by Anthology
“I was starting to think you’d lost my number.”
“That’s funny, last time I checked phones are capable of both making and receiving calls.” Billie’s lilting laugh fills me with nostalgia. Billie was my roommate in vet school, but we haven’t seen each other much since she moved to Chicago after graduation.
“Fair enough,” I concede with a laugh.
“So listen, my friend Gaia and I are heading up north this weekend. We’re passing right through Madison. Are you free for lunch?”
“Hell yeah.” I give her my address and then jump out of bed to get dressed. A tickle in my throat makes me cough. Must be allergies.
I’M DANCING AROUND my house to Shake That by Eminem and Nate Dogg, obviously ‘shaking that’ when a knock on my door makes me squeal in delight. Running down the hallway I slide on my socks as I near the door, going full Risky Business.
I fling the door open and am instantly engulfed in a jumping, shrieking hug delivered by my very best friend.
“Oh my god I missed you,” I say, smacking her ass for good measure.
Once our ridiculous embrace ends I see a petite woman with a mass of curly red hair waiting behind Billie.
“You must be Gaia?” I greet her with a smile.
“Yeah, it’s nice to finally meet you. Billie never shuts up about the infamous Amie.”
“Oh, I’m infamous?” I laugh.
“You are, and I have a feeling you have some good dirt on Billie, too.”
“You bet your ass I do.” I slip on my ballet flats and grab my purse before I usher them outside. Billie’s mouth falls open when I point out my new car. I can see her itching to ask how I can afford such a thing. Thank God for social etiquette because I’d rather not think about the source of my newfound ‘who gives a fuck’ attitude.
As soon as we’re all piled into my car I start in on every embarrassing story I can think of about Billie in vet school.
She retaliates by detailing every mean practical joke I ever played on her. It’s not much of a retaliation because I take pride in every last one.
“So I had just started my externship at this clinic, and I get a bouquet of flowers delivered. I’m thinking ‘oh my gosh Amie is the best friend in the world.’ Then I read the card. It said ‘Congratulations on one year sober. I always knew you could do it’ I about died when all of the staff started giving me sideways looks, thinking I’m a recovering crackhead or something.”
Gaia and I are laughing at Billie’s retelling so hard that we both have tears streaming down our faces.
“That is so diabolical,” Gaia says wiping the tears from her eyes.
About twenty minutes, and many embarrassing stories, later my legs are sticking to the vinyl of the diner booth and I’m scanning the menu trying to decide what I can eat.
“The biscuits and gravy sound amazing, but I don’t know if my ass will ever forgive me,” Billie laments. I roll my eyes at her and notice Gaia doing the same.
“Please, you’re gorgeous so shut up before I punch you,” I threaten, then I blow her a kiss to soften the blow.
“Tell that to Travis,” Billie scoffs. I’d be more than happy to give Billie’s stuck up, pretentious boyfriend a piece of my mind, but since I love Billie I bite my tongue. Gaia however, doesn’t seem to mind telling Billie her thoughts on Travis.
“I’d be more than happy to tell that dick he doesn’t deserve you,” she says with mock sweetness dripping from her voice. I like this chick.
“Okay...speaking of significant others,” Billie casts her gaze in my direction. “Am I going to have to drag it out of you, or are you going to give me the story on what went down with Nate? One second you’re giddy, planning your wedding, and the next thing I know you’re calling to tell me that he moved out and the wedding is off.”
The story...I knew she was going to ask and I couldn’t come up with a good lie. I could say I caught him cheating, but I don’t want to outright lie to Billie. I prefer lies of omission, or bending the truth at worst. I am absolutely not ready to tell her the truth. The only person who knows the truth is my mother and that’s because she ended up having to pick up the pieces.
Billie and Gaia are both looking at me expectantly, likely hoping I’m going to talk about how inadequate Nate was in bed or some fight we simply couldn’t get past. I shrug and take a sip of my coffee. As crappy as my restricted diet is at least I can still have coffee.
“It didn’t work out.”
Both of their faces fall dramatically.
“That’s it? No dirt?” Billie pouts.
“Not much to say. I’m over it.”
Blessedly, the waitress chooses that moment to stop by to take our orders.
Billie goes for the biscuits and gravy while Gaia orders an omelet. I briefly consider ordering toast and a fruit platter, like I should, but the thought is just too damn depressing. Instead I order pancakes and bacon, with a side of extra bacon. Don’t judge me, I’m dying.
“So are you guys on a schedule or anything?” I ask once the waitress departs.
“No. We just decided we needed a vacation. So we both took our PTO we’d been saving up and decided to head up to Gaia’s family cabin for the week.”
“In that case, how would you feel about staying here for a night? We could go out to a club like we used to back in vet school.” I plaster on my best persuasive smile and wait for the verdict. Billie and Gaia exchange a look but they both seem on board with the idea.
“Yeah, that sounds awesome.”
“Yay. We’ll get dressed up and get totally shitty,” I declare.
“DAMN GIRL, YOU’RE looking hot,” Billie says, smacking my ass playfully. I turn and honk her tits and Gaia looks at us like we’re both crazy before all three of us burst out laughing. I loaned Gaia and Billie appropriate ‘going out’ attire. Billie’s full figure is on display in a simple black dress that’s always been a little too big on me. Not that I’m jealous of her full figure. Gaia’s rocking a sequined tank top and pair of skinny jeans.
Another cough tickles my throat and turns into a very attractive hack, which elicits a sideways glance from Billie.
“That doesn’t sound fantastic.”
I wave her comment off.
“I’m fine. Just allergies.”
We all crowd together in my small bathroom to apply our makeup and fix our hair. Just as we’re finishing up a knock comes at my door. My stomach flutters excitedly at the idea of Parker stopping by.
I pull the door open, and sure enough Parker is standing there with a sexy smirk on his face. I let myself appreciate his low slung basketball shorts and his too tight t-shirt. It takes me a second to realize I’ve just nibbled off most of my lipstick fantasizing about what Parker actually looks like out of those clothes.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you had company.” Parker looks over my shoulder and offers a friendly wave to Billie and Gaia.
“Yes, this is Billie, we went to vet school together, and Gaia. They work together now.”
Parker steps forward and shakes their hands with a congenial smile on his face. Both women eye him up speculatively before Billie shoots me a knowing look. Apparently she’s decided she finally figured out the cause of Nate and my breakup.
“I won’t bug you then. I just got off work and decided to stop by to see if you wanted to hang out. I’ll catch you tomorrow?”
“You know where to find me.”
Parker’s eyes linger on my short black dress, or probably more accurately my body in this tight black dress, before giving Gaia and Billie a parting wave and heading to his own apartment.
“Damn, he’s hot,” Gaia says and Billie nods her head enthusiastically.
“Are you tapping that?” Billie asks.
“Tapping that?” I mock her word choice. “No. We’re friends and neighbors.”
“That’s a shame.”
“You’re telling me,” I agree with a laugh. “Come on you dirty sluts. Let’s go get into trouble
.”
THE MASS OF sweaty, writhing bodies that surround me on the dance floor leave me feeling more alive than I’ve felt since my diagnosis. This is what life is all about. Music pounding, drinks, friends, strange men with their hands all over you.
I lean close to Billie dancing next to me and do my best to shout over the music.
“I’m going to use the bathroom.”
Billie nods in acknowledgement and I start to weave my way through the hoard of bodies.
Back in the day the upstairs bathroom was always less crowded than the bathroom on the main floor—although it often contained at least one stall with people fucking each other’s brains out. I decide to take the risk because there’s no way my alcohol soaked bladder can stand to wait in a long line. A little fact about kidney failure, you have to pee all the freaking time. That’s better than the alternative though. Once my kidneys are too damaged I won’t be able to produce urine at all. Hopefully, I’ll have a kidney transplant before that happens though, otherwise I’ll be dead.
I quickly shut down this depressing train of thought as I make my way upstairs. The bathroom is empty when I enter so I quickly pick a stall and do my business.
I’m washing my hands when two younger women stumble in looking high as fucking kites. I take a few seconds to reapply my lipstick and watch them out of the corner of my eye as they unabashedly cut lines of coke right there on the adjacent sink and begin noisily snorting it.
I can’t tear my eyes away for several seconds. Sure, I smoked a little pot back in college. But I’ve never tried any other drugs. When I was young enough to consider those types of things I was always too worried about how any drug use could affect my future success.
“You want a line?” One of the girls asks when she notices me staring. My head nods ‘yes’ before my brain has a chance to weigh in on the decision. The girl steps aside to make space for me by the sink. I glance over my shoulder to be sure no one else is coming into the bathroom and then I lean forward and sniff up the white powder.
I clench my eyes against the burning sensation it automatically creates in my sinuses. But within seconds I’m no longer concerned about the discomfort because I feel like I’m fucking flying. I could run a marathon, take down Rocky Balboa, and do at least twelve consecutive backflips.
I thank the girls and head back out to the dance floor. The music pumps through me as I walk down the stairs. I’m pretty sure I look like I’m in a movie. You know, where the girl’s hair is blowing and her hips are swaying in time with the music as she walks down a flight of stairs. Every man must be watching me with pure lust. I should go over to Parker’s house and tell him I want to fuck his brains out. Shit, I could probably jog the ten miles’ home, go to Parker’s apartment, and then ride him all night long.
Coke is fucking awesome.
I find Billie and Gaia and start grinding on the first man in their vicinity.
Over the next few hours I make a few more stops to the bathroom, finding more people willing to share a line more than once. It isn’t until after the third line that Gaia and Billie start to look at me strangely.
“Are you okay?” Billie asks, pulling me aside and looking me up and down.
“I’m fucking fantastic. Never been better.”
“You look weird,” Billie accuses.
“Seriously, I feel amazing. Let’s keep dancing.”
“We’re getting pretty tired actually,” Gaia says. I groan in frustration.
“How can you be tired?”
“Amie, it’s two in the morning.”
“What? No way. I could keep going for hours.”
Billie grabs my shoulders and looks me in the eyes, her lips pursed.
“Did you take something? Your pupils are dilated and you’re dripping with sweat.” Her hand comes to my chest. Is she feeling me up? “Your heart is racing. Amie, what did you take?”
“Just a little coke. No big deal.” I wave off her concern and try to go back to the dance floor.
“We’re taking you home, Charlie Sheen,” Billie grabs my arm and drags me from the club kicking and screaming.
We’d had the forethought to take a cab out—as we’d all planned to get wasted—so Gaia and Billie quickly drag me toward a waiting cab and all but shove me into the backseat.
“This is fucking ridiculous. The night is young. Let’s go somewhere else to party!”
My protests go unacknowledged as Billie tells the cabbie my address.
When we pull up in front of my building I stumble out of the cab unwillingly, still protesting about how much fun there is still to be had.
The rumble of an engine cuts me off mid-sentence and I look over my shoulder to see Parker pulling up on his motorcycle. He gives us all a cheeky grin as he pulls into his spot.
“You ladies look like you had a fun night,” he comments as he strolls toward us.
“Some of us had a little too much fun,” Billie grumbles under her breath. I fix her with a glare. Billie’s been my best friend for years, but right now I’m about two seconds from punching her in the face. I’m vibrating with anger and energy that’s desperate to go somewhere and I feel like I might fucking erupt if I don’t scream or hit something, or at the very least start jogging in place.
Parker freezes and fixes me with an assessing look.
“Are you feeling alright?”
“I feel fucking amazing. I’m trying to convince these old ladies it’s way too early to be home. You want to go out dancing for a few hours? Oh or we could go rent kayaks on Lake Mendota. I bet that’d be really pretty at night.”
Parker’s brow furrows and his jaw tenses.
“What’s she on?” he asks, his gaze still fixed on me.
“Coke,” Billie answers.
Parker curses under his breath and clenches his fists.
“Is this a typical fucking thing for you, Amie? Did I somehow miss you developing a goddamn drug habit?” His angry tone has a hint of desperation underlying that makes me feel like a complete asshole.
“No,” I mumble my answer, while trying to push past him. His hands grip my arms and hold me in place.
“Give me the keys to your place,” he demands, holding his hand open. I reluctantly fish my keys out of my purse and hand them over. He places them in Billie’s hands. “You guys go ahead and get some sleep. I’ll take her to my apartment to look after her.”
Billie and Gaia exchange apprehensive looks.
“Don’t worry, he’s so not a raper.” I assure them, and then I start to giggle uncontrollably because I quoted Stepbrothers.
I BREATHE A sigh of relief when Amie finally passes out on my couch, sometime shortly after the sun starts to come up. I’m still completely flabbergasted that she did coke. I’m not going to lie. I’ve always thought of her as one of the most predictable people I know. Sure, she likes to play practical jokes on people and she’s certainly the life of the party on a Friday night at the local bar. But she’s a doctor for fuck sake. She’s got a good head on her shoulders.
I doze on the recliner next to the couch for a few hours until Amie starts to stir.
“How are you feeling?”
The only answer I get is a sniffle. I sit forward to see her better and realize there are silent tears streaming down her face.
“Hey, hey, you’re all right.” I hustle from the chair to the couch beside Amie and pull her into my arms.
“I don’t want to die,” she whimpers, burying her face in my chest. My shirt immediately soaks through with her tears, but I don’t mind at all.
“It’s okay, babe. You’re not dying. You’re just crashing pretty hard. It’s normal.” I stroke her hair, doing my best to soothe her. “Is it normal for you to do drugs, Amie?”
“No. I’ve never done anything other than pot in college. I’m sorry. You must think I’m so stupid.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid. I am wondering what the hell is going on with you though.”
She averts her gaze and
gives no indication that she plans to illuminate the cause of her behavior.
“You should probably go smooth things over with your friends. They weren’t thrilled with your behavior last night.”
She sniffles again and nods against my chest. It feels so right having her in my arms, protecting her. She pulls back and lets out a deep hacking cough.
“Sorry, that was gross,” she apologizes with a self-deprecating laugh.
“Yeah, it was pretty gross,” I agree with a smirk. Amie gives me a playful shove. I pull her close one last time and place a brief kiss against her temple.
“I don’t feel like being alone today. Want to hang out after Billie and Gaia leave?”
“Sure, but let’s make it a lazy day. Some coked up freak kept me up until past dawn.”
“Sorry,” she mutters, a blush creeping into her cheeks.
“It’s okay, babe. But don’t you dare let me catch you like that again. I’ll have to spank that cute little ass of yours.”
“If that’s supposed to be a deterrent, you may need to rethink that tactic.”
I DRAG MYSELF next door to my apartment with my tail between my legs. What if Billie never wants to speak to me again?
Stepping through my door I find Billie and Gaia sitting on my couch drinking coffee and talking. They both fall silent when they see me, and I offer an apologetic smile.
“Guess I made quite an ass of myself last night, huh?”
One side of Billie’s mouth quirks up.
“Well, I’m glad one of us said it.”
“I’m really sorry. That’s not me. I’ve never even thought about doing drugs before.” I ease onto the loveseat beside the couch.
“Is this because of the breakup?” Billie asks, sympathy warring with concern in her expression.
“Yes and no.” I let out a long sigh. I can’t say the words. If I don’t talk about it maybe it won’t be true. Another hacking cough comes from deep in my chest. Stupid allergies. “I’m not ready to talk about it.”
“All right, well as soon as you are ready you know how to get ahold of me.”
