by Lynn, J. S.
The lanterns around us shimmered like stars in the night. Nobody seemed to notice us in the dark. Suddenly, he had the need to take his leave. “Lady, Annabelle, it is my time to go,” he said, as he got up from the bench.
He kissed me on the cheek, a kiss that sort of surprised me. I felt his soft lips against my cheekbone. “Goodbye, love,” he said. And he ran off just like that, disappearing like the wind.
“But will we ever meet again?” I called after him.
***
The next morning, I was out shopping with my dear friend, Lady Georgiana. It was a beautiful morning and the birds were chirping as the sun fell over the town. I was wearing a white summer dress. We walked down the line of shops on Ludgate Street and as we were out shopping, I thought of Lord Augustus’s poetry and how he recited it to me.
“Dear, I shall have it all with you
I cannot breathe as I think of our love
An angel has made my wish come true.”
“You are lost in a daydream today, Annabelle,” Lady Georgiana said, looking over me.
I only smiled at her. “It is just a beautiful today for shopping, isn’t it? Let us stop at this bookstore. I have been meaning to pick up a new book.”
We walked into the small bookshop. It smelled of musty cinnamon. Dark brown bookshelves lined the entire shops with hundreds of books piled next to each other. I started looking through some books. “I am going to look for a new novel,” Lady Georgiana told me, as she walked toward the back of the bookstore.
I started looking through different books. After several minutes, I heard the door creak open and I looked up.
To my horror, I saw the man from the other night, but instead of being alone, he was standing inside the shop with another woman and four small children. I pushed the book I was holding over my face, opening it so both sides were hiding my entire face. I knew that if I stood there he may not see me.
I started to head to the back of the bookstore, near Lady Georgiana. This was a bad idea. I didn’t know he was an already married man. And all those children? They were his? As I turned around though, his eye caught my eye and I could not help but stop, as he stared at me. Those piercing blue eyes stared into my soul again. He looked at shocked as I did, but then his expression changed and he let out a sort of smile.
He walked near me. "Lady Annabelle, is it?" he said. His voice had a seductive whisper.
"It is, Lord Augustus," I said. I could not help but smile as I saw his face.
“And here we are, as fate has it. We are at the exact same bookstore at the same time. We meet for a second time.” I did not say anything. I frowned. The chance that we would bump into each other was quite unlikely.
“Looking for poetry inspiration, Lord Augustus?” I said.
“I am always looking for a good book to read,” he said. “What kind of writer would I be if I did not read?”
“You must read a lot,” I said.
Before I could say anything else, he leaned forward. "Meet me at the Vauxhall Gardens tomorrow morning at 8. I will be waiting for you."
Just like that, he swept away leaving me standing there alone again. I watched him disappear. I knew it was bad to do things like this and I especially did not want to be in the spotlight again. But we were just talking and no one had made me feel like this since Lord William.
Should I go to the Vauxhall Gardens with this stranger? Should I just not go? It was so easy, I would just pretend the whole thing didn’t happen. I would not meet this seductive man at the gardens tomorrow. I would walk home with Lady Georgiana and then I would go about the rest of my day and not meet Lord Augustus at the gardens tomorrow. I would never see the man ever again. And that would
be that.
“Who was that, Lady Annabelle?” Lady Georgiana asked me. She had a book in her hand as she walked over to me.
“It is no one I know,” I said.
***
Somehow, I was up at seven the next morning. I felt butterflies float through my stomach as I put on my best day dress. It was a simple printed dress made of high quality material. It had a wide neckline and full upper sleeves. I had several petticoats beneath it.
My body seemed to move itself. This is a bad idea, I thought. But somehow I was getting dressed and putting on my makeup and doing my hair. I couldn’t just leave him there, and what if I never saw him again?
I pulled out a large, beautiful hat to cover my face. It was a straw hat delicately trimmed with flowers and it wasn’t too fancy. It had just the right amount of embellishments. As I put it over my head, it seemed to hide my hairstyle. If I angled it the right way, you could hide my entire face and I looked just like any woman with a hat. This way, nobody would see or recognize me. The hat matched my outfit, so I was not going out of my way to hide myself. I was just putting on a hat, like every other day and heading to the Vauxhall Gardens.
There was a pale violet and red color in the sky. A light breeze swept through the air. The beautiful gardens were one of my favorite spots and The Vauxhall Gardens often drew large crowds during the summer season. It looked like it might rain today so I doubted many people would be there.
I walked down to The Vauxhall Gardens alone. I felt a little nervous but no one seemed to recognize me and I did not see anyone that I knew yet. Everything would be fine. I walked across the bridge that went over the Thame River and led to the gardens.
I lit up as I saw Lord Augustus at the edge of the bridge. He had on a light green single breasted coat with plated buttons and collar. He wore light drab kerseymere with Hessian boots. Oh wow, did he look good today. He didn’t see me walk up behind me.
“Hello, Lord Augustus. Here we are again, at the lovely and magnificent Vauxhall Gardens,” I said.
He smiled. “I just could not help but see my best muse again.”
We walked through the maze structure of The Vauxhall Gardens. If you kept walking, you could get lost in them. We went right and then left, right and then left again. As we walked, we talked about life. He talked about his family life and I told him about my family.
As we walked, it started to rain gently over the gardens. I held my hat against my head. “Oh my, it is raining,” I said. “Shall we go home?”
“I did not bring a hat, like you,” Lord Augustus laughed. “You were smarter than me.”
As the rain beat down on us, I felt its wet presence against my day dress. Usually, the wetness and water would bother me, but it didn’t seem to bother me today. It felt cooling against the hot weather we had been having. It seemed to release a feeling of freedom inside me. It started to rain down harder and it wet the grass beneath us. I saw people start to leave and people start to run off, scared of a little wetness.
All of a sudden, Lord Augustus took my body and pushed his lips against mine. I leaned backwards, trying to reject him at first, but felt his body pull me in. I finally gave in and kissed him back, feeling his lips press against mine. After several moments, I pulled back. Time seemed to stop. I kissed him again. Rain started to pour down on us as the wind blew against us.
"Augustus!" I yelled. "Are you not married to another woman?"
He seemed undisturbed by this. He said in his poetic voice,
“I feel love only for you, darling
You are sweet and charming
You are the light of my life
With you, I forget I even have a wife”
"Meet me outside of my place, tomorrow?" he said. He told me his address where he lived. “Meet me just outside the gates.”
Oh dear, I thought. A married man? What was I getting in to? At his place? I could not risk going there. Did he not worry someone would see us? As I walked home in a state of worry, my worry quickly changed as I smiled, thinking of the moment we had at the gardens. I felt so torn between right and wrong. One side of me told me to stop seeing him, but the other side told me that he was the love of my life and I would never forget him.
***
The next day, I
was out playing a game of graces with a couple of the ladies. We took turns tossing the wooden hoop, decorated with beautiful ribbons, over the delicately crossed wooden tossing sticks. I did not seem to be winning today. I started talking to Lady Georgiana as the game came to a finish. “Georgiana,” I said, feeling guilt in my voice. I did not bother to hide my feelings. I whispered to her. “I think I may be in love with a married man.”
She frowned and looked at me with a state of shock as she led me away from the other girls. “A married man?” she said, a tone of gossip and worry. “After the wedding?”
“Yes, I know, it is awful of me,” I said. “It seems to have happened so suddenly. We danced at the Carlton and I could not forget him after we talked. Then we met at the gardens and we kissed for several minutes."
Her worry turned into interest. Lady Georgiana and I always talked about our relationships and I listened to countless stories and tales of the men she dated and how the relationship went wrong or turned in to a state of drama. “Who is it?”
“Should I say?” I said. “I do not know him very well. His name is Lord Augustus.”
She frowned. “The Lord Augustus? He has been married for several years and he has children. Isn’t he a poet?”
“He is a professional poet,” I said. “Oh my, he reads me lovely poetry. He just makes it up when I talk to him. It is so romantic.”
“But a married man?”
I looked a little worried and felt a gut feeling in my stomach. “Yes, but what can you do?” I said.
“I have never seen you like this!” Georgiana gasped. “It is so risky, you would be the talk of the whole town again if news of this got out.”
I thought of the consequences. “We have only seen each other twice,” I said. “He is more like a friend, really.” I felt the lies roll off my tongue, but I was overcome by passion.
“Some kind of friend,” Lady Georgiana said. "Next thing you know, you will be disguised as a pageboy just to meet him!"
I laughed at her, thinking of the ridiculousness of the idea. But the idea stood in my head.
***
I went to Lord Augustus’s house the next day. His home was quite large, but it was not as large as Lord William’s mansion had been. Large black gates stood in front, hiding the house from me. Lord Augustus was standing outside the gate, looking stunning as usual. I had chosen a large hat to cover my face again. This hat was decorated with beautiful ribbons that matched my light blue day dress. “Hello, darling,” he said. I pulled my hat slightly off my face.
“What are we doing here?” I said.
“I only want to read you more poetry,” he said.
“And kiss me,” I said. I tried to be serious, but could not help but smile as I looked at him.
I saw two people walk past us. They glanced in my direction. I pulled the hat to angle it so it hid me from them. I looked around. Suddenly, a bad feeling swept over me. “Somebody will see us,” I said nervously. “This is an awful idea.”
I started to walk away. Lord Augustus called after me. “Come back to me,” he said. I started walking faster. I could just walk away now and the whole thing would have never happened.
Lord Augustus walked next to me. “Let us go to the Vauxhall Gardens again,” he said.
I shook my head. “I do not want to be seen by the crowds.”
“Let me take you somewhere. Maybe the bookshop? I would like to show you a beautiful book of poetry.”
“Not today,” I said. I walked away, leaving him behind. “Not today, Augustus,” I repeated. As I walked home, I expected Lord Augustus to follow me. But he did not. He stood behind me. I could feel his body against me in the background. I thought of turning around and going back to him, but I did not.
***
For the next few weeks, life went on as normal. I could not help but remember Lord Augustus and the events that went on between us. Moments of us kissing and him reading poetry flashed through me. I thought about him each and every day and wondered what he was doing and if he was writing poetry because of me.
I snuck in to my father’s closet one day and stole a couple of his items. I laid the items against his bed. I pulled dark pants over myself. I dressed myself like a man hiding my body.
It would be so easy, I thought. Just do it and it will be over with. I looked at myself in the mirror from head to toe. It was a pretty good disguise. I looked just like a pageboy. You could not tell it was me and I looked like someone who was ready to work.
I snuck out of my house and went over to Lord Augustus’s place. Was it the wedding being off that made me act like this? I didn’t know, but the thrill of it excited me. Instead of feeling nervous, I felt a feeling of romantic love. I could feel soft butterflies in my stomach and my heart beat faster. Nobody would recognize me in this outfit. It was safe for us to be together like this.
I walked in to the Lord Augustus’s house and acted like a true pageboy. I was a servant and a messenger. Nobody even questioned me as I walked about from room to room. They seemed to think everything was perfectly normal. It was easy, I thought. Nobody noticed a thing.
I saw Lord Augustus in the kitchen. I went up to him, briskly. I almost started talking to him as normal, but then realized he did not know it was me. He started to treat me like a normal pageboy. I acted like I was delivering a message to him. “It is me, Augustus!” I whispered.
He stood there in shock and then looked at me more closely.
“Dear, you have made me lose my breath
Thy must be some kind of test
Your love sweeps over me
You have made me wild and free.”
“Yes, it is me,” I said. “I see you have not lost your touch for poetry.”
“A disguise?” he said, talking normally. He looked concerned at first, but then let it out a smile. “You are as bad as me!”
“Yes, your love has made me act like I am in a circus, I guess,” I said.
“A circus is not always such a bad thing. Come here,” he said. He led me in to a room that was off to the corner. Inside it, there was a fairly large bed with sheets made and two pillows. There was a drawer and small window looking outside.
Without hesitation, he drew me on the bed and started kissing me. I kissed him back. I hesitated for a second, but then we kissed for several minutes.
He started to pull off my clothes. Beneath my pageboy costume, I had on a corset from my dress earlier. My corset had lavish white lace around it. He unlaced my corset slowly and drew me on the bed. I let out a breath. I felt the blood move throughout my body. As he kissed my mouth and neck, I rolled my neck against the fancy cushions. I looked at the ceiling and saw the lights above the bed twinkle.
In the morning, I was curled up in his covers. I saw a cup of tea by the table. I did not know where he was. I realized this was the guest room and not the main room. As I rolled out of bed, I put on my pageboy outfit. I felt guilt pass through me and thought I would just leave as quickly as possible and hope nobody noticed me. Lord Augustus came on. “Good morning, love,” he said.
I did not feel romantic this morning. “How do I leave, dear?”
He did not hesitate to tell me and showed me how to leave out the back door. “We shall meet again? Come by tomorrow?”
***
We continued on like this for weeks. I disguised myself in hats when we went out to the gardens or out on the town. If I wanted to go to his house, I disguised myself as a pageboy and snuck in to the guestroom. Weeks turned in to months as I was over swept with passion.
I even met his children at breakfast one day with him. I was disguised as a pageboy, but I got to know each of their names and talked with each of them a little. I watched Lord Augustus in his role as father and watched his gentle tenderness as he cared for each kid.
I thought of Lord William for a second. I had not thought of him in a while, but I had a sudden flash of him. Was this how he felt? Was I just like him? No, I was even worse, I thought. Lord Au
gustus was already married!
"I do not think this will work out," I told Augustus, several times.
"How could you leave me now?” he said and would read me poetry.
"My love, we will meet again
I would be heartbroken if were just friends."
I could not help but be seduced by his poetry. The romantic words and lines just got to me and I was curious for him to write me more.
"Meet me at our bookshop,” he told me one day. “The one we saw each other in.”
“I will meet you there, Lord Augustus,” I said. “And you will find me a book of poetry that you will read to me.”
