by Rebel Farris
“I need to see some ID,” the male voice says sternly.
Dex reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet and hands it to the man. The light from the flashlight bounces around as the man tucks it under his arm. With the light close enough to his body, I can now see the police uniform he’s wearing. Dex sees it, too, because I hear the subtle click of the safety on his gun and he quietly tucks it in the holster behind him.
“I’m going to need you to step out of the car,” the officer says.
I assume that Dex can’t tell him that he’s a cop because he’s undercover. I want to groan, but bite it back.
“We’re gonna need to get dressed first,” Dex replies.
“Yeah, good idea,” the officer agrees.
He holds his flashlight pointed toward the dashboard again. Dex holds his shirt up, blocking the cop’s view of me as I scramble to put my bra and shirt back on and zip up my pants. Once I’m decent, Dex pulls his shirt back on and pushes the seat forward so we can get out. He holds his hands, palms up, in the view of the officer’s light.
“We’re ready to come out,” Dex states.
The cop opens the door and takes a few steps back. Dex goes out first and then holds out a hand to help me climb out. When I stand up straight, the officer’s light shines into my face.
“Good Lord, you’re Laine Dobransky.”
“I am,” I answer.
“I’m a huge fan. My wife and I, we love your song, ‘The End of What I Knew.’ It helped us through some rocky times. She’d kill me if I didn’t ask to get your autograph. Would you mind?”
“Ummm… I don’t mind. Are we under arrest or something?” I ask.
“Shit, no—I mean, um—no, I usually just catch kids out here and talk to them, scare them straight, you know?”
“Sure. Well, you got us,” I say with a half-hearted laugh. “I don’t think we’ll attempt to relive our youth again anytime soon.”
“I get it. Mum’s the word, right?” He grins. His eyes take on this far-off glassy look like he is staring at something awe-inspiring and not me.
I smile, feeling a little uncomfortable with his intensity. “You want me to sign something?”
“Oh, yeah,” he says as he pulls one of those metal box-like clipboards from under his arm and shuffles through it.
He clips a piece of paper to it and walks toward me with short, quick steps. He pulls a pen out of his breast pocket and hits the clicker on it before handing that to me, too. The piece of paper is illuminated by his light, and I notice that it has a watermark on it like it’s the back of a picture.
I pull it out and flip it over. It’s a picture of a happy couple in their thirties or so, smiling. I look up through the harsh light and vaguely make out the same face.
“It’s my wife and me, from our honeymoon earlier this year,” he states.
I nod and smile, clipping it back in place. I sign: May love keep you together always—Laine D.
Dex is watching me with amusement.
“Here you go, Officer…” I wait for him to supply a name as I hand him back his stuff.
“Roberts. Jake Roberts,” he supplies.
“There you go, Jake.”
“Thank you,” he says. “Oh, here.” He hands Dex’s wallet to him. “Y’all have a good night. And you might want to think about taking that back to the house or maybe a hotel room if it’s one of those sorts of things.”
“It’s not,” Dex says. “I’m definitely her boyfriend.”
Then
It’d been three boring days sitting around in a hospital that could’ve been anywhere in the world, because we hadn’t left the building. At all. I spent my days and nights in Evan’s room, playing cards and watching crap TV shows on the Armed Forces Network. Other than the drive there, that building was the full extent of my visit to Germany. My first time out of the country was not living up to all I’d hoped it to be.
I was forced to watch the current season of American Idol, lying shoulder to shoulder with Evan on his hospital bed. The girls were fast asleep on the couch near the window, their little minds not adjusting well to the time shift of being on the other side of the world.
“Have you been to his room yet?”
I looked over at him. He was still watching the TV. I watched his profile for a reaction. “You trying to get rid of me?”
“No.” His face squished up, and I knew he was lying.
“Really?” I drew the word out so he could hear the skepticism.
“Fine. Yes. That cute nurse comes on shift in an hour. I don’t want her thinking we’re a family.”
“But, we are a family, Evan,” I said in a sugary-sweet voice.
“You know what I mean.” He looked over at me then to see the huge grin on my face.
“Of course I do. That’s why I already introduced myself to her as your sister and told her that you were the best uncle in the world. I caught on to the way you were staring at her ass on day one.” I gave him a dry look. “You’re welcome.”
“Speaking of staring at asses, how’s your not-defined relationship going?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed, dropping my head back on the pillow.
“That good, huh?”
“I’m not sure.”
“I think I know now, what it’s like to be a dentist.” He sighed and dropped his head back, too.
I looked over at him, confused. “What?”
“Because trying to get you to talk about shit’s like pulling teeth.”
“Fuck, Evan. Fine. He told me he loved me. We got into an argument. I ran away. And just when he shows up to talk, he finds me leaving the country. He’s pissed. And I couldn’t explain everything while walking out the door. You happy?”
He grinned at me. “Yeah, I kinda am. Not about what you said, but the fact that you finally said something. You’ve been in here looking miserable for the past three days. Sighing at the walls, and twitching like you’ve got somewhere to be.”
“I’m not twitchy,” I defended.
“What did you argue about?”
“I tried to bring up the girls. Asked him what he thought about kids. He immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was fixin’ to tell him I was pregnant. He was so relieved that I wasn’t. Said he didn’t want kids for a long time. So, I made up some shit about volunteering with orphans. Turns out, I never told him about my parents, which to him was a big deal.”
“Doesn’t surprise me.”
“What doesn’t?”
“Any of it. The fact that you waited over a month since I last saw you to have that conversation. You, not telling him key facts about yourself. Or him, jumping to the pregnancy conclusion when you asked about kids. All guys have that moment of panic when the girl they’re having sex with brings up kids.”
“Jared didn’t.” I wanted to kick my own ass for throwing that comparison out there.
“Jared’s a freak of nature, because I’d be panicking. I did panic when you told me about the girls, and they weren’t even mine.”
“They sort of are. You’re the only father figure they’ve had for a while now.”
“Not true.”
“The General is their grandfather. And yeah, he may be around them a lot, but he still acts like a grandpa, spoiling them rotten.”
“I’m not talking about the General.”
“Then what are you talking about?”
“Look, I’m not supposed to say anything. I’m not getting in the middle of this.”
“Fuck you. You can’t say something like that and expect me just to let it go.”
“Mads,” he started, and I twisted his nipple. “Owww!”
“Don’t feed me any more bullshit. We’ve been friends since the day I was born. The Three Amigos. We don’t keep shit from each other. If I gotta hear about Nic’s newfound sexuality, his aspirations to be a porn star every day, and give you painful updates every time we talk, th
en you have to spill shit too. This friendship isn’t a one-way information street. No military Band of Brothers bullshit tops that. Got it?”
“Okay, fine! He’s been visiting them on leave; he just avoids you and tells everyone not to mention it.”
I drop my head in my hands and take a deep breath. “How long?”
“Since he got out of training and was able to take leave.”
“Why? You know what? Never mind. I don’t even want to know. It’s good, though. The girls deserve to know their father. I thought it was going to be a little weird meeting him at a hospital in a foreign country while he’s all fucked-up, but it just turns out that everyone’s been lying to me. No big.”
He shifted his body to turn and face me with raised brows. “I’m surprised you didn’t figure it out on your own. Surely the girls have talked about him?”
“They’ve talked about him, sure,” I replied. “Nothing specific like he’s been around, but they certainly have an opinion of him. They love him. I just assumed that it all came from Diana and the General, showing them pictures or telling them stories.” I shook my head in disbelief. “I just don’t understand why you, of all people, would take his side.”
“Mads,” he sighed, reaching over and squeezing my hand. “I’m not defending him, but I didn’t tell you because I understand why he’s doing it. I may not agree, but I understand.”
I started to ask why, but the door to the room opened and the General stepped in. He looked haggard and worn-out.
My heart went out to him and Diana. I wouldn’t want to be standing around a hospital for three days waiting for one of the girls to wake up after a major trauma and surgery.
“He’s awake,” John said quietly. “He wants to see you before I bring the girls down, so just come back and let me know when you’re done. I’ll let them sleep.”
“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say.
Evan gave me a reassuring pat on the back as I sat up. I gave him a wan smile, and he squeezed my hand before I turned and left the room.
I made my way through the maze of hallways, down to the ICU wing. Diana was standing outside the automatic doors. I gave her a half-hearted smile.
She also looked worn-out, but happier now that her boy was awake. “I’m going to go get some coffee. He’s in room seven.”
I nodded and watched her walk away before I found myself standing outside door seven. It had been four years since I’d last laid eyes on Jared. When I finally worked up the courage to push through the door, he was watching me.
He looked so much smaller lying prone on the bed, propped up slightly with pillows. But those eyes were the same as they tracked my every move. He didn’t say anything, and I began to get antsy. With everything that happened with Law, and the fact that this man had been actively avoiding me for four years, I wasn’t sure why I was standing in this room. I was worried about both him and Evan, worried about the girls never knowing their father. But all along I’d been played the fool. The more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off.
“You shouldn’t be here,” he muttered as I paced the room.
I jerked to a stop and slowly turned on my heel to face him. “Are you kidding me? I haven’t seen you for four goddamn years, and that’s the first thing out of your mouth.”
“This is exactly why I told you not to wait for me. I didn’t want you to have to go through this. All the worrying if something bad was going to happen—”
I threw back my head as a near-hysterical laugh bubbled from my throat. “You know, I used to think you were really smart, but that, I believe, is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. You’re the father of my children. I won’t ever stop worrying if you live or die.” I started pacing the room again. “Evan told me about your secret visits, but I guess they weren’t so secret. Since everyone knew. But me. Why’s that?”
“I didn’t want to see you. Maddie—”
The rage I’d kept locked down surged through me, setting my veins on fire. I took three steps until my face was inches away from his.
“Why? Afraid of remembering your little mistake, knocking up poor little destroyed Maddie. You know, I just don’t get it. All this martyr crap about doing it for me. So I could experience the world, right? Must’ve been hard on you.” I shook my head, unable to believe that I bought that line of crap. “You could at least try to be honest, for once in your life, and just admit that it was a mistake. You didn’t want to be tied down. We were young. I get it. But to continue this farce. To continue the lie. Fucking grow up already. I did. And I’ve moved on, too.”
I searched his face for a reaction, and when his eyes widened a bit, I felt triumph. “You want to know what I’ve been up to?”
My fingers were itching with the need to hurt him. With all the tubes, wires, monitors, casts, and bandages, I knew he was already in physical pain. No, I needed to dig much deeper.
“I go to school. I make good grades like a good little girl. I’ll graduate in a few months with a double major and as valedictorian. I also play lead guitar for a punk band. I skate on a roller derby team. I train in MMA.” A husky laugh escaped me. “And when I’m not doing that, I’m usually fucking my insanely hot boyfriend who has shown me what being with a real man is like. And who I’m totally in love with.”
When I pulled back and saw the pain in his eyes, I knew I had hit my mark. Take that, Jared’s ego. That little girl you thought was pining away for you wasn’t so pathetic after all.
“So congratu-fuckin’-lations, you accomplished your mission, soldier. I’m no longer hung up on you—no need to play your stupid fucking hide-and-seek, mind games anymore. Just be a father to your kids and forget about me.”
He started to speak, but I raised my palm to halt him. I was mortified that tears started building up in my eyes.
“No, you don’t get to say anything else. You gave up that right four years ago. But right now… right now, I’m walking out this door and away from you. And I hope it feels just as good for you as it did for me.” With that, I pushed out the door and left.
Then
I was so tired when I let myself into the dorm room, I didn’t even bother turning the lights on. I dropped my bag and collapsed on the bed. International flights sucked. I felt like shit, both physically and mentally. Physically, because I was crammed into a tin box with hundreds of other people for an ungodly long time. Mentally, because I’d been regretting my words to Jared.
I was mad because he never came to see me, but he did visit the girls. I should’ve been happy for the girls that their father gave a shit about them. He was trying to be a decent parent. Instead, I reacted like a selfish, immature brat. I shouldn’t have cared what he did. I should’ve just let it go.
My eyes slowly drifted shut of their own accord.
When my eyes opened, they were greeted by the bright light of the sun. It took me a few moments to realize my phone ringing had woken me up. I reached into my back pocket and dug it out, because yeah, I hadn’t even had the energy to change clothes or get under the covers properly last night.
“Hello?” I answered, my voice groggy with sleep.
“Maddie?” Jared’s voice asked.
I grunted in the affirmative.
“Can you talk? I can call back some other time if you’re busy or with someone.”
“I was actually sleeping, but I’m awake now. I was so tired getting home last night, I still have my shoes on.”
He laughed. We sat in silence for a few beats. My eyes started to drift shut again. I snapped them open and sat up.
“Did you have a point to calling? Other than to find out if I took my shoes off?”
“Yeah, hold on. I’m getting there. I don’t want to screw this up.”
“Well, while you’re collecting your thoughts, I should tell you I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I just have a lot going on, and then everything was upended going to Germany. I’m not trying to make
excuses, but I was stressed. I think it’s good that you’ve been spending time with the girls. They need you in their life. And you don’t owe me a damn thing.”
“Maddie, I—you don’t have to apologize. I deserve your anger. I just—I don’t know what I expected to happen. Fuck.”
The line went quiet, and I began to wonder if he hung up. I looked at the phone, and the call was still connected, so I waited.
“I meant it when I let you go to follow your dreams. I wanted you to do good in school, to learn guitar, maybe join a band. I want you to be happy and not regret anything. I guess I just didn’t think it all the way through.” He sighed and went quiet again.
I’d no idea what to say, so I remained quiet, too. I lay back on the bed and fumbled with the edge of my comforter.
“You do MMA and roller derby?” he asked.
“Yeah, my boyfriend teaches a self-defense program that’s a combination of Krav Maga and Brazilian jujitsu.”
Crap. I was talking about Law, to Jared. So awkward.
“Since they’re both fighting styles based on fighting larger and stronger opponents, it works well as self-defense. I’ve been doing it for the last two years. I pretty much help him teach the class now. I won my weight class at a city-wide jujitsu competition last summer. But I’m not really competitive with it. It’s more for personal growth and fitness.”
“Yeah, you looked good. Stronger, not that you lost weight or were fat before.” He laughed. “I’m going to stop now before I get myself in trouble.”
I laughed, too, and it felt good. It was nice to have a normal conversation with Jared again.
“Roller derby helps with that, too. I found derby because some of the girls came to one of my band’s shows. It’s amazing, though. I get a rush from just racing around the track during practice. The bouts are fun whether you’re a blocker, pivot, or jammer. It’s so much fun. And the girls on the team are awesome. I’m not kidding. I’ve found my place, my people.”
“I’m glad to hear it, even though I only understood half of what you just said.”
