by Joyner, GP
The sound of footsteps threw Sally off for a moment, the world blurring together strangely, and a shard of panic ran through her again.
“What happened?”
She recognized the voice as Tyler’s; he was Geon’s best friend, and while Sally was far from his biggest fan, she was at least comfortable with him.
“Her asshole boyfriend slipped her some E,” Geon explained. Tyler’s face suddenly loomed large as he crouched down beside them.
“Lucky,” he said.
“Get outta here, bitch,” Geon growled. “You wouldn’t like it much if you’d never done it before and didn’t know you were taking it.”
“True,” Tyler said. “Well, how ya feeling, Sal?”
“Um…okay…I guess,” she said, the panic subsiding again.
“Good enough to party?”
“Come on, dude,” Geon said, irritation in his voice.
“Here,” Tyler said, holding out a cup of beer. “I got this for you.”
Geon took it and indulged in a few big gulps before passing it to Sally, who considered denying it but felt thirsty once more.
“It’ll help you calm down,” Geon said. “I mean, you should really just go home but…”
“Mom and Dad will know,” Sally said, her hand shaking as it held the cup, new fear gripping her heart. Geon sighed.
“Well, we’ll wait ‘til your feet are back on the ground and I’ll take you home,” he said.
For the next two hours, Geon sat with Sally, helping her ride through the intermittent waves of sensation and ecstasy and fear and panic. Friends of both parties drifted around, saying hello or checking on Sally, bringing drinks for Geon. Some of Sally’s friends encouraged her to get up and dance or try to enjoy herself, but she felt safest with her stepbrother, who still seemed to radiate a strange warmth that other people lacked. Finally, she began to feel the drug’s effects waning, and struggling to her feet she yawned.
“Better?” Geon asked, rising to join her. Sally nodded; she did feel better. At least, she felt a bit sleepy, and the world seemed bathed in a pleasant, pastel glow instead of the searing neons she’d been seeing earlier.
“Ready to go?”
Sally nodded again. Suddenly, for the first time that night, she wondered what had become of Mike. Had he gone home to nurse his broken nose? As she walked past the barn entrance, where music still came in blasting beats, she got her answer. Mike was standing just inside the entrance, locking lips and grinding with Jess, who seemed nonplussed by the bloodstains on his shirt – or the fact that his nose was set at such a strange angle. Following Sally’s eyes, Geon steered her away.
“Motherfuckers deserve each other,” he growled, pulling Sally towards the road. He’d parked his Camaro on the street halfway between Jess’ and the barn. As they moved away from the lights and sounds, Sally looked up and gasped.
“Look at the stars!”
The small town was far enough away from a city to offer a fairly good view of stars, but here, a mile outside of town, the stars shone in full bloom, opening out across the sky in every direction. At the party, Sally had been too caught up in keeping herself even to notice; now, she was startled and amazed. Geon stopped pulling her down the road for a moment, and they stood hand-in-hand gazing upwards.
“Real nice,” Geon agreed, and while Sally expected to hear a hint of sarcasm in his voice, she was surprised at his genuineness. In fact, now that she really thought about it, everything Geon had done that night had surprised her. Where was the cold, callous, screw-it boy she’d come to know? It was almost like they were children again except…except…
You’re not children anymore, she thought. You’re a man and a woman…
One of the effects of the drug that Sally had tried to ignore was that it made all her senses heightened, her body feeling like it was made of the very same stars that stood above them. Ever part of her body was alive, and throbbing with sensation, from her fingers to her toes and…everywhere in between. Blushing now, she realized that even just holding Geon’s hand made that heat travel down through her veins, tickling her in her most sensitive places…
“Let’s go,” she said, surprised at the low, thick voice that came out when she spoke. She dropped his hand like it was too hot to touch; Geon looked at her, and she thought she saw some sadness or…something…in his eyes. But it was dark, and she wrote it off as the final effects of the drug.
“You’re okay to drive home?” she asked as they approached his car.
“More okay than you,” he said, and Sally had to admit that was true. When they got in, he turned on the radio, a song playing that Sally had never heard before – but which she liked quite a bit. At the barn party, all the noises had blended in together to create a deafening cacophony. Here, she could appreciate the silky feeling of the music, each beat seeming to ignite a new rush of blood to her head. They drove home without speaking.
When they parked, Sally offered up a quick prayer of thanks that the lights were off, meaning her parents were in bed. They snuck into the house like burglars, closing the door with the quietest click behind them before slinking up the stairs. It was only when Sally had her hand on the knob to her room that she realized, once she walked in, she would be alone. Alone with her body and her thoughts…and that raised up the jagged fear that lingered in her stomach. Turning quickly, she whispered into the darkness.
“Geon,” she said, seeing the faint outline of his body at the door to his own room. She sensed when he turned, the whites of his eyes standing out in the darkness. “Please…wait…come hang out…for…awhile…”
There was a long pause. A moment where neither moved. Then, Geon crossed the carpeted hallway, and Sally opened the door, clicking on the light, which seemed too bright. She moved across the room, turning on the softer pink light on her desk before returning to turn off the overhead light.
“Uh,” Geon said, looking around her room. Sally realized he hadn’t stepped foot in there for years. “How long do you…”
“Until I fall asleep?” she asked, too quickly, feeling immediately embarrassed. I’ve already ruined his night…now I’m asking him to be my personal teddy bear until I fall asleep…ugh.
She sat on the bed. In the glow of the pink light, her golden blonde hair seemed reddish, and Geon’s hulking figure seemed all too large. He joined her to sit on the bed, and they fidgeted awkwardly, neither used to the other after all the years of fighting.
“I’m going to lie down now,” Sally finally said, and curled over onto the far side of her bed.
“Uh, okay,” Geon said. “How will I know when you’re asleep?”
“Um…I don’t know…I’m not very tired…” Sally said, her body feeling tired but her mind racing, more awake than she could ever remember being in her whole life. “You can…you can lie down, too, if you want.”
He grunted. But a moment later, she felt his weight shift, and the bed lilted slightly as he lowered his body onto it. Moments passed; minutes or hours, Sally couldn’t tell.
“Geon,” she finally whispered. “What…what happened? Why did you…change? I mean…tonight was…it was like…you were yourself again.”
There was another long pause, and Sally regretted having asked in the first place. Just because he’d taken care of her all night, talking about their old memories, didn’t mean they were close again all of a sudden. But then he sighed.
“Because you were always so good,” he said. “I knew, the minute we entered high school…I could never keep up with you. You got all the good grades and did all the good shit and I…I guess figured, if I wasn’t going to be the good kid, I should just be the opposite.”
Sally was shocked. Never in a million years had she thought that Geon was acting out because of her, because he was insecure. She thought…well, she didn’t know what she thought. Turning to face him, she wondered what to say. Should she apologize? But what for?
“Was…was there anything I could have done?” she asked. “To
make things better for you?”
When his face turned to hers, she could see his white teeth gleaming in the dim light.
“Yeah, you coulda become a pothead like me,” he said. “You coulda failed all your classes and took up the life. You coulda ruined your whole future. Then maybe I would have gone straight.”
Sally propped herself up on her elbow, considering this, although she knew he was joking.
“Well, you know, I only…I only did so well to make up for you, I think,” she said, admitting a truth she hadn’t even known was true. “I mean, Jillae and Dad…I thought, they need one good kid to make up for…”
“To make up for the bad one,” Geon said, his tone lower, the smile disappearing.
“No, I mean, no, Geon, you’re not bad, we love you, I love you,” Sally said, once more realizing the truth of her words only when she said them. She did love Geon. He was her brother, no matter what.
And as they’d grown older, she’d kept on loving him and…and then tonight that love felt so much more real, it felt like…she thought of his lithe, bulky body protecting her against the side of the barn, thought of all those feelings she’d been ignoring all night, thought of the afternoons she spent listening to him with other girls and hating it…hating it so much because…because…
Before she could finish her own thought, she felt herself leaning in to him, finding him in the pinkish glow, covering his lips with hers and falling, falling into them, her mouth opening and her tongue falling into his mouth, dancing with his, her nerves all aligning in perfect symmetry as love and something like it burst inside her. Geon’s hand came up to cup her cheek and he kissed her back, his lips closing around her tongue then opening again, his fingers burning on her flesh as he pulled her close.
“Shit, Sally,” he suddenly said, pulling away with a start. “This is wrong. You’re still rolling. You don’t know what you’re doing…”
Sally immediately felt ashamed; more ashamed than she ever had in her entire life. It was like every horrible dream about showing up naked for a test rolled into one. She covered her face with her hands, body wracked with sobs as the horrible thing she’d done crashed down. And then she felt his hands on her again, and still, even through the shame, she wanted those hands on her more, all over her, on her bare flesh, holding and exploring and…
“Hey,” Geon whispered. “Hey, calm down, calm down. Here, come here.”
Pulling her in, he wrapped his arms around her. Sally laid her head on his bicep, curling herself into him, still shuddering and confused but now letting that heat that she felt in him embrace her from head to toe.
And that’s how they fell asleep.
***
The next morning, Sally woke up alone – and feeling worse than she could ever remember feeling in her entire life. It was as though someone had taken a hose and funnel and syphoned all the serotonin from her body. Her bed felt cold, her skin colder. Rising with a ragged cough, she dragged herself to her computer and immediately looked up all she could on Molly, the drug that Mike had slipped her the night before.
The more she learned, the worse she felt.
What did he think, she wondered. That I’d get all high and have sex with him?
But that wasn’t even as bad as remembering what she’d seen right before leaving; Mike and Jess together. And then, even worse, remembering the kiss between her and Geon. Every memory was like a dagger in her heart. She couldn’t remember ever feeling this heartbroken, this awful. Her body alone was sore and sick, never mind her heart and mind.
When she heard the knock on her door, around 3pm, she groaned. By then, she’d retired back to bed, counting on re-runs of The Office to help reignite her peppy spirit. She’d put on her favorite pajama top and shorts, thinking it might cheer her up. It hadn’t been working.
She assumed it was her father or Jillae, concerned by the fact that she hadn’t come down for breakfast – or lunch. Sundays were usually very family-oriented, but she’d ignored all the sounds of meal-making and TV-watching that had radiated up from downstairs. And, perhaps, she’d assumed her parents had accepted that she was hungover from the previous night and given her a get-out-of-jail-free card, her senior year being a time when these things were expected to happen.
Guess not, she thought as she opened the door. But instead of an angry father or stepmother on the other side, she was taken aback to see Geon; and to smell what he’d brought with him. The heavenly smell of cheese and beans wafted up from a sack in his hand. He wore a pair of baggy sweatpants and a tight wife beater. Sally felt rather naked in her light pajamas.
“Sure-fire cure,” he said. Sally’s stomach turned; she’d hoped to avoid Geon for the rest of her life, never have to deal with her intoxicated indiscretion the night before. Surely, they could both pretend it had simply never happened?
Apparently not.
She opened the door wider, letting him in. The smell of nachos and burritos was too enticing to ignore, and as soon as he set the greasy bag down on her nightstand she was opening it, examining the contents. It wasn’t just Taco Bell; it was the good stuff. She hadn’t felt hungry all afternoon, but now she was ravenous.
“Uh, thanks,” Sally said, lifting out a heaping Styrofoam platter of nachos. Geon grabbed one of the foil-wrapped burritos and sat beside her on the bed. “So…I mean…this is weird.”
Sally lifted a cheese-covered chip to her mouth and nearly gagged from the scent, but as soon as she put it in her mouth she felt a million times better. Chewing thoughtfully, she wondered if this was some sort of truce, an olive branch to forget all about the night before.
“Yup,” Geon said, taking a bite of his burrito. They ate in silence for a moment, but Sally couldn’t help a satisfied groan, her eyes rolling back into her head as the food soothed her stomach – and soul.
“Um,” Sally said between bites, mind still trying to catch up to normal speed through the fog of her hangover. “So, like…we’re not going to ever talk about last night again. Right?”
Geon looked at her from the corner of his eye. His gaze travelled up and down her figure and Sally felt something stirring in her stomach – something besides cheese-loaded satisfaction.
“If that’s what you want,” he said between bites.
“Is it…is it not what you want?” Sally asked, confused. After all, he’d been the one to pull away. If he hadn’t, Sally wasn’t sure she’d been able to stop herself from…
Well, even the thought of it brought a crimson blush to her cheeks.
“I didn’t want to take advantage of you,” Geon said with a shrug. “But that doesn’t mean it didn’t feel good. I’ve actually been thinking…a lot…about what you asked me last night. And I have another answer. You were always a cute kid, I always thought that, but once we got to high school…well, you just got prettier and prettier and…”
He raised his hands in the air. Sally looked at him quizzically.
“I guess that’s another reason I went the way I did…it hurt enough having to live with you and know you’d never…we’d never…but I’ve always wanted you.”
Sally was taken aback. True, they hadn’t been very close the past few years, but the two had practically grown up together. So why didn’t it feel strange to be speaking this way? Why didn’t it feel strange to imagine where that kiss might have led? Why did it feel…exciting?
“I mean…I thought it felt good too,” Sally said softly, staring down at her half-eaten plate. “The kiss I mean. But…I mean…I thought that was just the drug.”
“It probably was,” Geon said, finishing the last of his burrito and crumpling up the wrapper, tossing it into the bag with a perfect swoop. Sally watched his movements, amazed at his grace. He seemed almost like a panther, all his motions fluid and lithe despite his bulky muscles. She felt something tingling between her legs.
“So…so what do we do? I never knew you felt that way and…and…I guess…I mean, I really did hate hearing you with all those girls�
�” Sally asked, setting her plate to the side and leaning in slightly. She could smell his cologne, and something deep and earthy beneath it.
“Well, we could put it to the test,” Geon said, turning to her to face her full-on, his deep chocolate eyes capturing hers. “You’re not on drugs anymore.”
Sally gulped. He couldn’t possibly be suggesting what he was suggesting. And she couldn’t possibly be responding to it the way she was. When she blinked, she imagined their mouths pressed together once more…and that same sensation stirred in her belly and lower. Subconsciously, she licked her lips. When Geon reached out, stroking a strand of hair to the side, she nearly purred at the contact.
What is happening to me, she wondered. What is going on?
“Close your eyes.” Geon demanded, his voice a low grumble. Sally’s heart stopped mid-beat, then started again too quickly. Her mouth fell open slightly as she stared at him. Was he really going to do this? Here, in her bedroom, with their parents right downstairs? And was she really…was she really…
She closed her eyes. She could feel his presence looming closer, each inch between them swallowed up a second at a time, until finally his lips covered hers, and Sally’s body exploded in desire. His large, soft lips sucked at her bottom lip first, before parting to let his tongue slip into her mouth, slowly exploring her cheeks and her own tongue, which soon joined the dance, finding his taste warm and exotic and addictive.
Sally moaned, leaning in forward, mind numb to anything except the feel of Geon’s body so close to hers. She kept her eyes shut tight, but felt his hand land on her neck, his thumb stroking her cheek as he pulled her in deeper.
Sally’s own hand fell to Geon’s thigh, as though needing to feel him in the flesh to make sure this was all real. Too soon, though, she felt him pulling away again, her face swaying after him, wanting more. Finally, she opened her eyes.
Perhaps instinctively, she glanced downward, amazed at the distinct hardness visible through his loose sweatpants. To her mixed horror and shock, she could feel her own panties were damp. Mike had never managed to get her wet in their two years together…
