Storm giggled and gurgled in the back seat, and Louise could not stop herself from bursting out laughing. “You have a serious problem if you have to live with that for the rest of your life.”
“I am told it gets easier. But right now, it’s impossible to resist. Like a siren’s call.” He slipped down in his seat, making himself comfortable.
“I can see why you are good at songwriting, you have a way with words.” Louise turned left and drove toward town. The roads were quiet; most people were at work, or hadn’t ventured out yet. “Have you always written songs?”
“I was never encouraged to express myself in words. Fists were the language I grew up learning. You hit the other guy harder. That’s how you express yourself.” Zak ran his fingers along his lower lip. “I wanted to impress my dad. So I’d get into fights.”
“Parents certainly know how to screw with their kids,” Louise said, glancing in the rearview mirror at Storm. “I hope I don’t screw up Storm.”
“You won’t,” Zak insisted. “You see where your parents went wrong and you learn not to repeat those same mistakes.”
“I’m trying. But…” She glanced at him sideways, and then said, “There is something I have to tell you. Unless Dean already did.”
Zak sat up in his seat and looked at her intently. “Hey,” he reached for her hand. “Dean hasn’t said anything except good things about you. And if there is anything bad, then I won’t judge you, and if I can help, well, I’m here for you.”
“It’s pretty bad,” Louise admitted. She saw a parking space and backed into it. Turning off the ignition, she faced Zak. “When I told my parents I was pregnant, they kicked me out.”
“Oh, honey, I am sorry.” His expression conveyed how sorry Zak truly was. “That must have been rough.”
“It was.” She took a shuddering breath. “They warned me that the guy who fathered her was only after one thing, but I didn’t believe them. I thought they were wrong, that they were only saying so because they thought no one could love me.” She looked away, and then said in a quiet voice, “Because they didn’t love me.”
“It’s OK.” Zak slipped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. “I’m here. It’s OK.”
Louise liked the sound of his voice, and the touch of his hands on her skin. He made her feel safe; he made her feel as if none of her past had ever really happened. “They were right. Once I told him I was pregnant, the guy did not want to know. He didn’t want commitment or responsibility.”
“I’m sorry. So sorry. It must have been scary.”
“It was, I lived rough, begged for money… When I had Storm, I realized they were all right and I would be a terrible mother and that she was better off without me,” Louise spilled the words out of her mouth in a torrent of self-loathing. Talking about it brought it all back, and made the feelings raw. But she had to tell Zak, before she let herself fall for him, before she let him in, he had a right to know who she was. And to Louise, her actions around Storm’s birth defined her.
“It must have been tough, all alone,” Zak said gently.
“I left the hospital where I gave birth. I knew I had to get away. But after a couple of days I knew I could not look after her. I had no home, no food, no money.” She scrubbed the tears from her eyes. “I managed to scrape together enough money for a bus ticket to Bear Bluff, and left Storm in the hospital there.”
Hot tears of shame flowed down her cheeks. She would understand if he decided she was not the kind of mother he wanted for his kids.
“How did you get her back?” Zak asked tenderly. There was no judgment in his voice, only concern.
“My friend Ollie found me, and took me home. I told him what happened and he tracked my baby down. A doctor, Dr. Malvern, had taken her home. When I woke up I realized what a terrible mistake I’d made, and that I had to go and own up to what I’d done.”
“That is the bravest thing I’ve ever heard,” Zak said, his emotions raw as he spoke. “I’ve owned up to enough crap in my life to know it is not easy.”
Louise let out a shuddering breath. “I wanted you to know. Not so you would think I was brave, but because you have a right to know what kind of a person I am.”
“The kind of person who went back for her daughter and who is working hard to make amends.” He pulled her into his arms. “I am proud to have you as my mate, Louise.” He stroked her hair from her face. “I hope you feel the same about me. Especially when I tell you about all the things I’ve done that I am not proud of.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Louise said. “We both have a clean slate. With each other, at least.”
“Agreed.”
“OK, then.” She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. “Let’s hit the grocery store.”
“Do you know how much I want to kiss you right now and make it all better?” Zak asked, and her heart stalled.
“I…” She didn’t know what to say in response.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to.” He grinned, teasing her. “But I wanted you to know all the same.”
Chapter Twelve – Zak
Louise’s revelations didn’t shock Zak. He’d seen enough of the world to understand people acted out of character when pushed into a corner. All he hoped was that she would find a way to forgive herself. The way she looked at Storm when she got her out of the car told him that hadn’t happened yet.
“OK, let’s go shopping,” Louise said to Storm as she balanced her on one hip.
“I have not been into Bear Creek for so long, and yet it seems unchanged,” Zak said, glancing around him. So many memories came flooding back to him. The place where he’d had his first kiss. The spot where he’d had his last fight. And the grocery store he’d stolen a bottle of whiskey from, just to prove that he could.
“I like it here so much,” Louise told him. “I never want to leave.” She looked at him sideways. “Do you have plans to return to Australia?”
“Someday,” Zak replied. “But for a vacation, not to stay. Maybe we could go there for our honeymoon.”
Louise paused, her hand on the door of the grocery store. “Wow, that would be amazing. I’ve never been on a plane.” Her arm tightened around Storm.
“Don’t worry, our honeymoon will include Storm too. I feel as if I’m marrying you both… In a totally non-creepy kind of a way.” He looked away, rolling his eyes at himself. “You would never guess I was good with words.”
“I like the sentiment,” Louise assured him. “And I get what you mean.”
“Good.” He pulled Dean’s list from his pocket, and they went inside. Grabbing a shopping cart, Louise sat Storm in the seat and then leaned over his shoulder to see the first item.
“Zak Pellow, I thought I’d banned your ass four years ago,” a voice he remembered from his bad boy days boomed his way.
Zak cringed, and looked apologetically at Louise. “Sorry.” He turned around to see Mr. Neilson, the store owner, looking at him over his glasses. “How are you, Mr. Neilson? How is your family?”
“Wife left me for a younger man,” Mr. Neilson answered bluntly.
“I’m so sorry,” Zak answered.
“I’m not, she bled me dry,” Mr. Neilson admitted. “If she hadn’t spent my money so freely, I would not be still working at the store.”
“Daddy, are you bad-mouthing Mom?” a younger, female voice came his way.
“Beverly, I am only telling this young man the truth,” Mr. Neilson said. “Although I don’t know why, since he is about to leave the store.”
A young woman poked her head around the shelf where she had been stacking canned tomatoes. “Zak Zane!”
“Zak Zane?” Louise looked at Zak, eyes wide.
“Stage name,” Zak shrugged. Today was not going the way he expected. As in, he had not expected anyone in Bear Creek to recognize him from the band.
“It is Zak, isn’t it?” Beverly Neilson asked incredulously, her face red, her eyes bright with
excitement.
“One and the same,” Zak said, spreading his arms out and taking a small bow.
“Oh my god! Can I get your autograph?” Beverly was approaching him as if in a daze.
“No, you can’t,” her father said. “This guy is banned from my store.”
“Are you kidding me?” Beverly asked her dad, her voice rising to a shriek that could not be ignored. “This is Zak Zane, guitarist with The Flame.”
“How did you even hear of me?” Zak asked.
“Mom took me on vacation to Australia.”
“With my money,” Mr. Neilson interjected with some vehemence.
“Dad, you are embarrassing me!” Beverly hissed loudly.
“Well…”
“Dad!” Beverly turned her wrath on her dad, and it was scary.
“Mr. Neilson. I can only apologize for my behavior, I was young and naive. If there is any way I can make it up to you. I’d be more than happy to do whatever it takes for you to revoke my ban.” Zak spoke politely and sincerely.
“An autograph and a picture. And you post it on Facebook too, and tag me,” Beverly said quickly, before her father could answer.
“I can do that,” Zak agreed.
“I thought I said a lifetime ban,” Mr. Neilson said.
“Dad, please,” Beverly turned to face her dad. “Will you do this for me, please? I promise not to ask for anything else.”
Mr. Neilson snorted, obviously not convinced of his daughter's words, but he sighed with the resignation of a man with a teenage daughter. Zak had seen this scene replayed hundreds of times as he toured with the band. “Go on, then. But Zak, whatever your name is. If you steal from me again, I will make sure this goes on my Facebook page.”
“Ignore him,” Beverly said, with a snort. “No one sees his posts anyway.”
“OK, let’s do this.” Zak got out his phone, and Beverly came to stand next to him. Sliding his arm around her shoulder, he put on his best smoldering Zak Zane expression and smiled. Next to him, Beverly pouted, in the way girls always did. “There we go.”
“Now one with my phone.” Beverly held up her phone and snapped three or four more pictures, before he pulled away.
“It was good to meet you, Beverly. Now, remember your promise to your dad. And I have one of my own to ask.” Zak gave her a conspiratorial wink.
“Oh, anything,” Beverly sighed.
“You keep my real identity secret.”
“OMG, you are like Superman. I get it.” Beverly nodded fervently.
“You’ve got it.” He kissed her cheek, and added, “Great! I’ll drop in a T-shirt and other stuff for you.”
“I’m like your number one secret fan,” Beverly said.
“You are.” His waved at her and turned back to Louise, who had a bemused look on her face. “Ready to shop?”
“Are you?” Louise asked. She had already collected a couple of items off the list, and put them in the shopping cart.
“I think so,” Zak said.
“Are you sure you aren’t going to get arrested and escorted from the store?” She was hiding a smile. “You really were a bad boy.”
“Does that bother you?” he asked, as they wandered along the aisle, collecting the rest of the items Dean needed.
“No. Not as long as that is in your past.” Louise glanced sideways at him. “And it is in your past, right?”
“It is. Well and truly.” He picked up some herbs off the shelf and held the bottle up. “One of Dean’s secret ingredients.”
“We are learning all of his secrets,” Louise remarked and crossed tarragon off the list. “I want our lives together to start from when we first met.”
Dean stood still, his throat dry. “I want that too. I want everything we have ever done before to be in our pasts, and to concentrate on our future together.”
Louise looked up and smiled before turning away. “You might have more trouble than me living by that rule. Beverly is stalking you.”
Zak looked behind them, and sure enough, there was Beverly, on the pretense of restocking shelves. “She’ll get over it. Or grow out of it. They always do.”
“Says the voice of experience.” Louise looked down at the list. “We only need a couple more things off the list. Then I need to grab a few things for Storm. Is there anything you need?”
“Not really, I have everything I need right here.”
“Cute,” Louise said but sounded unimpressed.
“Wait, I mean it. As long as we have food and each other, then we have everything.”
“And diapers,” Louise said with a straight face.
“And diapers,” Zak agreed.
When they had everything they needed, they headed for the checkout. “I’ll get this,” Zak said, producing his wallet.
“I should pay for my things,” Louise insisted. “Dean gives me a small allowance from what he receives from Social Services.”
“No, let me. Please,” Zak said, but Louise wasn’t happy. “I don’t mind, I have plenty of money.”
“I can pay my way,” Louise said, looking off into the distance.
“What’s mine is yours,” Zak said lightly.
“It’s not funny,” Louise told him frankly. “This relationship is so unequal.”
“How so?” Zak asked, as they packed up their groceries and left the store.
“You bring so much more than me to the relationship. I don’t want to end up being part of your baggage.”
Zak laughed. “Never going to happen.” They walked across to her car. “It makes me happy. Just as it made Dean happy to help you with the car.”
Louise strapped Storm back into her car seat. “You are trying to persuade me that letting you pay for everything makes you happy. But you don’t get that it makes me feel useless.”
“You aren’t useless,” Zak insisted.
“I have next to no money and no job. Social Services are still paying toward my bills at Dean’s place, but once we are married…” She stood up straight, the wind catching her hair and blowing it across her face. “I’m going to feel like a kept woman.”
“Oh, I intend to keep you, all right,” Zak said, but her face told him his joke was not appreciated. “Listen, I can work from home. At any time in the day. Which means that I can look after Storm, if you really want to go out to work. Or Dean would look after her. I’m pretty sure he will insist on visitation rights when you move out anyway.”
“You would look after her for me?” Louise asked, gazing adoringly at her daughter. “I don’t know what makes me feel worse.”
“Look, Louise,” Zak said, pulling her into his arms, and wanting to kiss her face until the frown went away. “This is a chance at a new life, we already decided that. So why don’t you take your time? Nothing has to change right away, I can wait until you are ready.”
“Thank you,” Louise replied.
“And when you are ready, you decide how we organize our lives. I am used to working when I can and fitting in with other people’s schedules. I can do the same here.” He stroked her cheek, feeling a warmth from her skin creep up his fingers. “But I don’t want you to feel as if you have to compete with me where money is concerned.”
“I don’t want to get a full-time job. I don’t want to miss out on Storm growing up.” Louise met his eyes, and he saw her fear and confusion there. Their relationship had blindsided her. Louise had been putting her life back together, working at the animal shelter, and looking after Storm, when suddenly he had dropped the mating bond on her like a bomb. It had blown her plans out of the water.
“OK. I’ll think about it,” Louise said.
“And if you want to carry on at the animal shelter, doing volunteer work, I’m OK with that too,” Zak said.
“I would love to. But I really want to provide for Storm myself.” A sadness crept into her eyes.
“Hey,” he leaned in and kissed her lips lightly. “If Storm was my child, I would provide everything she needs. I want you to l
et go of the fact she isn’t mine.”
“I don’t know if I can,” Louise admitted, resting her head on his shoulder. “How stupid is that?”
“It’s not stupid at all, you are a protective mother who doesn’t know the man holding you, the man offering you a future. You have every right to be wary.” He placed his hand on her neck, and stroked her soft skin, inhaling her scent. “And as I said already, there is no rush. Take all the time in the world. This is us now, this is our family.”
Although Zak had to admit the thought of having a child of his own with Louise, a brother or sister for Storm, was growing in intensity. And as he held her in his arms, he knew he wanted to take Louise to bed and consummate their relationship, to put his scent on her skin, to warn any other man that she belonged to him and they sure as hell had better keep their hands off her.
“Shall we go and grab a coffee?” Zak asked. “My treat.”
“Zak, I…” Louise pulled back from him and shook her head.
“I promise if we go and have coffee, I won’t ask you to dinner. Which would be more expensive…” He was going to have to get creative if he wanted to date Louise and not make her feel any worse about not having any money.
“OK, but on one condition,” Louise replied.
“Is it a condition I am going to like?” Zak asked.
“Tonight, when Dean goes out to meet up with his buddies. I am going to cook you dinner. I’ll buy the ingredients and make it all, to even things up.” Her face was set, and he knew better than to argue. Not that he would. It sounded like a great idea, the two…wait, three…of them alone.
“Deal.” He took her hand and helped her into the driver’s seat, for no other reason than he wanted to feel her skin next to his. “I will do whatever it takes to make this work.”
And to make Louise see that he truly meant it. Whatever he owned was hers. Including his heart.
Chapter Thirteen – Louise
They drove out of town to a small café overlooking the mountains that was used by tourists. Being so early in the season meant the place was fairly empty, so they sat by the big picture windows with the best view across the lower slopes.
Bad Boy Bear (Return to Bear Creek Book 9) Page 7
