by Unknown
“Why not, come on, it’ll be great!”
“I can’t swim,” I said.
“Oh?” he looked at me suspiciously.
“And I have a phobia of water.”
“Really?” he said with a glint in his eye.
“Absolutely! Have you ever met a demon who liked it? You think about how many demons have had holy water thrown at them, are you honestly telling me you’re surprised?” I gushed.
As quick as lightening, he swung me up into his arms and ran with me full belt, taking off and ditching me into the lake as I screamed.
I sank like a stone, water coming quickly up over my head and the sounds around me suddenly diminished. I allowed myself to continue sinking for a minute then slowly started my ascent. Very slowly.
I heard a splash to my left and quickly closed my eyes, floating on to my front. An arm came around me and I was being carried upwards. As we reached the surface, I was pulled forcefully from the water and I realised he was flying me back to solid ground. I felt a soft bump as he landed and opened half an eye to see what was going on. The look of panic on his face was a definite Kodak moment. Priceless.
He laid me gently on the ground and I coughed up a little water, right into his face.
He wiped it off and looked down at me as I rolled over to my side and continued to cough.
“Are you ok? I thought you were joking!” he said, distraught.
“I’ll be fine in a minute, honestly. Don’t worry,” I said, coughing up a little more, and then flopping down on my back. He sat down on the grass beside me, wiping the hair that had escaped the bun back off my face.
“Agnes must be right,” he said.
I opened an eye. “About what?” His blue eyes looked at me in wonder.
“Well, she thought you were becoming human. Maybe you are more human than you know.”
And this guy was an expert on demons? I almost laughed then turned it into another bout of coughing to cover it up. I turned on my back and lay there for a minute, watching the clouds float lazily overhead.
“Maybe there’s something else we can do here?” I asked, looking across at him.
“There’s any number of things. Most people usually want to do the fun stuff they used to do as kids.”
“I don’t think God would appreciate me pulling the legs off puppies, do you?” I asked sarcastically, forgetting I was supposed to be chaste and good for a moment.
He looked at me shocked.
“You don’t know how to have fun, do you?” he said at last.
“Come on,” he jumped up and pulled me to my feet. I dried myself instantly and put my hair back into its bun as he pulled me once again in to his chest.
Our next stop was a fairground. He was right about one thing; I’d never experienced anything like it before.
I could smell onions cooking as a vendor flipped burgers in the open. Children ran past us as we walked, carrying huge balls of cotton candy in all the colours of a rainbow. I heard music and laughter and everywhere I looked, people were smiling and having fun. Suddenly, screams erupted and I looked to my left, trying to figure out what was wrong.
A cart full of people whizzed round quickly on a mechanical monster, followed by another and another, spinning around at impossible speeds. Were these people being tortured? In heaven?
Zerachiel took my hand and pulled me towards the machine and I pulled back, trying to get away from it. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer.
“It’s called the waltzer, don’t worry, you’ll love it,” he said, chuckling. The spinning people started to slow down and eventually came to a stop. I looked down at them, laughing, as they unhooked the metal bar across their knees and exited.
Zerachiel almost carried me in to the first cart, jumping in beside me to stop me from climbing back out. He pulled the bar down and secured it, his other arm still around my shoulders and pulling me in to him. It felt amazingly nice, being crushed up against his chest and I shook myself. The allure was getting through my defences but I comforted myself with the thought that it was only because I’d had a shock.
The machine started to move and the car we were attached to spun round to the left, sharply, pushing me even further into Zerachiel’s body, my legs touching his legs, my face buried into his chest.
We picked up speed, spinning so fast I could do nothing but push my head back against his chest, the air whizzing past my face. I looked up at the top of the machine as we span, round and round and I found myself laughing in glee.
All too quickly, the ride started slowing down until, eventually, I found I could lift my head up. Zerachiel pulled his arm out from around me, looking into my face and laughing.
“Can we go again?” I asked.
We stayed on for three more turns before Zerachiel complained he would be sick if we did it one more time. Reluctantly, I climbed out of the seat, my legs like jelly and tears streaming down my face because I’d laughed so much.
“Wow that was amazing!” I said, pulling my hair back into its bun with my hands so as not to freak anyone out.
Zerachiel smiled, his eyes shining as he looked at me. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Every kid should get to go to the fair at least once.”
I sobered immediately, remembering why we were here.
“So what’s next?”
“Next, we go on a horse ride!”
I looked up at the biggest, ugliest horse I had ever seen in my life. It reared its head and opened its mouth, flashing its big teeth at me in what would have passed for a grin. I wasn’t fooled.
“I’m not so sure this is a good idea,” I said to the horse.
“Don’t be silly, we’ll ride together, you’ll love it,” Zerachiel answered from the top of the beast as he offered his hand to pull me up. I tentatively took it and was hoisted unceremoniously into the air, landing with a bump on the saddle in front of him, sitting sideways.
“You know, if you change your skirt, you could sit properly,” he whispered into my ear. I changed the style to ultra-baggy and threw a leg over the beast, almost toppling both of us back to the ground in the process. Zerachiel tightened his grip and pulled me tightly into his chest, my rear lining up perfectly with his man bits. The game was back on. I sat there praying to all the demons in Hell that I hadn’t bitten off more than I could chew.
“Countryside or beach?” he asked, breathing into my ear again. A thrill ran through me. This angel knew all the tricks. Damn it.
“Beach,” I replied, trying to pull myself forward and arching my back into a prim pose, putting a little distance between me and his tackle.
Zerachiel rose slightly and pushed forward, grabbing the reigns and I noticed, for the first time, how beautiful his hands were. Another man with lovely hands. For the first time that day, thoughts of Abaddon came to me and I wondered how he was getting on, finding out who was setting him up. Still, I had other things to worry about right now as the horse took off at a full-on pelt across the field and I found myself bouncing all over the place, my hair coming loose and my eyes rattling in my head. I grabbed on to the cantle on the front of the saddle and held on for dear life.
“Relax, move with the animal,” Zerachiel said in my ear, his free hand circling my waist and pulling me hard against his back. With each gallop, I was slammed against him. Eventually, not being able to do anything else, I gave in and relaxed my pose. Instantly, I found myself moving in time with both the horse and the sexy as hell angel at my back. His masculine scent tickled my nostrils and my lady bits started to tingle painfully.
We raced across the grass for miles until I saw the beach coming towards us. The horse didn’t slow but with a flick of his wrist, Zerachiel veered the animal to the left and within a few strides we were thumping across the sand, spray from the sea flying in our faces. It was completely exhilarating.
Eventually, the horse dropped to a canter and Zerachiel loosened his grip. I took in our surroundings. The beach ran for miles and there didn
’t appear to be another soul in sight. How very romantic, I thought, suspiciously.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” Zerachiel breathed into my ear. Heat zinged around my body and I narrowed my eyes.
“I feel a little travel sick!”
Zerachiel immediately flicked his hand up and the horse came to an abrupt halt. He jumped to the ground then reached up and grasped me by the waist, hoisting me none too gently off the horse. I smiled to myself. He wasn’t taking any chances.
My feet landed on the sand but my legs were too wobbly to support my weight. I would have landed on my rear if Zerachiel hadn’t pulled me in to him. I allowed myself to enjoy the feel of his arms around me for one brief moment then pulled away, sharply. The time to take control had arrived.
“Are you telling me heaven is all about having fun?” I said, looking at him and frowning.
Zerachiel put his hands on his hips and regarded me quizzically.
“Heaven is different for everyone. It’s what you want it to be” he replied, disappointed in my question.
“Well, I want it to be about a common cause, about worship and prayer! This…”I indicated the horse and the beach around me in distain “…is not my idea of heaven at all!” I snapped, primly.
“I’m sorry, I just thought…” he started, pushing his fingers through his hair and looking completely confused.
“You thought what? She’s a demon? She won’t care about anything spiritual? You don’t know me at all, do you?” I again allowed my chin to wobble and tears to form in my eyes. It worked every time and Zerachiel was an absolute pushover.
“Don’t cry!” he said, horrified. “I’ll fix this, I promise!” he said, pulling me in to his chest and hugging me. I grinned secretly to myself. He pushed me forward and looked down into my face, a look of wonder and confusion coming over him. He raised a hand and wiped away a tear as it slid gently down my cheek.
Oh, he was too easy!
“Come on” he said, turning me and pulling me in to his chest as we took off back into the skies.
I looked up at the quaint little church and smiled to myself as Zerachiel took me gently by the arm and escorted me through the arched doorway and in to the cool interior. I wondered briefly if I would burst in to flames but then figured if that was going to happen, it would have happened the minute I set foot in heaven.
To the left of us were row upon row of uncomfortable looking benches, filled to brimming with old women in flowery hats and little old men in their Sunday finest. At the altar, a priest was delivering a sermon; the plaque at the door gave the title as “The woman’s role in the home.” I scanned the room quickly, finding two vacant seats smack bang in the middle of the row, three from the front. Perfect.
I marched quickly forward and Zerachiel followed behind me. Smiling apologetically at the priest, I tapped the old woman sitting on the end of the pew on the shoulder. She turned to me, her floppy hat wobbling as she raised her eyes disdainfully in my direction. Oh yes, Christian spirit is alive and well, I thought, sarcastically.
“Excuse me,” I said, loudly, as though she were deaf. Either deaf or stupid. She glared, taking to her feet slowly. The gentleman beside her started to rise also and I was delighted to see he was rather rotund. Getting past him was going to be really fun.
We fought our way along the pew as each successive worshiper rose to allow us through. Zerachiel struggled along behind me, his bigger frame making it difficult for him. Eventually, we reached the vacant seats and I sat down, folding my hands in my lap primly and regarding the priest as though the sermon was absolutely riveting. Zerachiel folded himself uncomfortably into the small space beside me, pulling his shoulders forward so that he could squeeze in. Nice. Now, let’s see him use his allure in here.
I listened intently for a while as the priest waffled on about a woman’s place being to serve her husband, keep a clean home and look after the children. I’m pretty sure if this guy had still been alive, the woman’s movement would have castrated him and if things had been different, I would have gladly done it for them. As it was, I was supposed to be on my best behaviour so I nodded sagely at his words.
Eventually, my mind became so bored, it wandered and I no longer took in what was being said. I passed the time thinking about how many parallels there were between the three domains; hell, heaven and earth. All three allowed you free will, you could choose good or evil. All three seemed to have a mix of both but the difference appeared to be in the balance. Take Zerachiel, for example; an angel who was trying his damnedest to get in my knickers. Was that very heavenly? Or Abaddon, a demon who had tried to protect me wasn’t exactly a poster boy for Hell either. It was all so confusing.
I thought about my options. Hell was out; no way was Satan allowing me back. I could stay on earth and live with Abaddon in my head for a year then watch my friends age and die or I could redeem my soul, live out a natural life and then face judgement. I was still pretty sure the judgement would end up with me being condemned to Hell; after all, an old dog couldn’t change its tricks. Or could I? Would I want to? Heaven didn’t look so bad, especially if you could choose what your heaven would be. I’m pretty sure mine wouldn’t be so pious. The skinny dipping had appeal though.
A soft snort sounded beside me and I looked sideways to see that Zerachiel had fallen asleep. I wondered whether to wake him up but then decided to take the opportunity to observe him. He truly was a beautiful man. His long lashes rested gently on his cheek and his blonde hair, ruffled slightly from our earlier ride on the horse, was sticking up and slightly damp. My gaze fell to his lips and I wondered, briefly, what it would be like to kiss him. Then I realise that road led to perdition so stopped it in its tracks.
I dug Zerachiel in the ribs and he jumped forward, looking at me in alarm. I glared at him then turned primly to face the priest.
Three hours later, my arse was numb and my feet were freezing. I looked sideways at Zerachiel who was fighting sleep for all he was worth. His nose was running slightly and he’d spent the last half an hour sniffing every thirty seconds, much to the annoyance of the people in the pew behind us who were shuffling restlessly and tutting furiously every time he did it. It had gotten to the point that I was sure they were running numbers back there on who could get the first tut in. Well…maybe not but it was a nice thought.
Finally, the priest announced the sermon over and asked everyone to join him in the church hall for tea and cakes. I heard Zerachiel’s sigh of relief and smiled inwardly.
“We absolutely must go to the hall. I want to thank the priest personally. I’ve never been to a service before and I have to say it has been a revelation,” I said, tapping him on his arm. The look of relief vanished from his eyes.
“Ok, no problem,” he said, getting to his feet and waiting patiently for the geriatrics to file out.
We followed the throng to the hall where steaming vats of tea stood on a table near the windows at the front of the room. They were already being put to good use.
As the room filled up around us, I pulled the slightly damp handkerchief out from my sleeve, pulling Zerachiel to me by his tie, and before he could protest, rammed it up against his nose.
“Blow,” I said, sternly and he looked down, horrified. Yes, it was the same hanky I’d used to wipe the sick off myself earlier and I could see the realisation dawn on his face as he pulled back sharply.
“Now don’t be a baby, you need to blow your nose,” I said, making to put the offending piece of cloth back on his face. He grabbed my arm to stop me.
“Some people have no manners,” grumbled an old woman, as she passed us, giving Zerachiel a filthy look. I smiled at her gratefully and shoved the hanky back up my sleeve.
“Would you like a cup of tea?” I asked, not waiting for his answer and marching over to the queue forming orderly in front of the refreshments.
I poured two cups and made my way back to him just as he was about to shove a wedge of Victoria sponge in his mouth.
“Zerachiel,” I snapped, sharply and he looked at me, confused.
“What?”
“That’s not good for you; you really shouldn’t be eating it,” I said, pushing a cup of tea towards him.
“Natalia, I’m in heaven, I can eat whatever I like without putting weight on,” he smiled, his eyes twinkling.
“This isn’t about the weight, or the fact that it’s unhealthy,” I said, exasperated. “This is about treating your body like a temple of God. I’m pretty sure He wouldn’t appreciate you indulging in rubbish.” I glared at him.
He pursed his lips and stood the cake back on the plate, taking the tea I offered him from my hand.
I took my own teacup in my fingers and delicately raised it to my lips, looking at him through lowered lids. He looked at the cake in his hand longingly then turned and set it down on a nearby table, consoling himself by taking a sip of his tea. I could easily have eaten the cake myself but turned away so that he wouldn’t see the look of longing on my face. It would spoil everything.
“I see we have newcomers in our congregation!”
I turned to see the priest standing before me, a smile of welcome on his ruddy face. Someone had definitely been at the sacramental wine a little more than was good for him.
“I’m Reverend Father Michael Bolton, and no, I can’t sing!” he tittered.
Yes, hilarious, I thought.
“Very pleased to meet you, Reverend Father, I’m Natalia, a demon, and this is Zerachiel, an angel who is trying to get in my knickers.”
I shoved my hand forward as Zerachiel choked on his tea. The reverend stared at me dumbfounded but automatically took my hand to shake it.
“I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed your sermon. It was my first time. A church virgin, if you will. May I ask, are you married?” I tilted my head to the side and observed him, a serious expression on my face.
The reverend father pulled his hand out of mine as though it was covered in horse shit, which, in a way, it was. I’d sat listening to his sermon on how to be a Stepford wife for the better part of three hours. I was drowning in the stuff.
