A second puppet appeared. This one had sharp teeth and a fin attached to its back. It slunk toward the surfer puppet.
“I’m in trouble, dudes!” cried the surfer puppet. “Quick, tell me what tool I would use to find information on repelling a shark?”
None of the children answered.
“Tell me!” the surfer puppet shouted as the shark swam closer.
Still nobody answered.
“Please!” screamed the surfer puppet.
“Um,” Bernadette finally said, “the Dewey decimal system?”
“You’re right, dudette!” cried the surfer puppet.
“But—” The shark pounced. “You’re too late. ARGH!”
The puppets wrestled their way out of sight.
The children clapped.
Then two new puppets popped up. One was a little old lady with a big nose. The other was a little old man with a bigger nose.
“Oh, Puh-uunch!” cried the little old lady.
“Yes, Judy?” answered the little old man.
“I have a surprise for you,” said Judy.
“Then give it to me,” said Punch. WHACK!
Judy smacked Punch over the head with a broom.
“Ouch!” shouted Punch. He turned to the children. “It looks as if I need to learn about head injuries. How can I find the information?”
“The school nurse?” suggested Amisha.
“The Internet?” suggested Ashley Z.
“I know! I know!” cried Missy. “The Dewey decimal system. You’d use the Dewey decimal system.”
“Hooray!” exclaimed Punch. “I’m saved!”
“That’s what you think,” screeched Judy. She chased Punch offstage.
The children clapped and laughed as a penguin puppet popped up.
“What tool would I use to find information about refrigeration?” it asked.
“The Dewey decimal system!” the children cried.
Now a Benjamin Franklin puppet popped up. “What can help me find books about electricity?”
“The Dewey decimal system!” the children cried again.
Now a sumo wrestler puppet popped up. “What system can help me find books about diaper rash?”
“The Dewey decimal system!” the children cried yet again.
Then Miss Turner and all the puppets burst into song:
“Numbers, numbers in a row.
Tell us where nonfiction goes.”
The children joined in:
“Gives us facts and gives us rules.
The Dewey decimal system’s cool.”
With each verse, they grew louder and more enthusiastic, until everyone was clapping and laughing and cheering for the Dewey decimal system.
Everyone, that is, except Lenny and Bruce.
“I don’t get it,” whispered Lenny.
“Me either,” Bruce whispered back.
“Shhhh!” hissed Stanford. “I can’t hear what she’s saying.”
Miss Turner looked toward Lenny and Bruce. “Join the fun!” she urged them.
But the boys didn’t think the Dewey decimal system was all that fun, not even when Miss Turner cried, “Do you know about the Dewey decimal system?” and everyone replied, “Do we? Dewey? Boy, do we!”
“That was the best library lesson ever,” Stanford declared minutes later as the fourth graders lined up to head back to class.
Lenny pretended to gag.
Bruce pretended to choke.
And Miss Turner sighed.
She turned to Mr. Jupiter and, for the first time since meeting him, forgot to bat her eyelashes. “I wish I could find some way to spark those two’s interest. I wish I could turn them into Dewey whizzes.”
Mr. Jupiter nodded. “When I worked at Transylvania Elementary I had the same problem with the son of a local count. The boy just couldn’t sink his teeth into the subject.” He patted her hand, and the librarian almost swooned. “I’m sure you’ll think of something.”
The following Thursday, Lenny and Bruce headed straight for the magazine rack. But the International Geographics were—
“Gone!” gasped Lenny.
“Yes,” said Miss Turner. “I’ve hidden them.”
“Hidden?” said Bruce.
“Actually,” explained Miss Turner, “I’ve shelved them using the Dewey decimal system.”
“Huh?” grunted the boys.
“Ordinarily, I wouldn’t shelve books and magazines together,” continued Miss Turner, “but in order to show you how wonderfully versatile the system is, I’ve taken a few liberties.”
“Huh?” the boys grunted again.
“You see,” Miss Turner went on, “I’ve matched information on the inside of the magazine with its corresponding Dewey decimal number, thus finding the perfect place for them on the bookshelves. If you want to read them, you’ll have to find them.” Pivoting on the heels of her strappy sandals, she sashayed away. Only the scent of her new perfume lingered.
Bruce sighed with disappointment. “I guess I’m back to reading books.”
“Not so fast,” said Lenny. “I’m not about to be beaten by a librarian.”
He trolled up and down the aisles of bookshelves, his eyes flicking right and left.
For the first time ever, he noticed the numbers on the spines of each book. He noticed the corresponding numbers on the end of each of the bookshelves.
“Are those Dewey decimal numbers?” he asked Bruce.
“I think so,” said Bruce.
“Huh,” said Lenny. “I’m beginning to see the connection.” He swept past books about space and time (Dewey decimal numbers 114 and 115),
past books about religion (Dewey decimal number 200),
past books about criminal law (345) and railroad transportation (385) and—
Aha!
There, wedged in with books about customs, etiquette, and folklore (390), was a stack of International Geographics.
“I get it,” said Bruce. “Some of the magazine articles are about life in other countries. You know, their special customs.”
“Clever of her,” said Lenny. “But not clever enough.”
The two crept behind the new books section and opened a magazine to an article about Bikini Island.
From across the room, Miss Turner watched … and smiled.
* * *
The next Thursday, Lenny and Bruce dashed to 390, but—
“They’ve been reshelved,” said Miss Turner.
The boys groaned.
“Isn’t the Dewey decimal system wonderful?” chirped the librarian. “It’s so flexible.”
“And so confusing,” groaned Lenny.
“Not really,” replied Miss Turner. “Not if you have a chart.” She pointed to a poster on the wall. On it was listed the entire Dewey decimal system.
The boys studied it a moment. Then they started searching.…
Languages of East and Southeast Asia (495).
Gas Mechanics (533).
Microbiology (576).
“Where can they be?” wailed Lenny.
“How about Zoology?” suggested Bruce. “Those magazines have lots of articles about animals in them.”
“Good idea,” said Lenny. “What’s the decimal number for zoology?”
“591,” said Stanford, who was walking past.
The boys made a beeline for the bookshelf, then spent the rest of their library time giggling behind Biographies.
The next Thursday, Bruce pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. They knew Miss Turner would have reshelved the International Geographics, and they were ready. Earlier they had made a list of categories the magazine might be shelved under. Now they split up.
Lenny headed for Birds (598).
Nothing.
Bruce dashed toward Human Anatomy (611).
Nada.
Lenny found his way to Agriculture (630).
Zip.
“Where can they be?” asked Bruce when they’d crossed the last topic off their list. He s
ighed in defeat.
That was when Miss Turner appeared. “Did you boys read that article about the Taj Mahal?” she asked. “It was absolutely fascinating!”
Lenny looked at Bruce.
Bruce looked at Lenny.
“That’s it!” they cried in unison.
They found the magazines shelved under Buildings (690).
Victoriously, they pulled the magazines down just as Mr. Jupiter clapped his hands. “Everyone line up.”
“Rotten luck,” growled Lenny. He put the magazines back.
The following Thursday, Miss Turner had a surprise for the fourth graders. “Instead of checking out books,” she said, “we’re going to play the Dewey decimal game. The winner will receive a special prize.”
Miss Turner explained the rules. Each student would be asked a question about the Dewey decimal system. If the student answered correctly, he would remain standing. If the student answered incorrectly, she would be asked to sit down. The last student left standing would be the winner.
Stanford turned to Lenny and Bruce. “I bet you wish you’d paid closer attention now,” he said.
Lenny shrugged. Who needed to pay attention when he could use the chart? He glanced toward it, and his heart sank. Miss Turner had taken the poster down!
Bruce had noticed too. “We’re going to be the first kids out,” he groaned.
The boys dragged themselves to their feet as Miss Turner shuffled through a stack of index cards and read the first question. “Under what number would you find a book about tetherball. Jackie?”
Jackie didn’t hesitate. “796,” she answered.
“Correct,” said Miss Turner.
“Woo-woo-woo!” whooped Calvin and Humphrey. They pumped their fists in the air.
“Rachel,” said Miss Turner, “this question is for you. A book about public speaking can be found under what number?”
“Pffft,” Rachel said.
“No, I’m sorry,” said Miss Turner. “The number is 791.”
“Woo-woo-woo!” whooped Calvin and Humphrey again.
Miss Turner turned to Lenny.
Beads of sweat broke out on his forehead.
“Tell me,” said Miss Turner, “under what number would you find a book about customs, etiquette, and folklore?”
Lenny couldn’t believe his luck. She’d asked him something he knew! “390,” he said with confidence. “The answer is 390.”
Miss Turner nodded and smiled, then looked at Bruce. “Books about zoology can be found where?”
“591!” shouted Bruce.
“Correct,” said Miss Turner. “And I like your enthusiasm.” She smiled at Mr. Jupiter.
He smiled back.
And so the game went. Question after question. Answer after answer. Student after student after student.
Ashlee A., Ashleigh B., and Ashley Z. went down in the second round. But not Lenny or Bruce.
Jackie went down in the fourth round. But not Lenny or Bruce.
Amisha, Missy, Victoria, and Lil all went down in the sixth round. But not Lenny or Bruce.
By the tenth round only Stanford, Lenny, and Bruce remained standing.
“Stanford,” said Miss Turner, “where would I find a book about buildings?”
Stanford shot the other two a triumphant look before answering, “328.”
“No, I’m sorry, that’s incorrect,” said Miss Turner. “Does either of you boys know?”
“690!” they cried in unison.
Miss Turner grinned. “I declare this contest a tie,” she said. “And now for your prize.” She reached behind her desk and pulled out a stack of …
“International Geographics!” whooped Bruce.
“Geography and travel, 910,” added Lenny.
Then together the boys cried, “Do we know about the Dewey decimal system? Do we? Dewey? Boy, do we!”
MORAL: Necessity is the mother of invention.
HAM AND BEANS
ONE MONDAY MORNING, MRS. GROS
singer visited the fourth grade. She smiled at the children with her big white teeth. “As president of your PTO, I’m pleased to announce that your class has won the schoolwide Bean Around the World geography contest.”
“Geography contest?” repeated Humphrey. “What geography contest? I don’t remember entering any geography contest.”
Mrs. Grossinger held up a worksheet bordered with pictures of grinning globes and dancing lima beans. “Remember this?” she said.
The children looked puzzled.
Then Calvin said, “Wait! You mean we won that contest?”
Mrs. Grossinger nodded.
The children looked even more puzzled.
Weeks ago the PTO president had delivered that very same piece of paper to their classroom. “As part of the contest,” she had explained, “you will be expected to work together as a class using encyclopedias, atlases, and other sources to answer the questions on this worksheet.”
But the fourth graders hadn’t taken the contest seriously.
“Who wants to bother with an atlas?” Lenny had asked.
No one did—not even Stanford. “I’m much too busy studying for next month’s juggling test to bother with some ridiculous contest,” he had said.
So instead of looking up the answers, the fourth graders had made them up.
This is what they had turned in:
AESOP ELEMENTARY PTO PRESENTS:
BEAN AROUND THE WORLD GEOGRAPHY CONTEST
Please research and carefully answer the following:
1. What is the most slippery country?
Greece.
2. What language do they speak in Cuba?
Cubic.
3. What type of birds are found in Portugal?
Portu-geese.
4. Where is the English Channel?
Between the Spanish and the French Channels.
5. Name three famous poles.
North, South, and Tad.
6. What are the Great Plains?
The Concorde, the stealth fighter, and the 747.
7. Why is the Mississippi River so unusual?
Because it has four i‘s but can’t see.
8. What is the fastest country?
Russia, because the people are always Russian.
9. Why is Alabama the smartest state in the USA?
Because it has four As and one B.
10. What is the capital of South Dakota?
Pierre.
Now Mrs. Grossinger managed to smile even bigger. “Congratulations,” she said. “You got the most answers right.”
Lenny waggled his eyebrows. “How could that have bean?”
“Beans me,” Bruce said.
“Does this mean we’re superior beans?” Missy said.
Mrs. Grossinger’s smile turned frosty.
“I’m bean-wildered,” Jackie said.
“I’ve never bean so confused,” Victoria said.
“To bean or nacho to bean,” Lil said. “That is the queso.”
Mrs. Grossinger stopped smiling entirely. Thumping a jar onto Mr. Jupiter’s desk—right between his walrus tusk and his Lunganga pig mask—she snapped, “Here’s your prize,” and stomped toward the door.
“Bean nice seeing you!” Bernadette called after her.
The door slammed.
The children looked at their prize.
“Jelly beans!” exclaimed Ham Samitch from the very last seat in the very last row. “I love, love, love jelly beans! Can we eat them now, Mr. Jupiter? Can we? Huh?”
Mr. Jupiter nodded. “Each of you may come up and reach into the jar,” he said. “We’ll start with the very first person in the very first row.”
Ham raised his hand. “Mr. Jupiter,” he whined, “do we have to go front to back? Can’t we go back to front? Just this once?”
Mr. Jupiter shook his head. “No, Ham, we can’t.”
“But I’ll get my candy last,” Ham whined again.
“Did you know,” replied Mr. Jupiter, “th
at in the Indonesian province of Budong-Budong, where I once raised Komodo dragons, it is considered an honor to be last?”
“But what if there aren’t any jelly beans left by the time I get my turn?” Ham was whimpering now. “What if there aren’t enough?”
“There’s plenty for everyone,” said Mr. Jupiter.
Ham wasn’t so sure. Nervously, he watched Bernadette go first. Reaching into the jar, she pulled out eight jelly beans—three pink, two yellow, two purple, and a green.
“That’s too many,” he howled. “Too many!”
Rachel went second. Shyly, she reached into the jar and picked out two orange beans.
“Not the orange ones,” Ham sobbed. “Orange is my favorite color.”
Lil was third. Before helping herself to one green, two yellow, and three purple beans, she took a deep breath and waxed poetic:
“A jar full of jelly beans,
So colorful and sweet,
As lovely as a painting,
And a very tasty treat.”
“Hurry up, huh?” Ham groaned. He wiped the drool from his lips.
One by one the fourth graders dipped their hands into the jar.
One by one they pulled out four jelly beans … eight jelly beans … fourteen jelly beans.
“Save some for me!” Ham cried again and again. “Save some for me.”
Finally, it was his turn. Hurrying up the aisle to Mr. Jupiter’s desk, he thrust his pudgy hand into the jar and clutched as many as his fist could hold—fourteen green, ten red, six orange, four yellow, and three black.
“I got more than anyone else,” he crowed.
But when he tried to pull out his bulging fist, it was—
“Stuck!” he wailed. “I’m stuck.”
“Oh, dear,” said Mr. Jupiter. “That is a problem.”
Ham tugged and twisted. He pushed and pulled. He even tried tapping the jar on the edge of the desk the way his mother did when she couldn’t get the mayonnaise open.
Nothing worked.
“I want my jelly beans!” wailed Ham.
“Try using your head,” suggested Mr. Jupiter.
Ham did.
Thump!
“Ouch!”
He was still stuck.
“Call Mr. Swill!” cried the boy. “He’ll know what to do.”
So Mr. Jupiter pressed the intercom button.
ZZZ-CRACK!
“Send Mr. Swill on the double,” said Mr. Jupiter.
The Fabled Fourth Graders of Aesop Elementary School Page 7
