by E. L. Todd
“Who cares?” Madeline dropped more napkins on top, soaking up the mess and keeping it quarantined. “Austen, what happened? What did that slimy son of a bitch have to say?”
“Yeah?” Jenn leaned forward, her hands resting on the pile of soaked napkins. She was too engrossed in my news to care about the stickiness of her hands.
“I almost didn’t answer.” The adrenaline spiked in my blood just from talking about it. “He said he wanted to have dinner so he could apologize in person. I told him I was over our relationship so I didn’t need an apology.”
“Good,” Madeline said. “Good response.”
“And then he said he knew I hadn’t had a boyfriend since we broke up…” I didn’t know how he figured that out, but people talked. Everyone must have known I was sleeping around because my heart was broken so severely.
“Wow, what a dick.” Jenn’s eyes were about to pop out of her head. “What did you say?”
“I said I didn’t have a boyfriend because I was too happy being single.” In the moment, I couldn’t think of anything better to say. I had to hold my ground so he wouldn’t know how much he hurt me.
“That’s good,” Madeline said. “You don’t need a man.”
“He so did not call to apologize,” Jenn said. “It’s been almost three years. Three years too late.”
“I think he’s looking for a rebound,” Madeline said. “Maybe he thinks you’re still hung up on him so he has a chance.”
“I never think about him.” I definitely wasn’t hung up on him. “So that’s not gonna work.”
“He has a lot of nerve to call you like that,” Jenn said. “What a jackass.”
“Why did they get divorced?” I shouldn’t care, and I knew that. But now that he’d called me, I wanted to know.
“Not sure,” Madeline said. “All I heard was they filed for divorce. Doesn’t seem like anyone knows.”
I probably would never find out. And whatever the answer was, it really didn’t matter.
***
Ryker and I hadn’t spoken since our fight slash angry fuck the day before. I knew he was pissed that he didn’t get his way, but I wasn’t going to cave—no matter what. I made the error of sleeping over when I shouldn’t, but that was the last rule I would break. If I continued to make exceptions, I was afraid I would get myself stuck in a situation I couldn’t handle.
At the end of the workday, I walked out of the building with my eyes glued to my phone. I wondered if Ryker had sent me a text message, but he hadn’t. I suspected I would have to reach out to him since I pissed him off like that.
I was just about to type a message when I heard my name.
“Austen.”
I looked up, recognizing the familiar deep voice. My eyes fell on the man I despised above all others. With a cleanly shaved face, striking blue eyes, and blond hair that I used to run my fingers through, stood Nathan—my ex-fiancé.
It took me a moment to absorb the reality of my situation. Nathan was really standing right in front of me, looking handsome in a t-shirt and jeans. His body was just as defined as before, beautiful and powerful. He had a natural boyish charm that just made him more charismatic.
Unlike on the phone, I couldn’t find my ground. My confidence was nonexistent because my body was still in shock. Did he purposely wait outside the building in the hopes of seeing me? Or was this just a coincidence? “No, you have the wrong person.” I quickly turned to the right and kept walking like I hadn’t seen him at all. Sweat formed all over my body, and my heart ached like it would explode inside of my chest.
Fuck.
What should I do?
I wasn’t naïve enough to think the conversation was over.
He would catch up to me in seconds.
It was only a matter of time.
“Austen.” He jogged until he came to my side. “I’m sorry to catch you off guard like this. I didn’t mean to scare you—”
“I’m not scared.” I stopped in my tracks and stared him down. “You don’t scare me, Nathan. You mean absolutely nothing to me. It’s like you aren’t even there.” I started walking again, even though I was heading in the exact opposite direction of my apartment. Standing tall and proud, indifferent, was especially important in that moment. I would never forget our years together and what they meant to me—but I had to make him think I did.
“Austen…I know you’re angry.” He came to my side again. “I just—”
“I’m not angry, Nathan. I just don’t want to be bothered by a stranger. I don’t know you anymore. You don’t know me. Let’s leave it that way.”
“I just want to talk to you, Austen.”
“Go talk to your wife—ex-wife—whatever she is.”
Nathan sighed, but he kept up with me, walking beside me as other pedestrians passed without paying any attention to us. “You heard about that, huh?”
“I would hope you’re divorced because you shouldn’t be trying to talk to your ex if you’re still married. But wait…you’re a cheater, and that’s what cheaters do.”
He bowed his head. “Okay…I deserved that.”
“You deserve a lot more than that, Nathan.”
“Can we go somewhere and have a conversation? I don’t mind the exercise but—”
I stopped walking and turned to him again. “You said you wanted to apologize?”
His face lit up because he was finally getting what he wanted. “Yeah. So if we could just—”
“Apology accepted. I forgive you, Nathan. I think the best way to really show your remorse is by leaving me in peace. I wish you the best and hope nothing but good things happen for you.” Okay, not really. “So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s just move on.”
His face fell in disappointment. “Austen, I know you don’t owe me anything, but I’d like to have a civil conversation with you. There are some things I need to tell you, and I think it’s best if we sit down.”
Those words meant nothing to me. “Nathan, when you left me for Lily, what did I do?”
His expression hardened into confusion. “Sorry?”
“When I walked in on you and Lily, you told me you wanted to be with her. Do you remember what I said?”
“Uh…”
Wow, he didn’t even remember that. “I didn’t fight for you, Nathan. I didn’t scream at you. I didn’t tell you how much you hurt me. I let you go, Nathan. I stepped aside because I knew you’d made up your mind. So I’m asking for the same respect. Just. Let. Me. Go.” I walked away, and this time, he didn’t follow me. He stayed on the sidewalk where I left him, thinking about what I just said.
I hoped that was the last time I would ever see him. Looking at his handsome face just brought back all the emotions I used to feel for him. He was the love of my life, the man I wanted to spend my life with. When he left, I’d never been in such a dark place. It was like waking up in a dream then going to bed with a nightmare.
***
I took the elevator to Ryker’s floor then stood outside his door. I was just going to barge in on him and demand hot sex, but I realized how rude that was. So I lingered down the hallway and called him.
He answered after a few rings. “Sweetheart.” He greeted me with his sexy voice, seeming aloof and indifferent.
“Hey. Are you busy right now?”
“I’m never busy when you call.”
I loved it when he flirted with me. He was so good at it. “Do you mind if I come over?” I needed to bury myself in his arms and let his scent mask Nathan’s. I wanted him to wipe away the memory altogether.
“Never.”
“Good…because I’m down the hallway.”
Ryker took a few moments to respond. “Why didn’t you just knock?”
“I wasn’t sure if you had company or something…”
“Then why didn’t you call before you came over?”
Because I wasn’t thinking straight. As soon as I had my conversation with Nathan, I jumped in a cab and ended up at h
is building. “Wasn’t thinking.”
“I’m not seeing anyone else but you right now. But you already knew that, Austen. So let’s not play games, okay?”
“I’m not playing games.”
His front door opened, and he stepped out, the phone pressed to his ear. “You wouldn’t be standing at the end of my hallway right now if you weren’t.” He hung up and shoved his phone inside his pocket.
I kept the phone against my ear even though the line went dead. I stared at him before I returned the phone to my pocket and walked to his front door. I stared at his cleanly shaved face and his beautiful green eyes. I wanted to tell him about my day, about what happened with Nathan, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“I can tell something is wrong.” He kept his voice barely above a whisper as his hand cupped my cheek and slid into my hair. “It’s written all over your face. But I know you aren’t going to tell me anything, so I’m not going to ask.” He leaned in and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. The embrace was warm and full of affection, sexual energy that seemed to form anytime we were in the same room together.
His other hand snaked to the back of my neck and gripped me tightly, possessing me like I was his to do with whatever he wished. He guided me into the apartment and kicked the door shut without breaking our kiss. Next thing I knew, my back was pressed against the door, his jeans were around his ankles, and a condom was sheathed over his length. He lifted me up and tied my legs around his waist before he shoved himself violently inside me.
Then he fucked me hard and fast against the door, making me come before I even entered his apartment. He did exactly what I wanted, giving me such intense pleasure that I forgot about that ambush outside my work building.
My arms hooked around his neck, and I breathed into his mouth as he fucked me. “Ryker…”
He kissed me hard on the mouth and drove his tongue into my mouth, hips still working frantically to fuck me hard against his front door. “Sweetheart, I love hearing you say my name.”
***
He had a large, walk-in shower that had plenty of room for two people. All the walls were made of glass, and the floor was made of granite. It was the most luxurious shower I’d ever been in.
He massaged the shampoo into his hair, the suds dripping down his hard chin and even harder chest. There was nothing more erotic than watching him bathe, watching him clean himself like a model for a soap commercial. “What?”
“Huh?” I replied automatically, losing my train of thought.
“You’ve been staring at me for nearly two minutes now.”
“Oh…sorry. It’s like watching porn.”
He chuckled then massaged his soap-soaked hands into my tits. “If it was, would you be touching yourself right now?”
“Duh.” Ryker was the sexiest hunk I’d ever laid eyes on. He was so beautiful I had to force my thighs together to keep them under control. He could make a video and charge a hundred bucks per person to watch it, and every single woman in the world would do it.
He chuckled at my honesty. “I’ve beaten off to you a few times.”
“Uh…you were watching me?”
“No. After we met.”
“Ohh…” Goose bumps prickled my skin. Now I was scorching hot, wanting more sex even though I had plenty.
He was hard—like usual. “I’d fuck you, but I don’t have a condom handy.”
I eyed his cock and tried to remain responsible at the same time. But that was damn hard to do.
He rolled his eyes then rubbed a bar of soap into his skin. “Geez, you’re stubborn.”
“I’m not stubborn. I just stick to my rules.”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have rules. Maybe you should just do what you want instead of preparing for the worst-case scenario all the time. You only live once, right?”
I was used to my friends telling me the ugly truth, and I knew Ryker was the same way. He would speak his mind even if I didn’t want to hear it. “You patronize me more than my own parents.”
“I guess your parents didn’t do a good enough job. Now it’s up to me.”
I massaged the conditioner into my hair then let it sit, absorbing the moisture so my hair would be smooth and soft. “Your only job is to fuck me. I thought I made that clear.”
“Well, I actually like you, Stone Cold. Need to straighten you out.”
“You actually like me?”
“Yep. That’s a serious compliment because I don’t usually like anyone.”
“Now look who’s stubborn…”
The corner of his mouth rose in a smile. “So, what happened today? Bad day at work?”
My eyes fell in sadness now that the topic had been breached. I tried to avoid thinking about Nathan, but now that he’d shown up, it was a lot more difficult to accomplish. My main source of distraction was now reminding me of the thing I didn’t want to talk about.
Ryker gave me a fierce look of disappointment. “Forget I asked. I’ll fuck you when we’re out of the shower, and you can head home and go back to your life.”
The insult ripped right through me, making me feel his rejection and my own pain at the exact same time. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I need to loosen up a bit. It’s just difficult for me. I don’t sleep with the same guy more than once because then it doesn’t work as well.”
“What doesn’t work as well?”
“The distraction. It helps keep me from thinking about things I don’t want to think about. With you, the sex is so great I keep coming back. Anytime I’m with you, I don’t think about my fears. So that’s why I like being with you so much. It works…”
He rinsed the soap off his body and watched me with soft eyes. His anger and aggression faded away the moment I let some of my walls come down. “What are you so afraid of, sweetheart?”
I couldn’t believe I was actually going to tell him this. Over the course of the last six weeks, I’d become close to him. I tried to avoid it as much as possible, but it happened anyway. I was tired of fighting our chemistry, the natural connection I felt since the first day I’d looked at him. Whether it was just physical or friendly, something was there. “It’s hard for me to talk about… I guess I’m still embarrassed. I shouldn’t be embarrassed because it wasn’t my fault and I didn’t have a clue what was going on, but it’s still humiliating.”
He didn’t press me to continue the story. He watched me with gentle eyes as he waited for me to keep going.
“I was engaged.”
The water pelted against his chest and streamed down his body, tiny riverbeds as the drops maneuvered to the floor.
I stepped farther under the water, welcoming the warmth. “I was in love. I was happy. And then I came home one day and caught him fucking my best friend…”
He closed his eyes as his jaw clenched, feeling the sting of the words once they’d been spoken.
“To this day, I still don’t know how long their relationship had been going on. I don’t know when they were hooking up or how it started. Lily and I haven’t spoken since I found her on my bed with her ass in the air. And Nathan and I…we never really talked about it either. He packed his things and said he wanted to be with her. He didn’t apologize…he didn’t fight for me. He just…left.” I felt the tears form inside my eyes. They were pressed down deep inside me, but I refused to let them emerge. Nathan and Lily didn’t deserve my tears. “I guess I’ve never really gotten over it. I really did love Nathan. I wanted to spend my life with him and have kids with him. I’d just bought my wedding dress a few weeks before that…”
Ryker watched me with eyes heavy with remorse even though he’d done nothing wrong. His hands snaked around my waist, and he held me to his chest, the water crashing down on both of us. His hand moved down my back and along my side, soothing me in the only way he could.
I rested my cheek against his chest, grateful I didn’t have to feel his pitiful stare any longer. Ryker was rough around the edges, calloused from old wounds, and I didn’t
expect him to be so gentle with me like this. It wasn’t just about rough sex. He was more than just a playboy. “I found out that Nathan and Lily got a divorce. I couldn’t believe it. If they were both going to betray me, I just assumed it would only be because they were destined to be together. But they barely lasted two years…really pathetic. So he called me last week…totally out of the blue.”
“What did he say?”
“That he wanted to get dinner and apologize.”
“Don’t give him the time of day.” His coldness counteracted the warmth of the water, chilling me to the bone.
“I didn’t. But then, when I left work today, he was waiting for me. He asked me to dinner again because he wanted to talk. But I kept walking…and that’s how I ended up here.” I pulled away from his chest and looked up into his face, seeing the beautiful eyes that drove me wild.
“That guy has a lot of nerve.”
“I know.” After what he did to me, you’d think he would just leave me alone.
“You want me to take care of it?”
I chuckled because the question reminded me of eighth grade. “What? Are you going to beat him up?”
“No,” he said quietly. “I’ll fucking kill him.”
The look in his eyes suggested he wasn’t kidding, but I hoped he was. “No…he’s not worth it.”
“I disagree.”
I pressed my face against his chest again and kissed him right over the sternum. I tasted the water from the shower as well as his skin. “I haven’t dated a guy since Nathan left me. It’s just easier to have flings. A lot more fun that way. So when I met you, I made these rules so…nothing would happen.”
His hands moved to my shoulders, and he gripped me gently. “So I don’t want something more?”
“No…so I don’t want something more.” By sleeping with a guy only once, there was no possibility of getting attached. But Ryker was so amazing in the sack, I didn’t want to give that up. I’d been doing a great job of keeping my feelings under control. But if we stopped seeing other people, forgot about protection, and had sleepovers all the time, I feared it was inevitable.
He massaged my shoulders gently before his hands slid down to my elbows. He maneuvered my arms around his waist, bringing me into him again. “I’ve got my own baggage too.”
