“What happens if the dose is wrong?”
“I get disoriented and can go unconscious. Luckily, it never got to that point.”
The pieces were all sliding into place like a puzzle. So much for the drug addict slash drug pusher theories. I felt a laugh bubbling up from my belly. “So, you’re dad isn’t a kingpin gangsta from Chicago pushing his empire into the Great White North?”
Evan grinned. “Is that what people were saying? Wow. A little off the mark.”
“I didn’t buy the rumours for a minute.”
Evan’s blue eyes darkened. “I thank you for that. It was good to have a friend while I got myself back on track.”
“No problem.” I studied his face. He looked less pale than he had even a few days earlier, and the circles under his eyes had disappeared. “Why didn’t you tell anyone who you really were?”
“I wanted to be treated normally. It just gets crazy when fans and the press find out where we’re living.” Evan looked around our kitchen like he was trying to imprint it on his memory. Then he looked back at me. “I’m hoping we can stay in touch by e-mail or something.”
“Sounds good,” I said. “Next time you’re back this way, maybe you can stop in for a visit.”
“You can count on it. Your family has been like a glimpse of sanity in my crazy life.”
My family? Sane? I never would have thought so in a zillion years. Just goes to show that one person’s craziness is another person’s happy place.
EPILOGUE
I checked my e-mail before bed that night. This time, when I didn’t find anything from Pete, I didn’t worry. Whatever happened, I knew he’d be back at Christmas. I climbed into bed and snuggled up with Benny, not knowing why I felt out of sorts. I was kind of restless, with my thoughts jumping around and my heart beating faster than normal. It was a while before I could fall asleep, and even then, I dreamed. Ambie and I were sitting in the cafeteria then suddenly I was running up a hill on the bike path. Snow was on the ground, and I kept slipping backwards, trying to get a foothold. At one point, I think I called out, but I don’t know whose name I yelled. There was a ringing in my ear, and I tried to remember if I had to get up for school. A second ring and I pulled myself out of the fog. Without thinking, I reached over to pick up the phone on the bedside table. As I tried to make myself speak, I heard Dad’s voice.
“What is it, Alice? Tell me what’s wrong.”
My mother. I could tell she’d been crying.
“It’s all wrong, Mark. All wrong. I’ve made such a mess of everything.”
“If anyone is to blame, it’s me,” Dad said in a voice so gentle, my breath caught in my throat. There was silence for a moment, and I started to hang up so they wouldn’t know I was listening.
“I’m sending Leslie home at Christmas—to stay. She’s so unhappy, and I can’t do this any more.”
“Alice . . .”
“It’s the only way. You were right. Leslie and Jennifer should be together.” Mom’s deep sigh filled my ear, “And John and I are moving to Miami. He’s doing good work, Mark, and I can’t be the reason he stops.”
“I wish you could come home too.”
“This is my life now, Mark.”
“I know.”
Another pause. I stared through my open blind at the tree branches moving back and forth in the wind.
“I have to go, Mark. I just needed . . . thanks for being there.” Mom’s voice was so low, I could barely hear.
“You know that will never change.”
“Give Jennifer my love.”
I lowered the receiver then and lay for a long time afterwards, staring at the shadows on the ceiling. As I hung up, I wiped away the tears that had trickled down my cheeks then buried my face in Benny’s tattered fur. After a while, I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes. I felt the pain rising in my throat and swallowed the sobs that I would not allow to come. “Mom,” I whispered, and I would have given anything to have her there at that moment.
The pain softened, and I could feel myself lulled by the darkness, and my breathing deepened into that rhythm it gets when you know you’re about to fall asleep. As my thoughts started to drift, I felt an unexpected lightness fill my belly. I tried to hold on. The lightness spread like a pebble dropped into a pool of still water.
Leslie was coming home. For the first time in a long time, the sadness I’d carried for my family felt a little lighter. This was no fairy tale ending, but I’d given up on those a long time ago. Mom’s words tonight had reminded me that we were still a family, no matter how far apart we lived, and I was good with that. I was very good with that. I knew our ties were stronger than time or space or divorce. This wasn’t any happily ever after, but for the Bannon family, it was a start.
photo by Christine Tripp
Brenda Chapman grew up in Terrace Bay, Ontario. She taught reading and language arts to children, teenagers and adults for nearly fifteen years before working for the Canadian government.
Running Scared was Brenda’s first YA novel featuring Jennifer Bannon. Hiding in Hawk’s Creek (2006), which follows Jennifer through a haunting summer in northern Ontario, was shortlisted for the 2007 Canadian Library Association Book of the Year for Children. The third book in the series, Where Trouble Leads, was published in 2007.
Brenda lives in Ottawa, Ontario.
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank Sylvia McConnell and Allister Thompson at Napoleon for all of their support, advice and friendship as we brought the Jennifer Bannon series to life. Thank you also to my husband Ted Weagle and daughters Lisa and Julia for their ongoing love and support; Lisa consistently reviewed my work and provided sound feedback while Julia supplied me with material for my stories. I also owe a debt of gratitude to each and every one of my friends and family for their unfailing encouragement. Your cheer-leading has meant more than I can ever say. I would particularly like to thank Donna Russell, Janet Bowick, Alex Brett, Katherine Hobbs, Darlene Cole, Mary Jane Maffini, Sue Rothery, Dawn Rayner, Barb Hutchings, Jay Blackwood and the fabulous ladies in my Broadhead book club.
The Jennifer Bannon Books:
Running Scared
Hiding in Hawk’s Creek
Where Trouble Leads
Trail of Secrets
Trail of Secrets Page 11
