“Sure.” Can't touch her, doesn't mean I should treat her like she's something to be avoided. Even though I should do just that.
She walks out in front of me. I turn to Ghost. “Drop this, brother. It will only lead to bad things that this club don't need right now.”
Without giving him the chance to reply, I walk away from him.
Shit, shit, shit, fuck!
How in the hell didn't I put two and two together?
How could I not have known Hammer was part of The Snakes Henchmen?
Because I never asked, that's why. And, he wasn't wearing a patch of any kind.
When he came to me for help, I gave it to him. His story was a sad one that tore at my heart. The love of his life had been murdered out of revenge and he wanted some of his own.
He got that revenge, but I don't for the life of me remember Ghost being with him when we met. Which is crazy when I remember every client I've ever met. And it's not like Ghost is the kind of man a person would easily forget. He's huge and has the palest brown eyes I've ever seen before.
But this past year and a half has been hell for me. When I helped Hammer, I was completely fucked up, not as much as I was a couple months later. But I should have paid more attention.
Fuck it all to hell and back!
What if Ghost goes to my father with this info?
How the hell will I lie to his face?
Because I'll have to, there's no way on this earth I can ever reveal my connection to The Exorcist. No one would ever understand. But I do what I do because it's what keeps me sane. I've almost lost my sanity more than once over the years.
A woman can be the strongest person physically that you know, but mentally, there could be something in her mind that haunts her. So bad sometimes that she fights those demons the only way she knows how.
I have demons in my mind that I fight every single day, even when I sleep. Fighting them isn't always easy, the monster in my mind almost takes me some days. But the wolf in my mind, the giant wolf the size of a horse keeps me safe. I look for him when I'm afraid. Because believe it or not, even people like me can feel a little fear. Koda keeps me safe when I believe I need to feel safe.
I can take care of myself, I always have. I don't need anyone to tell me that I can't do something because I can do anything I put my mind to. Anyone can.
But Koda came to me when I was a little girl, afraid and missing my daddy. I thought Daddy was in heaven along with my brother. I thought I would always be alone. It wasn't like Celia gave much of a damn about anyone but herself.
I often wondered why she took me with her. She never really wanted me. She didn't tuck me in bed at night with a kiss to my head and an I love you. She never made me breakfast or dinner. I didn't fend for myself as such, there was usually someone we lived with that fed me. Celia may have told me now and again that she loved me, but I often wondered if she just said that to sate me for a while.
Koda came to me in a dream one night. I was afraid at first. He was so big, but he looked at me with kind eyes and I knew I was safe with him. I climbed up on his back and he rode the wind with me holding on.
He told me that he would always protect me. That when I needed him the most he'd be there for me. And he always has been. He brings out the monster in me when she needs to come out. He pulls her back when it's time to sleep.
I suffered from PTSD for a while when I was a kid. It was strong and sometimes took hold of me and wouldn't let go. I was lost to darkness and Koda took care of me in that dark place.
It was Koda who pushed me back towards the light.
It was Koda who kept pushing for me to stay there.
Without him back then, I don't think I would be here today.
He made me strong. He gave me purpose.
All of this probably sounds stupid, I know it would if I said it out loud to anyone around me. But that's the truth of it all. Koda is my protector, I'm not ready to let him go just yet.
I lean back against the wall beside the clubhouse and close my eyes. This place has become like a new home for me these past few days I've been here. I know I shouldn't get too comfortable, I know I shouldn't've let my dad find me an apartment of my own – because I wouldn't move in with him and his wife, I'm not a child – not when I'm not sticking around much longer. I can never linger too long in one place. But it felt right at the time.
I scrub my hands over my face. What the hell am I doing here? Could this be any more fucked up?
“Nova, you wanna tell me what this is all about?”
“I've fucked up,” I mumble to myself.
“How?”
“I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone.”
I flinch as Tank touches my chin, tilting my head up with his fingers. I swallow hard because I like the feeling of his fingers touching my skin a little too much. “You can tell me anything.”
“I can't.”
“Is what Ghost said true? Do you work for The Exorcist?”
I push his hand away from me. “I need to get out of here.” I try pushing past him but he holds me captive with the weight of his big body. Everything inside me is shaking like crazy. My pussy is throbbing. I'm hardly breathing. From the first moment I saw him, I have dreamt about him touching me like this. Hell, I've dreamt about far more than just this.
He's the reason I lie in bed at night shaking, aching, sliding my fingers into my panties, rubbing my clit and fingering myself to orgasm. But it doesn't sate me, it just frustrates me because the one thing I want, I can't have. I've never wanted a man as much as I want him, and it's driving me crazy.
I look into his brown eyes and bite my lip. He's forbidden fruit, I can't have him, but that only makes me want him more. Isn't it always the way? The one thing a person can't have makes them want it even more. And sometimes, that person will do anything to get it.
But if I go after this man it could mean bad things for him. Not for me, I'll kill anyone who touches me. But for Tank, it could mean my father beating the shit out of him. Or he might throw him out of the club, or even kill him.
Okay, I won't even think about that. My father wouldn't kill him, he'd have me to answer to. Believe me, it won't bother me that he's my father, if he touched this man just because he'd touched me, then I'd make him sorry for it.
I'm not easily pushed around, believe me, and if I want something as much as I want this man, I will stop at nothing to make it mine.
I slide my hands up his chest and down to the planes of his tight stomach. My god, I can feel his eight-pack beneath his shirt.
Eight pack?!
What the fuck does he do to himself to get an eight pack?
“What the hell are you doing to me?” He practically whispers.
My eyes seem to be locked on his mouth all of a sudden. That sinful mouth of his. Those plush lips. I reach up and touch his face, he breathes deeply. “Tank, kiss me.”
“I can't. Your father would kill me.”
“He doesn't have to know. I won't tell him. Please,” I wrap my arms around his neck, one hand holding his nape, our foreheads touching. I just need to feel him. I need him to show me that I mean something more than what men in the past have led me to believe.
He rests his hands on my hips and I can feel him desperately trying to contain himself. He wants me as much as I want him. If his deep breathing is anything to go by.
He suddenly pulls away from me, backing himself at least four steps back. “I can't do this. I won't go against the man I owe my life to. It's not worth it.”
“I'm not worth it?” I don't think I've ever been so offended. He has no fucking clue how hard it was for me to let him even touch my face, let alone want him to kiss me. “Do you know what? Don't even answer that.” I smile slightly before walking away from him.
Men are all jerks.
Fuck him.
I don't need him. I don't need any man!
I storm back into the clubhouse and back to the girls, I left when Ghost called me over
. Tonya and Eileen stare at me as I slam myself down in my seat. “What's up?”
“Nothin'.” I grab the drink I left on the table when Ghost called me over and knock it back. I shouldn't be drinking vodka at this hour, but I'm really fucking pissed off right now!
I don't give a damn about Ghost and what he said, he's just a man who knows nothing. But Tank has annoyed me. He wouldn't even kiss me!
I'm not saying I'm the best-looking woman in the fucking world, but I didn't think he'd resist a kiss!
I could just scream!
“What did Ghost want with you?”
I shrug at Tonya. “To chat shit, as usual. I don't see why he always feels the need to try and talk to me.”
“Probably wants in your panties.”
“Never going to happen. He's not my type, he's a pig.”
I watch Eileen nudge Tonya's shoulder with her own, a smirk on her face before she looks at me. “What about Tank, is he a pig?”
I don't answer her. It's none of her business what I think of Tank. It's no one’s business.
“We saw him follow you outside. Something happen?”
“Not that it's anything to do with you two, but no, nothing happened.”
“But you wanted it to?”
Tonya has no idea how much I wanted something to happen out there. My body has never felt so hot before. We all know I'm no virgin, haven't been for a very long time. But I have honestly never felt like this about any man before now.
Tank makes my body heat up to the point I literally have to fan myself just to cool my cheeks. He makes my pussy ache to the point I have to fuck myself to orgasm, no matter where I am. Trust me, I've gone to the bathroom here and gotten myself off over that big man.
“Look, it doesn't matter what I want. Tank is loyal to this club and to Shepard. Nothing will ever happen between us, so just drop it.”
“Yes, ma'am.” Eileen chuckles.
I roll my eyes and smile. It's nice to have friends. Makes a change for me, I don't have any. I've kept it that way all my life.
But I'm making an exception while I'm here.
However long that may be.
A little over a year and a half ago.
“This is a bad idea, Hammer. If Shepard finds out we're here, he'll kill us.”
“He won't know you were with me.” I look over at my brother straddling his bike the same way I am. Both of us waiting for the guy working for The Exorcist to come collect the information Hammer has on the guy who killed his girl.
We shouldn't be here.
We were told not to seek outside help, that Shepard would deal with it.
But Hammer couldn't rest. The woman he loved was murdered in cold-blood and he wants revenge. No one could blame him for that. Cindy meant everything to him. She wasn't just his old lady, she was about to become his wife.
Why was she killed?
Revenge.
Revenge for something that didn't happen. No one in our club killed anybody. Well, not the fuckers who claimed we did.
There will always be clubs out there trying to overpower the Snakes. We're a massive club, those smaller clubs out there will always try to make a name for themselves by coming after us. What better way to get our attention than to take one of our women and end her life in the worst way?
It didn't happen all that long ago, the girl's funeral was just a few short weeks ago. Hammer is a mess. He's not the same man any longer. He won't settle until those fucks are ended.
I agreed to help him because of all the men in our club, it was me he came to. I wasn't expecting it. But he pulled me aside a few days ago and asked me for help. I knew it was wrong to agree when Shepard could strip me of my patches, but I couldn't say no to him.
Hell, he could have gone to Tank and asked for help, the man is his brother by blood. He could have gone to anyone in the club, but he came to me. I was honoured in a weird way. So I agreed to help him.
We made arrangements with a friend who put us in touch with a guy who knew how to contact The Exorcist. Hammer was told to gather every piece of information he could on the guy he wants dealt with, plus the payment for The Exorcist's time. The guy we're to meet will only take payment if they believe Hammer deserves the hell he requires.
No one said it would be easy.
“You think I'd throw you under the bus if Shepard finds out? You didn't drag me here with you, Hammer.”
“No,” He looks over at me, his big arms folded over his even bigger chest. The man is a giant, a mountain of a man. “But you didn't have to go along with this. I asked something of you and you didn't hesitate to help me. I won't forget that, Ghost. And if Shepard does find out about this he won't know you were here.”
“Oh yes, he will. If he finds out, then he'll know I was here, Hammer. We're in this together. We'll get justice for your girl, brother, believe me.”
He reaches over and clasps my shoulder and squeezes. This man is so lost. My brother is lost. Without Cindy, he's not the same man he was.
Little Willow, Prez's daughter is the only one who's been able to get near him. She forces him to get up in the morning, she stops him drinking himself stupid, fighting any idiot that so much as looks at him. She was the one who held him up at the funeral. She's the only one he'll talk to about anything at all.
Anyone else?
Even his brothers in the club, his actual brother?
He says nothing. I'm lucky he's even speaking to me right now.
Trouble is, Willow has been in love with Hammer for longer than I've known them. Poor girl had to watch the man she loves claim her best friend, fall in love with her and even ask her to marry him. I can't and don't even want to imagine what that felt like for her.
But she did it with a smile on her face, never letting what she felt overshadow what her best friend was feeling. Willow was even helping with wedding plans. The girl must have been mental. But I suppose she loved them both enough to let them be happy.
Then Cindy was killed and I think it hurt Willow just as much as Hammer. Maybe in a different way, but they're now bonded in grief for a woman they both adored. They're both hurting. I might not be able to help Willow, but I can help Hammer right now.
“Don't look now but there's a young girl walking this way.” Hammer follows my line of vision. A young woman is walking toward us. Blonde hair down to her shoulders, black jeans, jacket, boots, dark sunglasses on her face, hiding her eyes. But I can tell she's looking right at us.
“Why is she heading for us?”
“No idea.” But she is heading right for us. There's no one else around for miles. Our contact told us The Exorcist likes it that way. Fewer people around to know what's going on the better. The fewer people see us hanging around the better, too.
We're in the middle of a town a couple hours away from our own, parked near an abandoned warehouse. We're not stupid, we're packing. You never know when you might need to defend yourself. Always be on alert, and always be ready for the unexpected.
This chick doesn't look like she poses a threat but looks can be deceiving. Trust me, women can be just as dangerous as men, even a little slip of a girl like this one. We're not wearing our cuts so our club won't be identified. But that means nothing right now.
The girl stops next to Hammer's bike and lifts her glasses onto her head. Those are some blue eyes I will never forget, deep blue. Her face ain't bad to look at either. “Can we help you, little girl?”
There is absolutely no fear in this girl’s eyes as she raises her eyebrow at me.
“You always approach men like us like this?”
This time she looks at Hammer. “You must be Cade. I believe you're expecting me.”
Hammer's eyes shoot over to me. He's thinking exactly what I'm thinking. Who the fuck would send this young woman to meet with two bikers alone with no one else around? Don't they know what could happen to her?
Sure, we don't hurt women or kids, or even the innocent, but we're bikers. Jesus! Not all bikers are as n
ice as we are. Not all bikers have the same morals. She could have been meeting with a damn rapist!
“Look, I don't have time to hang around while you two stare this out. My time is limited. Do you want help or not?”
There ain't no time for this. I don't care who she is nor who sent her. We came here to hand over some information to have a motherfucker we can't find found and ended.
“Give her the envelope.”
“But she's a damn kid, Ghost. What if something happens to her? I'd never forgive myself.”
“I doubt very much she'd be out here if...”
“Cade?” The girl cuts me off. Cade is the name I gave for Hammer so he'd be recognized by whoever came for the information. There was no way I was giving either of our real names. Hammer turns to look at her. “I know I may look like a little woman to you, weak and not able to handle myself. But believe me, I can handle myself just fine. I work for the man you seek help from. He sent me here to speak to you, to hear your story. If I believe you deserve the help you're seeking, then I'll take the information to him. So why don't you tell me why you're here?”
This ain't easy for Hammer, he's never spoken about what happened. But as I watch him climb off his bike and lean back against it while looking at this woman, I know he's about to tell her everything.
Hell, I'd tell her everything if she looked at me the way she's looking at him. He's a handsome bastard, tall as fuck, and like I said, he's as big as a mountain. She's watching him with kindness as he explains how Cindy was kidnapped. How he was sent live links to watch her being beaten. God, those links will haunt me forever.
“I loved her so much. Ain't never in my life met anyone like her. She was gonna be my wife and the mother of my future children, and they tortured her like she was nothing more than a bug on their shoes. Then with the last link came the last time I ever saw her alive.”
I get off my bike and clasp Hammer's shoulder. He needs support right now. He has one arm wrapped around his waist, the other hand is clasped over his face. He's trying to force back the tears.
The One I Need (Snakes Henchmen MC Book 1) Page 5
