by Diana Palmer
She realized that she’d been holding her breath, and she let it out all at once, astonished at how easy it had been, at how wild his reaction was. She leaned down on his wildly shaking chest and took his damp face into her hands, gently kissing him. Her mouth brushed softly over his closed eyes, his cheeks, his nose, his chin, anywhere she could reach, while she gloried in the pleasure, the peace she’d given him.
“Darling,” he whispered huskily. His eyes opened, dark with wonder. “Darling, darling!”
He crushed her against him, turning, stretched out fully so that she was beside him, under him, and his mouth found her flushed face, tasting every soft inch of it with a tenderness she’d never dreamed he possessed.
“I gave you nothing,” he whispered, holding her eyes as he trembled against her in the aftermath. “Nothing!”
“Everything,” she corrected breathlessly. “All I wanted was to please you.”
He drew in a slow breath, searching her face slowly. “Why?”
She reached up and touched his mouth. “I love you,” she said simply. “I wanted you to be the first, and the last. Oh, Cam, I love you!”
“Love me?” he asked, incredulous.
“Yes,” she moaned. “I wanted to show you that relationships can’t be mapped-out campaigns and logic,” she said. She tangled her hands in the thick hair on his chest and tugged. “Are you sorry?” she asked suddenly.
“I’m too exhausted to be sorry,” he said softly. “Lie down. I’m going to make it good for you.”
“Now?” she asked, stunned, watching his face break into a faint smile.
“Yes,” he replied gently. He bent and traced her mouth with his, inciting her, smiling against the soft movement of her lips as she reacted to the slow caress. “Yes, like that.” His hands moved down, finding soft skin and hard peaks, and his eyes flashed violently as his hands contracted.
She arched, gasping, her hands clutching at his arms.
“Come to me,” he breathed roughly, his eyes blazing with desire, with appreciation. “If you love me, show me.”
She’d known for a long time that there was passion in him, but the passion he showed her then was as overwhelming as a flood. For minutes that seemed like hours, his mouth and his hands teased her, tormented her. She moved like a wild thing, all gasping cooperation, loving the feel and strength of him.
But when he nibbled at her breasts, she jerked. His mouth gentled her.
“Be still,” he whispered. “This won’t hurt, it’s just love play. Do you like it, Merlyn?” he whispered as his mouth played over the peak of her breast and tested its tautness.
“Yes,” she whispered on a sobbing breath. “Kiss me there,” she moaned, lifting her arms to draw his head down.
His mouth did impossibly sweet things to her mind, her body, her nerves. She arched toward his lips, her hands holding on his face, her eyes wet with tears of agonized pleasure.
Eventually his head came up, and the air felt cool on her moistened flesh. She moaned in protest.
His hand was on her, stroking, his eyes there, too, seeing her helplessness, her vulnerability. She caught her breath, and drew his mouth against her flat stomach, loving the sensations she was discovering.
“You’re as passionate as I am, aren’t you?” he whispered roughly. His eyes moved back up to hers, and she felt him suddenly begin to tremble. “Fire and magic. And I’m going to satisfy you, darling. Now.”
Her heart went out to him. She searched his dark, broad face, seeing his eyes in the dim light, his dark, beautiful hands on her body. And it occurred to her that there wouldn’t be another man. Not ever. She loved him. If this was all she could have of him, this one night, she was going to make it a night that would last forever. For her whole life. And if there was a child, that would make it even more wonderful. She’d have a part of him that Delle wouldn’t.
Her eyes were full of this new-found understanding; her body trembled with the knowledge of it. She reached up, very gently, as he moved down. He gave her the full weight of himself. And she gave him her mouth and her trembling body, all in one sweet, wild movement. And she soared and burned and whimpered, finally, as he gave her back the fulfillment she’d given him. And more.
They must have slept then, because when she opened her eyes again, there was a chiming sound somewhere nearby. It was still dark.
She blinked. The covers were over her, and a dark figure was standing by the window, staring out. She sat up, memory washing over her. Her face burned as she recognized Cameron’s broad back. He was dressed in slacks and a sweater and was quietly smoking a cigarette.
The soft sound of her movement must have caught his attention. He turned, and what she saw on his face made her want to cry. Because it wasn’t love and happy ever after. It was bitter regret. Anguish, almost. She knew without his saying anything that she’d failed miserably.
“Get dressed,” he said quietly, moving toward the door. “It’s going on midnight. We’d better get back.”
She didn’t look at him. She couldn’t. She sat there with her head bowed as the door closed gently behind him.
Like a sleepwalker, she pulled on Lila’s jeans and sweatshirt. They were loose on her, but it didn’t matter. Her high heels would have to do for shoes. Lila’s feet were much bigger than her own. She looked in the mirror and felt sick. She looked like a tart on the town. Her mascara had run, and her mouth was still slightly swollen from Cameron’s passion. There was a mark on her throat that was unmistakable. She found her purse and combed her tangled hair over the bruise, hoping no one would notice.
Her hand trembled as it found the doorknob. She felt sick all over, burning up with regret and fear and self-contempt. She vaguely remembered whispering that she loved him. How was she going to face him? How was she going to go on living after tonight? Doubt and worry tore her apart. If she’d ever had a chance with him, she’d thrown it away tonight. How could she have been so…so…wanton?
She avoided his eyes as she clutched her purse and joined him in the living room.
“Ready?” he asked carelessly. If she had looked, she would have seen that his eyes were anything but careless.
“Yes.”
She followed him out the door, shamefaced, her head bursting with pain.
It wasn’t until they were in the car again that she felt his eyes watching her. She looked up, and he said something rough under his breath when he saw her face. His own was pale, his eyes bitter and cold.
Chapter Nine
He drew in slow, deliberate breaths, and his eyes held hers relentlessly.
She averted her face. “Do you hate me for what happened?” she asked quietly. She laughed bitterly even as his lips were forming a reply. “Well, don’t worry, money man, you couldn’t possibly hate me any more than I hate myself right now. It must have been the wine. I’m sorry I didn’t realize what it was doing to me.”
He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, his eyes dark with pain and regret as they studied the glowing tip. “So am I,” he said after a minute. “You didn’t use anything, I gather?”
Her eyes closed. “No.”
He drew in a slow breath. “I suppose you realize…”
“If it happens, I’ll cope,” she said tautly.
“How?” he demanded, running an angry hand through his hair. “Oh, God, what a mess!”
Tears were rolling silently down her cheeks, tears he couldn’t see because she’d turned away from him. She hadn’t dreamed it would be like this, that she’d feel this emptiness afterwards, that passion could turn to bitterness so soon.
“Could we go back to the lake?” she asked after a minute, her voice husky but controlled.
“I’d rather we hashed this out first. It’s something we can’t talk about in company.”
He made it sound like some sordid episode that would blacken his name forever. Perhaps he even felt that way, she thought. The tears grew hotter, more profuse.
“I’ll have to leave immediat
ely,” she said after a minute. “I’ll get my father to call and I’ll tell your mother there’s an emergency at home. It will be the best way. She’s far enough along now that I can…Cameron!”
He’d jerked her face around, and his jaw tautened as he saw the tears staining her cheeks. “Oh, God, honey…!” he whispered achingly.
“I did it,” she reminded him. She backed against the door, her lower lip trembling, her eyes brimming with more tears. “It was my fault. You don’t have…a thing to feel…to feel guilty about. There had to be a first time, didn’t there?”
He sighed heavily, angrily. “You told me once that the only way you could give yourself was in love, and forever. Remember?” he asked bitterly.
She swallowed a sob and turned her eyes away. The joke was on him. She had given herself in love. But he wouldn’t know that, because she couldn’t tell him. Her eyes closed.
“I only want to forget,” she whispered.
His face contorted. He reached for the ignition. “I hope it’s as easy as you seem to think it will be,” he said shortly.
“Yes, I imagine you do.” She laughed, brushing away the tears.
His eyes darkened. He glanced at her. “What do you mean?”
“Your mother told me. About your financial woes.” Exhausted, she huddled down in the seat. “Cameron, don’t you know that if you marry for money, you’ll never be able to live with yourself?”
“I’m not marrying for money!”
She searched his hard face, saw the flashing anger in his eyes. “No? What else has Delle got that you want?”
He turned away. “You’d better fasten your seat belt.”
“Don’t treat me like a child!”
“Then stop acting like one,” he growled, glaring at her. “My life is my affair.”
“Fair enough,” she told him. She turned away and fastened her belt with a snap. “Consider my interference ended, permanently.”
He put the car in gear with a glance in her direction. “I’d hoped we might iron things out tonight, solve a few mysteries,” he said. “The one we solved wasn’t what I had in mind, however.”
“Is there any other?” she asked, trying to keep the thought of his lovemaking buried in her mind. He’d been so tender, so ardent…
“Your past,” he replied. His eyes glanced toward her. “I had a talk with James Dunfey before I took that last glass of wine away from you.”
She froze. “Did you?” She studied her hands in her lap. “What did he say?”
“That you were incognito and he wasn’t telling me a damned thing. Then he grinned and told me all my financial woes were over if I had you in my pocket.” His face hardened. “It made me mad as hell. That’s why it was so easy to seduce me, little rich girl,” he added with a hard glare at her shocked face. “I was knocked off balance already. Having you come at me without your clothes on was just enough to give you the edge. I didn’t have a chance in hell.”
Her teeth ground together. Damn Dunnie! “Did he tell you who I am?” she asked.
“No. He said you’d do that in your own good time,” he replied. He sighed roughly. “Couldn’t you even trust me that much? For God’s sake, am I that hard to talk to?”
She tossed back her unruly hair with a rough hand. “I had a bet with my father that I could get an ordinary job and not revert to type,” she said through her teeth. “Men only like me for my money, you see,” she added venomously.
He lifted his cigarette to his mouth and glanced at her wryly. “Like hell. Your body is more than enough of a dowry. I could have died trying to get enough of you.”
She flushed and chewed on her lower lip. At the moment, all she felt was shame and betrayal. Now she couldn’t be sure if his interest was in her or her money. Despite the fact that he didn’t know who she was, wouldn’t it be enough that she was rich? She was good in bed, and Delle wouldn’t be, so maybe he was willing to make a switch. But she didn’t want him that way. She wanted him to love her for herself, and—thanks to Dunnie—now she’d never know if he did. Her eyes closed on a wave of pain. She was going to have to leave, and it would be the hardest thing she’d ever done. She loved him more desperately now than ever, having belonged to him completely. It would be like tearing her heart out.
“Nothing to say?” he asked.
She laughed bitterly. “What is there to say? If you want to marry money, I can buy and sell your icy girlfriend. So how do you feel about me now, Cameron?” she added with a cold smile in his direction.
His dark face hardened. “Disappointed,” he said with an equally cold smile. “I thought you were a better judge of character. My mistake.”
He didn’t say another word all the way up I-85, not until he’d pulled into the garage and closed the automatic door behind them.
“Are you all right?” he asked finally, as if the words had been torn from him.
“Yes, thank you.” She opened the door and got out, steady on her feet, and went toward the kitchen entrance. But as she started to reach for the doorknob, he was in front of her.
“Not like this,” he ground out, his eyes haunted. “For God’s sake, we can’t just…!”
“Let me by, please,” she said in an inhumanly calm tone.
“Will you listen to me for a minute?”
“There’s nothing more to say. Just think of me as a one-night stand. Let me by, please.”
“Damn you!”
He reached for her, but she jerked wildly away from him like a hurt animal at bay. Tears glittered in her eyes, along with pain and regret and fear. “I was drunk!” she burst out. “I made a fool of myself, all right? I’m very, very sorry that I seduced you! Now, please, may I go in the house? I’m cold!”
He stared at her with blazing frustration and anger. “Merlyn, we’ve got to talk!”
“I hate you,” she whispered, and even meant it at the time. “You’re nothing but a stuffed shirt with a cash register for a brain! You wouldn’t recognize love if it built a nest in your hair. I hate myself for what I did tonight, and I hate you for letting me do it when you knew you only wanted me for my money, when Dunfey had already told you I was rich! Well, too bad, but now I know the truth, and you’ll never get that close twice. I never want to see you again as long as I live, Cameron! Go marry Delle and her father’s investment firm, and I hope you’ll be very happy!”
He flinched as if she’d hit him, and she turned and ran into the house and up the stairs like a wild thing. She slammed and locked the door to her room, and cried until she thought her heart would break in half. It was ironic, she thought, that the first man she truly loved had to be a man just like Adam, one who wanted her for her wealth. She’d gotten over Adam, but she knew she’d never get over Cameron. Not as long as she lived.
Chapter Ten
Organizing her father’s party kept Merlyn’s mind busy. But the nights were still bad, despite the fact that it was almost a month since she’d left the lake house and Cameron behind. She wondered if he’d tried to trace her and smiled wistfully.
She missed Amanda and Lila, and wished that she could contact them, just to say hello. But that wouldn’t be a good idea. Inevitably, Lila would mention Cameron, and Merlyn couldn’t bear to hear his name. It would hurt too much.
She sighed as she looked over the guest list one last time. The invitations had already gone out, but she was checking to make sure she hadn’t left anyone out. Had he searched for her? she wondered. Had he cared enough? Or had she really been just a one-night stand?
She still blushed when she remembered that wild night, her own brazen behavior as she pulled off her dress and went to him, as she led him into the bedroom. It had been beyond her wildest expectations. And despite the fact that she had disregarded all her principles that night, a small part of her was glad that it had happened. She loved him. Not that loving made it right, but she’d known somehow that one night would be all she could have of him. One night, to last a lifetime. She laughed bitterly. She could n
ever marry now, never allow another man to touch her as he had. It would probably amuse him to know she’d given him her heart along with her body. For her, it hadn’t been just a night. It had been forever.
Sadly she shook her head, feeling the new length of her hair with nervous fingers. She’d had it cut to fall saucily around her face and neck, and she liked the look of it. She looked like something out of the Roaring Twenties. But the old gaiety had left her face, the dancing mischief had gone out of her wide eyes. She was a shadow of the carefree woman she’d once been.
“How’s it coming?” her father asked from the doorway.
“It’s done,” she told him. “Right down to the band and the caterers. You, uh, did mean to invite the Radners?” she added, trying not to sound as if she minded.
His eyes narrowed. “Yes, I did. Afraid Thorpe will come with them?” he taunted.
She felt herself pale, but the eyes she lifted to his were brave. “Not in the least,” she returned. “He wasn’t invited.”
“Yes, he was,” he replied. He put his hands in his pockets and smiled slowly. “I phoned him.”
The hands holding the list trembled. She lowered her face. “Did you?”
“And you’re dying to know what he said, aren’t you?” He chuckled. “He sounded pretty raw, if you want to know.”
“Maybe Delle’s giving him fits,” she muttered coldly.
“Maybe you are,” he said. “I’d bet odds that he tried to find you, even though he couldn’t have known where to look. Apparently, you didn’t tell anyone your last name. He was shocked to the back teeth when I told him who my daughter was.”
“Whom shall I invite for you?” she asked, refusing to be baited.
“Maggie Blair,” he said, naming an old friend and occasional dinner guest. “And who’s coming for you?”
