“Besides,” Parthena said, addressing Rowena’s concern, “I haven’t heard much talk about charging suffragists with sedition.”
Rowena sighed. “There are more murmurs than I’d like in Washington.” She shared a rueful look with her friends. “There are always those who are sticklers, wanting to keep to the letter of the law. And then there are those who will look for any excuse to find a reason to discredit the movement. The Sedition Act seems ready made for them, but, so far, we’ve managed to evade being a target.”
“They’re too busy rounding up the Wobblies of the IWW and other progressives,” Zylphia muttered. “Never mind harmless German immigrants.” She sighed as she looked at Rowena. “You look awful, Ro. You mustn’t let fear deter you from what you want to do.”
Parthena nodded. “And you have to stand up to your father and show him that you will do what is right for you, not continue to cower to his ultimatums.”
Rowena shrugged. “I see no reason to go back right now. I write the same article, twenty different ways, and I’m rather fatigued by it all.” She sagged against the settee back. “Which makes me feel rather weak-willed for admitting that, but it is the truth.”
“You’ve been working hard for years,” Parthena said, sharing a worried glance with Zylphia. “I’m glad you are taking a break.”
After a few moments of silence as they fixed cups of tea, Zylphia said, “Do you know who I saw entering Teddy’s office as I was leaving to come here today?” She smiled broadly at her friends. “Perry Hawke. I’m sure you will see him in person rather than depending on a letter.” Her mischievous smile faded as Rowena’s face crumpled into tears. “Ro?”
Rowena shook her head and then raised her hands to cover her face as a sob escaped.
Zylphia moved to sit on one side of her on the settee and Parthena on the other. “What happened?” Parthena whispered.
“I saw him. Two nights ago. And we fought. It was horrible.” She looked at her friends as she tried to speak through her tears. “Wonderful at first. To be in his arms again. And then it all changed. I don’t know what I said.” She quickly summarized what happened for her friends, who sat in silence a few moments after she stopped talking. Her breaths emerged in stuttering gasps as she attempted to catch her breath after her crying jag.
Zylphia sighed. “From what you said, I think he fears he doesn’t belong in your world. And that you deserve someone better than him.” She shook her head. “We like to think our backgrounds don’t matter, but they always affect us.”
Rowena stared at her friend and bit her lip before blurting out, “How did you get past having grown up in an orphanage? I know you weren’t an orphan, as you were raised with your mother who ran it, but …” Her voice trailed away.
“I had many moments where I didn’t believe myself worthy. Only with time, and the constancy of my father’s and Teddy’s love, did I come to accept that my beginning did not have to determine my future.” She frowned as she thought of her early life, growing up in an orphanage, believing herself fatherless. “I don’t know if that makes sense.”
“I think it does,” Parthena whispered. “What will you do, Ro?”
She sighed as a few more tears streaked out. “I don’t know. I worry I’ll never see him again.”
“Would that be terrible?” Parthena asked.
Rowena nodded. “I think I love him. But I wonder if I know what love really is.”
Zylphia took one of Rowena’s hands. “You know what it is, Ro. Your mother showed you.” She met her friend’s devastated gaze. “I know you argued with Perry, and you think that means you can’t really love him. But, if you didn’t care for him so much, you wouldn’t hurt like this now, would you?”
Rowena nodded, tears leaking out. “What will I do if I never see him again?”
* * *
Savannah sat in the upstairs living room over her father’s linen shop. She listened for her daughter’s return, growing restless at the late hour. “Where can she be?”
“She’s with Delia. She’s fine,” Jeremy said, clasping her hand.
“I hate that she went out with all this illness affecting Boston,” Savannah said. “She should have stayed home.”
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “You know as well as I do that Melly was going crazy, feeling cooped up here. A small outing with Delia won’t hurt her.” He winked at her as he focused on the paper.
She smiled at her father as he entered the living room. Where Lucas’s piano had stood was now another settee and chair. “How was your day, Father?”
“Oh, good enough, although I had hoped my days as a linen shop owner were behind me.” He shared a chagrined smile with Savannah. “When I was in Newport, I couldn’t wait for September, so I could begin training the new owner and his small staff. Now, having to wait until mid-October seems too long.”
She frowned. “Well, it seems the poor man suffered terribly with that dreadful influenza. It makes sense he would want to be stronger before taking over a new business.” She rubbed her belly and smiled at her father. “I’m certain he will be well soon and that you will be free to travel with us when we return to Montana.”
He beamed at her. “I am counting on it. Now, how are you feeling, my dear?”
She patted her stomach and looked at her bulging stomach with fondness. “We are well. The doctor said that we should consider the operation in a week or two.”
Martin frowned as he looked at his only daughter. “I fear that there is too much risk with that surgery.”
Jeremy grunted and set aside the paper. “There is risk either way, sir.” He clasped her hand over her belly, smiling as he felt the baby kick against their hands. “I would spare her the pain and uncertainty if I could, but I can’t.”
Martin nodded. “I know, son.” He sighed. “Promise me that you will do everything this doctor recommends. I want to hold you and the baby in my arms.”
“I will, Father, as that is my dream too,” she whispered. She leaned into Jeremy’s side and fought tears.
* * *
Rowena stood on Teddy and Zylphia’s doorstep, waiting for the butler to answer the door. She had hoped for a quiet evening at home to think through her conversation with her friends and to puzzle through her fight with Perry in a rational manner. However, she had found a summons from Teddy when she had returned from a solitary stroll after tea with Parthena and Zylphia. After being shown into Teddy’s study, she wandered behind his desk to better examine the painting over his chair.
“It is rather fine, isn’t it?” Teddy said from behind her. He wore a blue suit with white shirt and collar. His alert silver eyes took in her plain green day dress with no adornment and the sadness in her gaze that she was unable to mask.
“Yes. I haven’t had enough time in Boston lately to visit her study and see what else she has painted. Are they all like this?” she asked as she met Teddy’s contemplative gaze.
“More so now than before. She had to experience her dark period before returning to what she calls the light.” He smiled as Rowena moved from behind his desk, and he motioned for her to sit in a chair by a dormant fire. He sat beside her in another high-back chair.
“Why did you need to see me, Teddy?” she whispered.
He sighed. “I want you to know that I was honored when you asked me to look into your finances and to confirm they were sound. Your mother left you quite a legacy, and I want to help ensure it remains just that for you.” He paused as his jaw ticked a moment while he fought a deep emotion. “I hope you know I am honorable and will only act on your behalf when it comes to your accounts.”
She reached forward and gripped his hand for a moment. “Of course I know that. It’s why I wanted you to help me.”
“Your father …” Teddy paused. “Your father visited me early this morning. He exerted a considerable amount of pressure to change the financial investments I had made for you.” He met her shocked gaze. “I want you to know that I did not bow to his pressure
.”
“Why?” she whispered.
“Because of me,” Perry said from the doorway.
“Perry?” Her gaze flitted from him to Teddy and then back again. “What are you doing here?”
Teddy continued. “Your father also wanted me to ruin Mr. Hawke, in no unequivocal terms.” Teddy’s cheeks flushed with anger. “It was all I could do not to throw him out bodily onto the street.”
“I don’t understand,” Rowena said as she sat with stooped shoulders.
Perry inched into the room, shutting the door behind him. He stood in front of Rowena, an arm’s-length away from her.
Teddy said, “If you are financially ruined, and Mr. Hawke has no money, there can be no hope for you as a couple.”
Rowena shook her head and gave a bark of humorless laughter. “There’s no hope for us as it is,” she whispered. “My father didn’t need to do anything.”
“That’s not true, Ro, and you know it,” Perry said, remorse etched on his face. “We had our first fight. We will overcome it.” He crouched in front of her and traced his fingers over her hand. “He wanted to take any chance of reconciliation away from us.”
“How did he know?” she whispered. “How did he know about us?”
Perry shrugged. “I don’t know. But I wasn’t secretive about the letters I sent you. Or the frequency of them. He had to have noted them, especially since you only spent a few weeks in Washington when you left Newport and then returned here.” He squeezed her hand. “But it doesn’t matter, Ro. He knows.” He glanced at Teddy who rose and exited the office, leaving them alone. “He thinks I … I debased you when you visited me in my hotel room.”
She shook her head and cupped his jaw. “No, never.” A small amount of her sorrow lifted as he turned his face into her palm. “If he only knew what did happen.”
“To my regret, nothing. Except an idiotic argument.” He let out a deep breath. “I’m supposed to leave Boston tonight, or he threatens I will never perform again.”
She smiled. “He likes to believe he wields that much influence, but it doesn’t extend much farther than the Charles River. He resents men like Aidan and Teddy because what they say is actually followed.” She ran her fingers through Perry’s hair. “I shouldn’t worry overmuch about my father.”
Perry sobered as he stared at her, now on his knees in front of her. “But I do. Because you care for him, and I do not want to come between you and your father.”
She shook her head. “You can’t. Already so much animosity exists between my father and me that you could do little to worsen the chasm.” She leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “He married my mother for her money and because he was caught with his pants down by her father.” She flushed as Perry chuckled. “He resented her from the moment she had me and was informed by the doctor that she could have no more children. He hated her for denying him his coveted son. Then she died.”
He chucked her under her chin when she ducked her head. “What? Why the reticence to speak about your mother?”
“She was German. Well-born. A cousin to the Kaiser,” she blurted out. “If it were known …” She blinked. “It could affect your career.”
He laughed and leaned back on his heels. “This is the great secret? That you mother is German?” He shook his head incredulously. “I thought you had a child hidden away or ten lovers or had been a member of a circus.” He laughed as she shushed him, covering his lips with her fingers.
“It matters to me,” she said as she battled tears. “It matters that I was forbidden from speaking about her. From writing my family in Germany. From knowing how they fare.”
He sobered and caressed her cheek. “I’m sorry, love. I can see that he tried to shame you for who you are, but it doesn’t matter to me. I can only imagine how you feel, but it’s a relief to know I’m not battling the ghost of your past lover.”
She looked at him, her gaze somber. “No, I’m battling yours.”
He sighed and closed his eyes. “Your father … Your father also promised to tell you all the salacious details of my past if I didn’t leave town tonight.” He rose and tugged on her hand. “Will you sit with me on the settee and listen?”
He sat with her in his arms and spoke, his deep voice low and powerful as he began. “You know I was born in Albany. To a woman who fell in love with a fickle man. He married her and then ran off when he found out she was pregnant.” He sighed, his fingers playing with hers. “I’m not even certain they were truly married. I’m most likely a bastard, although I was given his name.”
He paused for a long moment. “When I was six, she died from consumption. I had no family, and none were concerned about me. There might have been an orphanage I could go to, but I didn’t know what that was. From that moment on, I had to live by my wits. Doing whatever I could to survive.”
“What did you do that shames you?” she whispered as she raised his hand and kissed his palm.
“Life is not kind if you are poor. And it can be cruel if you are a handsome boy with no one to protect you.” He let out a deep breath. “I did things I regret, just so I wouldn’t go to bed hungry.”
“No one would blame you,” she whispered. “Tell me. … Tell me so that you never have to fear again.”
He closed his eyes as a tear trickled out. “I … ended up in a brothel. At first I was an errand boy, and the girls doted on me because I always managed to steal a treat for them. A toffee here. A piece of chocolate there. A ribbon.” His gaze became distant and glazed. “The woman in charge of the brothel was a good woman. Cared for her girls. Wouldn’t let anyone hurt them and hired a good-size thug to scare away brutes. Dominic.” He let out a deep breath.
“Who hurt you, Perry?” she whispered.
He paused for a long moment as though battling with himself, and then he shook his head. “Almost hurt me,” he murmured. “I was almost hurt, but Dominic was sharp and fast, and knew when things weren’t right. He knew I had no interest in bartering myself. To men.” He stared at her without guile as he waited for her to understand what he was saying.
She frowned at his words, and then her eyes widened in shock. “Oh, God.” She ran her hands over his chest. “Please tell me you weren’t … hurt like that. You were just a little boy.”
He grimaced at her reaction. “Yes, but I had long lost my innocence, living in a whorehouse.” He frowned as she stiffened in his arms. “I might have still been sexually inexperienced, but I’d seen things that were shocking.” He shook his head.
“Oh, Perry,” she whispered as a tear leaked out. “I hate that you had such a terrible childhood.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t know differently. I did my best to learn all I could so that I could escape someday. I knew I didn’t want to spend all my days at a brothel.”
“How did you start singing?” She traced a soothing pattern on his chest.
He gazed distantly over her shoulder. “I loved to sing. I sang while I worked, and eventually the mistress turned me into a show. By the time I was eighteen, I had my own stage in downtown Albany. By my mid-twenties, I was in New York City.” He closed his eyes. “There are those who believe the mistress is my mother because I sent her money for years.”
“Why?” she asked.
“She was good to me. Protected me as she could from the harsh world. Recognized my talent and then let me go. Taught me how to recognize a con.” He shrugged. “She was as much a mother to me, in her way, as the woman who gave birth to me.”
Rowena murmured her understanding and ran a hand over his chest. “I’d like to meet her.”
He gave an incredulous chuckle and tugged her closer. “God, Ro, you are astounding.” After a moment, when he had calmed, he whispered, “She died a few years ago.”
“Oh, Perry, I’m so sorry.”
He tipped his head onto her shoulder. “Anyone else would say, Good riddance,” he whispered as he held her close. “Thank you.”
She backed away and held his head bet
ween her hands. “Having loved her does not shame you, Perry. That others would try to harm you with such knowledge is reprehensible.”
“Your father believes I’m the son of a whore. That is worse than gutter scum, Ro. He wants you far away from me.”
“I do not care what others think. What others want. I only care about us, Perry. I trust what you tell me is the truth.” After an intense stare, she smiled and tried to lighten the mood. She spoke in a prim tone as she looked at him. “Mr. Hawke is from Albany. His parents are deceased. This is his fourth album.” She smiled as he recognized her mocking the bare-bones information on the jackets of his records. “Nothing you could say would cause me to turn away from you.”
He sobered. “Polite society doesn’t want a man like me around their womenfolk. A man who stole and bartered whatever he had to.”
She moved so that she sat astride him on his lap, any concern about propriety forgotten as she reacted to the agony in his voice. “I couldn’t give a damn what society thinks. I know what I see. A good man. A man who cares for me and for others. Don’t let your past shadow your future.”
He wrapped his arms around her. “Forgive me for the other night, Ro. I thought … I thought it would be better if you left. If you could find a man worthy of you.”
She shook her head and gripped his cheeks between her palms. “I have, and I’m looking at him. You, Perry. I want you.”
“Oh, God, love,” he rasped, kissing her with pent-up passion. His arms banded around her back, and he pulled her even tighter to him.
At the slight tap on the door, their kiss broke apart, but Rowena remained on his lap in his arms, her head tucked into his neck. “Yes?” Perry called out.
Zylphia poked her head in, and an impish smile spread as she saw them together. “I wanted to inform you that we have readied rooms for you both for the night. And that dinner will be ready in twenty minutes.”
Abiding Love: Banished Saga, Book Eight Page 27
