The Butterfly Box_A SASS Anthology

by Anthology

  In Jasper, Kansas everyone knows everyone and once upon a time I thought I cared about most of the people who lived here, but not anymore. I’m still paying the ultimate cost for a night that ruined my life.

  “Your unit arranged for a home health care nurse to come out and help you with your shoulder.”

  I groan, “I don’t need a nurse.”

  Mom’s eyes dart down to my left arm that’s still currently in a sling. After three surgeries I don’t have complete use of my shoulder and I’ve been told I never will. Hopefully after my physical therapy I should be able to ditch the sling and have enough movement in my arm to live a normal life, but I’ll never be an active soldier again. My trigger finger still works but I’m considered a liability.

  Mom smirks, “I’m sure you don’t want me in the shower trying to help you bathe.”

  My nose turns up at the thought. “That doesn’t mean I want a complete stranger helping me either.”

  Mom sighs and turns back to the stove. I knew returning home was going to be an adjustment but I didn’t sign up for this. I don’t want to make my mom’s life harder and I don’t want help from anyone in this town.

  “Everything will be fine, Luke. Just wait and see.” Mom looks over her shoulder and gives me another heartwarming smile. At the very least, she believes that crap she just spewed but I know better. I gave up the life I wanted for the life I needed and now I don’t have either.

  “DAD, I’M HOME,” I shout as I carry the groceries into the kitchen. My mind wants to wander back to Luke but I refuse to allow that man to take up any more space in my head. He doesn’t deserve it.

  “Hey sweetheart,” my dad says causing me to smile. Time hasn’t been that kind to my father. He’s sixty-one and physically should have retired by now. His body can’t take much more but I worry that his mind won’t be the same if he gives up the only thing he knows.

  “I’m about to fix dinner if you’re hungry?” I ask.

  “You know me I can always eat,” he chuckles before leaning against the counter.

  I know Dad has heard the news of Luke Runyan’s return but we’ve yet to discuss it. For whatever reason, Dad has always hated him. At first I thought he was just over protective but now twelve years later, I know it’s more than that. Dad likes the Runyans as a whole, but not Luke.

  “I might as well tell you before you hear it from someone else . . .” I pause gearing up for the battle that’s sure to come. “I was assigned as Luke Runyan’s nurse.”

  Dad’s eyes narrow but otherwise he remains silent. “I know what you’re thinking but don’t worry. I’m not going to fall for him again.”

  Dad takes a long breath before exhaling it slowly. “Sam, that man survived twelve years in the Army. He served four tours overseas. From what I’ve heard, he’s not the same messed up teenager he once was.”

  My mouth drops open from shock, “But you hated Luke. You always have.”

  Dad’s eyes painfully close. “I didn’t want you to hitch your train to his that’s all. Sam, you had the whole world to discover and you were ready to give that up for some kid that made promises he couldn’t keep.”

  Anger I no longer want creeps its way into my mind. “Daddy, I’m not having this conversation with you again. You and I saw two different Lukes when we were together and as it turns out, you were right. He wasn’t the man for me.”

  Dad huffs and takes a seat at the table. “How’s Margie doing?”

  “Okay. I’ll need to drive her to the doctor on Wednesday.”

  Dad’s eyes widen, “Luke can’t do that now that he’s back?”

  I shake my head, “No. I had hoped he’d be able to but his left arm is still in a sling.”

  He nods his head in understanding. If my dad wasn’t busy with the Mill Feed, he’d probably offer to take Margie for me. Over the years he’s formed a soft spot for her, then again it’s hard not to love Margie. “Let’s eat before I head over to Valerie’s.”

  “Whatever you say baby girl.” I can’t help but smile. It doesn’t matter what my age or how life has changed, I’ll always be my daddy’s little girl.

  I’VE BEEN DREADING this moment for the last two days. When I was given the papers on Luke’s home health care, I decided I would work him around his mother’s schedule. Now that he’s home, I don’t plan on visiting Margie nearly as often as I normally do. An hour should give me enough time to see to Luke before I drive Margie to her doctor’s appointment.

  With my stomach turning, I walk up to the front door and knock—something I haven’t done in years.

  After several moments the door is yanked open. My eyes slowly move from the ground all the way up Luke’s firm body. He’s not wearing a shirt, leaving his hard stomach on display. This is definitely not the same Luke I once knew. Twelve years in the military has shaped his body into a piece of art. I swallow, hopefully not loud enough for him to notice and force myself to act professionally.

  “Mom said she didn’t have to leave for another hour,” he says instead of greeting me.

  “I’m actually here for you.” Luke’s eyes widen with shock before he clears his throat.

  “Look, Sam I’m . . .” he trails off before running his right hand over his blonde hair. His deep brown eyes lock with mine before he forces a smile. “I know I’m about twelve years late for this ass chewing but I’m not sure now’s a good time.”

  My eyes harden but I do my best to control my anger. “I’m not here to talk about the past. I’m here to do my job.” Luke tilts his head in question.

  “I’m your home health care nurse.”

  Luke jolts back in surprise. “No shit?” he whispers. “You went to college.”

  That was a statement not a question. I told anyone who would listen that I was going to get out of Jasper and earn a degree. I didn’t know in high school that I wanted to be a nurse, but that’s what I finally decided on once I was accepted to KU.

  “Do you mind?” I nod towards the door.

  “Luke, who’s here?” I hear Margie’s faint voice. When Luke doesn’t answer her I push past him and into the house. I find Margie in the living room sitting in her recliner.

  “Oh, no. Did I nap too long?” Margie pushes to her feet.

  “Actually, I’m early. I’m here to see Luke.” Margie’s mouth drops open as a light appears to go off in her head.

  “I never thought . . .” she shakes her head.

  “Me neither, but I’m the one who was up for a new client and Luke’s case was passed to me.” I clap my hands together. “Now, let’s get down to business. I’ll look over Luke’s arm then I’ll drive you to see Dr. Russell.”

  Margie looks hesitant but she finally nods her head.

  I glance at Luke with a smirk on my face, “Where do you want me?”

  I’VE TRAVELED THE world and buried more brothers than I want to count, and still I didn’t know life could be this cruel.

  I have two regrets in life and Samantha Harris is one of them. I dreamed that Sam would finally get out of Jasper but at least she managed to leave long enough to earn a degree. From the day I met her, she told me her plans of leaving town. She had her eyes set on KU and making a life for herself; something I wasn’t sure I could give her.

  “Let me start off by asking a few questions.” Sam motions with her hand towards the living room.

  “I’ll give you two some privacy,” Mom says.

  “That’s not necessary.” My voice is almost frantic as the fear of being alone with Sam sets in. I don’t know anything about her current life but I still don’t trust myself to be alone with her.

  “Nonsense. I need to clean up for my appointment anyway.” Mom smiles then limps out of the room.

  Slowly my eyes make their way back to Sam only to find her staring at me. My mind wants to wander to a time in my life when everything felt perfect but I force myself to stop.

  Sam looks down at the file she’s opened then back at me. “On a scale of one to ten, a one
being you’re not in any pain and a ten meaning you’re in a great deal of pain, how would you rate the pain level in your shoulder?”

  I blink a few times caught off guard on how quickly she jumped into doing her job. Truthfully, my shoulder hurts like a fucking bitch, but I’m not about to admit that to anyone, especially Sam.

  “A one.”

  “Okay.” Sam’s eyes narrow in question. “Using the same scale, a one being no mobility and a ten being you’re completely rehabilitated, how would you rate the mobility in your arm?”

  “A ten.” I casually answer.

  Sam tilts her head, “Really? Then why is your arm still in a sling?”

  I don’t say anything which only adds to her building frustration. Sam mumbles something to herself then flips through the file she brought. She reads a few pages then glances back at me. “Your left tendon and bicep were torn in multiple places. After three surgeries it appears this is as good as your shoulder is going to get. With some intense physical therapy, the last doctor is hoping you’ll be able to roll your shoulder and have some use of your arm.” I nod my head. I’ve heard all of this a thousand times.

  “Since your pain level is only a one, I take it the medicine your doctor prescribed is working?”

  This time I roll my eyes, “I’m not taking any fucking pills.”

  Sam sighs and rub her temples. “You’re not making this easy on me Luke.”

  My brows raise in question, “I didn’t know it was my job to make things easy on you.” I grin as she sighs in frustration.

  “Can you at least shower by yourself?”

  A smirk forms on my face. “Why? Did you want to get naked with me? I could pretend I need help if it means I have a naked chick washing my body for me.”

  Sam’s expression changes to something I don’t quite understand.

  “I’m sure there are plenty of chicks in Jasper who would be willing to get naked with you Luke.”

  Oh shit . . .I didn’t mean just any woman. I meant Sam but I can’t tell her that. She could be married for all I know. And I still can’t give her the life she deserves but I never meant to throw another woman in her face.

  “I’ll talk to my boss and rearrange a few things. I’m sure if I try hard enough I can find someone who’d be willing to trade a client with me.”

  My eyes narrow, “What?” I’ve only known Sam was going to be my home care nurse for a few minutes but already I know I don’t want anyone else.

  “This isn’t going to work Luke. I don’t know if you’re purposely being an ass or if this is just who you are now, but I have enough on my plate without adding your crappy attitude to my list of problems.”

  My mind instantly starts to wonder what Sam’s life is like these days. Mom gave me a run down on several people, but not Sam and my sudden need to know if she’s in a relationship is overwhelming.

  I smile, “Maybe you’d like to get a beer sometime?”

  Sam stares at me giving nothing away in her expression. After a few long beats she takes a deep breath and places the file she had open back in her bag.

  “Margie are you ready?” she hollers.

  Shit, she’s leaving . . .

  “I can drive my mother,” I blurt in a panic.

  I hate now that I’m finally home, mom still has to depend on someone else.

  “No you can’t. Until you’re out of that sling you can’t be behind the wheel of a car,” Sam snarls as mom walks back into the room. Mom glances back and forth between us with questions in her eyes.

  “Are you ready?” Sam asks.

  “Oh, yes.” Sam nods her head towards the door, “Then let’s go.”

  Sam walks past me and out the front door without glancing in my direction. Why does it feel like where Samantha Harris is concerned, I do nothing but screw up?

  “YOU’VE GOT TO take it easy on him, Sam. He’s been through a lot.” Margie’s sad voice hits a nerve.

  “So have you and you don’t act like a jerk to everyone.”

  Her hand reaches out and covers mine. “The things he’s seen and done while serving have changed him.” Margie only sees the good in a person, especially her family.

  “Luke started acting like a jerk to me before he enlisted. I know he’s your son. I know you love him but Luke doesn’t have permission to treat anyone like garbage.”

  Margie starts to open her mouth, but I cut her off. “We need to get inside or you’ll be late for your appointment.

  Once we make our way through the office doors and check in with the receptionist Margie looks exhausted. “Have you been feeling okay?”

  “Oh yes. I’m doing fine dear.”

  “Margaret Runyan?” Margie pushes to her feet and limps towards the nurse.

  I’m not sure when it happened, but Margie’s health is failing. Almost an hour passes before Dr. Russell steps through the door and motions for me to follow him.

  “What’s wrong?” I question the second I step into his office.

  “I think Margaret had another mild stroke.”

  My heart drops to my stomach. “What? She didn’t say anything.” However, I know she wouldn’t, Margie never complains about anything.

  “I don’t think she knows. It could’ve happened while she was sleeping or been mild enough that she didn’t understand what was happening,” my eyes start to water.

  “Her limp is more pronounced and overall she doesn’t seem to be in as good a condition as she was last month. I’d like to send her to the hospital for an MRI but she’s refusing.”

  That doesn’t sound like Margie. She usually agrees with everything Dr. Russell tells her to do.

  “I’m not sure what’s going on with her but I’ll figure out a way to convince her.” I force my tears away and smile. This is Margie. She always listens to me. I’ve noticed she hasn’t acted like herself lately but I’ve been busier than normal not to mention since I heard Luke was coming home I’ve had an unbelievably hard time focusing on anything else.

  “Thanks Sam. I knew this was going to be hard to hear, but I’d really like to do another MRI and see what we’re dealing with.”

  I muster up courage I’m not feeling and go in search of Margie.

  I HOP OUT of my truck and race around to the passenger side. “It’s just a test, I don’t know why you’re refusing.” I help Margie out and follow her up the front porch.

  “Because I’m fine. I don’t need a test to tell me what I already know Sam.”

  I sigh in frustration and follow Margie inside. “Your insurance will cover the test and it will give Dr. Russell an idea of what’s going on?”

  “No Sam, I don’t need it.” She snaps louder than I ever heard her speak before.

  “What’s going on?” Luke says from the doorway to the living room.

  “Nothing.” Margie scolds before giving me a sharp look. Clearly, she doesn’t want me talking about her condition with her son.

  “I need to go, but think about what we talked about. Please?” I beg. I’m not sure what I’ll do if something happens to this woman.

  “I’ll see you Saturday. We’re still on for dinner aren’t we?”

  I refuse to look at Luke as I answer. “Of course. We’d miss you if you didn’t come.”

  Margie gives me a beautiful smile one I’ve seen a thousand times. “Call me if you need me.”

  I make my way out to my truck. I’m almost inside when Luke runs out.

  “Hey what’s going on with mom?” he points towards the house. His brown eyes burn into mine and for a brief moment my mind travels back to when we were kids, to a time when he claimed to love me. I quickly force myself to shake off my thoughts.

  “If she wants you to know she’ll tell you.”

  Luke’s face takes on a harsh look. “You can’t be serious?” he laughs sarcastically. “You of all people know my mother isn’t going to admit to anything being wrong.”

  Luke is right but that doesn’t mean I can or should tell him anything.

&
nbsp; “Have a good day,” I dryly add before jumping into my truck and driving away.

  I STORM BACK inside as anger courses through my veins. I can’t believe Sam would write off my concerns that easily. She of all people should know how much my mother means to me.

  “Tell me what’s going on,” I demand when I find my mother in the kitchen.

  “Nothing sweetheart. The doctor wants to do the same test he did a few months ago. I’m convinced my doctor gets bored when he can’t find something wrong with me.”

  Sam’s a nurse and she wants mom to do whatever the doctor requested, which means she needs to have it done.

  “Why is it a big deal to have a test performed?”

  Mom looks defeated as she takes a seat. “Is this how it’s going to be now that you’re back? You and Sam are going to team up on me?”

  Mom liked Sam from the moment she met her but they weren’t this friendly when we were dating.

  “I just want to help take care of you that’s all.”

  I’d love to know how Sam has a better relationship with my mother than I do. Over the years, I’ve snuck home a time or two and I call mom at least once a week but everything feels different now that I’m home for longer than a few days.

  “I’m beat. I think I’m going to take a nap then I’ll start dinner.”

  I don’t want mom slaving over the stove to fix me a meal but I know better than to argue with her.

  “Okay.” Once mom is out of the room I grab my truck keys and walk out the door. Sam might not want to answer my questions but that doesn’t mean I’m done asking them.

  I WOULDN’T ADMIT this to anyone, but I can understand why my doctor told me I couldn’t drive until I could handle losing my sling. I lied earlier to Sam, my arm fucking hurts. I rarely take my meds because I hate feeling drowsy but that doesn’t mean I’m not in pain. Right now my need to know what’s going on with my mother oversees any common sense I might have.

  When I arrive at the old Harris farmhouse, I smile. Nothing has changed. If it weren’t for the fact that Edward Harris lives here, it would almost feel like home.