Ignoring Melissa's mumbled non-committal response and Austin's shaking head, Linda adds, "But I'm going to sit for a minute and let everything digest. Are you all heading out now?"
"I'll go get our ereaders," Nicholas suggests to Melissa. "If you want."
She smiles. "Sounds great. I'm too tired and comfy to move."
Austin gets up and holds out his hand to me. "Ready to go?"
I don't know where we're going but I don't care as long as we're going together. I stand and take his hand. "Sure. Nice to meet you, Linda."
"You too, darling." She raises her eyebrows at Austin. "And will we see her again? Dinner tomorrow, maybe?"
"If she thinks she can tolerate you, then sure."
I smile at Linda. "If I can tolerate him, I can tolerate anything, right?"
She gives that barking laugh again. "Come back tomorrow. I enjoy mocking Austin with you."
Austin tugs at me. "Let's go, before she warps you completely."
We head out of the restaurant, and are passing the gift shop when a beautiful necklace and earring set in exactly the color of the bottom of my dress catches my eye. I went without jewelry because I didn't have anything that suited the dress. "Ooh."
"Ooh what?" He sees where I'm looking. "Let's go check it out."
It costs fifty bucks, which is a lot for simple beaded jewelry, but the beauty of it makes it hard to ignore.
"I'll get it for you if you want."
I smile at Austin, then reach up and kiss him lightly. "You're the best. But no, you've already bought me enough."
"But you'll get it yourself then, right? It's such a good match. I think you'll regret leaving it behind."
I tip my head back and forth. "You're probably right." The three glasses of water I had at dinner to make my 'no wine, I feel dehydrated already' excuse seem more realistic catch up with me. "Mind if I hit the bathroom? I'll decide while I'm gone."
He smiles at me. "I'll be right here guarding it."
I smile back then retreat to the public bathroom. I've barely settled onto the toilet in the middle stall when I hear the bathroom door open and a woman, unmistakably Linda, say, "—in a million years would I have expected to see that."
Before I realize I'm going to, I pull my knees up so my feet in the silver sandals she complimented and might recognize won't be visible beneath the stall door.
I'm glad I did when Melissa answers her with, "I know. And you haven't seen much of them together. The way he kisses her, I've never seen him like that."
Linda laughs. "You would know, Mel."
"I don't know what we looked like," she says, not sounding embarrassed, "but I highly doubt it was like this. He... he lingers, like he can't handle it ending. And he cuddles up to her and touches her cheek and he watches her when she's not looking. And he bought her that dress, you know."
The stall door beside me bangs closed and Linda says, far too close to me, "Seriously? I don't think he's ever bought a woman anything."
"Never did with me," Melissa says from my other side, while I sit frozen and overwhelmed.
"And he's never invited anyone to dinner with us, not in twenty years of taking this cruise, and you said he spent a whole day with her instead of going to the distillery?"
"Yup, and he loves that place. And never mind one day, he's spent pretty much every waking moment with her since Sunday. If it were anyone but Austin I'd say he's fallen for her. And actually I do think—"
Linda's laugh cuts her off. "No way. That's not my boy."
Melissa doesn't answer, and I know she thinks Linda's wrong.
I'm beginning to think so too, and it both terrifies and thrills me.
First one then the other of their toilets flush, and I hear them washing their hands. Over the crumpling sound of paper towels, Linda says, "And he asked for her phone number too. I don't think he's ever done that before. Maybe you're right and he does like her. I'm fine with that. She'll keep him in line."
Melissa chuckles. "As much as anyone can. And I think she likes him right back. And I like her too. Although not in the same way, of course."
"You only like her because she likes your book."
They depart, Melissa's laughing protests trailing after them.
I sit still, afraid to go out and get caught by them. I cannot believe what I've heard. He's done things with me that he's never done before. What does it mean? And what should I do?
Well, first I have to get out of here, because he's waiting for me and if they run into him and he tells them I was in the bathroom they'll know I heard and I can well imagine Linda telling him exactly what I heard. He hasn't said anything about his feelings for me, if he does in fact have them, and I'm sure he wouldn't want that announcement to be made by his mother.
I slip out of the stall, feeling nervous though I know they're gone, and wash my hands, then slink out of the washroom looking in all directions. The two of them stand staring out at the water, and I sneak past them and hurry back to the gift shop. Austin's where I left him, but the jewelry is not.
I give a gasp of surprise, and he turns and smiles at me. "There you are."
"Sorry I took so long," I say, realizing I can proactively plant a different story. "The bathroom right there was full when I got to it so I walked further down the hall. What happened to the necklace and earrings?"
He shakes his head sadly. "They possessed me somehow, and I bought them before I could resist."
Happiness flashes through me that he's again bought me something, again done something he's never done with anyone else. "Really. That's how it happened?"
"It was the weirdest thing. But anyhow..." He brings a small bag out from behind his back and removes the jewelry box from it. "Turn around."
I do, and he drapes the necklace around my throat and does up the clasp.
"I'll pay you back," I say as he works, but he finishes, presses a kiss to the back of my neck, then turns me to face him and says, "Nope. Honestly, I wanted to get it for you. Goes with the dress. Now you've got the full outfit."
The sincerity in his eyes makes it impossible for me to argue any more, and I give in. "Well, thank you. You're the best. A plus plus plus."
He smiles at me. "Only if you're four pluses. But you're welcome."
He leans in and kisses me, and though it doesn't last long it is sweet and slow and tender and I realize Melissa is right. There's more here than just a fling.
I definitely like him.
And he likes me too.
But he doesn't know about Georjenna.
Which means he doesn't know me at all.
Chapter Eight
Austin and I stand in our usual spot on the top deck looking out at the night-dark waves. When we came up onto the deck I held back to let him take me to the other side if he wanted since he'd said it was the best view on the ship but we've still never hung out there, but he turned this way without hesitation. He's got his arm around me and I'm cuddled in against him and I have no idea what to do next.
He does, though. He turns me to face him and kisses me, his mouth gentle but also hungry on mine, and I stop worrying about what I know I have to tell him and let myself melt into him.
The kiss lasts and lasts, somehow both sweet enough to counteract the salty ocean and hot enough to set it boiling, and when it finally ends I bury my face in his shirt and hold him tight.
He holds me the same way, then says softly, "When I was fourteen, I met a girl on the cruise. We came up to this deck because of the view, and ended up over there on the other side. Had our first kiss, my first kiss ever, there."
I smile, picturing what he must have been like back then. "I bet you were adorable at fourteen."
He chuckles. "I'll make sure you never see pictures." He clears his throat. "The next year, I met a different girl. We were up on this deck, and we ended up in the same spot. Kissed her too."
He clears his throat again, and I recognize that he's nervous. This is not idle conversation. My heart starts poun
ding even though I don't know where he's going.
"The next year, I brought the girl there intentionally, two girls over the course of the cruise actually, and every year after that I've done the same thing. At least one girl, and usually more than one. It... amused me," he says, sounding disgusted with himself. "Taking them all back to the same spot. They didn't know, of course, but I did."
I nod against his chest, hating that he's had so many kisses up here and knowing it's stupid to be bothered by what he did in the past, and he presses a kiss to the top of my head. "You and I were going to be over there too, until the crochet class thing. At least I thought so. I'd had my doubts about it but I probably would have. It was going to be just like usual. But it was right then that..." He gives a wry laugh. "I have no idea how to say this."
I pull back so I can see him, and the emotion in his face makes my heart race.
He brushes his fingers lightly over my cheek. "When I first saw you," he says, looking deep into my eyes, "I felt like you were different, like you did something different to me, and that moment proved it. I couldn't bring you there too. You're... you're different. You're..."
He shakes his head in frustration, then raises my chin and kisses me.
The tenderness in it tells me what he can't express in words. He does care about me. He has fallen for me. And I've definitely fallen for him.
I kiss him back the same way, wanting him to know I share his feelings, and for a long time we stay locked together kissing with a depth of feeling we haven't reached before. I've never known anything like it and I don't want it to end. I didn't plan to fall for him, didn't even want to, but I have, and being in his arms feels like the most right thing I'll ever do in my life.
Eventually, he draws back and says, "Yeah. Taking you there would make you just another fling." He swallows hard. "And for the first time in my life, that's not what I want."
Realizing what he's about to say overwhelms me and my eyes fill with tears. I don't want us to be a fling either, but...
"I want to see you after the cruise," he says, the words tumbling from him now that he's started. "I want to be with you. For real. All the things I never thought I'd be capable of having, I want them with you. I know we've just met but I finally get it. I get what the whole thing's about, what Mel and Nicky have. I get it. And I want to figure out how to have it with you."
I can't breathe.
His forehead creases. "Do you feel any of that for me, or am I way off?"
"I do," I say quickly. "I totally do."
His smile of relief and joy is so sweet that a tear escapes and slips down my cheek.
He smoothes it away. "I know, the idea of being with me is terrifying," he says, his eyes dancing with his usual mischief mixed with so much happiness I can't bear it. "You'll get used to it, though."
I take a breath to tell him about my baby but I just can't. He looks so... lit up, and I can't ruin that.
The frown creases his forehead again. "What's wrong?"
I shut my eyes, struggling to find the words.
He pulls me close, holding me firmly against him. "Hey, it's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay. We can work it out. Tell me."
With my face buried in his chest, I pull in one long breath, let it out, then take another and say the two words I haven't yet said to anyone. "I'm pregnant."
He doesn't speak, and he doesn't move. But somehow the feel of his arms around me changes.
"Austin?" I whisper, fear flooding me.
"I heard you," he said quietly. "But I... how? I don't mean how, but who, and when, and..."
I pull back and look up into his confused eyes. "I'm nearly three months along. And there's no 'who', no guy involved."
He might have been turned to stone.
I wait, my heart pounding hard and fast.
"Tell me more."
There's no emotion in his voice, and his eyes are still full of confusion, and I'm terrified but I make myself speak. "After the orchestra, I realized that I'd left so many important things out of my life, and a baby seemed like the most important. So I went to a clinic and arranged it and—"
"You decided to be a single mother."
My racing heart trips over itself at the horror in his voice. "I... yeah."
He steps back from me. "You were raised by a single mother and yet you decided to deliberately become one yourself? Intentionally leave your kid with only half a family?"
"No, I'm going to be his family. Or hers. Plus my mom and Galen and my aunt and—"
He goes on as if he hasn't heard me. "If anyone can do it, it's you, but why? I don't care how good your planning is, you're making your life a million times harder. And with all the time we spent together this week, with how close we've been, you didn't think maybe you should tell me this?"
"I wanted to, I did, but I..." I can't end the sentence, because how do I say, "But I didn't think you'd care" without being horrible?
It's true, though. I really didn't think he'd care. It was just supposed to be a few days of fun. He made that clear. Everyone made that clear. But now...
"I thought I'd fallen for you," he says, the pain in his eyes and voice tearing me apart. "I thought, for the first time, that I got it. But obviously I don't. Obviously I never will. I opened my heart to you, Corinne, told you things I've never even considered telling another soul, and..." He rubs his forehead. "And nothing. Never mind. Have a nice life."
He turns and starts to walk away and I race after him. "Austin, please!"
When he turns back to face me I wish he hadn't because I can see exactly how much I've hurt him.
I stare at him. There's nothing I can do, or say, to fix this. If I could spend a thousand years planning I wouldn't be able to find a way.
He turns away again, and this time, though I can't stand it, I let him go.
Chapter Nine
After I found out I didn't get into the orchestra, I didn't go home even though I knew Clay was waiting there to find out what had happened. Instead, I spent ages driving around aimlessly, moving and moving because I couldn't imagine sitting still and letting my mind accept what had happened.
I can't drive on the ship, but I'm moving in the same way. I came straight back to my cabin after Austin left me on the top deck, and I've been walking back and forth in the tiny room ever since. The sky beyond my porthole window was black when I arrived but the sun's been up for a while now. I don't know how long. My legs are exhausted but I can't stop moving. Because if I stop it's going to sink in.
He's gone. We had something real, but it's dead now. I killed it. But I can't see how I had any other options.
A light knock at my door startles me and fills me with a wild crazy hope, and I throw myself forward to answer it.
It's not him. I should have known better.
Melissa, looking confused and sad, stands in the doorway holding my 'Sex and the City' DVD set.
The tears that didn't rise once during the long awful night explode out of me now. I don't want the DVDs back. I want Austin. And by sending her he's making it clear that's not in the plan.
Melissa says, "Oh no, come here," and grabs me in a hug, and I cling to her and cry and let her guide me backward into my room so she can close the door behind us.
She doesn't say anything, other than little murmurs of "I'm so sorry" and "it'll be okay", while she pats my back and I sob, but eventually my tears begin to slow though the pain inside me hasn't lessened and she holds me back from her and says, "Did you sleep at all? You look exhausted."
I shake my head, and she says, "He didn't either."
A sick cloud of guilt and frustration settles onto me. I can't bear what I did to him, but I can't imagine that telling him about Georjenna earlier would have made anything better. What was I supposed to do?
"I don't know what happened," she says softly, "and I don't need to. He found me and wanted me to bring the DVDs back so I did. You don't have to tell me a thing if you don't want to. I just know that you're not oka
y, and he's not either, and I'm so sorry. If I can help at all, I will. If you'd rather be alone, I can—"
"No." The word bursts from me as my tears did. "If you have other things to do that's okay but if you can stay I'd like it." I can't stand to be alone any more.
She gives my shoulder a squeeze. "Then I'm here."
I swipe the tears off my face, and realize how thirsty I am. "I'm going to grab a glass of water from the bathroom."
"Let me."
As she leaves, I sink down on the end of the bed. The urge to keep walking is still with me, but it's not as strong now that she's here. I know she genuinely cares about Austin, and about me though she barely knows me. She's going to be a great mom.
I won't be. I have no idea what I'm doing.
The tears try to rise again but I'm just too tired for them.
Melissa returns and hands me the glass. As I take a sip of the cool water, she says, "Have you eaten anything today?"
I shake my head, and she frowns. "You need food. Can I call room service for you?"
I shrug, then say, "I'm not really hungry, but you're right I need to eat." He probably told her, so I add, "The baby needs it."
She takes a breath as if to answer then freezes. "The... you're pregnant?"
He didn't tell her. He kept my secret. "Yeah. Nearly three months. I did it on my own." I try to smile. "So nobody knows yet." The smile crumbles. "Well, almost nobody."
She closes her eyes and takes a long deep breath, which she lets out slowly before opening her eyes again. "You told Austin, I assume?"
"Didn't go over well," I say, in the understatement of the century.
"Yeah." She rubs her forehead. "Yeah, I can imagine. Look, then it's twice as important you have breakfast. I'll order a few different things and you can eat whatever works for you. They don't charge for room service, so why not?"
"Okay. Thank you."
She rubs my shoulder. "Not a problem. Gotta take care of my readers." She smiles at me, and I manage a weak smile back.
Once she's ordered a fruit plate and some toast and cereal and juice and coffee and tea and a side of bacon, she turns the desk chair to face me and settles into it. "Okay. I'm not trying to pry, and if you feel like I am tell me to shut up. Is the baby the problem?"
Plan Overboard (Toronto Series #14) Page 9
