After he took a deep sip of water, he lay back against the sheets and sighed. “Come,” he said, holding his arm up for a moment. “I want to feel you next to me.”
“You are not going to die,” she commanded, biting her lower lip as it wobbled with the word die. She scooted so she rested her head against his shoulder, her arm over his chest.
“Not today,” he sighed. “Not today, my love.” He kissed her forehead and drifted back to sleep. When he awoke, Parthena remained in his arms, fast asleep. He moved, his arm having long since become a dead weight underneath her head.
His subtle movement woke her, and she patted his face.
“I have no fever. I think I am finally better.”
“You are far from better, but I believe you will recover.” She stroked a hand over his whiskered cheeks. “When I received word you were ill, I didn’t know what to do.”
He laughed soundlessly. “Of course you did. You raced here and never left my side.” His gaze was filled with love and fear. “I only hate that you put yourself in harm’s way due to me.”
“I love you, Morgan. I know you would have done the same for me.” When he sighed his agreement, she smiled. “I know it’s stupid, but I had this belief, if you knew I was with you, if you could somehow sense my presence, that you wouldn’t die. I couldn’t leave you.”
He traced a hand over her eyebrow. “I wish that were the case. Then we’d have no need of medicines, and there wouldn’t be all these senseless deaths from this horrible disease.” He turned his face and kissed her palm cupping his cheek. “I knew, somehow I knew you were with me, Hennie. And you gave me the strength to struggle back.” He flushed.
“I love that you are as whimsical as I am in my love for you,” she said as she tightened her grip of her arms around his waist. “Don’t scare me like this again, Morgan.”
He sighed as he held her close. “I’ll try not to, my love.”
* * *
Three days later, Savannah sat in a back parlor room in Aidan and Delia’s large house. Although she had wanted to return to her father’s home, Jeremy insisted they remain with his uncle. She had not had the energy to spare on an argument. The echo of the front door opening and closing resonated through the house, and she imagined the few guests leaving who had braved entering a home of sickness due to deference to Aidan.
She stared into space as she envisioned the sunny morning filled with such promise. The birds’ cheerful calls from the nearby trees, the well-tended front garden, the faint scent of the sea carried on a gentle breeze. She closed her eyes as she remembered the low incantations from the priest as they had lowered her beloved Melinda into the ground, Savannah’s inability to cry, her insistence that she stand stoically without support from anyone. She ignored the door to the small room opening and closing, her mind reliving the events of the past few days.
Lucas sat in front of Savannah, frowning when she failed to notice his presence. She sat with a stupefied look, and his jaw clenched. He moved to sit next to her on the settee and grabbed her hand. He squeezed it to the point of pain, finally earning a reaction from her.
“Lucas,” she murmured. “Why are you here?”
“I received an urgent telegram to come at once. Of course I came,” he said. He watched her quizzically. “I’ve been here for over two days now, and yet, every time you see me, you are surprised at my presence.”
“I don’t know why they should have seen fit to disturb you when they couldn’t be bothered to inform me of my own daughter’s illness.” She clamped her jaw shut and glared out the window.
Lucas canted his body so he faced her before gripping one of her shoulders so she was forced to meet his gaze. “Do you have any idea what Melly’s death has done to Jeremy? To Aidan and Delia? To our father?”
“Why should I be concerned about them?” She glared at her brother. “They lied to me. They kept me from her. I could have had more time with her.” Her voice broke, but she fought her tears.
Lucas shook his head and growled at his sister’s stubbornness. “Do you believe that you could have cared for Melinda better than Delia, Aidan and their horde of servants? Do you believe you could have found more professional doctors, in the midst of a doctor shortage, than Aidan?” Lucas breathed heavily with his agitation. “They did everything in their power to save your daughter. Their beloved great-niece. You have no right to disparage their attempts to aid her or to protect you.”
She slapped at his shoulders twice before he gripped her hands. “How dare you agree with them! You’re my brother. They weren’t protecting me. They were coddling me!”
“Look at you, Sav,” Lucas said, unable to hide the pleading tone in his voice. “You’re about to give birth. In the midst of an influenza outbreak. How can you blame Jeremy for doing everything in his power to keep you healthy? It’s why you came to Boston.”
“And that’s why Melly died!” she yelled. Her eyes rounded, and she ripped one of her hands free from Lucas’s hold to cover her mouth. She shook her head from side to side as though appalled at herself.
“You can’t blame him,” Lucas whispered. “Not truly. He did what he needed to do to help you and the baby. Nor did he want to be separated from Melly all that time. You can’t blame him.” His whispered words provoked deep racking sobs in Savannah. He pulled her close, holding her as she cried.
Jeremy poked his head into the sitting room to see Lucas holding a sobbing Savannah. He waited until Lucas noticed him and then raised an eyebrow. When Lucas motioned for him to enter, he shut the door behind him and pulled a chair closer to the settee where she sat.
“Savannah,” he whispered.
Her head jerked up at his voice, and her sobs intensified. “I wanted to hate you,” she whispered.
He jerked backward as though she had slapped him, and his wounded eyes became more tortured. “I failed you. I don’t know how to ask you for forgiveness.”
Savannah let go of her brother and reached out to Jeremy. “You didn’t,” she stammered. She barely acknowledged her brother rising and slipping from the room. “I needed someone to be angry with. To hate.” She closed her eyes as tears continued to pour down her cheeks.
“I hate myself enough for the both of us.”
At his words, she tugged at him until he sat on Lucas’s spot on the settee.
“If I hadn’t insisted we come to Boston … If we had remained in Montana, Melly would be …” He choked on a sob. “She would be …”
“No,” she whispered, gripping his hand, her eyes widening at the depths of his grief. “Oh, my darling,” she breathed as she leaned into him. “You have only ever acted to protect those you love.” She sniffled and swallowed a sob. “You can’t blame yourself for coming here. You could never have known that such a tragedy would strike.”
She clung to him as he pulled her tightly to him, his tears soaking her hair as he silently wept. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
He kissed her head and whispered in her ear, “Why, my love?”
“Because, when I sat there and watched Melly, … watched us lose her, all I could think about was myself. My loss. My despair. My anguish at losing another daughter.” She trembled. “I never thought about you. About how you suffered too.” She kissed his cheek. “I was selfish in my grief. I wasn’t there when you needed me.”
“You are. You’re here now,” he whispered. “I feared you doubted …”
“What?” She stroked a hand over his back.
“I feared you doubted how much I loved her. Cherished her.”
She pushed at him until she met his eyes, bloodshot and shattered after the loss of their daughter. “Never. No one could have loved her more than you did. Than we did.”
He tugged her close again, the agony slightly more bearable as they shared the burden.
* * *
The following day, Savannah sat on a settee in the small sitting room in Delia and Aidan’s house. She stared with unseeing eyes at the window, faili
ng to note the soft rain falling outside. A book open to the same page for the past three hours sat on her lap. She jolted as a man spoke, breaking the silence in the room.
“How are you, Savannah?” her father asked. He wore a mourning suit, and the black coat matched the dour mood of the house.
“Surviving,” she whispered. “I try, Father. I am to have the baby soon, and I try. But I find it hard to kindle much joy.”
He held her hand. “Of course you do, my darling daughter. And I fear that you will suffer by postponing your procedure.”
She looked at her father, her expression dazed and deadened to any deep emotion except sorrow. “I appreciate the doctor’s caution. He does not want me to go to a hospital overrun with influenza victims to have my surgery. Besides, he is run off his feet caring for those sick with this illness.”
“You can’t remain pregnant forever,” her father said with a sardonic smile. “The baby may decide not to keep to your time frame.”
She nodded and sniffled. “I know. And if that happens …” She shrugged. “I know I won’t survive a normal birth.”
Her father frowned and gripped her hand. “You can’t know that, Savannah. You are strong and healthy. You must believe you will hold your baby in your arms.”
She blinked away tears. “Melly was strong and healthy. Look what happened to her,” she whispered. “None of that matters.”
Her father moved from his seat to sit beside her on the settee, tugging her into his arms. “I would take away this sorrow for you, for our family, if I could.” He cleared his throat as he fought tears. “I miss her dreadfully, even though I only knew her a few short months. She was such a bright, inspiring young woman.”
Savannah nodded. “She was. And I was fortunate enough to be able to call her my daughter.” She rested her head on her father’s shoulder. “How long are we to stay here? Shouldn’t we return to your home, Father?”
He sighed. “I’ve spoken with Delia and Aidan, and they have generously agreed for us to remain here as guests.” He kissed her head. “The linen business will be sold soon, and I will have no home here in Boston. I’d prefer not to buy anything, and I’d rather not be out searching for rooms to rent just now.”
Savannah nodded. “We could stay here forever, and I doubt Aidan and Delia would mind.”
Her father chuckled. “They are very generous. And delighted to have family in their home again.”
She fell silent as she rested in her father’s arms.
After many moments, he whispered, “There are no words to ease your pain, Savannah. Mourn our darling Melly. But don’t live with her ghost. Live with us. Live for the future, not the past.” He kissed her head again and rose, leaving her to her thoughts.
* * *
Jeremy knocked on the door and waited entrance. He looked at the brick building with bow-fronted windows and the small front garden, equal in splendor to neighboring houses. When the butler opened the door, he was shown into the family sitting room.
“Jeremy!” Zylphia exclaimed. “What a lovely surprise.” She pulled him into a hug and motioned for him to sit.
“You smell like turpentine,” he said as he sniffed at her.
She blushed and waved a hand as though pointing upstairs. “I was painting.” She sobered at his grim expression. “Are you well? Is it Savannah or the baby?”
“No,” he said with a quick shake of his head. “We are all well. Except for the loss of …” He cleared his throat. “We are finding it difficult to overcome Melinda’s loss.”
She gripped his hand and sat beside him. “Of course you are. How is Savannah? I tried to see her yesterday, but she refused my visit.”
Frustration glinted in his eyes. “Hurting. Devastated.” He sighed. “I think, over and over again, if I would have done something else … Could have done …” He looked at his cousin, searching her gaze for censure or judgment and saw none. “I am riddled with guilt that I kept Savannah away from Melly those last days.”
Zylphia’s eyes filled. “I can only imagine how you feel. I wish I’d seen her, but Teddy begged me not to go.” She sniffled. “I … I was angry with my husband too, Jeremy.” Her grip on his hand tightened. “But I see the wisdom of his thinking. So many have fallen ill, and too many have died.”
Jeremy frowned as he looked at her. “Who else?”
“Morgan was very ill, and Parthena feared he would die. But he survived. Three of Florence and Richard’s boys were ill, but they’ve come through it. Parthena’s youngest sister, Isabel, died yesterday.”
“I feel so selfish. I’ve only thought of myself, and Richard must have been terrified. For himself. For Flo.” He shook his head as a tear escaped. “I can’t believe Uncle Aidan didn’t tell me.”
“You have a right to focus on your own grief, Jeremy. We can only cope with so much at a time.” She stroked a hand down his arm. “And you must know that any anger Savannah feels is an attempt to not feel so much anguish.”
He closed his eyes. “The agony will never go away.” He sniffled. “And I pity this poor baby who will be born in the midst of such sorrow.”
She shook her head, and her smile was luminous. “No, Jeremy. Rejoice at the birth of your child. Rejoice that you and Savannah will have a baby together. Tell her stories about her big sister Melinda. About how she would have played with her and taught her all sorts of things that you would rather have kept secret.” She squeezed his arm. “Talk about Melly. Don’t turn her into a ghost member of the family due to your grief.”
He nodded. “I know it is a lot to ask, Zee. And I know you don’t paint such subjects.” He firmed his jaw as he looked at his cousin. “Will you paint a portrait of Savannah and the baby?”
She beamed at him. “I’d be honored to, although you’ll find I’m not that good at capturing people on canvas.” She pulled him close for a hug. “You will survive this, Jeremy,” she whispered as he let out a deep breath on her shoulder. “And we are all here to support you.”
He leaned away and met her worried gaze. “I will survive. But I’ll never be the same again.”
* * *
After visiting with Zylphia, Jeremy walked to the Public Gardens and sat on a bench for a few hours. The rain had stopped during his visit with Zylphia, and he wanted to spend a little time outside. He sat alone on the bench, his gaze unseeing as he thought about Melinda. Her wide smile when he taught her to fish. Her clomping down the hallway in his oversized shoes, upset that she would never have feet as big as his, nor be as tall as he was. Her shrieks of laughter when she attempted something and failed spectacularly. His breath caught as he fought a sob.
He sniffled and blinked a few times, focusing on the Gardens. A few of the trees had lost leaves in the recent rainstorm, and scattered leaves floated on the pond in the middle of the Gardens. A gust of wind blew, and he shivered. He realized how late it was and rose to walk back to his uncle’s house.
When he arrived, Aidan ran from the front sitting room. “Jeremy! Where have you been?”
“Out. I saw Zee and then went to the Gardens.” He noted his uncle’s panicked expression. “Savannah!” He attempted to push past Aidan, but Aidan caught him.
“No, she’s not here. Her pains started, and Delia, Lucas and her father took her to the hospital. She’s there now.”
“I have to … I have to be with her,” Jeremy said, his gaze frantic.
“Of course. I have an automobile awaiting us outside. Come.” He pushed Jeremy out the door and into the waiting car. When they arrived at the hospital, Aidan gave him a mask and donned one before they raced inside. They were shown to the maternity ward and stopped in the waiting area. Once inside the ward, they took off their masks as they were told it was an area free of the influenza.
“Delia!” Jeremy called out in a breathless pant. “How is she? I need to see her.”
Delia shook her head. “You’re too late, Jeremy.” She gripped his hand as he paled and swayed in front of her. “They’ve tak
en her back for her operation. We should know soon how she did. She was healthy and fine, although a bit scared.”
“I should have been here for her,” he whispered.
Her father patted Jeremy on his shoulder and tugged him to a seat. “It’s all right, son. I know what it is to mourn, and you needed a little time.”
Lucas slung an arm over Jeremy’s shoulder. “The waiting is the worst part, but soon you’ll have a baby to spoil.”
Jeremy bent forward with his head in his hands as the time ticked by at a slow pace. After a few hours of relative silence, where his family realized he was in no mood for mindless chatter, the doors swung open. Jeremy shot up and met the doctor’s guarded gaze.
“She is recovering well,” the doctor said.
“And?” Jeremy asked.
“And you have a healthy son,” he said with a broad smile.
“A son,” he whispered as he collapsed backward onto a chair. He looked at the doctor. “You’re sure Savannah is well? That she will be fine?”
“She is currently healthy and recovering well. I can say no more than that.” He turned to leave, but Delia grabbed his arm.
“When can we see her? The baby?” Her eyes were lit with joy.
“The nurse will inform you when you are allowed to see them.” He nodded at their thanks and left.
Aidan hauled Jeremy up and pulled him into a bear hug. “Congratulations, my dearest nephew,” he whispered. “I’m so happy for you.”
Delia pushed aside her husband and hugged Jeremy before kissing his cheek. “Oh, what wonderful news.”
Lucas clapped him on the back, and Savannah’s father pulled him close. “Thank you,” he whispered in Jeremy’s ear. “Thank you for ensuring she was safe.”
Jeremy shuddered, and his eyes were filled with tears as he backed away from his father-in-law. He saw understanding and compassion in Martin’s gaze and nodded.
Abiding Love: Banished Saga, Book Eight Page 30
