I laugh. "You were doing great on your own." I turn to Melissa. "And you are too. I know, it's not what you expected. But Nolan looks happy and healthy, and I know that's not all Nicholas's doing."
She bites her lip. "I'm trying. I'm trying as hard as I can. But it's so hard. Nolan's so challenging, and I can't help thinking a girl would have been easier. And I loved my job and now Nicholas has it and..." She sighs. "Yeah, overall things aren't how I thought they would be."
"Me either," Laura says with a sigh. "I thought I'd be so happy when Grant came back, but instead we fight so much."
After a pause, Melissa says to me, "And things with Austin? How you thought they'd be?"
No. A million times better.
In the few days since we had our huge fight Austin's become far more comfortable than he used to be taking care of Jenna. They go for a walk now whenever I'm practicing, after he bundles her up so she can't possibly get cold, and he's even used the sling instead of the carriage a few times though I know the thing makes him nervous. He changes diapers with ease and he's getting pretty good at recognizing what her various cries mean and he can make her grin whenever he wants. He still doesn't like me letting her sleep on my chest on the couch, but he's at least stopped talking about it because he knows she loves it.
And he takes amazing care of me too. He brought me home flowers one night, then the next night a book about clarinet playing which was sweet even though I already know everything it contains, and he tries daily to make my tea exactly as I like it. He hasn't managed it yet but he's getting closer. He sleeps at my place every night, in my bed, and when I wake up and see him I can't get my head around how lucky I am. None of it is what I planned, but all of it is perfect.
"He's been great," I say. "Honestly, I couldn't ask for anything more."
Melissa shakes her head, a small smile transforming her sad face. "A year ago I'd have laughed myself sick at the mere idea that Austin would have a girlfriend, never mind one with a baby. Never mind being involved and taking care of the baby. And now he is. I'm so impressed."
Laura nods and I say, "You should be, truly. He's not Jenna's dad but he couldn't be better if he were."
Melissa shakes her head again, then sighs and says, "I'm so glad for you and him. But what about me? What do I do, ladies? I do love Nolan, I know I do, but he's not what I wanted. And I know I sound horrible saying that but—"
"You don't," Laura and I say together, and Laura adds, "You're right, the situation isn't what you wanted. You have to get used to that. Like how I have to get used to Grant being occasionally obnoxious, which I know comes from him feeling bad he was away when I needed him the most. And Corinne has to..." She studies me. "What do you have to get used to?"
"Having an amazing boyfriend," Melissa says, thankfully with no bitterness.
"Actually," I say, "I do have to get used to that. I planned to do it all on my own. It is awesome having Austin but it's scary too. If I let myself rely too much on him and he..."
I don't want to say 'leaves' but they both get it. Laura grimaces and Melissa says, "Yeah. But then you'd just make new plans. You'd figure it out."
Sure I would. But I don't want to. And how much I don't want to terrifies me.
We sit silently for a few seconds, then Melissa says, "Well, anyhow. You guys, thank you. I feel better. Do you honestly think I should tell Nicholas?"
"He probably knows you're upset," Laura says. "Might be good if he knew why."
"Oh, he knows," she says, shaking her head. "I try to hide it but he knows."
"Then yeah, tell him," I say. "And then you can work it out together."
"And I'm going to tell Grant he needs to back off on the 'savior' stuff," Laura says.
And I think I'll tell Austin tonight that I love him.
Chapter Thirty
I don't, though. When he gets home that night I take a breath to say those words but I can't bear the idea of ruining everything by taking that chance so instead I just tell him he looks gorgeous and he laughs and kisses me and tells me I should probably get my eyes checked.
I don't tell him over the next week either, though I want to every time he does something sweet for me or Jenna, and I can't tell him now because I'm sitting alone on the Starbucks patio soaking up an unexpectedly warm November Saturday and awaiting the arrival of my boyfriend and baby so we can go out for dinner with Laura and Grant and their Jeremiah. Grant only got home from his debriefing yesterday so this is my first chance to meet him, and I'm looking forward to it.
Fortunately my lesson, for once, actually went quite well so I won't be too distracted at dinner, although Marty is concerned that the audition's just over a week away and I don't completely have the Weber memorized. I've been trying, of course, but there are so many more things on my mind now than there were last time I auditioned and some of the notes keep getting crowded out.
One of those things is Travis. We haven't spoken since the night he told Austin about the orchestra, and I feel like we probably should though it'll be awkward. Part of me wants to run away from him and his job and never look back but he and Tyler were great to me and I'm highly unlikely to get a better job, so I make myself pull out my phone and call him.
"Corinne! How are you?"
"I'm good, thanks. Look, I—"
"Let me apologize," he says. "That whole orchestra thing? I messed up."
He's thrown me off and I can't think of anything to say.
"It's okay, I know I did. And I'm sorry. I've been meaning to call you but I wasn't sure how you'd react."
"Well, I admit I wasn't very happy. But the thing is, you were right. I needed to talk to Austin about it, and I did need to think about it. And I have, and I'm auditioning."
"We'll miss you, but good luck."
"I... sorry?"
"Well, you won't have time to work for us once you get in, will you?"
I hadn't thought of it, but I will have four rehearsals a week, each several hours long, plus concerts plus my own practicing. "Not full-time, I guess," I hedge.
"Yeah." He sighs. "And we need that. But good for you, Corinne. I do hope you get it. I wish you all the best."
I thank him, and we end the call. I sit staring at my phone for a minute, then shake my head. If I get in I'll lose my job with Travis. Yet another thing I hadn't considered. But there are so many things to consider, so I suppose it's not a surprise I missed some.
Another thing that's on my mind is Galen, and his breakup with Arabella, but as I reach for the phone to call him it rings.
"Hey, Mom, what's up?"
"Have you talked to Galen?"
"Nope. Why?"
"Found out why he and Arabella broke up."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. You should call him."
She won't say any more, so I text Galen and ask him to call me when he has a chance.
After a minute of waiting, I figure I should use my time wisely and spread my music out on my table so I can study a particular part of the Weber that keeps escaping me, sitting with my hands beneath the table so I can play 'air clarinet' without looking crazy.
I've been at it about ten minutes when Galen calls.
"Hey. Mom said I should call you. About Arabella."
He sighs. "Remind me never to have a few beers around Mom again. I say stuff I shouldn't."
"Like what?"
"Like..." Another sigh. "Like why we broke up both times."
It was the same reason both times? "Grab a beer and tell me."
Galen chuckles. "I've already got one. And... well, you."
"Me what?" I say, then realize and cut in as he starts speaking. "I'm the reason? Why?"
"I have always felt," he says, sounding awkward, "that I need to be responsible for you and Mom. But especially you, because Mom's an adult but you were just a kid when Dad left. So I guess I still try to do that. And Arabella didn't think it was necessary."
All the visits he made after I had Jenna flash through my mind, along
with his frequent worries for me on the cruise and his constant attempts to get in touch with me when I locked myself away in that hotel post-audition. I told him I was fine but he couldn't let it go. They broke up only a week or two after that, I remember, and suddenly it all makes sense. "She wants you spending time with her," I say, "and instead you're spending it worrying about me."
"You're my sister," he says, like I'm an idiot. "So yes."
"But I'm a grown-up, in theory anyhow. I can take care of myself."
"Arabella said that too, but I still worry. Dad ditched us and I hate him for it and I won't ditch you too. Not even if it means..."
I swallow hard, so touched I can hardly breathe. "Means you lose Arabella."
"Yeah," he murmurs.
"But you didn't ditch us. Not ever. So you don't have to make up for him. And anyhow, you have to live your own life and not let him control you."
Galen gives a sharp surprised laugh. "Oboe calling the clarinet black?"
"They are both—" I catch myself and roll my eyes. "Whatever. Dad doesn't control me."
"Oh, no? No influence on your decision to audition again?"
"Mom talks too much."
"Agreed. But answer the question."
"No," I say, putting a pout into my voice, "because it'll give you too much satisfaction."
Galen chuckles. "Exactly. So you're doing what you think Dad wants you to and I'm doing the opposite of what he did. So what do we do now?"
"I actually think I'm auditioning for me now, so that's okay," I say, glancing at the music and hoping I'm right. "And you should get off the phone and call Arabella and tell her what you just told me. Third time's the charm, as they say."
"You think she'd take me back?"
I remember how she looked at him when we went out for dinner right after they got together. "I can't imagine she wouldn't."
"Well. Okay then. Guess I'll call her." He clears his throat. "Love you, Corinne."
He's never said that to me before. "Love you too," I say, blinking back tears. "Be yourself, okay? Not Dad?"
"Right back at you."
We end the call and I sit looking at my music but not seeing it. Am I being myself? I hope so. I want to be.
I take a long sip of my lukewarm tea, give a shudder of distaste, and get back to studying my music. It is what I want to do. All my plans say so.
I've been at it a while longer when a woman at the table next to me nudges me.
I turn to her, surprised, and she grins at her giggling companion, pokes another nearby woman, then points down the road. As I turn to look in the indicated direction she says, "I couldn't let you guys miss this."
Austin, wearing the jeans I like best on him and his black leather jacket with a white t-shirt underneath and sunglasses protecting his eyes from the bright November sun, is striding toward us with Jenna tucked into the sling across his chest. I know the sling still makes him nervous for her safety despite all my assurances, which is probably why he's holding her tiny hand in his strong solid one as he walks along. My girl looks happy and cute in the bright pink jacket with furry white trim that Austin brought home for her yesterday, and my boyfriend is almost painfully gorgeous. With his sunglasses and casual but sexy clothes and his 'I don't shave on weekends' stubble, he could be a movie star.
It's more than his looks, though, amazing though they are. Seeing him with Jenna gets my heart beating faster and makes him look even better to me. He's come so far from the guy who was afraid even to touch her when we got together, and I'm so proud of him. And I love him so much.
The woman who got poked picks up her drink and walks off with a scowl, and the one who nudged me says, "Her loss. Have you ever seen such a hot guy?"
"He's my boyfriend," I say, unable to take my eyes from him. "So yeah."
"And that's your baby?"
I nod, and she murmurs, "I hate you," with a laugh in her voice, and then Austin reaches us and says to me, "Hey there."
"Hi," the woman says to him in a syrupy voice before I can speak, while her friend just giggles. "Your daughter is adorable."
After an infinitesimal pause, Austin says, "Thanks, I think so too."
My heart melts at this, the first time he hasn't told someone he isn't Jenna's father when the question arose.
He slips off his sunglasses and shoots me a quick glance like he's wondering what I think of it then says, "Say hi to the ladies, Jenna."
She blinks at the women, who both coo at her, and looks up at Austin as if she's thinking, "Who are these crazy people?"
He brushes a fingertip over her head. "Want Mommy, or are you going to stay with me?"
Before Jenna can answer, or I can answer for her that she looks comfortable so he might as well keep her if he's all right with it, the talkative woman says, "Oh, she's got your eyes," and moves quite a bit closer to the two of them. "You look just like your daddy, honey. Yes, you do. And aren't you lucky?"
I'm not keen on the woman putting herself into his space like that, or on her comments about his appearance via what she's saying about Jenna, and he must not be either because he says, "That's genetics for you. Good thing she got her mother's nose not mine," then turns to me and says, "Ready to go?"
"For sure." I pack away my music and pick up my half-empty drink, trying not to grin. I love how Austin was polite but not remotely encouraging, especially since he used to flirt with every woman we saw. He's definitely changed.
"Bye," the woman trills as I get up. "Hope to see you around some time."
I give her and her ditzy-looking tablemate a vague smile, promising myself we'll never return to this particular Starbucks, and Austin and I head off. Once we're out of earshot he says, "Friends of yours?"
I laugh. "More like admirers of yours. They saw you coming over with Jenna and lost their minds."
He slips his arm around my waist and shakes his head. "All those years, I thought I needed to get a dog to pick up girls. Guess I should have found myself a baby instead." Then he stops walking and gives me a kiss. "But I found myself a baby and the best girl ever, so I guess I did all right."
I frown as hard as I can. "Just all right?"
He chuckles. "Way better than that."
We start walking again and he says, "I... is it cool that I didn't correct her on the 'Daddy' thing?"
The nervousness in his voice makes my heart skip a beat. "Of course," I say, hearing my voice shake as I do, then admit, "I kind of liked it. And you're doing all the work of one. If..." I have to clear my throat. "If you want the title, it's fine with me."
His arm tightens around my waist. "Well, maybe I'll just say I am her daddy from now on. I'd like that. If you're sure you don't mind."
I lean into him, so happy I can hardly say, "I don't mind a bit."
*****
I'm relieved that I like Grant, although even in the hour or so we spend at the table he and Laura butt heads more than once for such crucial issues as exactly where Jeremiah's carrier should be placed and whether he needs his diaper checked. I'm glad that Austin and I don't have these issues. He wanted Jenna in the chair next to him, between us, and I cheerfully moved over so that would work, and when he finished eating before me and decided to pick her up and slip her into the sling for some cuddling he checked with me first but I didn't mind.
As we head out of the restaurant after the meal's done, Laura says to her husband, "Did you buy the air conditioner cover yesterday?"
He grimaces. "I knew I forgot something. Sorry."
"No problem," she says, "but maybe we should grab it now."
"I need one too," I say, since I don't want to ruin the gift I was given in the summer.
We head out to the nearby Sears, but are sidetracked by a sales rack full of onesies and other cute outfits. Grant and Laura are soon each holding an outfit attempting to defend their choice, while Austin and I pick through the rack together.
"This would look nice with her jacket," Austin says, pulling out a rich purple skirt an
d top set and holding them against Jenna's pink coat.
"And with her teddy bear," I say, "so sure."
"This one too?"
I wrinkle my nose at the light yellow outfit. "I don't like pastels."
He blinks. "No?"
I think of the scarf he gave me back when we went for brunch with Mom and feel guilty. "Some of them are pretty," I say quickly, "but I prefer brighter colors like that purple."
"Oh," he says, looking sad, and pushes the yellow onesie out of sight.
Vowing to wear his scarf at the earliest opportunity because it was so sweet of him, I find a hot pink top with the words "Daddy and I are hockey fans" surrounding the Toronto Hogs logo. "Do you think she'd like this?" I say, loving it but not wanting to force him into the 'Daddy' thing.
He stares at it a second, then turns to me. "I hope so," he says, his voice rough, "because I do."
"Me too."
We share a quick kiss then find Laura and Grant, each still holding the outfit they were originally defending, waiting for us to move on.
The four of us are soon staring at a bin full of what seems like a thousand different sizes of covers. Grant has the size of their air conditioner written down, but I don't have a clue about mine.
"How am I supposed to remember this sort of detail," I say to Laura, laughing, "with everything else that's going on in my life? Does anyone know what size my air conditioner is?"
Jenna drops her teddy bear and begins to cry, and as Austin bends carefully down to get it without dislodging her from the sling he says, "Biggest one they sell."
Laura says, "Cool," and starts checking the various packages to see what size is the biggest, but I look at Austin, confused. "Wait, how do you know that?"
He hands the teddy bear back to Jenna, who calms at once. "I... I've seen it before, you know." He sounds casual but his neck's turning red. "It's in the living room window, after all."
"But it doesn't say 'biggest one they sell' on it. So how..." It hits me. "You know, Austin, someone bought that thing for me, anonymously, this summer."
Laura turns to me, her eyes widening as she realizes where I'm going, then turns to Austin. "You?"
Plan Overboard (Toronto Series #14) Page 22
