by Laura Ward
Every. Fucking. Time.
I spent my summer making out with a high school senior, who I now had to teach for the remainder of the year. Yup, I was right all along—guys suck…especially the pretty ones.
“How’s it going so far, Emma?” Samantha sat next to me and began to eat. I was so out of it I hardly even knew she was there.
“I really like my freshmen history classes. Those kids seem as nervous as I am to start school. But the senior econ classes… Well, they looked like they wanted to eat me alive.” I stared at my turkey and provolone sandwich, unable to eat.
“Let me see your roster. I teach all juniors, so I’m sure I know every one of those clowns.” I handed her my roster as she read through my third period class. Her head jerked up and she sighed. Not a fond, “I miss these kids” sigh, but a sigh when someone was drafted to go to war and you didn’t know what else to say.
“Shit, Emma. This is the worst class of seniors ever. It is almost all football players and cheerleaders. And I’m not even sure who is worse. The football pricks think they run the school, and the cheerleaders are just catty bitches. The boys will only try and embarrass you, but the girls will be out for blood.”
“Jesus, am I teaching kids or zoo animals?” I stared at her as she gave me her best ‘duh!’ look.
“Did you really just ask me that? This is small town Indiana, and you’re not so far removed that you forget how this works. Football and cheerleading are all that matters to them. You’re on their turf now, and they’re not the kind that plays well with others.” She grabbed a pen and circled some names on the roster. “The worst culprit of all in your class is Dean Goldsmith. He’s the quarterback and therefore believes he’s entitled to rule the school… Basically he’s a royal asshole. You have to come down on him hard and fast. Next worst is absolutely Landon Washington.”
My eyes widened before I could control my reaction. I knew he lied to me, but Landon was a good person. The way he treated Trevor and Evie; you couldn’t fake that. What had I missed?
She continued talking in between bites of her peanut butter sandwich. “Landon is a smart mouth and a player. He thinks he is king around here since all the girls worship him. He’s always stringing one of the cheerleaders along with his cocky attitude and great looks. The worst part is, he’s really smart. You’d never know it from his piss-poor attitude, but he’s very intelligent. He just seems to apply his brains in all the wrong way. I actually think he’s thrown some tests so he’d get a B instead of an A. I think he thinks he’ll be treated differently if he’s both a jock and smart. So, he chose jock.”
Sam took a long drink of water and chuckled quietly to herself. I must have looked at her questioningly because she stopped and shrugged. “Sorry. It really isn’t funny, especially since my husband is the coach of the Lions, but I keep thinking of the prank Landon organized during the last home game of the season.”
“He’d dated a cheerleader last year who was a senior and captain of the squad. He must have distracted her well enough that his crew of guys were able to scramble the letters for their pyramid cheer at halftime.” Samantha snorted at the memory, and I shut my eyes, picturing Landon’s distraction techniques and their proven effectiveness on me and my all too willing body.
“The girls had planned to hold up letters to spell out—‘FIGHT THE BUCKEYES! GO! WIN!’—Well, the letters they held up to face the halftime crowd had been rearranged and spelled—‘WE FUCK THE BIG ONES!’—it’s so wrong, I know, but it was hilarious!” Samantha guffawed at her description so long her eyes watered.
“Oh, his girlfriend was pissed because she was in charge of the letters and the squad. Everyone knew it was Landon’s doing, but there was no proof, so he got off with no sanctions at all. Although, Tommy did force him to run hills every weekend until summer. But even Tommy thought it was brilliant.”
Freaking fabulous. I was as bright as a high school cheerleader. I let myself be played all summer by the charmer, Landon. I wanted to beat my head against the wall, repeatedly.
“The thing with Landon is,” Samantha continued on, oblivious to my tortured state, “I think this is all a rouse—you know, jokes on us—because he really is a brain who hides it because he doesn’t want to be held to any expectations. He just wants to play ball.” I thought about what Landon told me his father valued. It wasn’t studying and it wasn’t grades—it was the sport of football. The only way for his father to give him any attention was through the sport. Nothing else mattered.
Samantha gathered her trash and pointed to a few more names on my roster as she stood up to leave. “Their comrades are Jon Roberts and Ricardo “Ricky” Martinez. All four are football players who pick on younger students, date as many girls as possible, and generally cause problems for everyone. I am telling you, Emma, don’t take any shit from them. They hunt in packs, and if they smell blood, they will attack.”
I couldn’t speak. I could barely breathe. Listening to her terrifying warnings about my third period class was bad enough, but hearing what she said about Landon? He was someone who had become my friend—hell, way more than just my friend and was someone who I had trusted. Hearing her say that he was out to get me, well I just couldn’t get any more outraged or disappointed. I rubbed at my temples for relief from my growing headache. What I would give for a big, strong alcoholic beverage right now.
Samantha patted my shoulder in commiseration and finished her speech of impending doom. “The worst of the girls are Stephanie Romley and Cammie Gorsuch. They enjoy starting rumors, making fun of other girls, and doing ANYTHING to make those boys like them. You need to hold graduation over their heads. They all have to pass econ to graduate in May. You are important to them for that reason alone. Use this as your tool.”
As she spoke about the girls, it dawned on me that they were the giggly blonds in short sundresses who visited Landon at the pool this summer. I started to tremble, racking my brain to recall if they had any interaction with me. Those types of girls would love nothing more than to break it to the school that Landon and I worked together, and more, over the summer.
Shaking my head to focus my attention back on Sam, she continued to offer me advice about my seniors. “If all else fails, go visit my husband Tommy during football practice. Tell him what is going on, and he will run their sorry asses ragged. I mean it. Works for me every time.”
I nodded, feeling sick to my stomach. Not only was I a poor judge of age and character, but I chose to mess around with one of the most notorious guys in the school, whom I was sure had bragged about his conquests with the new young teacher. This day just couldn’t get any worse. It was my first, and, possibly, my last day of teaching. It was surely a day I would never forget.
I finished as much lunch as I could stomach and headed back to my classroom. As I rested, with my forehead laid flat on my desk, there was a light knock on the door.
“Yes,” I called not raising my head from the cool surface.
“Miss… Miss… Harris? I’m Amy. A senior.” A lovely round face, with big blue eyes, pink wire rimmed glasses, and a short blond bob was staring at me. She was on the heavier side, but she looked sweet wearing a white polo shirt and a khaki skirt with white Velcro gym shoes. “I want to be your teacher aide. In my free period? Ms. Baynes said to ask you. Need help?”
I picked my head up and smiled at her. “Thank you, Amy. It’s so nice to meet you. I don’t really know what I am doing yet, so I can use all the help I can get. Maybe you can do some photo copying and help me get settled? Would that be all right with you?”
“Really? Thanks! Mom came to school with me this summer. Showed me how to use a copier. I know how to work it.”
I signed her permission slip to be my aide and agreed to meet again with her during last period. As she walked away, I figured other teachers may have passed on her help because she was born with Down syndrome.
For someone like me, seeing a person with disabilities instantly calmed my nerves. I knew I wasn’t being
judged or tested. I was free to be myself and I would be accepted. Amy would be as loyal and kind as they came. And I needed all the damn help I could get right now.
Amy stopped at my door and turned around. I had placed my cheek back on my desk with my head turned sideways, facing the entryway.
“Miss Harris? There are a lot of dickheads in this place. First days are tough. I know. It’ll be okay.”
Amy swiveled around and left the room without another word. A smile crept onto my face even as the tears formed in the back of my eyes.
***
I FINISHED MY classes with as much grace as I could muster. My other senior class was actually very calm, and the students seemed excited to have a younger teacher, not excited to take her down. I was absolutely in love with my freshmen. A group of them were hanging in my classroom after school, chatting and relaxing. They seemed to think it was cool to hang out with a young, new teacher.
Amy came in with the papers she had copied and stapled, and I introduced her to my students. They all greeted Amy and she beamed with pride at her new role at the school. Everyone was relaxed and smiling, at least until Landon walked in.
Amy jumped up, her expression worried. “Uh oh. Bye, Miss Harris. See you tomorrow.” She hurried past Landon who looked at her and then me, puzzled.
The freshmen also ran from the room, the boys with heads down and the girls giggling, when the infamous football player headed for my desk. I watched the room clear with my mouth open. Landon was completely unbothered. This was not the first time that people had scattered like mice when the king of the jungle entered the room.
“Well, Mr. Washington, your reputation precedes you. As you can see, all the younger students ran in fear of what you might do to them. Please be so kind as to tell me what you are doing in my classroom?”
Landon’s jaw set with anger as he perched on the edge of my desk. His eyes narrowed and he took several heavy breaths before he answered.
“You’re my teacher, MS. Harris. I am allowed to be in my teacher’s classroom, aren’t I?” He spoke with resentment, and I glared right back at him, indignant and struggling to control the urge to smack him in the face with my stapler. But, then, it really would be my last day of teaching—and he was so not worth that.
“The only thing you will speak to me about in this room is economics, Mr. Washington. So how can I help you? I haven’t assigned any homework yet, so I doubt you can be that far behind your classmates.” I crossed my arms over my chest and prepared myself for this verbal match. Fire flashed in Landon’s brown eyes.
Just then Sam entered the room with a flourish. “Emma! How did the day end up after that horrible third…?” She stopped speaking when she saw Landon in the room.
“Hi, Mrs. Stone. How’re you feeling?” Landon smiled at her and stood up politely as Sam squinted her eyes at him.
“What are you doing in here, Landon? I don’t want you bothering Ms. Harris.”
Landon headed for the door. “I didn’t think I was bothering her. I was trying to be welcoming. I’ll go. Have a nice day, Ms. Harris. You too, Mrs. Stone…” He left the room without looking back and I sighed.
“You okay?” Sam looked concerned, but I nodded and began straightening my room.
“The rest of the day was better, thanks, Sam. I think I’ll head home now and work from there.”
I left school as quickly as I could and found my mom and Evie excitedly waiting for me. I faked my enthusiasm about my first day for them and excused myself to shower before dinner. After a long hot shower, my neck muscles finally started to loosen. I put on a tank top and boxer shorts and sat in the kitchen, planning lessons while Evie watched television—more reruns of Good Luck Charlie.
I was so caught up in my work that I didn’t hear the knock on the door. But I smelled him before I even saw him. The scent of summer and woods was so good I forgot for a second how repulsed I was at the thought of him.
I jumped up from the table as Landon entered the kitchen. I pushed right past him and found Evie settling back on the couch. “Evie! Do not answer the door again without asking me!” I yelled at her, which I rarely did, and she looked down, embarrassed and a little scared.
“Sorry, Emma.”
Shit. I was not going to take my rage out on my Evie. She was the only innocent one in this horrible treachery. “No, I’m sorry Evie. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Don’t get mad at her because you’re pissed at me.” Landon grabbed my forearm and pulled me into the kitchen. He looked like hell. Well, he still looked like fucking sex on a stick. But on a normal Landon scale—he looked rough. His eyes were swollen. It looked like he had been asleep or rubbing them for a long time. His clothes were wrinkled, and his hair was not in its usual gelled perfection. If I had to guess, he had been pulling at it for a while.
“Let go of me, you asshole.” I whispered the words to him, trying not to upset Evie any more, but the pure venom in my tone was very apparent. I couldn’t believe he was here. In my safe space, after he had broken my fucking heart. Bastard.
Landon released my arm, like it was on fire. “So, that’s how it is, huh? I don’t even get a chance to explain myself to you?”
“Landon, have you lost your fucking mind? Just coming here—to my home—do you know what you could do to me? I could lose everything. I could go to jail.”
I turned around, blinking back tears, and Landon grabbed me from behind and wrapped his arms around me. He whispered in my ear. “I’m eighteen, Em. I’m a legal adult. You cannot go to jail. And no one knows a thing. I won’t say a word. I swear.”
I broke free and pushed hard at his chest. “You swear? You swear? Cause you are soooo fucking trustworthy? How could you lie to me like that?”
Landon muttered a curse word and pulled at the hair on top of his head. He began pacing in my small kitchen. “I don’t know what happened. As soon as I saw you, it was like a lightning bolt hit me. There’s something about you. I had to be with you. And you pretty much hated me from the start. That was, uh, new for me.” He half-grinned, almost shameful with his admission before continuing.
“I never had to work for a girl’s interests. As I got to talk to you, I loved your spunkiness and stubbornness and will to fight. I loved that you didn’t need my attention or flirtation. You were strong on your own two feet.” I listened to him, but wasn’t sure I understood. I knew in the beginning it was just the thrill of the chase for him, but did he really think I didn’t need or want his attention? If teaching didn’t work out, the stages of Broadway might be an option for me.
“Then, I found out how smart you are and how good… I mean gentle, and compassionate, and unselfish. Jesus, Emma, I would have said anything in the whole damn world to be with you. But I am sorry. I didn’t think you would find out like this. I mean, what are the chances? You said you were going to teach middle school. I never thought you would be at my school and be my teacher. Christ, I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Don’t. Call. Me. Baby.” I spit the words out with perfectly distinct disgust and the hurt in his eyes was clear. “I can’t believe how stupid I am. I thought you were a good guy! I thought I could trust you. I actually trusted you! Where were you this past week? Did you lie about that too?”
Landon took a step back as if I hit him. “I was at football camp, like I said. It was for Zionsville’s team, not IU’s. I know I lied about my age, but I was going to tell you. I just needed more time. What I did isn’t that bad. Emma, please…”
I laughed a hard, angry laugh. “Landon, Sam warned me about you and your friends. You all have a terrible reputation for picking on kids, using girls, and causing trouble. The guy I met at the pool this summer was a fake. Did you see my aide, Amy, run from the room when you came in? How about the freshmen? Why do your fellow students fear you? Because you’re a good guy? No. I fell for your lies once, but not again.”
Landon shook his head, looking distraught. “I’ve been a jerk in the past, but I’m differe
nt now. Being with you this summer… You changed me. You made me want more. To be better. I’ll show you.” He grabbed my arms and pulled me to him, but I pushed back with all my strength.
“Get out. Get out and don’t come back. I should’ve never trusted you. You lied to me, and now I could lose everything. I need this job for my mom and Evie. You’re putting my entire family at risk. Think about someone other than yourself for once. If you care about me at all, you’ll leave me alone. ” I was livid. I couldn’t believe this was the guy I had fallen in love with. How stupid was I? Opening myself up to him had caused me to risk the job I worked so hard to get and with it, the paycheck my family so desperately needed.
Landon walked to the front door and stepped out. I followed him, so I could lock it behind him. He turned to me in the hallway with tears in his eyes. “I don’t care about you, Emma. I love you. I fucking love you. I know I fucked up, but don’t think I don’t love you. I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want, but please know that how I feel about you isn’t a lie. I’m really sorry about not being truthful about my age, but my feelings for you are real and they can’t change. Even if you shut me out.”
There they were. The words I had wished to hear from him, knowing that when he said them he would mean it with every ounce of his heart and soul. Only now it was too late.
The pain of what could have been was too much. I squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to block out both of our pain. I hated to see him cry, but I had to put my family first. “We are done. In fact, we never happened.” I shut the door, locked it, and went to my room to cry alone.
***
I SLUMPED AGAINST the door and tried to clear the lump from my throat. Rubbing my eyes for the hundredth time that day, I repeated her words to me over and over again. ‘We never happened.’ Of everything she said to me, that was the hardest to hear. No matter what else, I’d remember every minute of our summer together. ‘We never happened?’ Fuck that. We fucking happened.
