by Lynn, J. S.
“Is everything okay, babe? Is that Jenny I hear?”
“Hey, Joe,” I said, suddenly exhausted again. Ash saw my fatigue and led me to the kitchen. “I’ll make us some tea. Joe?” She called out of the kitchen, “could you grab a towel for Jenny? And that big, plush robe in the closet?” She turned back to me and motioned to a kitchen chair. We were both silent as she bustled around the kitchen, taking three cups from the cabinet and preparing loose tea in a strainer. Joe walked in a few minutes later, handing me the towel and robe. I walked into the bathroom beside the kitchen and stripped off my wet clothes. I looked in the mirror. I looked like a drowned cat, but I somehow looked stronger. I stood up straight, cloaking the robe over my naked body. I tied it tightly and walked back into the kitchen. Joe and Ashley had been whispering to each other, stopping when they heard me sit down.
Ashley sat next to me, placing the steaming cup in front of me. She looked concerned, and I felt overwhelming gratitude for the way that she stayed silent until I was ready to talk. I ran my fingers through my hair.
“I couldn’t do it anymore, Ash. I tried to tell him that I wasn’t going to stay with someone who didn’t want the same things that I did, who didn’t want a family. I’m almost 34, that’s not unreasonable, is it?” I searched her face desperately for confirmation.
“No, it’s not. You can’t help wanting what you want, Jenny. And no one, no matter how much you don’t want to admit it, should get in the way of that.” Joe nodded his approval of this and squeezed her shoulder before exiting for the bedroom.
“I’m sorry that I came so late, I didn’t mean to bother you two, I just didn’t know where else to go.” She shook her head.
“Nonsense. You’re my best friend. You’re never a bother, Jen. Stay here as long as you need to. The guest room is finished, and I can help you get anything you need from your--from the house.” I leaned over and rested my head on the table. She pat my head.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. There’s nothing left to talk about, I guess. You’ve heard it all before. I just need to sleep, I think. Although, he did tell me that if I left, it would mean that I was turning into my mother.”
Ashley suddenly looked enraged.
“That asshole. I can’t believe he stooped that low. I mean, I know the guy’s hurt, but that’s just uncalled for. If anything, you wanting to settle down makes you even less like your mother. What a child.” I let her fume, before pulling her in for a tight hug.
“Thank you, Ash. You’re a lifesaver.”
“Anytime.”
***
I called Nancy the next morning, explaining that Elliot and I had broken up, and I needed a day off to clear my head. To my surprise, she didn’t argue; she would be the one to take care of my lessons for the day. I thanked her in earnest before I hung up and spent the morning unpacking the suitcase I had brought and then relaxing.
Luis’ words were ringing in my head that night when I settled in to go to sleep. “Maybe there’s a reason.”
I sat up, aggravated by my own brain. A reason. Before I knew it, I had gotten my clothes back on and I was in my car, driving to his house. My breath came quickly as I pulled into his driveway, shutting off the engine quickly. I sucked in as I got out of the car and raced to his front door. I knocked. My heart was beating in a way that I didn't recognize; I was exhilarated. I saw a shadow brush past the window and the door opened, revealing Luis' surprised face.
"Jenny? What are you doing here?"
I looked up at him, his beautiful eyes reflecting the porch light that was illuminating me.
"Jenny-" I felt his hands move towards my face, but I moved before he could react. I kissed him passionately, fully.
I felt it, again. That feeling that rose deep in my chest the first time he kissed me, danced with me, held me. I felt it rise until I was sure that it must be staining my cheeks with scarlet conviction. He pulled me inside the doorway, shut the door, and softly pushed me against it.
Our mouths were like two hurricanes meeting, A storm that destroyed everything but us. My mind was quiet, for once, as his lips explored mine. He wrapped his arms around me, enveloping me. My hands trembled as I reached for his shirt, tugging on it until he took it off. Those velvet hands maneuvered around my shoulders, sliding the straps from my arms, my dress falling soundlessly to the ground. I felt his hands gracing the small of my back; I gasped a little.
"Jenny, I--" he began, as my hands reached for his belt, unzipping his pants. I kissed him.
"Please, Luis. Please." My eyes were wide, I prayed that he couldn't see the chaos behind them. He let his pants and his underwear slide onto the floor. He stared into my eyes as he unhooked my bra and slid my panties off slowly. I leaned my bare chest against his, my heart beating wildly as the warmth spread all over my body.
He stopped, suddenly.
"Come with me." He took my hand and started leading me into the hallway. Naked, we both tip-toed through the darkened house, the carpet abrasive against my feet. I didn't know where we were going, but I didn't care.
He turned on the light as we stepped into the bathroom. As he wordlessly turned the shower on, I avoided looking into the mirror. He turned to me after a few moments and held out his hand. I took it, and we both stepped into the hot, steaming water.
I felt it wash over my hair, my eyes, my back, as he held me tightly under the stream. I pulled back a little and looked up at him. Water dripping from his now waving hair, he smiled as he dragged his thumb across the corner of my eye. I realized suddenly that my mascara was probably running, and looked down as I tried hastily to wash it away.
I felt his hands again on my face, raising it to his gaze. He looked at me as if I had never looked more beautiful to him, even right then. With my hair hanging in front of my eyes like seaweed and my eyes stained with black, I smiled helplessly.
He pulled me into him and held me tenderly, running his hands through my hair, my face resting just underneath his chin. We stayed like that until the water became cold.
We stepped out and dried ourselves, and I caught my reflection in the mirror by accident. I quickly looked away from the jittery, wry face staring back at me. His hands rested on my shoulders and I looked up, startled. He was right behind me, staring intently. He ran his hands down my arms, to my curving hips, up around my large breasts, my neck.
"Beautiful Jenny." He breathed. I soundlessly choked back tears. He took my hand again, and we worked our way through the darkness, naked, together.
***
Showcase was only a week away, and the studio was buzzing with excitement. I was in the middle of practice with Luis. I didn’t notice anything in the room but his eyes as we fluidly waltzed around the room. After a few minutes, he smiled at me.
“You’ve improved a lot, Jenny. I can tell it’s from all that practicing. Are you excited for showcase?” He led me through a turn as he spoke. Spinning around and facing him again, I smiled and nodded.
I heard Nancy clear her throat from behind us. We came to a graceful stop, and I turned my attention to her.
“Jenny, I wanted to congratulate you on your improvement. I have decided that I want Luis and yourself to perform a dance together for the event.” I stopped smiling and stared at her.
“Seriously? But Luis is a much better dancer than I am, wouldn’t I just hold him back?”
Nancy frowned. “Jenny. Confidence is the key to dance, and please don't question my judgment. I’ve been watching you two all week, and I’ve never seen you dance so seamlessly with any other dancer. If I’m going to introduce my newest teacher in the best light, I am going to do it by pairing her with the best match.” There was a slight sparkle in her eye as she said this, and I realized that she knew what had happened between Luis and myself.
She was a tough-as-nails, power-driven hard-ass, but she had a very keen knack for perception. Without words she was giving me her blessing, that much I knew.
Chapter 12
“NO!” he yelled out of frustration. I flopped down on the ground in exhaustion. We had been at it for five hours now and I still couldn’t get it right. My feet kept crossing, and each time they did I could see him getting more and more upset. He placed himself in position and looked at me. “Get up Jenny, let’s go again.”
“Maybe we should call it a day.” I suggested taking of my shoes and massaging my now throbbing feet. He stopped and stared at me. Apparently calling it a day was not an option.
“If you’re not up to putting the work in that’s necessary to master this dance, then we should just stop now. There’s no point in me teaching you this dance if you are not willing to put the necessary work in to master it.”
I stared at him in bewilderment. Out of all of the days we spent practicing for showcase, I had never seen Luis act this way. He was always calm and patient with me. He seemed to understand that it would take a while before I would be as good of a dancer as he was, but today he was different. All day he had yelled at me and criticized my movements.
“We’ve been here for five hours,” I reminded him. “Maybe the reason I keep messing up is because I’m tired and my body hurts. If you allow me to get some rest and go over the dance moves, then I’ll be better tomorrow.”
He chuckled. “You think I became the dancer I am today by resting? Hell no! I spent day in and day out learning and mastering new dances, perfecting every move until they were flawless. I wouldn’t rest until I knew for sure I could do the dance backwards.”
“Well you and I are different, and I need some rest.” I said grabbing my bag and packing my things. “We can continue this lesson bright and early tomorrow morning, but right now I have a hot bath and a nice comfortable bed calling my name. Goodbye Luis.”
I got up off of the ground, grabbed my bag, and began walking towards the door. Every step I took reminded me of how sore I was from practicing all day long. I was tired of being fussed at and criticized. I could feel his stare as I walked out of the door. I’m sure he was very upset that I was walking out of his lesson, but I knew there was no way I was going to be able to master the dance today. I wasn’t like Luis; I couldn’t practice day in and day out. I knew my limits.
I reached my car and looked up to see Luis glaring at me through the window. He seemed really upset. I hoped today wouldn’t ruin our relationship outside of dance, but by looking at him, I couldn’t be too sure.
Chapter 13
I was up bright and early the next morning and ready to go. I was well rested and full of energy. I hadn’t heard form Luis last night, but I kept receiving texts and calls from Elliot, so I had turned off my phone off.
I pulled up at the dance studio at six o’clock on the dot. I wanted to practice alone before I had to deal with Luis. I stood in front of the mirror, took a deep breath, and began. I was determined to get the move right. I decided to slow it down again and take it one step at a time. Once I sped it back up though, I was tripping over myself again. There were just too many moves on the half beats. I wasn’t giving up, though. I wasn’t going to let this one move get the best of me.
I almost had it down completely when Luis came through the door. I had sped up slightly and was now going about medium speed. I was still not able to complete the move full speed yet. He came and watched me intently. He still looked a bit upset from yesterday, and his glare made me nervous. I kept trying though; I was determined to show him that I could do this. I attempted the move and failed. Again.
“Ugh!” I yelled out of frustration.
“Again,” he said walking up to me. I moved myself back into position, took a deep breath and started again. I watched myself in the mirror as I glided through each step completing them perfectly; my heart began to beat faster as the move I had not mastered was approaching. I attempted the move and failed once again.
I was irritated with myself. Why couldn’t I get it right? Luis was showing no emotion whatsoever. I got back in position and began the dance again, starting from the beginning. I had mastered every other move, except this one, and the fact that I couldn’t complete it was driving me insane. After the fifth attempt, I just stopped and put my head in my hands.
“Again,” Luis ordered.
I shook my head. It was evident that I was giving up. “I can’t do it Luis. We’ve been practicing since yesterday and I still haven’t gotten it right.
“Your fear of not completing the move is what is messing you up. You’re thinking too much about completing it. Just do it.” He sat down in front of the mirror to watch me again.
I sighed and got back in position. I was ready to give up. At this point, I was thinking that I would never master this dance. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I began again. This time I didn’t think about the move, I kept my head high and took each step one by one. I completed every other move perfectly, as usual, and went into the most difficult move with confidence. And I did it. I completed the move and I had never felt so proud of myself. All my hard work had paid off.
My joy was short lived though, because when I looked over at Luis, his face was unmoved. I was confused. I had completed the move without falling on my ass this time and he didn’t even look satisfied.
“I’m calling off the dance,” he said at last. I looked at him confused. “You’re not ready.”
“Not ready?” I questioned. “Did you not see me? I completed the move.”
“I said you’re not ready. I’m not about to embarrass myself out there with someone who can’t even complete a simple move like that one. That’s just the first part of the dance, and if you think that was difficult, you definitely won’t be able to complete the others. I’m calling it off, and I’m telling Nancy that she needs to find me another partner.” He said.
I was heated, but I wasn’t going down without a fight. I hadn’t put this much work in to stop now. “I proved to you that I’m willing to put the work in. What else do you suggest I do?” I asked.
He laughed. “Willing to put the work in? You left yesterday because you’re precious feet hurt. How do you think I felt? I had been practicing five hours with someone who couldn’t even get past the first move in the dance. My body hurt as well and my feet were killing me but I didn’t give up on you. You walked out on me and now you want to come back the next day and be proud that you finally completed the move? We are way behind schedule now. I’m calling the dance off. YOU ARE NOT READY!”
No wonder Luis could never find anybody to perform with him. When it came to dancing, he was a narcissistic asshole. I was pissed. I grabbed my bag off of the ground and stormed out of the dance studio. How dare he? Who did he think he was?
Now realizing that Luis wasn’t the perfect man I thought he was, I felt horrible. All I could think about was how badly I had hurt Elliot by leaving him. I definitely let my emotions get the best of me. I couldn’t imagine how much pain he was in right now. I still remember the look on his face when I told him I was leaving, and how he begged me to stay. How could I have been so cruel?
I looked up to see Luis standing in the doorway of the dance studio and instantly my anger took over me again. I started the car and drove off as quickly as possible. At this moment I didn’t want to anything to do with Luis. I wondered what had changed with him. It didn’t make any sense to me. One minute he was all over me showing me nothing but love and affection.
When we danced, it was like nothing else mattered, we would look into each other’s eyes and match each other move for move. Now, we couldn’t be more different, more out of sync than ever. I was starting to rethink Nancy’s judgment. It seemed like she could never be more wrong about her precious dancer.
Chapter 14
“Jenny, its Luis please return my calls.”
“Jenny, I really need to talk to you. Will you please return my call?”
“Jenny! Will you please answer? You can’t still be mad at me can you?”
“Jenny, I just really want to spend time with you. In a person
al way, not as your dance partner. Will you please return my calls so we can talk?”
I hung up the phone and turned it off. I still wasn’t speaking to Luis after what happened this morning. He has been calling all day. I guess he was trying to apologize, but I didn’t want his apology.
I was in the kitchen cooking dinner for Ashley and Joe. I needed something to calm my nerves, and since I couldn’t bring myself to look at another dance floor right now, cooking was the only thing I could think of.
“It smells wonderful in here!” Ashley exclaimed as she came through the door and took a seat at the kitchen table.
“Thank you,” I told her.
“Has Joe come home yet?” Ashley asked me and I shook my head. “So, tell me. How are you and Luis doing? Is he still everything your heart could ever want?”
