by Unknown
“This is going to take some getting used to,” she said, struggling to get back on her feet.
Agnes was Lauren’s long dead ancestor from the seventeenth century. She had come to protect Lauren from three witch finders who wanted to tear her to pieces to end a curse. She had gone back to heaven almost a month ago when we’d defeated them. She’d also helped me to regain my powers and taught me what it meant to be a familiar. But that was another story.
“Lauren will be really happy to see you, she’s been worried,” I said, averting my eyes until Agnes had managed to right herself. She finally managed to position herself as though sitting in the chair and puffed with exertion, her glasses perched at an odd angle on her nose.
Just then, the thumping got louder and increased in pace. A piece of plaster fell from the ceiling, landing on Agnes’ head. She looked up and grinned.
“I think she’s a little busy now.”
“It won’t be long.” I looked up, nodding my head in time with the thumps. The banging increased in pace again then a groan… a bang… a groan… a bang… a sigh, then silence.
“See?”
I transported to the bedroom door and thumped on it three times.
“Party’s over, kids! We have a visitor!”
I re-materialised back in the living room to find Agnes now gone. Unconcerned, I walked in to the kitchen and, as I’d suspected, found her butt up, head buried in the fridge. She had a thing for food. And a big butt. I folded my arms, leaned against the bench and watched her.
“I see you lot still don’t bother stocking up,” she groaned, pulling herself upright and hanging on to a plate of cooked chicken. A look of concentration on her face, she managed to grab hold of the carcass and tear off a drumstick. Grinning in delight, she lifted it to her mouth and her jaws clamped down, clattering her teeth as they passed straight through the meat. She pulled it back and looked at it in consternation, trying again to take a bite. Finally, she threw it back on the plate and huffed, shoving the plate on to the bench in disgust. Her elevated skills really were gone.
“So how’s it going, being a familiar…you getting the hang of it yet?” She turned and gingerly took a seat at the table.
“What’s to know? Protect your witch from all threats, do their bidding and don’t mix the coloureds with the whites… piece of cake.” I slumped down into the chair opposite her.
“The worst thing I have to protect her from these days is Geordie when he tries to cop a feel. I am so bored!” I slouched forward on the table and rested my face on my hands.
Agnes looked at me with understanding. “I suppose there’s not much for you to do around here, now she’s got Daniel.”
“She spends most of her time here with him, and that’s fine, I’m happy for them, really, in a stick your fingers down your throat kind of way. But I need to do something or I’ll go stir crazy.”
“You need to get a life, missy.”
I arched an eyebrow at her.
“Figuratively speaking, of course,” she continued. “What about going out and getting yourself a job; making friends of your own?”
“Ha, what skills have I got that an employer would want? On second thoughts, I’d make a great receptionist! ‘Good morning, you have reached the offices of Shithead and Fathead, what the fuck can I do for you today?’”
Agnes chuckled. “You have lots of talents, Natalia, you’ll figure it out!”
I thought about what she’d said. Maybe I could do something during the day; it wasn’t like Lauren needed me much lately.
At that moment, Daniel walked in to the kitchen wearing jeans and a t-shirt and drying his hair on a towel. “Natalia what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at Lauren’s!”
He looked up at me then did a double take and looked at Agnes, a slow smile spreading across his face.
“Agnes! Welcome back, we’ve missed you,” he said, walking across the kitchen and bending down to give her a hug. His arms passed straight through her. I rolled my eyes.
“Nice to see you too, fuck-wit,” replied Agnes, embarrassed by her lack of form. “Where’s the little woman?”
“I’m here,” Lauren threw herself across the room and launched herself at Agnes, tears of joy in her eyes. She was such a softie, it was embarrassing at times.
Agnes jumped up and held her hands out, trying to warn Lauren off but she was too late. Lauren would have ended up arse over tit if Daniel hadn’t reached across and seized her by the waist, pulling her in to him.
Lauren looked up at him, shocked.
“She’s not corporeal anymore,” Daniel explained, dropping her gently to the floor.
“I thought I’d never see you again!” Lauren turned excitedly to Agnes.
“Go on with you, you know I would never leave you for long!” Agnes responded.
She clearly didn’t know what to do with her hands. I could tell she was dying to hug Lauren and I felt an unfamiliar pull of sympathy. I shrugged it off. I was getting soft myself in my old age.
“Did it work?” Lauren asked, taking a seat at the table.
Agnes’ eyes shone as she slowly took her seat, concentrating hard not to fall on the floor.
“Yes, it worked. Matthew’s free of purgatory and has a place in heaven. He has to serve, though, and he’s training to become a guardian angel. He got a merit award for navigation skills yesterday.” Agnes beamed proudly.
“Can we meet him?” Lauren pushed forward in her chair as Daniel walked over to the kettle to make coffee.
“He’s training right now but how about I bring him later on tonight?” Agnes smiled.
“Let’s make it a party,” Lauren said. “I’ll ring Selina and Beth and we’ll get everyone round!”
I looked across at Daniel and saw him grimace. Things were still not right between him and his sister, Felicity. She’d interrupted a protection spell, trying to hurt Lauren, and it had almost resulted in Daniel’s death. Geordie, Selina's familiar, had saved his life; the little fucker was good for something. Neither Daniel nor Lauren had fully forgiven Felicity yet and I didn’t think I ever would. Funny, how wrong you can be about people.
Lauren had been a hive of activity all morning, cleaning Daniel’s house until it shone in readiness for the party. She’d spent the last three hours in the bathroom getting herself ready, much to Daniel’s annoyance. It didn’t really bother me because all I had to do was click my fingers and hey presto, instant shower and change of clothes. I could even do my makeup and hair, if I wanted to, although for some reason I did like to beautify the old fashioned way.
I sat on the sofa, going back through Vogue and changing my outfits until I found one I liked. Not surprisingly, it was back to black leather trousers and top. I focused on the top and made it less low cut at the front. It was best to cover up if Geordie was coming.
I heard Lauren clunking down the stairs just as the doorbell rang and I stood up and made my way to the door. Lauren had got there before me and opened it to see Selina smiling up at us with her bag over her shoulder and a large box of food in her arms. I took the box from her and Lauren dived in for a hug.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Lauren asked her.
“Same old, same old,” Selina smiled. “How’s your day been?”
“Fine except lazy arse here wouldn’t help with the cleaning up.” Lauren eyeballed me. I stuck my tongue out and she laughed. The truth of it was, she wouldn’t let me help, apparently I am as ‘much use as a man’ when it came to cleaning. I didn’t know whether to be proud or angry.
“It’s nice to see you, short arse.” I smiled at Selina.
I walked into the kitchen and dumped the box on the bench as the girls followed me in. I hadn’t seen Selina for a week now and was a little shocked to find I’d actually missed her. Being around humans was really starting to rub off on me.
Muffled cursing came from Selina’s bag and I groaned. My nemesis was here. In his creature form, Geordie was a spider and in human form he
wasn’t much bigger; six inches tall and every one of them trouble. He was Selina’s familiar and, as such, I wasn’t allowed to do him harm. Shame. Still, he had turned out to be good for a laugh. Take the time we put a spider on the table next to his seat then he shouted Selina in while we made ourselves invisible. She’d spent ten minutes talking to the spider before picking it up and then Geordie had rematerialized on the bench in front of her. To say she screamed just didn’t do it justice. I think every window in a ten mile radius shattered.
Selina placed her bag on the table as Lauren went to make drinks.
“I can’t wait to see Agnes. It feels like ages since we’ve seen her!” Selina opened the bag and lifted Geordie out on to the table.
“For fuck’s sake man, we’ve got te sort oot the travel arrangements, am not being bashed aboot in ya bag every time we’ve got te gan somewhere.” Geordie dusted himself off and sat on the thimble that now lived on the kitchen table, just for him. He crossed his arms and glared angrily at Selina.
“Stop moaning and learn how to cloak yourself, then you won’t need to!” Selina admonished him as she took off her coat.
I leaned up against the bench and folded my arms as he looked over at me and winked lasciviously, standing up and grabbing his man bits then shaking his arse. I growled at him and he sat back down in a huff. Lauren handed me a glass and flicked my finger as she did so, glaring at me in a silent message to behave myself.
Daniel came in and hugged Selina, ruffling her hair like she was five. I rolled my eyes.
“I’ve got something for you, Geordie.” Daniel turned to the cupboard and pulled out a miniature armchair and table, putting them down in front of our little…friend.
Geordie’s face lit up as Lauren and Selina looked on proudly.
“We found them in a second hand toy store, try them out for size,” Daniel prodded.
Geordie stood up and patted his portly stomach. “Awe man, ye shouldn’t have!”
He lowered himself into the chair tentatively, testing his weight then relaxed into it, smiling.
“Ye’re a fine man, Daniel Hunter, if a say so mesel. Ah just wish tappy lappy here wud get asel a nice bloke like you and leave me alen. Ah diven’t think anyone wi sense wud have a though, she’s a proper fish wife!” he frowned again at Selina. Selina stuck her tongue out at him and busied herself tidying away the dishes on the drainer, a wistful expression on her face that didn’t escape me.
“How’s the exercise regime going?” Lauren asked, smiling. She and Selina had decided to do something about Geordie’s weight. He wasn’t impressed.
“He’s doing fine, now that I’ve padlocked the fridge.” Selina smirked as she took a seat at the table, accepting the drink Lauren passed to her.
A thought suddenly occurred to me.
“How did you end up so small?” I asked Geordie, pondering.
“Well, let’s just say me and me last witch didn’t see eye te eye” said Geordie, blushing purple and squirming in his little chair. I sensed a story.
“Well I don’t imagine you could see eye to eye with anything bigger than a kitten, now.” Daniel laughed and dropped into a seat, taking the beer that Lauren held out to him and pulling her onto his lap. Ye Go…Devils. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other for five minutes.
“You tried to cop a feel, didn’t you?” I snorted. “You picked on the wrong witch and she let you have it!”
Geordie glared at me.
Before I could press him for details, Beth, Daniel’s mother, and his three sisters materialised and another round of hugs and kisses ensued.
Why don’t we all go in to the garden?” asked Lauren, conscious of the size of the kitchen that was quickly filing up. Daniel was determined to have a barbeque and had set everything up ready to start cooking.
It was warm outside and still light; it wouldn’t get dark for a few more hours. Lauren switched on Daniel’s iPod and sat it in its bay. Gentle music filled the air. I took a seat on the grass, crossing my legs and taking a gulp of the brandy I’d brought with me, watching Selina setting Geordie’s furniture out on the table and popping him down. Lauren brought him a shot glass of beer and a straw. They made such a fuss of the little twerp, it was sickening.
Daniel lit the barbeque as the girls chattered amongst themselves.
“Well isn’t this nice?” said Agnes from the patio doors, coming forward and dragging a much younger man out by the hand. Immediately, everyone jumped up to welcome her and I sighed, bored, as we went through the same rigmarole until everyone finally got the message that she no longer had a solid form.
It was amazing to see how loved Agnes was by these people whose lives she only been in for such a short length of time and I felt a strange sadness settle over me. I quickly shook it off.
Agnes pulled Matthew forward by the hand. “Everyone, this is Matthew!”
Matthew blushed and smiled then his eyes caught Lauren’s and he stepped towards her.
“Lauren, I have so much to apologise for, I don’t know where to start,” he looked sadly into her eyes.
“You don’t owe me any apology, Matthew, you did what you thought was right at the time and it all turned out well in the end.” Lauren smiled and Daniel stepped forward and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
Matthew turned to speak to everyone. “I’m grateful to you all for what you’ve done to help me. I owe you my soul.”
“You owe us nothing, Matthew. We’re just glad everything turned out so well in the end,” said Beth, smiling benevolently.
I turned and noticed the shadow of a man standing in the doorway and as he walked forward, the breath caught in my throat. He was hot! Blonde with the bluest eyes I’d ever seen and a physique to die for; broad shoulders, slim hips, muscular arms; he was gorgeous. I felt myself salivate and wiped my mouth.
“For the love of Go..whoever you hold holy, can we stop all this mushy shite and get to the beer?” said Geordie, breaking the ice.
“Who is your friend?” Imogen asked, indicating towards Mr. Blonde and Beautiful, her eyes sparkling with interest. She obviously had good taste.
“Bloody hell, where are my manners!” Agnes rushed back and pulled handsome blonde guy forward. “Everyone, this is Zerachiel. He’s an angel but don’t hold that against him!”
As everyone welcomed the newcomer, I stood transfixed and a little shocked. Damn, the only male to get my juices flowing in three centuries and he was off limits. Demons and Angels don’t mix. Not that we couldn’t, mind you, we just generally didn’t find each other attractive in that way. Think of…say….Oprah Winfrey wanting to get it on with Jerry Springer. One of them wouldn’t be walking away from that relationship, let me tell you. My money would be on Oprah, by the way, but let’s not get side tracked. So how come I was attracted to this filthy specimen? It didn’t make a blind bit of difference; I wouldn’t sully my body by having sex with an angel. I squashed down the tingling sensations in my nether regions.
I swallowed my disappointment and watched as Felicity and Imogen fought for his attention. He was laughing at something Imogen had said, his eyes lighting up in amusement and a stab of jealousy shot through me. Ignoring it, I walked over to the table and poured myself a very large brandy as Selina rushed out to get more glasses for the guests.
I turned to see Agnes looking at me curiously. I waved my glass at her in question and she shrugged.
“I can’t seem to eat or drink any more, no point,” she said, looking sad.
I turned and took my seat as the smells of meat cooking started to waft across the garden. I looked back to see Daniel wearing Agnes’ nude male apron and grinned. It suited him.
Someone changed the music on the iPod and Pharrell Williams’ ‘Happy’ blared out from the speakers. Content, I sat there and watched everyone chatting while Imogen and Felicity decided to drag Selina up for a dance on the lawn.
Zerachiel walked over and took a seat on the grass beside me. He was wearing jeans and a
collarless shirt, open at the neck, and the sight of his skin was doing strange things to my imagination.
“You must be Natalia. Agnes has told me a lot about you, she obviously cares about you deeply,” he smiled. I snorted.
“Has she told you I’m a demon?” I asked, raising my eyebrow and forcing my eyes away from his neck only for them to crash land on his eyes. Wow.
“She didn’t need to, I can see for myself,” his eyes twinkled as he spoke. “You certainly look like you could be a handful.”
Was he ogling my chest? I glared at him. “Isn’t there some sort of rule about Angels consorting with demons?” I turned away from him to watch the girls. Selina’s version of dancing looked like she was having a fit.
“Is that what we’re doing?” He edged closer, his arm now touching mine. Holy Hell, was he flirting with me?
Selina came across and plonked herself down to my left.
“I can’t keep up with those two, I must be getting old,” she laughed as she spoke.
Zerachiel smiled at her. “You don’t look old to me,” he said, smiling again.
Ah now I’ve got it. He’s one of those; a flirt. I snorted in disgust, so much for being an angel. I stood to go fill my glass again. It seemed I had a high tolerance to alcohol and if I wanted to get drunk I had better get cracking.
I topped up my brandy then walked over to Daniel who was busy burning the chicken. He looked hot, standing over the steaming food with his tongues in hand, and I handed him my glass. He smiled appreciatively and took a good swallow.
“Any chance you can fetch me a beer?” he grimaced as he handed back the brandy. I turned to the table and levitated a bottle towards him, popping the top mid-flight.
“Show off,” he said, smiling.
I looked over to where Selina and Zerachiel were now talking. Selina was laughing at something Zerachiel had said, her face flushed. She obviously liked him as well and I felt another uncomfortable stab in my stomach. This angel was one popular dude that was for sure.
