in her pregnancy. She’d always been truthful with Jason. She’d be a fool and a coward to hide something so important from him.
He tensed.
She gestured at the room. “Seeing this, I thought…” Well, that wasn’t true. She’d been reacting emotionally to Jason’s decision to be an active father and to his decorating this room to surprise her. “I want to be more than your best friend. I want to be a family with you and our baby.”
Fear that he’d react badly didn’t halt her confession. As her love for him strengthened with each day that passed, she knew she was going to bare her soul at some point. It might as well be sooner so they could talk it through. “I know that’s not what you want to hear,” she continued. “But I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with just being your best friend.”
When his mouth flattened into a grim line, Ming pulled free of his embrace. Without his warmth, she was immediately chilled. She rubbed her arms, but the cold she felt came from deep inside.
“Evan knew how you felt, didn’t he?” Jason made it sound like an accusation. “Tonight. He told me you weren’t as in love with him as I thought.”
“Why did he tell you that?”
“I assumed because he was justifying falling for Lily.”
“I swear I never gave him any reason to suspect how I felt about you. I couldn’t even admit it to myself until I saw you crash. You’ve always been so determined not to fall in love or get married.” Ming’s eyes burned as she spoke. “I knew you’d never let yourself feel anything more for me than friendship, so I bottled everything up and almost married your brother because I was completely convinced you and I could never be.”
He was silent a long time. “I haven’t told you what happened with Evan tonight.”
“Is he okay?”
“When I got to his house I found him on the floor with an empty bottle of painkillers beside him. I thought he was so upset over Lily refusing to marry him that he tried to kill himself.”
Ming’s heart squeezed in sympathy. The wound he’d suffered when he’d found his father in the garage with the car running had cut deeper than anyone knew. The damage had been permanent. Something Jason would never be free from.
“Did he?” She’d been with Evan for three years and had never seen any sign of depression, but Jason’s concern was so keen, she was ready to believe her ex-fiancé had done something to harm himself.
“No. He’d only taken a couple.” A muscle jumped in Jason’s jaw. He stared at the wall behind her, his gaze on a distant place. “I’ve never seen him like this. He’s devastated that Lily turned him down.”
“They’re not us.”
“What does that mean?” Annoyance edged his voice, warning her that he wasn’t in the mood to listen.
She refused to be deterred. “Just because they might not be able to make it work doesn’t mean we can’t.”
“Maybe. But I don’t want to take the risk.” He gripped her hands and held on tight.
“Have you considered what will happen if we go down that road and it doesn’t work out between us? You could come to hate me. I don’t want to lose my best friend.”
Ming had thought about it, but she had no easy answer. “I don’t want to lose you, either, but I’m struggling to think of you as just my best friend. What I feel for you is so much deeper and stronger than that.”
And here’s where things got tricky. She could love Jason to the best of her ability, but he was convinced that loving someone meant opening up to overwhelming loss, and she couldn’t force him to accept something different. But she could make him face what he feared most.
“I love you,” she said, her voice brimming with conviction. “I need you to love me in return. I know you do. I feel it every time you touch me.” She paused to let her words sink in. “And because we love each other, whether you want to admit it or not, our friendship is altered. We’re no longer just best friends. We’re a whole lot more.”
Through her whole speech he regarded her with an unflinching stare. Now he spoke. “So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying what you’re trying to preserve by not moving our relationship forward no longer exists.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw as he stared at her. Silence surrounded them.
“Is this an ultimatum?”
Was it? When she started, she hadn’t meant it to be.
“No. It’s a statement of intent. Our friendship as it once was is over. I love you and I want us to be a family.”
“And if I don’t accept that things have to change?”
She made no attempt to hide her sadness. “Then we both lose.”
*
Half an hour after her conversation with Jason, Ming plopped onto her window seat and stared at the dark backyard. She didn’t bother changing into a nightgown and sliding between the sheets. What was the point when there was no way she was going to be able to sleep? Her conversation with Jason played over and over in her mind.
Could she have handled it better? Probably not. Jason was never going to relish hearing the truth. He liked their relationship exactly the way it was. Casual. Comfortable. Constant. No doubt he’d resent her for shaking things up.
Dawn found her perched on a stool at the breakfast bar, her gaze on the pool in her backyard. She cradled a cup of coffee in her hands.
“You’re up early.” Lily entered the kitchen and made a beeline for the cupboard where she kept the ingredients for her healthy breakfast shake. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“You’re an idiot.” Ming knew it wasn’t fair to take her frustration out on her sister, but Lily was throwing away love.
Her sister leaned back against the countertop. “Good morning to you, too.”
“I’m sorry.” Ming shook her head. Her heart hurt. “I’m sitting here thinking how lucky you are that Evan wants to marry you. And it just makes me so mad that you turned him down.”
“Are you sure that’s what you’re mad about?”
Ming blinked and focused her gaze on Lily. “Of course.”
“The whole time you were with Evan I was miserable.”
Seeing where her sister was going, Ming laughed. “And you think I’m unhappy because Evan loves you?”
“Are you?”
“Not even a little.”
“Then why are you so upset?”
With shaky hands, Ming set her cup down and rubbed her face. “I’m pregnant.”
After all the arguments she’d had with her sister, the last thing Ming expected was for Lily to rush over and hug her. Ming’s throat closed.
“Aren’t you going to scold me for doing the wrong thing?” Ming asked.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so unsupportive. It wasn’t fair of me to impose my opinions on you. I’m really happy for you.” Lily sounded sincere. “Why didn’t you didn’t tell me you’d gone to the clinic?”
“Because I didn’t go.”
“Then how…?” Lily’s eyes widened. “Jason?”
“Yes.” Ming couldn’t believe how much it relieved her to share the truth.
“Have you thought about what this is going to do to Evan?” It was natural that this would be Lily’s reaction. She loved Evan and wanted
to protect him.
“I was more worried about it before I knew he’d moved on with you.” Ming crossed her arms. “But now you’ve turned down his proposal, and neither Jason nor I want to keep his involvement a secret.”
“Why did you have to pick Jason?” Lily shook her head.
Ming refrained from asking Lily why Evan had picked her. “When I decided to have a baby, I wasn’t keen on having a stranger’s child. Jason understood, and because he’s my best friend, he agreed to help.”
“So you slept with him.”
Ming’s cheeks grew warm. “Yes.”
“Does that mean you two are a couple?”
“No. As much as I want more, I understood that us being together was a temporary thing. Once I got pregnant, we’d stop.”
“But now you’re in love with him.” Not a question, a statement. “Does he know?”
“I told him last night.”
Lily squeezed Ming’s hands. “How did he react?”
“Exactly how I’d expected him to.” Ming put on her bravest smile. “He has his reasons for never falling in love.”
“What are you talking about? He loves you.”
“I know, but he won’t admit to anything stronger than friendship.”
“A friend he wants to sleep with.” Lily’s smile was wry.
“We have some pretty fabulous chemistry.” The chuckle that vibrated in Ming’s chest was bittersweet. “But he won’t let it become anything more.”
“Oh, Ming.”
“It’s not as if I didn’t know how he feels.” Ming slid off her stool and looped her arm through Lily’s. She tugged her sister toward the stairs. “It just makes it that much more important for you to accept Evan’s proposal.” Closing her ears to her sister’s protests, Ming packed Lily an overnight bag and herded her into the garage. “One of us deserves to be madly in love.”
Fifteen minutes later, they pulled up in front of Evan’s house. The longing on Lily’s face told Ming she’d been right to meddle. She scooped up her sister’s overnight bag and breezed up the front walk, Lily trailing slowly behind.
