“What do you think I should do?”
Her friends shared a look, silently communicating before turning back to her.
“Call him,” Pru said.
“Yes,” Mo agreed. “Ask him to go for drinks to talk. Hash it all out.”
“Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Believe me.”
Since Pru was currently happily married to the love of her life, Lilly would trust her on this. Gathering up all her courage, she grabbed her cell phone and sent off a text, for once acting with her heart instead of her brain.
Chapter Nineteen
What the hell am I doing here?
The thought popped into Lincoln’s head for the third time since he’d stepped foot into 1up. The same answer kept coming back to him. He was here because Lilly texted asking to grab a drink and talk. She deserved an explanation for his shitty behavior the other morning and his avoidance the past few days. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to say to explain things.
How about the truth, dumbass?
He sighed, taking a sip of the stout in front of him. The rich almost-coffee-like flavor of the local brew did nothing to improve his mood. Usually a good stout could cure all his ails, but not tonight. Because he knew that in order to truly apologize to Lilly, he would have to explain. And explaining meant opening up. Something he was not good at since his ex ripped his world out from under him.
This was going to suck. But Lilly deserved the truth. She deserved a hell of a lot more, too. The woman was amazing, so tough and in charge while at the same time caring and soft. She deserved better than a man who didn’t even know if he could trust love a second time.
“You’re early.”
The shocked voice caused him to look up from the label he was currently peeling off his beer bottle. He stood—or stumbled, truthfully—out of his chair to stand as Lilly tilted her head, glasses slipping down her nose only to be pushed back up again by a single finger.
“Um, yeah. I wanted to make sure I got here early. I’ve noticed parking in Denver can be a bit…”
“Tricky?” she offered helpfully.
“I was going to say a pain in the ass, but, yeah. Tricky works, too.”
She laughed softly, the sound filling his chest, warming the coldness that had taken up residence the past few days. He missed that sound, and it was his own damn fault.
“Sit.” He indicated the chair across from his. “Can I get you a drink?”
“Vodka cranberry, please.”
As she took her seat, Lincoln hurried to the bar to place her order. The bleeps and bells of various arcade games filled his ears, muffled voices carrying bits and pieces of conversation as he waited with as much patience as he could muster. Once the bartender finished his order, he handed over some cash, enough to cover the drink and a hefty tip. Grabbing the pale red drink, he made his way back to the table, but Lilly wasn’t there. Panic clutched his chest for a moment as he thought she’d changed her mind and taken off, but then his eyes scanned the barcade and he saw her, standing in front of one of the pinball games, hands on the flapper buttons, concentration fully on the game.
“Got your drink,” he said as he approached her.
“Thank you,” she acknowledged without looking up. She tilted her head to the side. “I brought your beer.”
He looked at the small side table to see his beer bottle sitting there, slightly shredded label looking very telling of his current mood.
“Oh damn!” She slapped the game as her last ball slid down the side behind the bumpers.
The scoreboard displayed an impressive number, but he knew Lilly could do better. Seemed both of them were feeling off tonight.
She turned from the machine, bright green eyes staring him directly in the face. Challenging him. “Your game.”
All right. He’d play.
He handed over her drink, taking up a position in front of the machine and feeding it a quarter. He focused on the game, watching the shiny silver ball whiz and fling up and down the ramps, banging against the flappers as he pressed the buttons, hitting sensor after sensor to tick his score higher and higher.
“So,” Lilly said in his ear from her position behind his shoulder. “About what happened?”
His concentration broke, mind flying back to that morning, the warm bed, the sweet, comforting smell of her in his arms, the absolute disaster that followed. The ball sped down a ramp, sliding past the flappers into the depths of the machine.
She snorted as he cued up his next ball, pulling down the spring-loaded pin to give it a solid starting smack.
“You did that on purpose,” he grumbled.
“Of course I did,” she replied. “All’s fair in love and pinball.”
He swallowed at the word “love” but kept his focus on the game.
“Now, about your man-child freak out after I explained to you about what happened between the jerk and me?”
He gave her a quick glance over his shoulder. Quick, because he knew she was trying to distract him from the game, and dammit, it was working.
“I did not have a man-child freak out. What the hell even is that?”
“It’s when a grown-ass man hears something he doesn’t like and decides to be all pouty and sulky about it. Like a child.”
“I wasn’t pouty.”
“But you don’t deny the sulky part?”
He let out a frustrated breath. “What do you want to know, Lilly?”
She was quiet for a moment. He heard the sucking sound of her straw before she answered him.
“I want to know why you acted the way you did. Why you acted like it was my—”
Her words cut off with a hitch. He abandoned his game to focus on the conversation, looking up to see her visibly blink back tears. Shit. He was the world’s biggest asshole. He knew what she thought. That he blamed her. And yeah, maybe for a split second he had, but it was only a knee-jerk reaction. He’d had some time to think about things, and he knew his freezing her out at the wedding venue had been a dick move. Especially after all she shared with him.
Straightening his shoulders, he mentally prepared himself for the explanation he knew he had to give her.
“I was married.” He paused, letting her take in that information. By the raising of her dark eyebrows, he’d surprised her. “Jessa, my ex-wife, worked at the local diner in the town where I used to live. After a few months of friendly flirting, I asked her out. She said yes, and we dated for about a year before I proposed. We got married eight months later.”
Lilly nodded as if the timeline matched. He’d figured a year was long enough to get to know the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. He’d been wrong.
“We were married for two years before I found out she’d been cheating on me.”
“Oh, Lincoln.” Lilly’s hand squeezed his arm, expression filling with pain. “That’s awful.”
He shrugged as if it hadn’t ripped his fucking heart out at the time. “Yeah. I thought everything was going great. We’d even been talking about starting a family.”
Thank God they hadn’t.
“Then I accidentally grabbed her phone instead of mine one day and got a text from one of her fuck buddies.”
“One?” Lilly asked, horror filling her face.
He scoffed. “Yeah. Evidently while she liked having a geeky computer husband to pay off the charges on her credit card, she preferred more…manly men to satisfy her sexual needs.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
Lilly looked offended—for him. The sight calmed the ragged beast that always rose up when he talked about how his ex had duped him.
“It means she liked tough guys, bikers and jocks, but she also liked that I brought in enough money that she didn’t have to work.”
“That’s awful.”
> He shrugged. “It was what it was. But it’s over now.”
Lilly stared at him, contemplating. “Is it?”
Grabbing his beer from the side table, he took a swig before answering. “Yes.”
“Hmm.” She nodded her head up and down, eyes narrowed, glasses slipping down her nose. She pushed them up again. “I don’t think you’ve completely moved past it, Lincoln.”
“I’m not still in love with my ex.”
Her brows rose. “I never said you were. But I think you still hold on to the pain and betrayal, and it colors all your relationships now.”
Did not.
“Answer me this,” she continued at his silence. “When I first told you my story, how I found out I was the other woman. Did you, any small part of you, think of me as an adulterer?”
“No.” The word rushed out of his mouth immediately, but the inflection must have been off, because Lilly tilted her head, studying him carefully.
“I might not have known I was sleeping with a married man at the time, but I was. His lies didn’t change that fact, and for that I will always feel awful. Mostly for his poor wife, who was the most hurt in the situation.”
He swallowed hard at her understanding.
“But I don’t blame myself for what happened. Not anymore. And neither should you.”
“I don’t blame you, Lilly,” he rushed to say. “I know you’d never do anything like that on purpose.”
“Do you?” She shook her head. “I think you’re still stuck in the past. Your ex did a number on you, and I can be sympathetic to that, but I’m not her. Not everyone is a liar. Not everyone leads strictly with their emotions, forgetting to let their brain into the mix.”
She sighed, a sad smile taking over her soft features. “It took me a long time to figure that out. That the heart and the brain can work together. That you can have passion, love, and compatibility in a relationship. You just have to trust each other, be honest, and work out your problems before they become so big they crush you.”
“But how—” He stopped as the words stuck in his throat, clearing it and trying again. “How do you know who to trust with…your heart?”
She stepped closer, grabbing his beer and setting their drinks down on the side table. Her hands slid up around his neck, delicate fingers playing with the long growth at the base. He needed to find a barber in Denver. An odd thought to pop in his mind at the current moment. But it vanished in an instant the moment she tilted her head up and placed a soft kiss to his lips.
“I think that’s why it’s called a leap of faith.” She smiled. “Sometimes you just have to go for what feels right and hope you don’t get hurt in the end, but even if you do, maybe you’ve learned something you never knew before.”
He wanted to grab her, press her firmly against his body, and devour her lips, taste the sweetness of her mouth, swear he wasn’t afraid and wanted to take the risk on her, on them. But he didn’t. He was human enough to admit he was still scared shitless by the feelings she raised in him. Feelings he thought died after his divorce. No. Feelings much stronger than he’d ever felt for his ex. That’s why they scared him so damn much.
What if he let himself fall for Lilly? Really fall. And the same thing happened? Maybe not the whole cheating thing, but what if they didn’t work out? What if he gave his heart away a second time and it got trampled yet again? He didn’t think he could stand that kind of heartache twice in a lifetime. His parents had decades of loving marriage, and he’d always thought that’s what he would have, too, but he had failed. What made Lilly think he was worthy of her?
“Lincoln?”
Her soft voice made him realize he’d been staring into space for a solid minute, eyes focusing on the nothingness of the floor beneath them. A warm hand came up to cup his jaw, her fingers rubbing against the scruff of his beard. The softness of her skin should have contrasted with the hard prickliness of his own, but it didn’t. Instead, he only felt comfort, caring, love. But his throat was closed off. No words could get past the fear clogging it.
“Okay.” She kissed his cheek, stepping back, hand dropping from his face.
He felt the removal of her body from his like a physical blow. The loss of her warmth left him chilled and anxious.
“I hope you find some happiness, Lincoln.”
With a sad smile and a slight nod, she turned and headed out of the barcade. He stood there for a full five minutes, staring at the empty air she once occupied. It wasn’t until someone nudged him, asking if the game was free, that he finally shook himself out of his stupor and moved aside.
He’d told her the truth, and it hadn’t killed him. Even better, she’d understood—sympathized, even. She hadn’t pitied him or blamed him for his reaction to her past. Lilly, like in all problems she faced, had simply worked for a solution and presented it to him.
A leap of faith.
Could he really do that? Open his heart while knowing it stood the risk of being destroyed once again? Letting go of the past was hard, and he thought he’d succeeded in doing just that, but maybe he hadn’t. Perhaps he still carried around some anger and resentment about the whole situation. And who could blame him if he did? His wife, the person who vowed to honor, love, and remain faithful in sickness and in health, had lied. Done the opposite of everything she’d promised. Didn’t he deserve to be a little wary when it came to matters of the heart?
Not that Lilly was in his heart…
He needed another drink. Good thing he was in a bar. He’d parked his car in an overnight lot, and he had a rideshare app on his phone. Before he had planned to down a few more beers, play some pinball, and clear his mind of all manner of love and feelings. Except playing pinball only made him think of Lilly, and he couldn’t really appreciate the taste of beer in his current mood. What was the point?
The crowded bar scene was starting to suffocate him, so Lincoln headed out into the cold night air, walking the three blocks to where his car was parked. Once he arrived at his apartment, he flipped on the TV. But the latest superhero show playing on the small screen did nothing to distract his whirling mind from the problem at hand.
He had promised himself he wouldn’t fall in love again. The risk of heartbreak was just too much. His judgment had been wrong once before, his trust shattered. So why did he find himself believing Lilly, trusting her? He thought about what he knew of her, what he really knew. Sure, they hadn’t known each other for very long, but he knew she was loyal to her friends, took pride in her job, would do anything to make her clients happy—even deny herself the thing she craved most because it went against her own moral code.
Hadn’t she refused to hop back into bed with him once she discovered he was a part of the wedding party? As much as he knew she wanted to, Lilly hadn’t budged until the wedding had been over. Until their time together would be clear on her conscience.
She made him smile and laugh and want…so much more than he ever thought he would. This shaky burn deep in his chest was something he’d felt once before but never thought he would feel ever again. And certainly never to this magnitude. It could only mean one thing.
He was in love. And scared shitless.
Chapter Twenty
“Okay, Mopey Melvin.” Marie slid a cappuccino in front of Lincoln. “Time to fess up.”
He glanced up from his computer, where he’d been working on finding a bug in the code he’d been assigned.
“Mopey Melvin?” He raised a brow. “Is that even a saying?”
The small woman shrugged. Pulling out the chair across from him, she sat. It was just after three in the afternoon on a Wednesday, and he was the only person in the shop except for the owners. A week and five days since the wedding, a week and four days since the amazing snowed-in day he shared with Lilly, and a week exactly since she accused him of living in the past and told him to figure his shit out. Not in tho
se exact words, but the sentiment had been implied.
And here he was. A week later. With not a damn thing figured out.
“Why aren’t you at work?” Marie asked.
He pointed to the computer in front of him. “I am. I’m working remotely this week. They’re painting the fourth floor. All the devs are working from home.”
Or a coffee shop, in his case. He hated to admit it, but his basement apartment had felt cold and lonely the past few days. Ridiculous, because there’d only ever been him living there. How could he miss a woman he’d never even had a relationship with? She’d never stepped foot inside his place. He shouldn’t miss her while sitting on the barstools in his tiny kitchen. He shouldn’t lament not hearing her laughter as he sat alone on his leather couch, watching some stupid TV show. He shouldn’t ache to hold her in the darkness of night as he tossed and turned on his large queen-size bed, wishing she was there with him so he could kiss every inch of—
Okay, maybe the bed part made sense, but the rest didn’t.
Why was Lilly in his mind twenty-four seven when they’d never even gone on a proper date?
Because I’m in love with her.
Damn! He’d promised himself he wouldn’t go down that road again. Dating? Cool. Fun relationship? No problem. But serious love-type emotions? He wasn’t doing that again.
“Okay.” Marie tilted her head, silky, short black hair sliding over her cheek.
She pushed it back behind her ear with a single finger, the move reminding him of how Lilly always used a single finger to push her glasses up her nose. Dammit. Why did everything remind him of that woman? Even his best friend, whom he’d known a hell of a lot longer than Lilly.
“That answers question number two, but what about question number one? What’s with the ’tude?”
“I don’t have a ’tude.”
“Kenneth!” Marie called over her shoulder.
From behind the counter, where he stood cleaning some weird piece of coffee equipment, Kenneth shrugged. “You got a ’tude, dude. Noticed it the second we got home from the honeymoon.”
The Best Man Problem (Mile High Happiness) Page 18
