by Laura Ward
“Em,” he kissed my face gently, “you made me want to be good enough for you. Let me prove to you that you really can trust me. I won’t give up on you, and I won’t give up on us. I don’t need any other girl in the world than you, and I will never let you go again.”
I looked into his loving eyes and melted. “There is no one in the world for me but you. I’m ready. I want this… with you.”
We snuggled and kissed until our stomachs growled, and then we ordered cheeseburgers from the ridiculously overpriced room service menu and ate on the bed, sitting cross legged and laughing about his parents’ faces when I told them off. I looked up, wiping ketchup from my face with a napkin and stopped in the middle of my laughter.
“You okay?” Landon put down his food and took my hands in his.
“This is real. We’re here. We made it and we’re really here.” I know I sounded disoriented and possibly stoned, but the simple reality of the moment hit me like a ton of bricks.
“Baby, this is us and it’s sure as hell real. And I’m never, ever, fuckin’ letting go.” Landon nuzzled my neck and I leapt into his lap, giggling and fully happy for the first time in 21 years.
***
“HEY, SHORT STUFF? Are you here?” Landon called from the living room and I almost squealed with excitement. Our first Christmas together was about to start. I couldn’t wait to share this holiday with him.
Last month we flew back home to Indiana for Thanksgiving, although Landon’s parents still wouldn’t see him. I thought when he made USC’s football team they would change their tune. I guess their pride was too strong to apologize or make amends. I started working on Landon to approach them because I didn’t want him to live his life without his parents. I knew first-hand how heavy that absence could feel.
We ended up eating our first Thanksgiving dinner together at my mom’s apartment with Evie, Garrett, and Ernie Mahoney. It was a bit uncomfortable at first—especially when Ernie realized we really had been in love with each other all year. But we sat down with him and opened up about the entire saga. He believed that we had never acted on our feelings until we were no longer teacher/student and he was glad for us.
Ernie was also head over heels in love with my mom, and I had never seen her so joyous. All three of us girls were in love with giving, devoted men. It took a while for us to get there, but we all had the happiness we wanted—and deserved.
Landon and I had visited Amy, Trevor, and Dean over the break and each were thrilled we were together and in love. Amy was thriving at Clemson and I couldn’t have been more proud.
We also spent time with Sam, Tommy, and Lily Stone. They were coming to visit us over spring break, so we solidified plans and caught up on school and football. Tommy wasn’t just a big brother to me during my last few months of teaching, he was one to Landon as well. Tommy invested much of his own time and energy into helping Landon get into USC. He truly cared about and wanted the best for my guy. When Landon’s own dad couldn’t forgive him, Tommy stuck his neck out for Landon, helping and protecting him when he needed it the most. And we both loved him for it.
Now at Christmas, Mom and Evie were flying out to see us. They were spending Christmas Eve with Ernie’s extended family and then would arrive in L.A. in the afternoon on Christmas Day. Evie was beside herself with excitement over her first airplane ride. Landon and I were planning a huge welcome dinner for them at our tiny apartment and then a guided tour of the University Park campus the next day. The weather forecasted sunny skies with a high temperature of sixty nine degrees. What was not to feel merry about? God, I loved California.
When Landon made the football team, the coaches expected him to live in football housing on campus. He wasn’t happy about this, wanting to stay with me full time in my small efficiency apartment, but it did alleviate some of my concerns about Landon enjoying something of a “normal” college experience. We spent some time together every night, and he stayed with me every weekend in our home.
Our tiny one bedroom apartment was the place where my dreams became reality. I was studying for my dream career, living in a city I had dreamed about my entire life, and loving the man of my dreams—a football player—never could’ve predicted that one—at freaking USC! I pinched myself daily.
“I’m in bed, babe!” I called loudly as Landon made his way to our favorite room.
“Right where you should be, darlin’.” Landon leaned over the bed to kiss me and saw that I was reading my Kindle. “Whatcha reading now?” He pinched my nose, loving to tease me about my love affair with books.
“Re-reading one of my favorites about my very first book boyfriend, Beau. Swoon.” I made a dreamy face as he tickled me, but I knew that Landon was the first real-life boy that lived up to the standards of my fictional loves. He did do the right thing and he did fight for me and he never did give up. Actually, he was better than those book boys, because I got to feel his hands, his tongue, oh, his tongue… Every. Single. Day.
Landon peeled off his shirt, lying next to me, as I curled up against him. “Merry Christmas, my love. Our first.”
The small, decorated tree Landon had given me a year ago was placed on a table at the foot of our bed. He gazed at me and smiled, knowing we were both remembering his note—and his promise—that this Christmas we would see our tree, in bed, together.
“Merry Christmas, Em. It’s already the best one of my life.” He leaned down and kissed me, gently at first, and then fiercely. I tossed my beloved Kindle on the floor and crawled on top of him.
“Can I get one present early? Pretty please?” I covered his face in light kisses as he laughed softly.
“You want one present tonight?” His eyes narrowed with humored suspicion, as I nodded gleefully.
“But I get to choose which one,” I added.
He smirked again, knowing where this was heading.
“All right, which gift would you like tonight, short stuff?” Hearing his voice, raspy with restrained need, made my heart race. I rubbed my body against his while we teased each other with light kisses.
Leaning right by his ear, I ran my tongue along the outer rim, loving the sounds that escaped his parted mouth. “I want you, inside me, right now.”
Landon pressed his lips against mine and rolled on top of me. “Baby, that isn’t a present. You can have that any time you want.” He grinded against me and I closed my eyes in bliss. He lifted off my nightgown, cursing with delight when he realized I was completely naked underneath.
“Oh, it’s a gift, Land. You’re the best gift I’ve ever been given.” I kissed him, lips pressed hard and tongue tangling with his. I pulled his shorts and boxers off in one motion—I had become quite a pro at that—and he pressed hard against me. We looked at each other for a long minute, before Landon thrust inside me in one swift movement, causing both of us to gasp in pleasure.
“My one.” His two words told me all I needed to know in the world. I belonged to this man and would never stop being grateful for it.
“And you’re mine.” My whispered response turned into a loud moan, and Landon pushed deeper, filling me completely. Joined in every way.
I clung to his arms as Landon brought his mouth to mine, and then slowly pulled out of me and pushed back in until I was begging him to move. We groaned into one another’s mouths as Landon picked up the pace, whispering “I love you” until the pleasure escalated and I knew I was about to explode around him. I held onto his back, wrapping my arms and legs around him, as the stars exploded before my eyes and my orgasm ripped through me. Landon’s body went rigid before he called out my name, a litany, and I knew we would spend the rest of our holiday night in one another’s arms.
***
IT’D BEEN ALMOST five years to the day, since my high school graduation. I was now a graduate of USC with my master’s degree in special education. I was determined to go right into the classroom and start working with the kids I loved so much, so I completed a program of five continual years of combi
ned undergrad and masters classes.
I knew, as soon as I thought about my major and my future, that I wanted to teach kids with disabilities. I spent my summers in L.A., lifeguarding at a camp for kids with various intellectual and physical disabilities. Emma ran the camp and I worked with her the whole time. I found my calling. So many of these kids, like Evie, didn’t have a male figure in their lives, so they physically clung to me with love and devotion. I had never known anything like it from my family growing up. Since I met Emma, it seemed like I was surrounded by constant love and devotion.
I also found out I was pretty damn good at it. Based on my exercise of extreme patience during my senior year of high school, a skill very much needed when working with children with disabilities, I knew I had the temperament to work with these kids. The competitor in me also loved the challenge. When I broke through with Trevor, it was like a shot went through me. It was my epiphany. I had figured out how to work with him. It was infectious and it was the ultimate test to my competitive spirit. I couldn’t wait to start teaching.
Emma and I decided to move back to Indiana. Her mom and Ernie, that still sounded weird, were now married. We wanted to be closer to them when we finally started a family. Evie and Garrett moved into an apartment together over four years ago. Evie was starting to slip more and more, a constant reminder of her Alzheimer’s, but they had great support staff living with them, and we wanted her to enjoy these years with Garrett while she could. We also wanted to be close to her and enjoy this time, together, as a family.
I promised Emma I would make an effort to reconnect with my parents. They finally attended a few football games at USC in my senior year, but they never apologized or even tried to get to know Emma. I wanted some kind of a relationship with them, but they continued to let me down.
Another perk to the move to Indy was, of course, Amy. After graduating from Clemson, Amy moved into an apartment with two other roommates. She got a job at a preschool as an aide, and her ultimate goal was to be promoted to classroom assistant. She found she loved helping the little kids and spending time with a population not yet trained to judge or mock.
And as for my Emma…. she was still... the one. The past five years hadn’t always been easy. I played second string football for four of the years, so I was always busy with conditioning, trying to move up the roster, and school work, because I needed a career after football. But Emma was by my side the whole time. She supported me in every dream I have ever had. We worked hard together and played hard together. The perfect match.
I had trouble getting her to loosen up at times, but I managed. With an attraction like ours, I usually only had to take off my shirt and walk into the kitchen and she was ready to attack. I loved it. And although I never really thought love could grow, ours did each and every day.
She was my comfort, my passion, and my confidence. She was home.
I was also so damn proud of her. She completed her master’s degree three years ago and was working on her PhD. She was accepted into a tenure position at Indiana University Purdue University Indianapolis. She was thrilled to be hired at IUPUI, but I thought they were lucky to get someone of her caliber in their history department. Her project this semester at USC was working in collaboration with the education department. She spent hours in their archives, developing a research paper on the history of mainstream/inclusion education in California. Watching her research about education for the population of people we cared so much about was inspiring. She came alive when she was working on something she loved. It also apparently turned her on. Quite a lot. Like all the time. Not that I complained.
Friends I met in college and guys I played ball with loved to hear the story about how we met. From lifeguarding, to falling in love, to her teaching me in school and having to stay apart, but ending up at college together anyway. It was an amazing story. But, the thing was, when you loved someone—really loved them with your whole mind, body and soul—you just couldn’t give up.
In the end, all that mattered was her.
And I never let her go.
***
“THAT’S THE LAST of the boxes, Land.”
Landon shut the tailgate of his truck—the once new and shiny, and now a lot more banged up but still road-worthy, Raptor. I looked up at my apartment building, remembering the five years spent in the same tiny one bedroom efficiency. It was affordable, it was home, and I loved every square inch of it.
Some of the time Landon had to live in the dorms, but even when his clothes were elsewhere, this was where we truly lived. We moved in together during that amazing first summer, fell more in love together every year, and made love almost every day thereafter. We cooked meals, celebrated holidays, and grew into the adults we wanted to be. I would never forget this place. It was the best time of my life. But something told me that with Landon, the best was always yet to come.
“We gotta go, baby. I want to get at least ten hours of driving in before we stop for the night.” He gave me a quick kiss and helped me up into the cab. We pulled away, holding hands, and left our first home together in sunny Cali.
We drove for a while in silence. I always loved that about Landon. When he knew I was upset, he never forced me to talk. His presence was my comfort and I didn’t need—or often want—any words.
“Land…I…I just want to thank you.” I watched him as he drove carefully, still loving the command and grip of his big hand on the steering wheel.
He looked at me quickly and grinned, then brought his attention back to the road. “What do you want to thank me for?”
“Well, leaving Cali has me all reminiscent. I keep remembering our very first drive out here. I just want to thank you for taking the chance on us. These have been the most amazing years of my life—because they’ve been with you.”
Landon smiled at me again and rested his other hand on my thigh. “I didn’t take a chance, Em. I knew what I was doing. I followed my heart.”
“And you have no regrets—you don’t wish you had dated other girls in college or partied more?” This wasn’t the first time I had expressed this worry to him, but I still felt guilty for holding him back from his days of freedom.
I looked down at his hand on my thigh and then giggled when the truck lurched off to the side of the road. Landon jumped out of his seat, this time leaving his door wide open, and yanked open the passenger side door. He moved one arm under my legs and the other under my arms as he picked me up and stood me on the ground before him. One again, he cupped my face with both hands. He brought his lips so close to mine, they were almost touching, and stopped. We looked into each other’s eyes and I started to pant. Damn that was embarrassing. All these years later, and the man could still get me to pant without even kissing my lips.
Nervously, I licked my bottom lip and Landon muttered a curse and then attacked my lips. He kissed me ferociously and I loved every second of it. I opened my mouth to him with a sigh and sucked on his tongue. I climbed up him as we kissed, wrapping my legs around him and pressing my body as tightly against his as possible. As always, he wanted me like I wanted him. We stood there, on the side of the road, just as we had more than five years ago, and showed our devotion to one another through touch alone. Landon pulled away and kissed from my collarbone all the way to my ear. He whispered, his breath hot in my ear, “Get it?”
I touched his kiss-swollen lips, both of us still panting, and grinned. “Got it. Now… how far are we from our first overnight stop?”
Landon chuckled as he placed me back in my seat, kissing my forehead, and shutting my door.
The experience of a road trip usually lost its luster after doing it one time. Driving from L.A. to Indianapolis was a long, hot, boring, three day trip. Landon would fight it, but eventually he would get so tired he would even let me drive his precious truck. Then he would proceed to ogle me instead of sleeping, telling me how sexy I looked behind the wheel of his Raptor, tracing his finger tips on my upper thighs, until we had to pull off at
a rest stop and play for a while. ‘Couldn’t be helped,’ he would tell me. God, I loved that man.
But after two full days of driving, I was ready to be home. Our final stopping point was always Springfield, Missouri and I needed a shower and out of this vehicle. Immediately.
I must have drifted off, because I woke a few hours later as we pulled in front of our Hilton. This was the splurge hotel we had stayed at on our first night together. It had white robes and room service. On every other trip we had stayed at budget motels. With no robes, no room service, and, frankly, questionable sanitation.
“Land? What are you doing?” I asked him with mock annoyance as he winked mischievously.
“We celebrated my first graduation here. Let’s celebrate my second. C’mon, baby, let’s treat ourselves.”
We settled into our room for the night, much less frantic to touch each other than the last time. There was a calmness now—a peace. The passion I felt for Landon was overwhelming, but I knew it was also everlasting.
I took a hot shower to unwind as Landon ordered our dinner. I looked in the steamy bathroom mirror, recalling the last occasion I was in this hotel. I made love with Landon for the first time. It was still the most intense experience of my life.
I emerged from the bathroom after combing my hair, wrapped in a fluffy white towel. Landon was sitting on the bed, cross legged, with our room service order of cheese burgers and champagne. I giggled, overwhelmed with the memories and love I felt for this man.
We ate and drank, talking about the past five years, and how we had grown—but more importantly—changed together. I think that was the thing about Landon that I trusted the most. The man that I had fallen in love with, when he was only eighteen, wanted to change and he did. He never fought the change. He accepted it. We bent together and never broke.
