I push my chair back.
He grins and leads me away from the group to an empty corner near the floor-to-ceiling windows. Once we're standing there, close together, he says, "Okay. Ready?"
I am fast becoming ready for anything this gorgeous man might try to do. "Yup."
"Okay. Here it is. You just look out at the water and take deep breaths."
I glance at him. "That's your top-secret relaxation plan."
He feigns shock. "You've heard it before?"
I smile. "I'm afraid so."
"Well, shucks. That's all I've got to impress you."
"That's not all you've got," I say before I can stop myself. My face goes hot. "Um, I mean..."
He slips his arm around my shoulders. "Your boyfriend is a lucky man, Miss Corinne."
"My non-existent boyfriend, you mean?" His touch is heating me even more.
"Husband?"
"Also non-existent," I say as I let myself lean into him.
"Harem of lovers?"
"Damn, you figured it out."
We laugh, and he pulls me a little closer against his side. "Would the harem mind if I spend time with you on this cruise? Because I would very much like to."
His arm around me feels amazing, and I can't resist sliding my arm around his waist and moving even closer. "The harem's not the boss of me. I don't mind, and that's all that matters."
"Good. I'll come find you on the beach after the horses," he says. "Looking forward to it."
"Me too," I murmur. His determined pursuit surprises me, but I like it. A lot.
*****
After a few minutes of watching the waves and listening to "Que Sera, Sera" playing through the speaker near our heads, a song I've always hated for its 'don't bother planning' attitude but which is growing on me now as I stand here with him, Austin takes his arm off my shoulders and says, "So, more relaxed?"
I actually feel like every atom in my body is vibrating to his frequency, and though I love the feeling I'm not sure it's relaxing, but I smile and say, "Your secret worked."
He winks and leads me back to the table, waiting until we get there to say, "Now, keep the secret to yourself, okay?"
"You got it."
Melissa smiles at him, the kind of smile she'll probably give to her kid when he or she says something particularly silly. "Austin, nobody's after your secrets."
He looks around shiftily. "So you say."
"Sis," Galen says, "I need to get that book out of your suitcase tonight. It's getting late, so can we go do that now?"
He doesn't have a book in my suitcase, but I know this means he wants to talk to me in private. I have a feeling I also know what, or rather who, about, so I say, "Can I finish my drink first?"
He agrees, so I stay and enjoy Austin's flirting for a while longer before Galen says to me, "Seriously, I'm beat, and you should get some sleep too. Early morning tomorrow."
I suck back the last of my delicious piña colada and get to my feet. "Yes, boss. Good night, all."
"Have a good night," Austin says, his tone innocent but his eyes adding another dimension to the words. "I'll see you on the beach."
"Looking forward to it," I say, echoing what he said to me before, and he winks at me.
"Me too," Melissa says. "With Austin out of the way I'll actually get a chance to talk to you."
Austin shakes his head. "Mel, I thought you were my friend."
"Nope," she says cheerfully. "You keep forgetting I want to be called Melissa not Mel."
"If I remember, can we be friends?"
"Probably not," she says, just as cheerfully, then laughs and gives his shoulder a squeeze. "Ah, you're all right. If you like that sort of thing."
I think I do.
Galen and I leave the others, and the moment we're out of the bar he says, "Watch yourself, okay? I don't trust that guy."
Since my big brother has never trusted any guy, including Clay who was nothing but good to me, this is no surprise. "Big shock. Why this time?"
He grimaces. "His own brother says he's a total playboy. Melissa says he can be deeper than he seems but even she admits he's flighty and a huge flirt. And they both agree that Austin's had a different girl on every cruise and sometimes more than one. And he never calls them afterward."
This hurts, more than it should, but I say, "Well, I wasn't planning on taking him home with us or anything. But he's fun and I could use a little fun at the moment."
Galen sighs. "I know." He gives my shoulder an awkward pat. "You've had a rough time. But with Travis's job and everything, with all your planning, your life is turning around. Right?"
"Right." Georjenna is having much more of an impact in that direction. Thinking about my baby and figuring out how I'll manage to be even half as good a single mother as my mom is keeps me focused on my plans and on moving forward. But I can't tell Galen that yet. "Look, I know Austin's after a good time not a long time. But I don't have a long time here with him, and I want it to be a good time."
"Not too good," he mutters. "Nothing horizontal."
I smack him in the shoulder, then laugh as for once the perfect answer hits me. "Fine. We'll just stand up instead."
Galen staggers backward. "I did not need to hear that from my sister."
"Then butt out, okay?" I say, smiling and hoping I'm not showing how annoying I find this. He's always so worried about me, even though it's not necessary. I know he means well but I don't need him to protect me. "I'll behave."
Galen grunts. "Yeah, but will he?"
I sure hope not.
Chapter Four
Austin's relaxation technique did wonders for me last night at the bar, but it doesn't seem to work here on the beach without him.
After a great hour of snorkeling Melissa and Nicholas and I sat chatting in the sun while Austin and the others did their horseback riding on the other side of the island, but when Melissa fell asleep Nicholas and I drifted into a friendly silence. Though I'm watching the waves as hard as I can, the longer we don't talk the less friendly the voices in my head are becoming. Even more unfortunately, they make too much sense to be ignored.
My plan for the next three years is detailed and clear, and as realistic as I could make it. I've read countless books and websites to determine how much money I'll need to support Georjenna and myself, and I've cut all frivolous expenses from my budget (with the sole exception of my 'Sex and the City' DVD treat for the cruise, and that was on sale) to make sure I have that money. I'm doing well enough that if Mom and Galen hadn't insisted on paying for my cruise as my birthday present I could almost have handled it on my own without ruining everything.
But I had detailed plans for getting into the orchestra too, carefully defined and organized and logical, and I didn't manage that. What if—
No. I take a deep breath of the sea air and push that thought aside. The orchestra is the past. Georjenna is my future. Nothing else matters. I will make it work. I failed before but I have put all of that behind me and I will succeed this time. I will stay glued to my plan and I will succeed. I have to. I can't fail again.
"You okay?"
I blink and look over at Melissa, who's pushed herself up onto one elbow in the sand. "Yeah." I am determined to be okay. "Why?"
She gives me a sleepy smile. "You look sad."
My throat tightens, but I clear it and say, "I was thinking about the orchestra, I guess."
She winces. "Yeah, I can imagine that sucks. Well, let's talk about something else." She rubs her eyes, then turns to Nicholas. "Would you be an awesome husband and get us some water from the booth over there?"
"Oh, no, I can—"
Nicholas cuts me off. "Of course. Need anything else?"
Melissa shakes her head, and I again offer to take care of it myself but Melissa says, "He's going for me so he might as well get yours too," and squeezes his hand.
He smiles, not looking bothered by her request, and heads off, and the instant he's out of likely earshot she says,
"Austin's been paying a lot of attention to you. He's not making you sad yet, is he?"
I shake my head, noticing but not bothered by her 'yet'. If I thought Austin and I would have a longer relationship than just this week I probably would be bothered, but I know we won't. "I haven't seen him more than just last night, but so far he's great."
"Oh, he's always great," she says wryly. "He's the ultimate fun-time guy."
Realizing I have an opportunity I might not get again, I say, "You guys dated, right? How was it?"
She chuckles. "Not sure you can call it 'dating' when Austin is involved. We had a lot of fun together for a little while, then I said I'd rather he not be having fun with everyone else at the same time and that was the end of us."
I consider this. "Not the monogamous type, then?" Hardly a surprise given how he was flirting with every woman we saw yesterday.
"I am honestly not certain he knows the meaning of the word. And if he does, he definitely doesn't live by it."
"Okay," I say slowly. "Good to know." I'll remember, in case I lose my mind and start imagining a future with him.
"He can be a sweetheart, though," she says, sounding like she thinks she's gone too far. "He was amazingly helpful last year when I was trying to decide whether to marry Owen. But he did that by saying he didn't think he'd ever want to settle down but knew I did. I..." She grimaces. "I don't know, Corinne. If you just want a few fun days, ignore everything I've said and have a great time with him. He'll make them the best days you've ever had, for sure. But if you think it'll be more, well, I don't want to see you get hurt."
"I don't think it'll be more," I say firmly, not bothering to add that I wouldn't expect any guy to take me on while I'm pregnant with a sperm donor's baby and certainly not a guy like Austin. "I think I'll be fine."
She smiles easily. "I think so too. I just figured I should tell you what he's like."
"Anything else I should know?"
She gives this some thought then shakes her head. "He's not a bad guy, as long as you understand him. He's never had any sort of role model of commitment or anything like that, and he doesn't see the point in it. But when he's with you, you'll feel like it'll last forever. He's great at making you feel that way."
I frown. "Sounds manipulative."
Her eyes widen. "Then it came out wrong. He told me last year he loves making women happy, and I truly believe he does. When you're together he'll do everything he can to make you feel good. I just want to make sure you know he doesn't have the staying power for it to be permanent."
"I do. Now. Thanks."
She nods, and we sit in awkward silence for a moment.
I feel like she thinks she's upset me, and I don't want her to feel bad, so I nudge her and say, "Are you telling me he has no staying power? That's no good."
She laughs. "I'm a married woman now, I can't discuss that. But I don't remember having a single complaint in that department." Her cheeks are pinkening. "I remember some other things about that department, to be honest, but not a bit of a complaint."
I smile. "Well, we'll see if I have complaints," I say, then add hastily, "if he and I get to anything like that, I mean."
"I don't know whether I should tell you to get to it or not," she says, smiling too. "But if you do I doubt you'll be disappointed." Her eyes shift past me and she says, "And Nicholas is coming back, so maybe we should talk about something else? He does know I was with him but..."
"Good call."
When her husband sits down next to her and passes out the water bottles he collected we are busily discussing her book and the progress of its sequel, but she flashes me a wink and I wonder if I can have a friendship with Melissa after the cruise even though I won't have anything with Austin. I haven't seen any of my former friends since the audition, because just like with Clay I put them into the 'orchestra box' and moved on, and I like Melissa already. She could be my first friend of my new life.
*****
A shadow falls over my face and I open my eyes to see Austin crouched beside me. "Hey, sleeping beauty," he says with a wink. "How're you doing?"
I push myself to a sitting position, feeling weird lying down beside him. "Good, thanks. How were the horses?"
"Awesome," Galen says, while Glenn nods, and Arabella adds, "We missed you, though."
"We did." Austin sits at my side and brushes a few grains of sand from the leg of his black swim shorts.
Shari says, "So, what now?" She nudges Austin. "You made the snorkeling here sound amazing. We should go do that."
He doesn't look at her, but to me he says, "You went already, though. Want to go again?"
Happy that he wants me to and even happier to have another fun time in the water, I say, "Definitely. It was gorgeous."
His eyes intensify and I can almost hear him thinking, "You're gorgeous," and it makes me blush.
He smiles at that, proving to me he was thinking it, and I look away because I feel silly but then look back and smile at him.
Shari clears her throat. "So, lunch first and then we go?"
Everyone agrees to her suggestion, but once we've finished lunch at the cute little restaurant Nicholas suggested he says, "Melissa, I'll snorkel if you want but I would actually rather hang out somewhere, just the two of us, and read. Read then walk on the beach then read some more."
Her smile is brighter than the sun reflecting off the white sand. "I was just thinking that. Exactly like that great day last year."
"You sat on the beach and read here last year?" Shari waves a hand around. "But it's so pretty. Why waste it with a book?"
Austin chuckles. "You're wasting your breath. These guys are book freaks. Well, go off and have what you call fun."
Melissa and Nicholas smile at the rest of us and head out, and once they're gone Austin says, "Let's go get ourselves on the next snorkeling excursion."
As it turns out, we can't. "I can take two of you now," the man in charge says as he studies his clipboard, "and four in an hour. No times for six, though."
"Sorry, guys." Austin looks embarrassed and flustered, and the uncharacteristic lack of confidence makes him even cuter. "I've always been able to go whenever I felt like it, but then again it was usually just me. Me or... with one other."
No doubt a woman. One he never saw again after the cruise.
"Austin and I can go on our own," Shari says quickly. "Since we were paired up for riding the horses, it only makes sense."
I don't like that they were hanging out together, but I know I can't let it bother me.
Austin, though, shakes his head and says, "I did the morning activity with all of you but I've hardly spent any time with Corinne. Why don't I go with her now and then the four of you can go together?"
Galen mumbles something about him still spending time with me if we're in a group of four, but Arabella says, "Come on, Galen, it's fine."
We all turn to her, surprised at the snap of annoyance in her voice, except for Galen who looks away, and she blushes. Then she clears her throat and says, "Actually, I like that plan," and nudges my brother. "I'd love to see you swim again. I've been thinking about it since I saw you at that condo pool party last month. It's not your best skill, and it's so nice to see you not good at something for once."
He rolls his eyes, but she's right: my otherwise-athletic brother has never been a great swimmer. "Okay, I'll let you watch my uselessness." To Austin he says, "Take care of my sister."
I start to say I can take care of myself, but Austin gives a little bow and says, "Will do."
Though Shari still looks unimpressed, Austin and I head off together and board the tiny crowded boat that'll take us out to the snorkeling area. We're barely away from the dock when he moves closer and says into my ear, "This is okay, right? I didn't want to go with Shari."
"Fine by me," I say, not wanting to admit how glad I am it's just us. "But why not?"
He shrugs. "I like you better."
My cheeks warm. "You barely know me."
"I like what I know," he says, his tone casual.
I look into his eyes and try to match his tone. "Same to you."
He smiles, then an odd expression flickers over his face. If I'd given him an impossible math problem to solve, I'd have expected such a look of complete confusion, but it doesn't make much sense in the current context.
Neither, given what I've been told about his 'have fun in the moment' attitude, does his moving even closer and saying over the noise of the boat, "I want to know more about you. This orchestra thing. I don't get it."
I turn to face him and realize we're close enough we could kiss. I like the idea, but not here and not with those words hanging in the air, so I draw back a fraction and say, "What's not to get? I failed. But it's all behind me. End of story."
He's already shaking his head as I speak, and when I finish he says, "Nope. You didn't fail. You couldn't have."
I like his certainty, but he's wrong. "Like I said, you barely know me. I planned for it for years and years, Austin, and then I finally got my shot and it didn't happen. How does that make me anything but a failure?"
My throat tightens near the end of this, surprising me with the unusual emotion. I worked through everything in that hotel room, and I wasn't upset then or since. No point. Life goes on.
Austin wraps his arm around my shoulders. "You didn't get into the orchestra. I agree that wasn't the desired outcome. But you are not a failure. No way. You just aren't."
I want to believe him, but I can't. His arm around me feels so good, though, and I can't stop myself from leaning into him.
He draws me even closer and says, "Melissa tried to get a literary agent for her book, or a publisher, but after a few months she went ahead and published it on her own. Is she a failure?"
I struggle with this for a second then have to admit, "She's got readers, like me, who love her book. So she can't be a failure. But she did fail at getting an agent. So..." I don't want to say I do think Melissa's a failure in a way, but I do. She gave up on her plan.
Austin can obviously tell because he says, "She failed at that, yes, but she's no failure. She got to where she needed to be. She did it like I do things, I think. Day by day, looking at the steps. We don't plan everything out, we just watch for opportunities. And she found out how to do it herself and she took that opportunity and made it happen. And like I said, now she's where she needed to be."
Plan Overboard (Toronto Series #14) Page 3
