As commander, I needed an outlet, a release for the stress and yet I knew it couldn’t come at the price of her body. I was beginning to doubt the matching process. She was supposed to be perfect for me, but she was fragile and so small. The things I wanted would just scare her more, so I held back. I tried to be more like Dare. Softer with her. Tender. Careful not to scare her. And it wasn’t working. It wasn’t fucking working.
I’d decided to seek outside guidance. Enough was enough. I needed an expert, and in my fleet, when it came to human women, there was only one.
A snooze alarm sounded and Dare’s eyes opened instantly. His gaze settled on me at once. His reflexes were as sharp as ever, which was one of the reasons I trusted him to keep my Hannah safe.
“Zane.”
I nodded and looked at Hannah’s dark hair where it rested nestled in the crook of his arm. I ached to reach out and stroke the silky strands, especially now when she was asleep. She wouldn’t be withdrawn or resistant if she wasn’t awake. “How is she?”
“I told you, she senses something with you. The collar allows her to feel your rejection.”
My eyebrows went up. “I’m not rejecting her!” I tried to keep my voice low, but it was difficult.
“You aren’t showing all of yourself and she knows it. You’re frustrated with her lack of acceptance, but how can she accept you when she knows you’re holding back? Growling at her all the time isn’t going to help us win our claim.” Dare’s voice was barely more than a whisper, and I lowered mine to match. Neither one of us wanted her awake for this conversation.
This was also the first time Dare had spoken to me about Hannah’s feelings and I crossed my arms. Was my caution with her that obvious? “All right, second. Tell me what you need to tell me. My matched mate is afraid of me. What else do I need to know?”
Dare rolled his eyes and I wanted to punch him. “She’s afraid of loving you. She’s afraid one of us is going to die, of course, but besides that, she knows you aren’t giving her everything when she’s practically bared her soul.”
“That’s life for a Prillon bride.”
“You are such a hard ass, Zane. Was your head diamond hard when your mother gave birth to you? Or did you grow into it?” Dare sighed and gently moved our sleeping mate off his shoulder. She was dead to the world, as she was most mornings. Not an early riser, my Hannah.
My second slid from the bed and I grit my teeth as I saw that they were both very naked. I enjoyed fucking my mate, but she did not curl around me and sleep as she did with Dare. I wanted that trust from her. I needed it with a ferocity that was eating me alive, burning in my gut like acid devouring my flesh from the inside.
Dare used the S-Gen to summon a clean uniform and put it on. He was due on the flight deck in less than an hour. I was sending his unit to scout the enemy base that had been reported on the fifth planet’s moon in the system. If the reports were true, the Hive was expanding their territory again. Which was bad news for everyone.
Dressed and ready, Dare stopped before me and placed his hand on my shoulder. “Look, Zane, you need to talk to her more. She lost her parents when she was young. Her brother was a weakling and a parasite, and the men of her world took advantage of her submissive nature. They used her. The master she trusted to care for her used her up like a selfish child and hurt her, badly.”
“This is exactly why I can’t let her see my baser side. If she’s this fearful of me now, imagine what it would be like if she knew the truth.”
Dare slowly shook his head. “You’re pushing her away and she’s doing the same. Both of you are stubborn. Perhaps you should trust in the matching protocols. Maybe she wants you just as you are.”
I looked from Dare’s pleading gaze to the beautiful and very fragile female in my bed. “Doubtful,” I grumbled. She wouldn’t want me if she knew the truth of my ways. “She has told me none of her secrets—about these men.” I spat out the last word as if it were distasteful. Anyone who used a woman as Dare described was not a real man.
“You haven’t asked.” Dare slapped me on the shoulder and turned to leave me alone with my mate, but I felt the need to warn him.
“Prince Nial is going out on patrol with you.”
Dare rolled his eyes. “Again? Seriously, Zane, when are you going to send that spoiled little playboy home?”
“Explain yourself.” I knew my shoulders had stiffened up, but Dare was throwing caution to the wind this day, speaking his mind about more than just our mate.
“He’s reckless, Zane. He takes too many chances. It’s like he thinks he’s invisible to the Hive. I’ve had to cover his ass more than once.”
I chuckled. Yes, my cousin, Prince Nial, was all that and more. “He’s young, Dare. Were we not invincible once as well?”
Dare shrugged. “Don’t blame me if he gets his ass killed.”
“Noted.” Dare left me alone with my bride and I stared down at her with hunger for her touch gnawing at me from the inside.
I thought about taking off my clothing and climbing in beside her, but she would startle when she woke, and that beautiful pink blush would make its way from her chest to her delicate face. I knew, because I’d already tried it, more than once. If I wanted to fuck her, she would let me, and she’d be hot and wild and responsive in my arms. When we were done, and I’d wrung every drop of pleasure from her body, she would turn away from me and get dressed, claim she needed to be in class.
Dare had arranged for her to work with the young ones on board the ship. She had transformed them, bringing songs and games from Earth to our children. The little ones loved her as I did, and her eyes glowed with happiness when she was surrounded by their youth and innocence.
When I watched her with them in the surveillance room, my heart actually hurt, as if she’d stabbed me with a knife and left the blade embedded. I watched her often, feeling like a foolish stalker and not her chosen match.
I definitely needed expert help.
Decision made, I gently shook Hannah’s shoulder and woke my bride. I watched her move, studying the soft lines of her curves, enjoying her grace as she dressed. Once she was covered, I took her to the transporter station. Captain Hendry and his bride were expecting us. Anne was human, from Earth. Hendry was her matched mate. If anyone could help me figure out what to do with Hannah, it was he.
In the transporter station, I took Hannah’s hand and led her up to the transportation platform. She spun around, looking at the floor.
“Where are the little circles?”
“There are no circles.” She was talking nonsense, but her confused look was so beautiful, I couldn’t resist stealing a kiss. When I was done with her, she was panting, and I could smell her arousal, feel it burn her up through our link, but she pulled out of my arms and turned in a circle, looking from the floor to the ceiling and back again. Over and over. “Hannah, hold still so we can initiate the transport.”
“But where are the circles? How am I supposed to know where to stand?”
“My mate, there are no circles.”
“But, isn’t it like Star Trek? You know, stand in the circles and ‘Beam me up, Scotty’?” Her pulse raced and I could feel her unease.
I stepped closer and pulled her against my chest, wrapping my arms around her to hold her in place. I used my hand to hold her cheek over my heart. “Hush, mate. There are no circles on the floor. Just hold still. I’ve got you.” I nodded at the transport engineer and felt the odd wrenching and twisting for a few moments that meant we were traveling from my battleship to Captain Hendry’s smaller cruiser.
Hannah was trembling in my arms and when I looked down at her face, I saw that her eyes were closed. “Hannah, you can open your eyes. It’s over.”
“Wow. I was asleep last time. That felt like riding the down side of a rollercoaster that never stops.”
“What is a rollercoaster?” I wanted to know her, to understand her, but it was like she was speaking another language, like she was from a
nother world. Which she was. My heart felt heavy with the thought, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it.
“Welcome, commander! Lady Deston.” Captain Hendry and his mate stood at the edge of the transport.
Hannah turned in my arms and I let her go. “Anne!” The women hugged and Anne pulled out of Hannah’s arms with a warm smile. “Come, Hannah. I want to show you around. I’ve heard so much about you from my daughter. She loves you already.” The women exited the room and I watched Hannah until the door slid closed behind the women.
“I assume my mate will be protected on board your ship, captain?”
He grinned at me. “Two of my best men will be three steps behind them.”
“Good.” I stepped from the platform and we greeted each other in the way of warriors, our forearms pressed together as our arms locked in friendship. “Now, where’s the alcohol?”
Hendry laughed at me. “Drink all you want, commander, it won’t do you any good. My ship will simply pull the poison from your blood as fast as you can drink it.”
I sighed. Sometimes, I really hated technology. I remembered the days of my youth, when I could actually drink myself into a stupor. “I know. Damn it anyway.”
He thumped me on the shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere we can talk about that pretty little mate of yours.”
I followed him to the command deck of his ship, then inside the small, attached war room very similar to mine. We were alone.
“Talk to me, Zane. What the hell has you so desperate you’ve come over here to ask me for advice?”
As uncomfortable as this conversation made me feel, it was the reason I’d come to this ship. I needed help winning my Hannah’s heart, and no matter how gentle and considerate I tried to be with her, no matter how much pleasure I gave her, she kept her heart from me. “She is my match. I saw the reports myself. Nearly one hundred percent compatibility. But she chooses my second, and turns away from me. She is afraid of me. Dare says she senses I am holding back. She never lets down her guard. I know I scare her, but the more I try to rein myself in, the worse it gets.”
Hendry sat down at the head of the meeting table and watched me as I paced the room. “And what else does Dare have to say about it?”
“That she lost her parents and was poorly used by men on her world. Dare says I need to talk to her more, to tell her about my more dominant ways.”
As an old and trusted friend, he knew of my baser proclivities. He had them too.
Hendry crossed his arms and leaned back, watching me. “But you decide for her what she needs or doesn’t need?”
I ran my hands through my hair with a growl. “I don’t know what she needs. Nothing feels right. She’s so small! I have never met another human, other than your Anne. I don’t know their culture or their customs. I fear I will break her.”
Hendry chuckled. “May I speak freely, commander?”
I slumped down in the chair next to him. “Please. Tell me how to deal with these human females.”
Hendry chuckled. “Hannah’s not the problem, Zane. You are.”
“What?”
“You’re the one who is holding back. You are the one rejecting your mate.”
I opened my mouth to deny his bullshit, but he lifted his hand. “Hear me out.”
“Make it good, Hendry, or I might decide to gut you and walk away.” The captain raised a brow, but didn’t rise to the bait. We’d been friends for many years, and I honestly wanted to hear what he had to say.
“She’s your match, Zane. Yours. What does that mean?”
“I don’t know, and I’m going to lose her in less than a week if I don’t figure it out.”
“Do you remember my claiming ceremony?”
Oh, yes. I remembered. He’d fucked Anne hard and fast, both he and his second rutting into her like wild animals as she’d whimpered and screamed and begged them both for more. I’d been one of his inner circle, one of those lucky enough to witness the claiming and pledge my life and sword to their joining.
Hendry looked me dead in the eye. “I fucked Anne. My second took her as I restrained her, as I spanked her bare ass. We shared her body like two wild animals. I held her throat and I tied her down and I fucked her until she couldn’t remember her own name.”
I cleared my throat. Fuck me. I wanted to do all that to Hannah. All that and more. “Yes. I was there.”
“But that wasn’t the first time.” Hendry leaned forward, his gaze intent. “Your Hannah was matched to Prillon Prime, to you, using the recording from Anne’s NPU. Your Hannah experienced that claiming for herself.” The captain placed both of his palms flat on the table, as if he were trying to anchor himself for what he had to say next. “Hannah lived that, from Anne’s point of view. And that experience is what drew her to you. Don’t be tender, Zane. Stop holding back. She’s a submissive, and she’s sensitive to your needs. She knows you’re not giving all of yourself. She can sense it the same way you know she’s unhappy and uncomfortable around you. But she doesn’t know what you want her to be, Zane. She needs you to be who you truly are; she needs to know the rules. She won’t give herself to you, she won’t love you, she won’t trust you until you bare your soul to her and let out the beast.”
Chapter Eleven
Hannah
Zane was oddly quiet as we walked back to the transporter room. I looked up at him from the corner of my eye, but looked away when his gaze turned to me. Something was different. He was calm, eerily calm, as if Captain Hendry had given him a tranquilizer or something.
Hell, maybe my mate just didn’t really like my company. I’d given up trying to talk to him after the first few days. He was the king of monosyllabic responses, and I got sick of trying to pry information from him that he obviously didn’t want to give.
He fucked me every night as I took Dare in my mouth. They’d explained to me that only the primary mate was allowed to deposit seed in my pussy until I was pregnant with my first child. After that, my body was a free-for-all and both men could take me as hard and as often as they liked.
I knew that first night, when I said I wanted to go home to Earth, that I’d pushed Zane away, that I’d disappointed him. I regretted hurting him, but no matter how hard I tried to please him, he wouldn’t let me in. Since that first night, something wasn’t right between us. I felt the chasm growing, like a partial tear that kept ripping a bit wider each day. He was cold and hard, and while he still looked at me with desire, took me with a desperate need, there was also anger. The collar, while able to share the immense pleasure between the three of us when fucking, also shared other powerful emotions as well.
Where had the caring man I’d met in the medical station gone? Where was that mate? The one who bossed me around one minute and treated me like spun glass the next? The mate who held me down and suckled my nipples as the doctor made me come, then held me on his lap and rubbed my back to make me feel like I was safe. Where was the mate who had held me over his lap, spanked me until I cried, and then promised me that I’d never feel alone again? Where was my anchor in the storm? My master?
He was gone, and I was afraid I’d never get him back. I had grown to love Dare, I knew that, but being with Zane like this, walking beside each other in the corridor, not touching, not talking, not feeling anything from him but an impenetrable wall of ice? I couldn’t do that. Not for the rest of my life. I wanted more. I deserved more.
I hadn’t told Dare yet, but I had decided to seek a new match when the thirty days was over. Dare would be upset with me, and I would miss him, but I didn’t see an alternative. That meant I had four days left with my mates and then I’d move on and give Zane the freedom he so obviously wanted. I would not be his fuck toy, the woman he refused to speak with during the day, but would stick his cock in every night. I refused to love Zane, knowing he would never love me in return.
And even when we were together, the three of us, Zane fucked like a perfect clinician, but I could tell he was holding back. He wasn�
�t fully there with us, and I was tired of feeling like such a disappointment to him. Zane was not happy with me, and his pain hurt me. I needed to make my mate happy. I needed to be what he wanted, what he needed. And I was a complete and utter failure there. Zane was miserable, and his pain was breaking me. I had to leave so he could find a mate he wanted, a woman who satisfied him, a woman with whom he would share his darkness instead of hide it.
Maybe I would be sent to another battle fleet, as far away from Dare and Zane as possible? Could I ask the bride program here to send me away from Zane? I was heartsick, but seeing my mates every day would be so much worse.
I didn’t know what requesting a new mate entailed, but I intended to ask. Maybe, when Prince Nial went back to their planet in a few days, I’d go with him. Surely they could assign a new mate for me there? And I’d never see Zane or Dare again.
The thought felt like a knife blade in my gut, but I couldn’t live like this. I’d failed my mate. I wasn’t what he wanted or needed. It was time to let go.
We stepped onto the transport platform and Zane pulled me into his arms once more as the strange pulling and twisting feeling moved through me. When it was over, I expected Zane to release me, as he had before. Instead, he looked at the transport engineer over my head. “Transport us to my private quarters on deck seventeen.”
“Sir?” The engineer hesitated and I stiffened in Zane’s arms. What the heck was on deck seventeen?
“That’s an order.”
“Yes, sir.”
I wrapped my arms around Zane’s waist and hung on as the transport took us from the platform to somewhere new, a place I’d never heard of before. When the transfer was complete, I tried to step out of Zane’s embrace and look around, but he didn’t allow it. He lifted me and walked me backward until my back bumped into a soft wall. Zane lowered his hands to where mine were on his waist, took hold of my wrists and raised them above my head.
Mated to the Warriors Page 11
